Student doesn't want to do legwork + listing major

Athletic Recruits
1

<p>My 2015 son says he wants to play soccer in college. I've done the research, and have told him what he should do if he wants to be recruited. He has gotten a little contact from colleges in the past, but has not pursued them.</p>

<p>He just does not seem interested in either filling out recruiting forms, emailing, or calling, unless he actually has a tournament coming up. He has no club tournaments right now because of HS, so although he wants to go see some games at colleges he is interested in on an UOV, he thinks I should just pay for tickets (let alone travel and hotel!).</p>

<p>Is this a sign he doesn't want to play soccer in college?</p>

<p>I am thinking he is just being ridiculous and doesn't know it, and by end of Junior year, he'll have missed out on any chances to play where he wants to. He is very shy and hesitant except when playing sports :)</p>

<p>PS - he used to have his major listed as engineering, but I was told that might hurt his chances at certain schools in terms of soccer recruiting. Should we change it to "Undecided"?</p>

<p>I feel okay with that because he can take college courses for free where I work in the summer, so he can take a light load during the soccer season.</p>

2

<p>For my S (XC - 2015), his issue is that he is not confident in his times/skills (and his ability to focus on his GPA), so does not feel that any coach would want him. So in order to avoid disappointment (shame), then he just isn’t putting himself out there. I too have been doing a lot of leg work for him, but have told him that he needs to do this for himself or he needs to at least tell me what he wants <em>me</em> to do. </p>

<p>I think though too that he is waiting for some XC times that show improvement and promise (first meet is this weekend). </p>

<p>And yes, undecided might be a better option, however, he needs to be honest with himself… as it is very difficult (at most schools) to carry an engineering load and be committed to a team sport. Even at a D3 school, I know a swimmer whose coach said “no homework” during a 3 day meet… it’s tough to stay on top of school like that.</p>

3

<p>I’m doing the bulk of the legwork for S as well. I think it is a combination of him not realizing just how proactive he needs to be (and now), wanting to enjoy HS and not think about college now, and none of his friends are talking about it. Either they aren’t looking to play at the college level or they are keeping it to themselves (at least in our siccer circle, the kids and parents don’t discuss it).
For my s, I don’t think he doesn’t want this. He does, very much, but it seems very far away to him.</p>

4

<p>I took up to 21 credits as an engineering major, but full-time is 12 credits at many schools. By senior year, I had trouble scraping together 12 credits and was taking “pottery” etc. just to fill credits in. I will point him in that direction and have him take free summer courses to make up for it where I teach so he’ll have time during the year.</p>

<p>I know what you mean about avoiding disappointment. My son was cut from the HS varsity team after being the best scorer on JV last year (and best in fitness out of 100 kids and scoring 2 goals in 20 minutes in a pre-season JV game), so he is in a funk about that, and maybe is waiting for club season, but I feel like he really should do UOV now when games are on. Every time he has to fill out HS information, he feels like he is advertising that he doesn’t play HS soccer - yet he plays one year up and against college players during the HS season! Obviously the HS coach would not go to bat for him, and might actually hurt him, so he stopped listing him (despite being briefly on varsity).</p>

<p>Maybe he thinks it would be easy to “walk on”, but I don’t think that’s true. Because it is soccer, we wouldn’t expect a scholarship bigger than 0.25, so I’m not worried as much about missing out on scholarship money.</p>

5

<p>Agree with the sentiment that “no one else is doing it”.</p>

<p>Not one of the players on the HS varsity team is planning to pursue soccer in college, and two think that professional scouts will “find them” and sign them. Lacrosse sends a lot of kids to college on scholarship, and a little football, XC, track, and swimming.</p>

<p>I think he feels he is being “punished” by having to do extra work for wanting to play in college, and he does need to get his test scores up to his potential to target the schools he wants.</p>

<p>At least I know I’m not alone!</p>

6

<p>You’re not. My husband calls me S’s agent. (S thought the same as those kids. But, The majority of unsolicited interest has been from D3. D1 interest has almost all been in response to “his” outreach. May be bumping into NCAA rules there. I’m not sure, but a there is a conversation now where there wasn’t and we started it. One even said he’d been watching S for some time. Really?)</p>

