Stubborn parents... need help

Parents Forum
1

<p>I myself am not a parent, but I have parents who insist that I need to get into UCSD and go to med school or else they will not pay for anything. I do not know where they get their convictions but they say that, being an Asian in America, if I don't do something "special" (which is in their definition, being a doctor) I will be something more or less of a jobless beggar.</p>

<p>My likings for subjects like biology, chemistry and math are very limited. I do well in English and history. I know that it's harder to make a living in today's world without having a "logical" degree but I know that there's more out there.</p>

<p>My GPA is not great, about a 3.6, and I plan to retake the SATs which I got a 1990 in March. I think I already know what kind of direction I want to take in life, but how can I convince my parents that there are a lot more opportunities besides going to med school? I hope there are some more open-minded parents who would be willing to give me their advice on this.</p>

<p>Thanks in advance.</p>

2

<p>Plenty of jobs for english and history majors, and plenty of other majors where students with good reading, writing and research skills do very well. Business, law, government, entertainment fields can be satisfying both personally and financially. </p>

<p>I'm sure you know this, and I know it can be very hard to communicate this to parents that have strong opinions. Use some of your reading, research and communication skills to show them the many opportunities available for someone with your interests.</p>

3

<p>I'm sure your parents are only doing what they think would be in your best interests. But, if you are deadset against this "predetermined future", then my advice would be to talk to your parents and let them know how you feel. Perhaps they don't know your true feelings, and, as a result, are only encouraging you.</p>

<p>If, on the other hand, your parents "won't pay for anything" unless you do as they desire, it's time for you to grow up and take command of your own future. Not everybody's parents pay for their education.</p>

4

<p>First off, your parents are sods. </p>

<p>That said, you need to sit down and explain to your parents that there are millions of successful Americans who are not doctors. You can make a six figure income doing all sorts of different things, and you can even be happy without a six figure income.</p>

<p>Show them the Forbes 500 list and ask them how many MDs they see.</p>

5

<p><em>snerks at UCLAri</em> Sods, indeed. </p>

<p>What kind of direction do you want to take, and what do you need to do to get where you want to be? </p>

<p>I do feel for you, I have a similiar situation. I'm Asian, and I wanted to be a journalist/advertising. My mother worried about my future every time she sees me. That the job will be hard, I won't make money, blah. </p>

<p>And each and every time I say, "I know." As in, "I know, and it's my life, end of discussion." </p>

<p>I think you need to (a) compromise or (b) find a way to get where you want to be, by yourself. </p>

<p>I knew early on that my mom wouldn't support me in the major I wanted to be in. I also knew that she couldn't support me all the way anyways, financially. So, I worked (and found a very lucrative field) and applied to scholarships and tried for schools that I thought I could get good merit scholarships at. By the time I reached senior year, I could essentially pay the EFC myself. </p>

<p>Yet by senior year, while my mom didn't give up on getting me to go her way, she did loosen up. She began to see that I'm always going to be the person that I'm going to be. She saw this because I was always firm in my position and if she wouldn't support it, I did it myself.</p>

<p>But still, I think a lot of people do need to learn to compromise. I have friends in your position, and they compromised. They went to a state school, the parents paid for it, but they're going to major in what they want. Face it, they're going to be in their 20s when they leave school, and who is still going to depend on their parents to pave their future for them then? </p>

<p>G'luck. :)</p>

6

<p>One thing your parents need to realize is that you may be really qualified for UCSD but not get in due to the competion and number of applicants and it doesn't look like its going to get any better soon. Many many many qualified applicants don't get in and that the admitance process is much out of your control. You can get the grades and the test scores etc, but that by NO means guarantees you can get in. So if you come up with options that you like and show them the admintance stats, you might get some leverage. I mean, why punish you by not paying if you don't get in? Thats is just silly.</p>

<p>That said, you might want to start thinking about have to pay for some college on your own. Someone forced to be a doctor, who doesn;t much like science, wouldn't make a great doctor. But someone who liks history, english could make a GREAT teacher, administrator etc.</p>

7

<p>Design your college search and application process with the goal of having a variety of choices next spring. You have to find alternative schools to UCSD because their admissions are quite competitive.</p>

<p>Go ahead and apply to the school your parents want, but apply to 5-10 other schools as well. Some may give you enough merit money to make your parents notice. Learn to parry the questions about your major - you haven't decided yet, you need to get into college first! </p>

<p>Don't get caught in the "my parents want" trap. Think ahead - get a job this summer and set aside money for application fees. You need to find out what options are out there, and start to direct your own future.</p>

8

<p>I have talked to my parents, and they know that I dislike the med/science side of the spectrum. I think the problem is that they think if I don't go in that direction, there are more chances for me to fail in life due to job opportunities, etc. and ultimately disappoint them. I don't really get their logic either, regarding their refusal to pay for school. I guess they think I'm some sort of genius who's meant for med school. And no, I've tried everything I can to reason with them and they are very opinionated about this sort of thing. I think a lot of this has to do with my race also, since I am Asian. Who'd pick an Asian to teach English when there are plenty of Caucasians as qualified and willing as I am? I'm thinking of maybe going into film school since art direction and cinematography have always interested me, but I'll have to be alone on that, and ready for more failure.</p>

<p>Thanks for your support.</p>

9

<p>Plenty of "failure" ahead for pre-med students, and plenty of chances for them to recover from that failure. And based on healthcare trends, note that there will be plenty of disappointed healthcare professionals around from now until whenever.</p>

