<p>^^^</p>
<p>Not sure what you’re saying. Are you saying that if this couple chose to live together, then the GF should include her BF’s income on her child’s FAFSA? That’s not how it works. the BF is not the bio parent of the child or spouse of the bio mom. </p>
<p>But, I will say that I do think separated bio parents should both be included on FAFSA. That’s just an area where fraud can easily occur.</p>
<p>Unless the parties live in a state with common law marriage laws, they are not married for purposes of college or financial aid, even if they are living together and having whatever kind of relationship. That is all that is of issue here. Any moral judgements have nothing to do with how the college or the IRS is going to view all of this. People cohabit and have relationships all of the time without marrying. Just visit a college and you’ll see many examples of it.</p>
<p>I know of instances where the very wealthy, divorced, non-custodial parent is never asked for financial information and the kid gets mega FA from the FAFSA only school - this type of situation is so very wrong but it is legal. In those situations I believe the parent is intending to do something immoral while enjoying the protection of the law - the OP strikes me as someone trying to satisfy both legal and moral obligations in a system that isn’t perfect.</p>
<p>OP - you now have the big picture of how the financial aid process works and the benefits/penalties of marriage. FWIW I would revisit the idea of maintaining separate houses if you marry - not sure why you feel the need to do this; would a move mean children would need to change schools? Is there a better solution there that would offset the impact of a step parent’s income for education? It would seem to me that there is a benefit to combining families and living under one roof before the kids start leaving the nest; I really want to continue living in the house that my husband and I have shared with our children because there are happy memories here and a sense of family, in your situation there is some pull to maintain two households (expensive!) that I don’t quite understand and would seem to have as much impact as the financial aid for education question in regard to finances.</p>
<p>I am saying that if a coupe considers themselves married (monogamous, committed, cohabitational relationship) then they should fill our the FAFSA as if they are married. Further, if the only reason that they are postponing marriage is to increase financial aid then they are committing fraud.</p>
<p>I acknowledge that they cannot be prosecuted for a crime, but I hope that our society has higher standards than trying to exploit every repugnant loophole.</p>
<p>Further, if the only reason that they are postponing marriage is to increase financial aid then they are committing fraud.</p>
<p>I don’t think they’re committing fraud if they are postponing marriage to increase FA. No one has an obligation to marry at any point in time or by any particular date. </p>
<p>It was typical for younger couples to delay marriage so that they could stay on their parents health insurance or whatever. That wasn’t fraud either.</p>
<p>RMLdad, in fairness, you are overlooking the fact that the “system” is actually slightly more demanding of remarried families over regular in-tact families in one sense:</p>
<p>For example, I remarried in 2005. When I submitted our CSS Profile in 2009, I had to include:
a) all my income/assets
b) all my new husband’s income/asssets
c) our joint company/c-corp assets/dividends
d) my EXHusband’s NCP income/assets as well</p>
<p>So, in our case, THREE SETS OF INCOME, including my 2nd husband’s personal savings and assets from years before we were even together, were considered.</p>
<p>Were the system actually reasonably “equitable” (though I maintain institutions get to say what and how they use their own money, don’t get me wrong) only TWO out of THREE parents would actually be counted in institutional aid methodology. (Not complaining though, son got great merit and my husband is happy to contribute, a fact for which my son is especially grateful and cognizant.)</p>
<p>OTOH, JAY - Forgive my frank 2 cents, but I am hoping to be helpful when I say: -</p>
<p>Seriously, life is too short for the game you’re in. Marry the love of your life and help her put her kid through school – combine your households to reduce your expenses, thereby affording same, (and make sure kid has skin in the game) integrate your families, and enjoy each other. I used to think I was doing my son a big favor by waiting 12 years after my divorce to remarry and waiting 6 years “til he was older” to marry and move in with my husband. I was sooooooo wrong about that – it would have been better for everyone had I followed my heart. We have truly been better together than apart, and even when there are trials, it has given us opportunities to support each other in ways that money can’t buy.</p>
<p>Happy parents = happy kids = happy family. Ya gotta show them how it’s done! Just cause it to be so ;)</p>