7

<p>rhandco,</p>

<p>This is fairly typical. I’ve been through this twice and I’m just beginning to go through this a 3rd time. As parents, we can “nag” all we want and use logic and reason but it won’t matter for most kids. </p>

<p>The truth is for any college recruiting effort to be successful the recruits have to want it. Mom & Dad can’t do it for them. The quickest way to get their attention is to show him/her that other kids in their sport are being recruited right now. In addition, show them the pages of the athletic forum at CC where kids are freaking out because they thought the recruiters were going to come find them…that is a fairy tale. </p>

<p>I know for a fact that two 2015 soccer players have committed to ACC schools at my son’s high school through their travel soccer team, and a rising sophomore girl’s basketball player has committed to another ACC school. My son is a baseball player, and he knows he needs to start writing intro letters to coaches tonight for a showcase this weekend. If he doesn’t write those letters he knows a potential showing may go unnoticed. He is paying 50% for his Fall travel team…he has skin in the game. I don’t have to remind him. He’s seen it with his two older brothers. He knows the early bird gets the worm. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>PS - I probably would stay away from the engineering major designation until he is 100% sure.</p>

8

<p>He is my oldest, and thankfully :frowning: the other two have no athletic prowess. I suppose that puts more pressure on me to “do it right the first time”.</p>

<p>I figure it is like dating. Yeah, once in a while you will randomly meet someone, but if you stay home and never go out to parties or bars, what are the chances you will meet someone? </p>

<p>He is shy and self-deprecating, so the videos of his play help a lot (it’s like he thinks it is someone else, because he’s impressed with the videos but doesn’t “get” it is him).</p>

<p>Also I am frazzled because so many people seems to say “and then it was September 1st of junior year and WHAM! her email exploded with offers”. Didn’t happen, but he had gotten emails before that from college coaches.</p>

9

<p>Not to play devils advocate here but you said he was leading scorer on JV… cut from varsity. Honestly (and please don’t have hurt feelings) if he is not good enough to make a varsity hs team he probably is not good enough to play college soccer. It is a HUGE jump from high school to college. So many parents are disillusioned into thinking college sports is just glorified high school. It is not. Perhaps your son knows this and is trying to spare your feelings, perhaps he does not want to be embarrassed by rejection. I don’t know how to word this any different so I am very sorry if it is hurtful in anyway, that is not my intent. I just think a lot of parents don’t get it. You even mentioned hoping he would get a .25 athletic scholarship. Now it is possible your son goes to a gigantic hs and he has personal issues with hs coach etc… but just please take a realistic look at where he is at with soccer and ask yourself is he really college soccer material?</p>

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<p>It’s not hurtful at all. He played against U23’s two weeks ago (he is 16, his club teammates are 17 and 18), and kicked butt. He has played against multiple BNT players with no problem. He is both-footed and plays forward and defender. He was in the top three in all fitness tests for varsity soccer across the HS (Cooper, shuttle run, agility tests, etc.).</p>

<p>Like many HS teams, there is both the local town club, but also a private trainer, so both clubs are the #1 source for varsity. If the town were actually good at soccer, I’d be more concerned. Can’t afford private school.</p>

<p>I don’t need to convince myself, he needs to convince the coaches. He’s done that at a state-wide club level and against national players. </p>

<p>Peace out, US MNT is playing Mexico.</p>

11

<p>rhandco,</p>

<p>So, where do you go from here? My recruited formula is : Recruited = skill + passion + exposure + persistence + luck</p>

<p>If your son is not demonstrating passion, and getting in front of the right people, recruiting will not happen despite your efforts. The fact that he is shy is irrelevant. My oldest son is one of the most shy people I know. He is a man of very few words, but don’t let that fool you. You put him on a baseball field and he turns into somebody else. Don’t let your son’s shy routine fool you, your son is totally capable of sending out letters, talking to coaches on the phone, and talking to coaches in person. If my son can do it, your son can do it. This is part of the process and they learn to mature quickly if they want it. I’ve seen my son and others like him get recruited. Coaches like humble kids that say very little, and follow instructions. </p>

<p>As a parent, I think you need to be persistent too. I found my son’s “button” but it really didn’t need to pressed too hard. He knew he wanted to play college baseball fairly early on. Possibly showing your son college soccer games, meeting some coaches will get his passion going? I don’t know. But if you know this is something deep down that he wants to do, show him the way and let him take it from there. Good luck!</p>