<p>Follow your talents and interests; stay positive and open with your parents and things will likely work out fine.</p>

10

<p>
[quote]
Who'd pick an Asian to teach English when there are plenty of Caucasians as qualified and willing as I am? I'm thinking of maybe going into film school since art direction and cinematography have always interested me, but I'll have to be alone on that, and ready for more failure.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Pardon me, but this is wrong. One of my high school English teachers was Korean-American. One of the greatest writers in English was Indian. </p>

<p>English isn't genetic.</p>

11

<p>I understand - it is wonderful to say stick to your guns and work on your parents, but with that culture it will not work. I know - immigrant European parents - disappointment to my mother because I didn't get married and have a dozen babies - went to law school instead. Never changed. She died before I started my family. So, you have to find another way. I at least had some support from my father, but you have none. You will therfore have to determine what is right for you - our school district is always trying to diversify its teaching body, but cannot find orientals - the problem is the cultural conception of teaching as being less - not enough $ or prestige. But what about university prof? Lawyer? As to teaching English - who cares what you look like? Can you teach??????? Advertising? Marketing? There are many areas you can get into, but you might have to take control of your own future and go where you can get merit aid, and take out loans. Good luck.</p>

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<p>I'm not saying English is genetic... but there are still racial issues in our society that put minorities at a disadvantage.</p>

13

<p>what is a sod?</p>

14

<p>It isn't useful to name-call or discuss the sexual origins of British slang.</p>

<p>That said, your parents are probably operating on fear for you based on their own encounters with racism. If you could convince them that things have changed adequately to allow you to work in all the areas anyone else can work in , then you wouldn't be facing this problem, I think. But how do you do that?</p>

<p>Fear for a child's well-being is awfully powerful. I am sorry I don't have the answer. I'm just suggesting that you can easily understand the source of their stubbornness. The way I see it, as a Caucasian mother of a Caucasian son, there's nothing you couldn't do that my own son couldn't do. But I haven't had the bad experiences your parents may have had.</p>

<p>I wish you the best!</p>

15

<p>If you don't like science, then I would strongly say that you should NOT pursue that track. You'll be miserable as an undergraduate, more miserable as a med student, and when you're 30 you'll look back at your life and wish you did something you actually enjoy. Do what you like...if you've got a passion, you'll succeed. If you don't, there's a good chance you won't.</p>

16

<p>Look at Casper's thread. She is very funny and persuasive about this issue. BTW, another of the greatest writers in the English language, Vladimir Nabokov, was Russian. Think of the liberal arts types who make a lot of money. Hello, lawyers? </p>

<p>I know what you face is a serious issue, I just want you to know that you are not alone, that it is most likely possible to work this out inside your family, and that certainly in terms of a career you really do not have to do science in the US to succeed.</p>

<p>Me I was a Comparative Literature major in French and Italian Renaissance Poetry...</p>

17

<p>ctymomteacher,</p>

<p>Perhaps the name-calling was foolish ad hominem, but my attitude still stands. There are some parents out there who simply cannot and will not budge from their positions. I'm not arguing against exhausting all available options, but there are times when just striking out on your own path is best.</p>

<p>After all, you have to live your own life, not your parents.</p>

<p>This to me is just as bad as the Jewish parents who sit shiva for their child who decides to become an artist instead of a doctor. Foolish, selfish, and stupid.</p>

18

<p>
[quote]
Me I was a Comparative Literature major in French and Italian Renaissance Poetry...

[/quote]

I think I would enjoy a major like that in college very much but I don't think it has much "real world" value. What kind of jobs were you able to apply to after college?</p>

19

<p>Hmm. My career path went like this. After college I went to London and got a job in the office of a theatrical producer. But that was sort of cheating since I got the job via an old Harvard roommate of my dad. Then I came back to New York and got a job off-Broadway. That one and everything after I got all by myself. Next I went to work for a management consultant because he wanted someone with theater experience for a project. Then I got my MBA from Columbia. Then I got hired by a chemical company for strategic planning. The interviewer recommended that they give me a second interview because we had a great conversation about - tada! - theater. I think I got the job because I was energetic and persuasive but truthfully I don't really know. Then I realized that I would never get anywhere in the company unless I went into engineering, finance or sales. I wasn't an engineer, I hated math, so sales it was. Then I sold chemicals. Then I took time off to have kids. Then I came back to work, first as a strategy consultant, then in software product management and marketing. Four companies later I am now VP of Marketing & Business Development for a software startup. I give you my title not out of conceit - I have learned that titles are pretty much meaningless - but just so you can tell your parents. The one thing to remember, my undergraduate and business schools were well-recognized. That gave me some flexibility to take a less orthodox path.</p>

<p>And to this day I remember my days as a Comparative Literature major with absolute joy and not one iota of regret. I do however sometimes wish that software programming hadn't involved punchcards when I was in college because then I actually might have taken some courses. Not for my future career, but because it turns out to be so interesting.</p>

<p>In short, you don't actually have to start your future reasonably lucrative career right after college.</p>

20

<p>Alumother, great story. Did you go to Princeton (I vaguely remember from some old conversation).. </p>

<p>In any case, what many parents don't realize is the distinction you made in the last paragraph - be patient with your kids, let them follow their heart and good things will follow, regardless of the state of the economy when they graduate. If they are not lazy bums (and someone who can get into Princeton or Columbia definitely did not get into these colleges being lazy bums), they will do well for themselves.</p>