So understand where you are! In our case, we could afford two years at the local CC, then two years at an in-state public. Period. And yes it was saddening and painful to come to that conclusion, but we were able to, and we were able to hold the line. Kid graduated last May with less than the equivalent of junior and senior year Stafford loan debt. She’s off to a great start in her professional field, and has no regrets.
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Work out what you can afford to pay for given your current income and expenses. Don’t count on your wife getting a job that will make $X. That might not materialize. Get on the same page about the money with your wife. You will need to be able to maintain a united front about the money issue.
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Tell your kids what the bottom line option is. If they can get a scholarship to some place else, well OK, but your costs can’t be more than $Y.
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When your kids’ teachers and relatives and whoever else is around them/you start to talk about how College A or University B would be perfect for your kids, look those people in the eye and tell them that you know what you can afford, and that A, B, and C are out of your price range but you would be delighted if they would help your kids get scholarships for A, B, or C. Maybe they do know something you don’t and can get the money your kids need. If they don’t know anything special, being told bluntly what is and isn’t in your price range will probably be sufficient to shut them up.
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As necessary, remind your kids what their options are, and make sure that they know what those places have to offer them. Your budget will allow a choice between the local CC and two or three in-state publics? Well then make certain to visit all of them and check them out. Your budget is a bit bigger than that? Visit some places that you and your kids have identified as being in the affordable range and reasonable academic options. There’s no need to waste anyone’s time on places that can’t be brought into your price range, or where your kids aren’t likely academic matches.