In one of the very first colleges we visited, DS absolute loved one of the schools which was intended as a safety school. Now he basically just dials it in when I bring him to see more schools. I am looking for advice on getting him to consider more options before making up his mind. Here is a longer version of events:
The first school visited was my alma mater, which would have been a good match. Unfortunately, the visit was absolutely horrible. I won’t go into details here except to say that the visit was not representative of the school I attended and based on that visit I wouldn’t have gone there either.
The second visit was to a small, liberal arts school which I thought would not be a good match, but we went so that he could see differences in school size/location/focus.
On the third visit we went to an open house at the safety school and he absolutely loved it. Now don’t get me wrong – I think have a safety school you would go to would be a good thing, but among other things I am concerned about job/grad school prospects after graduation. Now some stats: the school’s 25th-75th SAT range tops out at around 1950. DS scored 2240 with a math 800 (GPA 3.75/4.0 UW). In the major he seems to like, his APs in Calc and Physics would not carry over, because the program does require Calc or Physics to graduate.
Since that visit we have done four more visits – one reach, two sort of matches, and another safety. But I can tell he is only doing the visits because I dragged him to them.
So if this were your child, what would you do? Keep dragging him to more visits? Show job placement stats? Or is it me that needs to change and just trust that he is smart enough to make a good decision on his own? Please advise.
Do they have an honors program? Did he get to talk with some faculty in his proposed department? Since it was an open house maybe not.
He might pick up decent merit aid… And since his major will require calc and physics, don’t think it’ll be easy at all.
You could Put the extra money you save aside and give him a lump sum at graduation to start an MS or whatever.
If you’d only done one visit, I’d think he needs to see more.
Probably I’d ask politely if he’d do one more visit at the alma mater, and a formal visit at the safety, then probably let it rest. For our DD, I’ve asked her to consider some schools, and if she gives the ok, we do a visit. Last thing I can afford to do is get her attending a place she does not want to.
Can you find other similar LACs with higher stats? Your son has fairly high stats, especially test scores. Going to a small LAC is not like going to a large U where there maybe honors college, higher level courses (or graduate courses). Small LAC will be more limited to courses they offer, and professors will tend to teach to the level of students. Your son may find himself bored after a year or two. One other downside of a small LAC is if he doesn’t find his tribe in the beginning, he may have as many options later. Many high schoolers like the idea of small LAC, but once they mature later, and if the school doesn’t have cross registrations with other nearby schools then it can be limiting for some students.
My son ended up choosing a school with a stats comparison similar to those you mentioned (theirs and his).
He received good merit aid, he is running D3 (cross country & track), is participating in on-campus leadership development program, and made dean’s list both semesters. And most importantly of all, he is happy there.
He was accepted to a couple of much higher ranked schools (one in particular of which both parents preferred from an academic standpoint at the time), but he knew he liked this school from his first 10 minutes on campus. He might have been a bit more challenged (? stressed) with regard to academics at the higher ranked schools, but he may not have had the well-rounded experience, with time to do the non-academic activities he is interested in had he gone that route.
Is the safety really not a good school in your eyes? Would it hinder his employment opportunities? We routinely chant “love thy safety” here, and he does, so this is a good thing! If he has found a school he loves that may likely give him a nice merit award, congrats!
If it is good enough to be his safety, it’s good enough. He likes it, you can afford it, let him choose. My daughter fell in love with her safety and it became her only application. She’s very happy there.
Like Jym says, unless this safety school is actually inimical to your kid’s future, let it go. I was excited to help my just graduated senior who was interested in top engineering schools. She applied to two highly renowned programs early plus, on a lark, a public directional college we suggested as a safety. She is an athlete and set up tryouts with each school as well. When it came down to it, the honors college at the safety showered her enormously with attn and finaid. The other two top schools treated her cooly. She settled on the safety – still a solid engineering pgm – but it made all the sense in the world. Will her not having recruitment opps with 50 colleges vs. the 30 at her choice school make that big of a difference? Not in my mind – especially for a woman in computer engineering. We’ll be shipping her off to training camp in a few weeks. We’re 100% happy and so is she.
I agree with jym626. My oldest chose a college where he went in much higher qualified than others but he loved the school and insisted in JAN of senior year after a second visit that he was done and that was where he was going. He graduated, found work and is doing great and contemplating grad school four years post-bac. His roommate and friend went into a family biz but just finished his MBA at NYU from this same lower ranked tiny college. IMO people put too much on college name equals post-bac success. Happy, engaged kids learning will trump quite a few USNWR ranking points. Cross the bridge when you are looking at the acceptances in March.
If the safety school has honors college then it maybe a good choice, especially if the student will get special mentorship and other special opportunities.
I think it’s great that he loves the school that he is guaranteed to be accepted at, can afford and will be a top student at, possibly with a merit scholarship. Makes for less stressful application time.
My D loved the school she is attending on our first visit, it has everything she wants and she was able to get free tuition because she was in the top 2% of applicants.
Meant to add- my ds#2 fell in love with what he considered his safety, and got a nice merit scholarship when admitted. He planned to attend even before he got an even bigger merit scholarship from them later. He loved it , is gainfully employed and happens to be at a reunion weekend with college friends this weekend.
