<p>*Just to be clear, if you don’t know someone or haven’t been invited to, than it’s MR / Mrs. last name. The Mr. / Mrs. first name is a sign of respectful familiarity and often affection. </p>
<p>It is perhaps my favorite Southern cultural tradition. (Sorry mom2collegekids)*</p>
<p>huh??? Don’t understand your “sorry”. I don’t disagree with anything you wrote.</p>
<p>I call my housekeeper by her first name, but I’ve told my kids that they must call her either Mrs. Jones or Miss Susan (whichever she prefers).</p>
<p>On the Miss X thing, in my experience it’s usually pronounced Miz. WHich makes it sound less pre-school-teachery. :)</p>
<p>My mother has a horror of the “honorary aunt” designation, for some reason. I recall having kind of a vacuum around how to address close adult friends of the family. I think I avoided using anything but “you.” I had the same problem with my inlaws… :)</p>
<p>Regarding kids in the suburbs and their relationship with the city…let’s face it, NYC has a lot more going on that kids can go to than most other cities. And, as someone above pointed out, it has more public transportation that makes it possible for kids to go into the city alone to do things.</p>
<p>When I was in HS, I took the train into NYC on Saturdays to take classes. I went to plays with other kids. I could go to art museums, big city stores, et al, without my parents. When I was in 8/9th grade and we lived in England, I took the train to London with friends and visiting cousins to visit museums and the like. No adults involved.</p>
<p>In my experience, living in or near a place like NYC or London makes it possible for kids to be a lot more sophisticated and/or cosmopolitan than living near most cities in the US or in more remote areas of any region. My own S, largely reared in Maine, was a lot less sophisticated in many ways than I was at the same age.</p>
<p>My dislike of the use of “Miss first name” stems from the racial divide it represented where I grew up in the south. The only people who used those forms were blacks addressing whites. The family who sharecropped on my family’s farm always referred to my mother and father as “Miss …” and “Mr. …” - they also only came to the back door. It always bothered me and I always wanted my parents to tell them to please use their first names - they were the same age. When I was addressed that way for the first time after I moved north, it brought that back. Others think respect and intimacy. I think “Gone With the Wind.”</p>
<p>*My dislike of the use of “Miss first name” stems from the racial divide *</p>
<p>The habit didn’t come from the racial divide. Whites called whites Miss First Name, too. What you’re complaining about is that blacks often weren’t allowed to be familiar enough to stop using the Miss and go right to just using the first name. Thankfully, that part of our history is history. </p>
<p>But, the whole practice of saying “Miss first name” did not stem from racism. It was a way to address a female that was familiar to you, but not your equal (regardless of race). Some kids grew up calling their grandmothers, “Miss Lilly” or whatever.</p>
<p>They wouldn’t just say “Grandma Lilly” (or whatever other term for grandmother that they used)? I don’t get the “Miss” in there when addressing a family member, any more than I’d use “Mr.” or “Mrs.” when addressing a family member. </p>
<p>Honestly, I did grow up calling my parents’ friends by their first names and my kids call some of our friends by their first names (with their permission). My friends’ kids tend to call me Mrs. XX. I’d rather them just use my first name, but it’s not a point I want to push, because I respect their parents wanting to keep the formality.</p>
<p>I call my IL’s by their first names and H does the same with my parents. I’m pretty sure that after one or two meetings, it was, “Oh, don’t call me Mrs. XX, call me Sue.” Does anyone call their IL’s by a more formal designation?</p>
<p>I can only speak to my experience and, where I grew up, it was Jim Crow etiquette and it still is for some. Whites didn’t address whites that way.</p>
<p>My H and I call our in-laws “Mom” and “Dad”. I’m Italian and that’s what’s expected. My parents would be very hurt if their in-law kids didn’t call them mom and dad (which, they all do). None of the “natural” parents are upset to hear their kids call their in-laws “mom” and “dad.”. Maybe it’s because my parents are so motherly and fatherly. LOL (Heck, some of my friends called them “Mom” and “Dad,” too. </p>
<p>I hope that my future DILs will call me “mom”. I’m pretty sure that my son’s GF would. :)</p>
<p>I think it would probably depend on what the grandmother wanted. I know several women who love their grandchildren but HATE the “grandma” label. I can easily see “Miss Lily” being encouraged.</p>
<p>It all just boils down to what you’re comfortable with. At my high schools - there were 2 main secretaries. Both were very nice and very helpful, but one was ALWAYS called “Miss Jane” (that was her actual name) - even by some of the younger/newer teachers. The other one was ALWAYS called “Mrs. Smith.”</p>
<p>When I was watching the Heisman Trophy awards, the winner, Mark Ingram thanked Coach Saban and his wife, “Miss Terry.” </p>
<p>I wondered if some might wrongly think that it was racism that caused this black athlete to call Mrs. Saban, “Miss Terry.” Mrs. Saban is “Miss Terry” to everyone on campus. She is a very active volunteer at the school and is known by many.</p>
<p>I can’t say it’s “racist” - I don’t know the people involved – but it sounds subservient TO ME for a grown adult to call another adult “Miss Terry.” It reminds me of what black housekeepers used to call their white employers. Then again, it might just be a pet name that this woman is known for among everybody, similar to the “Dr. Joe” example. I don’t know. </p>
<p>As a white woman, I would be a little discombobulated by a black woman addressing me as “Miss Firstname.” It might be well-meant, but it would feel as though she was showing undue respect for me, more than I necessarily warranted / needed.</p>
<p>I don’t think its a color issue, and really hope this thread doesn’t go in the “r” direction! I think the “title” ms/miss/mrs/mr… etc is just a form of respect. Our next door neighbor’s son (a good friend of my son) usually calls me “Mrs Lastname”, as my son does with his mother. He has started calling me by my first name (now that the boys are college sophomores). It feels a litle weird, for some reason, but I am fine with it. My s still calls his parents " Mr and Mrs Lastname"</p>
<p>Well, you could just call her “Miz firstname” back. :)</p>
<p>I haven’t experienced this, myself, but back in the late 60s in CT my mother encountered a black woman in a work situation who called her “Miss X.” In that case it was pretty clearly a case of a person who had been raised in the south under Jim Crow playing it safe, so to speak. (The black woman was a seamstress in an upscale women’s clothing store.) My mother asked her to just call her by her first name, and the woman was happy to do so.</p>
<p>Cartera does make a good point about the historial racial implications. But many Black Americans [older] prefer the “Miss X” thing. And they would quietly fume hearing it pronounced “Miz.” </p>
<p>As for grandparents, I can’t imagine anyone I knew as a kid refering to a grandparent by their first name. Now that’s was a big NO-NO. That was called “being mannish” and it was a serious enough breach of ettique to cause granny to go and fetch a switch for some righteous “re-education.”</p>
<p>I had friends in college who called their “grammas” grandmother - in a very formal way. I guess it was more like “grandmutha” but is sounded strange to my young ears. Of course, I always called my parents mama and daddy when with them. I dropped those pretty quickly freshman year in college - along with “thee ate er” and “si reen.”</p>
<p>My H was in the military and has a tendency to call people “sir”.This includes the 20 yrs old sales guys at the appliance store!! That makes me a little nuts, but its what he is familiar with. He claims it is just social decorum inthe south, but he wasnt raised inthe south and the natural inclination to use “sir” is, I believe, from growing up as an army brat and being in the miliatary himself. So, we tend to use what we know, I guess.</p>