<p>With the rising cost of college and the huge number of blended families and divorced parents by the time a kid is 18, I think reform in FAFSA is long overdue. Public universities depend on this information to dole out limited funds to those who really need it and the bulk of our educated work force comes from these universities.</p>
<p>I can’t understand why the public system overlooks the non-custodial parent. I don’t think public money should be sending kids to college while their non-custodial parent starts a new life of luxury with someone barely old enough to have been the kid’s babysitter a decade earlier - but it happens and it’s legal. I also question holding a step parent equally financially responsible whether they came into the kids life at 8 or 18 - I would like to see some sort of sliding scale on that responsibility in financial aid. </p>
<p>In a system designed to make parents responsible for their children’s education it seems to me we haven’t done enough to make that financial responsibility fair or equitable.</p>
<p>kmcmom - great post!</p>
<p>@mom2collegekids - I agree that I was imprecise with my words. If the couple is legitimitely postponing the life-changing commitment of marriage then they are making a rationa, personall decision. However, if they choose to live their lives as if they are married, but avoid the formality of making it legal for the exclusive reason of FA then it becomes fraud.</p>
<p>This is analogous to a couple that “marries” for the sole purpose of getting a Greed Card for an alien. If the marriage is a sham, then they have committed fraud. </p>
<p>@kmcmom - I agree that the system is too demanding of remarried families. In fact, I would argue that this is the case because there are too many people using immoral loopholes to get unwarranted FA. It sounds like your family would have been hurt by the college having less money available in part due to scam marriages if not for the merit money. My guess is that colleges would rather give more money to families like yours than someone with more money who manipulates that system but the school can only enforce rules that can be documented. </p>
<p>By the way, you sound like a lovely person and I concur with your advice to OP.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s analogous to getting married for a green card. In those cases, you’re “doing something” to mislead…and committing fraud.</p>
<p>Not getting married is not an action. </p>
<p>I’ve known some widows with “widow’s pensions” who’ve decided to live with their BFs because marriage would stop their pensions. It’s a huge risk to marry in that case because if there were to be a divorce, I don’t think the widow gets her “widows pension” back. Also, if they lose their pensions when remarrying, some can’t bring any other income into the marriage. Many older men aren’t about to marry a woman who has no means at all.</p>
<p>“They have separate residences, but “cozy” up at intervals, sometimes long stretches. They have been filing taxes as separated for a very long time, and their kids have gone through college on financial aid, so filed.”</p>
<p>As a tax advisor, I hope they understand they may be committing tax fraud! If they are legally married, they may only consider themselves separated for tax purposes if they lived apart the final 6 months of the year. If they cozy up during the the months between July and December, they are required to file Married, either jointly or separately. Hope for their sake nobody catches on, because the IRS can go back as many years as they want if they catch it.</p>
<p>rmldad - you said “I am saying that if a coupe considers themselves married (monogamous, committed, cohabitational relationship) then they should fill our the FAFSA as if they are married. Further, if the only reason that they are postponing marriage is to increase financial aid then they are committing fraud.”</p>
<p>No, they are not committing fraud - fraud has a legal definition, and this doesn’t fit. There are plenty of people who choose not to get married for a variety of reasons (I see them on a regular basis during tax season). It would be fraudulent to claim they are married if they are not. Perhaps tax and other laws, and financial aid policies need to be updated to reflect the world we are living in, but they are currently doing nothing wrong.</p>
<p>If they marry, and then immediately separate, for tax/FAFSA purposes, that would be fraud.</p>
<p>My friend was not committing fraud. The separations are well documented with all kinds of accusation, recriminations, court actions, etc. It’s not as though there were planned interludes of getting back together either. No pattern at all. It was and still , to some degree, a miserable situation that their relationship has. But in terms of taxes and financial aid, it did provide windfalls.</p>