@jrm815 It would be good to keep a few things in perspective. A 1950 is the 91st percentile, so at this “safety school”, 25% of students will be above that and probably close to your son.
This doesn’t sound like a classic safety school. It sounds like a strong school.
I don’t see your child being materially different from the rest of the students.
S ended up attending school where he was probably in the top 10% or so of applicants/enrollees. He is in the honors program, got merit aid and liked the vibe/students of the school the best. He turned down several other better academic environments (IMO), and will enter this school as a sophomore due to its generous application of AP credits. He only needs one natural science class to fulfill his gen ed requirements, and can focus on classes he wants from the get-go. I’ve decided there is nothing wrong with this, and he may actually either be able graduate early or take light credits (aka less money) his senior year. I think everyone has to decide what is right for them.
He’s found a school he loves, you can afford, has his program, and will likely offer admission (you should never be too overconfident!) This is a moment for rejoicing, not second-guessing. (that’s for April and May)
I would stop visiting unless he shows interest, and assemble a list of 3-4 places to apply. That way, if his mind changes, there will be options. I would not continue to find “better” schools, since it only invites trouble to imply his choice is a bad one. A second visit to the school is definitely a good idea. But keep in mind, getting in to school isn’t what’s important, getting OUT is. And out, imho, is very much a function of a happy kid
Not enough details. For some jobs, the safety school may be fine. For others, other schools may be better. Likely, how well kids from the safety school place will vary a lot by program/major.
But without giving out more specifics, I don’t see how anyone can offer any worthwhile advice.
However, one thing I don’t get is your assertion that his AP’s in calc and physics won’t carry over because they’re not required for graduation. At all schools I know of, whether they give college credit for certain AP scores is not dependent on whether those classes are required for graduation (and if they do, it’s when they don’t allow AP credit for classes required by a major. Can you inform us what you are reading? Unless it’s some specialized arts school or something like that, I can’t imagine that a school like you described wouldn’t award college credit for high enough AP calc and physics scores.
“it only invites trouble to imply his choice is a bad one.”
This. My ex went to “Big State U” after turning down MIT because of access to better skiing. Seriously. Despite that, he has worked for some of the most highly regarded software companies in the US and I guarantee you that you have probably used some of his software if you use a computer. He graduated debt-free, and had job offers long before he graduated. He was able to take graduate courses as an undergrad, internships with major companies, etc. He managed to find other extremely bright students and remains friends with them to this day.
There’s a student on another forum flipping out over “only” getting into his safety because he thinks he’s just so much better than everyone else there. No true. As post #11 says, “A 1950 is the 91st percentile, so at this “safety school”, 25% of students will be above that and probably close to your son.” You son is one of many. It’s unlikely that he’ll top out of everything the entire school has to offer, and that he won’t even be the “smartest kid in the room”.
My own D’s safety is a state flagship where she’ll get automatically admitted because of her grades and her OOS safety will not only auto-admit her, but automatically puts her in the honors college and will give her full tuition and fees. She would be in the tippy top of the class. But we’re still letting her apply, because the program for her major is excellent and the honors program will give her opportunities in that major that she will jump at. Her HS is similar-and she has thrived. It’s not always all about stats. The real world isn’t either.
My oldest just graduated from her safety. Had her top job lined up a month before graduation. had the opportunity to participate in a sport, music, and service opportunities. By senior year, she was thinking some place bigger would have been nice, too, but she never had an issue with “fit.”
It’s ok if you have to drag him, though “coerce” more fit some of our trips.
What we told D1 was that, no matter how much she liked a school or how right we felt the match was (them for her and her for them,) no one can predict an admit. We told her there was no way to know how her app would be received or whether something like geo diversity or some tipped kid would stand in the way. She liked two colleges until a November visit to what became her real #1.
Keep visiting, so you have a list of schools he can enjoy, if his #1 doesn’t pan out. He doesn’t have to "love"the other choices just as much, but he does need to be able to envision himself there, productive and happy, socially. Check the strength in his major- courses and professor research interests. And remember affordability.
Well first, congratulations that’s he’s interested in attending a good college! The story in my family is that grandma had to harangue dad for months to apply to college because he was making more money than all his friends as a butcher’s assistant. He felt he was “in the money” already so why bother with college?! She finally convinced him by saying he could come home to his butcher’s career after a year if he didn’t like it. He was in Boston and loved it, did great and never looked back. Moms and dad need to cajole sometimes.
I would advise continuing to drag him to see different options but make it fun. Could you bring a friend or two of his along? Combine the visit with other attractions like a concert or something else that he would enjoy? Sometimes my boys try to cut short time spent on decision making so they can get back to their friends, video gaming and other teen priorities.
I agree that teen boys will sometimes shortcut decision making. I think my DS has a “favorite” and has been humoring my insistence that he apply to 5-6 schools. Once the merit awards are known, I am guessing the decision will be made easily–unless one throws us a curveball, but then that is why I am insisting on him applying to 5-6 schools. Hang in there. Suggest schools for applications but visits may have to wait. I am guessing he will be more interested once school starts and he is surrounded by less fun things than college visits.