You never want your adcoms rolling their eyes, smacking their heads, asking, “*What * was this kid thinking?!#?” Or, does he think?
The urge is to write what pleases you. The goal is to write what advances your chances, what pleases the adcoms.
Know the difference.
If you’re so proud of this scientific thinking, find a better way to show it. A different example. If you can’t let go of the toilet focus, you have some other issue.
Don’t asume some 2nd or 3rd hand report of another essay that supposedly worked is either true or license for you to submit something off-the-wall. Think.
Just as an FYI: @lookingforward has given advice to kids on the topic of college essays-- and lots of other related college issues-- on this forum for years.
She’s not being “a little aggressive.” She’s trying to prevent you from making a mistake on something she realizes is important. You, on the other hand, are being inappropriately sarcastic. I think you can rest assured that she IS “doing well in life.” Her willingness to continue to offer help to strangers here-- regardless of the occasional slapdown from a teenager-- is indicative of that.
Realize that it’s entirely possible to fully understand your point-- and still simply disagree.
Take her advice-- and mine, and that of everyone who disagreed with you-- or don’t. It doesn’t really matter to us; it has no effect on our future. Keep in mind-- you’re the one who labeled your topic as “strange”-- and two teachers you trusted enough to ask for advice have agreed.
But please don’t insult people who have answered your call for help. It’s rude.
There is a fantastic essay about thinking while on the toilet in the classic college essay book by Bauld. I personally think its okay for you to write about plane toilets. I was a flight attendant for many years. I hate that noise, yet found them fascinating. I get it.
You do come across as being very indecisive and I think you have to avoid that coming through in your essays. You do need to be positive. Don’t use an essay to tell them all about your fears and flaws. You need them to see why you should be at their college. So if your plane toilet essay is to explain why you fear that noise, don’t do that. But if it’s to explain why you find the physics of them inspiring and how plane toilets influenced you to want to study something, and how they made you think of man’s creativity and utility, etc…then I say fair game. But be aware that you might be writing something potentially off putting. I also think you can write about Arthur, but you have to keep it about how you are now.
Stop showing everything to everybody. Write your essay, and ask 2-3 people (not friends) max what they think. Don’t ask parents, it’s hard for them to be totally honest about things like this and you might just dismiss whatever they say. What’s most important is that you convey your personality in the essay and give them a reason to say yes to you. You want to be likable. It’s that basic.
@ChubbyPanda Ignore all advice on your creative work, always.
Accept advice only on technique, and help with marketing. If Picasso had listened to some of the advisors in your thread, he’d have painted houses flat white with a roller.
Ignore the squeemish, the uptight, and the folks who “know best.”
Because no one can tell you with any assurance if your essay is acceptable without reading it, and perhaps not even then. So be your own best friend, and be the staunchest ally of your own work.
Find a reader for your essay who is the best writer you know–which is not necessarily an authority figure at your school. (Too many well-meaning education professionals are horrendous writers, and wouldn’t know good writing if it ran them over with 18 wheels.)
–There is simply no accounting in matters of taste. Make sure the taste you trust is yours.
Check that your essay is grammatically correct, including in niggling details like spelling and punctuation. (Unless you’re sure, like Gertrude Stein or ee cummings.)
Be true to your own vision. Everyone else’s vision is already occupied, some far too myopically.
I help students with college essays by asking them what it is that they want to be labeled after someone has finished looking at their essay and application. If the adcoms used a few words to describe you as an applicant, what would you want those words to be? Remember that you are packaging yourself, so those words need to be selling points.
My older D had a great voice, was always the lead in school shows, founded an acappella group, had a 98.6 gap and was president of the school. So she wanted herself labeled as a “smart, musical, leader”. Her essay started with the fear she felt on the first meeting of the acappella when she had to stand up in front of her peers as a freshman and take charge. It followed the journey of the group, her pride in hearing them perform the star spangled banner at a Staten Island Yankee game, watching shy kids have solos, encouraging others to arrange songs, working with younger students as assistant managers so the group could go on without her, and ended with the final meeting at our house 4 years later. The essay communicated her strengths very well, without her saying she was a strong leader, but showing it. It implied that she was a good musician and showed her warmth and intelligence in the voice she was able to capture in her writing.
My younger D had a similar background in theater and singing, but was applying to studio art programs (her other passion). So she wanted her essay to show the development of her observational skills and how that lead her to being an artist. So the essay started with how she was short as a child and always collecting things on the ground–noticing small details. It detailed what she would notice and the first time she saw her favorite color in nature. It went on to say that even today she still walks slowly noticing things–always looking up or down and explained what captures her attention today. The essay showed she was creative and artistic by allowing the reader to see things as she did. A large portion of the essay was written about her childhood fascinations, but it moves forward to today. The essay was extremely well received. It really captured her voice and who she is. She would be labeled “smart, artistic and creative” from her essay. Her resume showed that she was multi-talented and had good leadership skills, as well.
@ChubbyPanda The sound of the toilet and your reaction to it can be used as an attention grabbing intro–but you need to make sure that after that the essay is about YOU and creates a positive image. It can begin with a challenge and then switch to how you overcame it and how that journey made you not who you are. But in the end, who your are today has to be something appealing. The adcoms have to want you in their school after reading your essay. So make sure the essay is about your strengths. My D broached the idea that she was a slow, distracted walker and that she would often doodle in class. But the essay showed how that was important to her development as an artist (her intended major) and how these qualities separate her from others and make her special.
So as long as you can do similarly, either the toilet or the Arthur essay can work.
Thank you everyone. I apologize if my previous comment came off as rude, I was pretty upset because I felt like I was being told that I couldn’t “think” or “had issues”. My friend (who also read it) took my laptop in class and typed up the comment in the spur of the moment.
After showing it to my college essay counselor and getting positive feedback, I have decided that I will be going with this idea. I can assure you that I am not trying to write a shallow creative writing essay, and I will take everyone’s comments into consideration.
Thanks for taking the time to help out a stressed out senior.
@ Bojangles, of course the essay is both creative and an attempt to find favor with admissions. It is “ridiculous” however to tell someone their ideas are unacceptable for an admissions essay without actually having read the essay.
Saying flat out that toilets are an unacceptable topic, as some posters did in this thread, is simply too fussy and middlebrow–and far too preemptive.
I read opinions by posters too often that are harshly pointed at young, creative OPs. College is supposed to open horizons, not shut them down. The process begins with the application. If it were not meant to be a personal and creative expression, the essay question would not exist.
And once again, you shouldn’t judge an essay you haven’t read.
I think what @IvyGrad09 was trying to say is that we shouldn’t judge an essay based on a small amount of detail that has been given. It is easy to shut down a naive teenager’s idea immediately without having read even a sentence of it.
But yes, I was the first to ask for people’s judgement on their first impression of an essay they haven’t read so the judgement is what I should expect. But it is also my fault for thinking that I could resolve my previous insecurities about the essay without having my intelligence questioned, being told that I am an idiot, and that the college essay is not a place for creativity.
For those on this thread, if you would like to judge my essay, feel free to PM me and I can email it to you.