<p>I know couples who have divorced and have this back and forth relationship too. But none of these folks have an overall situation that anyone would care to emulate. The whole package is not a good one.</p>
<p>My mother in law has several acquaintances who have been “living in sin” due to generous widow’s pensions. My mother is an example of someone who would have a lot to lose if she should remarry unless the spouse were wealthy enough and had benefits enough to replace what she has.</p>
<p>Unless I’m misunderstanding, I’m married by rml’s definition. I’m 21…</p>
<p>KNCmom13, divorced parents remarrying can have even a bigger impact. The way PROFILE works if there are 2 sets of parents, all 4 are assessed in terms of assets and incomes, Even more far reaching is that if either parent marries someone with children who have college funds put away for them, maybe from their grandparents, those assets are considered as part of parents’ assets, </p>
<p>By not marrying, a couple is taking certain risks. Without going into any moral ground here, the whole institution of marriage brings with it some protection and safeguards. It’s tough living with another person and marriage does give the commitment some weight. Anytime one makes a decision to do or not to do something, there are those inherent risks and drawbacks as well as benefits to the path one takes.</p>
<p>Thank you for your words kmcmom13. This is what Im trying to talk my girlfriend into doing. There is just quite a bit of baggage from her old marriage that she feels like she doesnt want me to have to deal with, and why she is so devastated over the realization that A. The silver lining of being able to at least qualify for FA would be taken away, and B. She would be subjecting me to her mess (her words) that I was trying to come up with ANY type of win, win situation to help her out.</p>
<p>bchan1, I totally agree about the non-custodial parent having to pay their share for their biological child’s college. I an commited on doing that for MY biological daughter. It just seems right. My girlfriends ex husband got out of paying anything for his daughter AND now his son, forcing their mom, and now it looks like me, to shoulder the cost.</p>
<p>The fact of the matter is that you can’t force a custodial parent, intact family parents to pay “their share” for college. There are NCP who responsibly pay their share and more and are glad to do this for their kids. I’ve known a number of them. And I ‘ve known parents who don’t want to pay for their kids’ college costs, for a number of reasons, and there is no divorce or separation involved. They feel they cannot afford it, which may well be the case, they have not saved or planned for college and do not want to change their lifestyles to take into account a quarter million dollars in cost regardless what the calculators say they can afford to pay. It’s just that when there is a divorce situation and there is a NCP involved, that parent can put more distance between self and the situation and may be more likely not to want to contribute to college costs. Some states require child support to continue through the college years and some divorce agreements specifically address how the college costs are to be shared. I feel that any divorce attorney who did not address this issue when there were kids involved was and is remiss in his duties</p>
<p>NO parent, by the way, HAS to pay for college unless that parent or person has signed a contract to do so.</p>
<p>Apparently in some states there is legal precident for children to take parents to court for at least the bare bones cost of a college education - not an expert on this by any means and I don’t live in one of those states, but there was discussion on other threads regarding this possibility in certain states…</p>
<p>I think it is very admirable that JayHanna is willing to pay for his fiances son’s education when there are biological parents who bail on their kids (I don’t think parents owe their kids more than they can afford but it does seem irresponsible to me to have kids and fail to work in their best interest towards whatever form of post secondary education is appropriate for them to be contributing members of society).</p>
<p>I re-read your post and appreciate the pain your fiance is still experiencing from her past but I think marriage is more of an all or nothing experience. Sounds like her silver lining is in making a much better choice in husband #2.</p>
<p>^Agreed. Jay, I suspect she’s just afraid, and doesn’t want to “contaminate” your relationship with remnants of the last, or have you have any future regrets. But learning to graciously receive love and support is an important lesson as well, so do your best to convince her 
I feel you’ll both be happier because you’ll be living inside your own definition of integrity, which is important.</p>
<p>Cpt - yes, forgot to mention the fourth parent factor in the CSS. In our case, the x had not yet married. I’m not certain how one would write a law to accommodate all of this, which might explain why no such law has to date been written ;)</p>