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<p>Another thought…as I think back, it was not a push from me that propelled my kid into writing those emails; it was (a) his coaches (high school and camp) who discussed with him his potential for college athletics and (b) going to a competitive camp and watching seniors who were his athletic equal getting calls on July 1. At that point, I could jump in and offer help–specifically, getting him to colleges for UOV’s and putting together those first emails and athletic profile–but the coaches and the teammates, I’m thinking, were what got the engine roaring. I don’t think he would have trusted my assessment of his recruitability! </p>

<p>So, maybe confer with his coach? Get him to more of those competitions where he’s playing with guys who are being actively recruited right now? Beyond that, I think we as parents might have to let it go. I have a nephew who was a great soccer player who ended up playing on a competitive club team at his college because he didn’t get his act together. However, in hindsight, he probably had an instinct for what he wanted/didn’t want as he loves his travelling club team and is happy to not have the extra commitment that a varsity sport brings in college.</p>

13

<p>My son was where yours was last year. I don’t think he didn’t want to do the legwork. He didn’t understand it.</p>

<p>My son had attention that he didn’t know what to do with. I was surprised by it myself and was wondering why, really? After a while it clicked that we had to do something with that attention. Give some love back. Follow-up after Junior Days, respond, respond, respond.</p>

<p>The advice I would give to my son’s younger peers is, if you are recruited or want to be recruited, the effort is pretty much the same. Reach out and show you are willing to dance.</p>

<p>I think for many kids, they want to feel wanted. So, I get the “if they want me, they will come” feelings they have. Otherwise, it feels desperate to ask for an invite to the party. That’s a teenage boy for ya. I told my son that there are some coaches that do a lot of work to find you and others that do less or at a later time. So, make yourself known where you want.</p>

<p>My Son’ #1 college started with a post card he ignored until he got a handwritten note from another school in the same league. I said if this one likes you, maybe the one on the postcard will too. Its been a great relationship that I hope works out.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

14

<p>Is it possible that he has a more realistic view of his prospects than you do? I have seen what I believe to be your posts on soccer forums using a similar name, and your son did not make DAP, didn’t want to go back to his club team and was trying to put together his own training/playing program. Now you say he did not make varsity. It looks like D1 and D2 are not options, and even D3 may be a stretch. My son does play DAP and recently played against QPR and Inter Milan in an international tournament, and we realize D1 soccer may not be in his future.</p>

<p>We are still working hard toward that end though, e-mailing coaches monthly with updates on what he is doing. By he I mean mainly me. He will also play in two DAP showcases this year that will have dozens of coaches at each game, so he will get a lot of exposure that way. It is not something he wants to be proactive about, although he very much wants to play college ball at a high level. I suggest talking to your son about what he wants and what level he thinks he can play at. It may just be college club ball.</p>

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<p>If you were stalking me properly, you would find out that my son is playing up one year and has played against U23 players multiple times. I don’t know anyone on his previous club team who is doing that (I know a lot of them who smoke pot, one reason he left), nor do I know anyone on his varsity HS team who is doing that. I do think that someone who has the skill and drive to play up more than 5 years with no issues, at age 16, seems like someone with the skill and drive to play college soccer, if he wants to. </p>

<p>QPR won that tournament with no issue. PDA was 1-0-2, SBP which has won the national HS title, was 0-1-2 (and they have a player who was invited to trial with Manchester United let alone how many academy players). I wouldn’t feel that not being able to compete with contracted players from Europe means your son can’t play D1 soccer. Doubtful that anyone from PDA or RBNY other than the obvious already BNT players would get European interest without an EU passport. </p>

<p>When you say “D1 and D2 are out of the question”, you do realize that at least 100 of the 225 or so D1 soccer programs are mediocre, and beg for players? My son’s issue is not the amount of contact he is getting now, he has five schools including D1, D2, and D3 that are contacting him. His issue is sending out the emails himself.</p>

<p>He just contacted the D1 school we are visiting, so that ball is rolling. I think he is starting to realize that right now is the time to get to see more games (we watched UCLA/IU on TV the other day).</p>

<p>Thanks for the advice, but considering the money we dropped on poor teams (caveat emptor), sending some emails and making a few visits to colleges that are on his list for academics anyway is not putting ourselves out.</p>

<p>Obviously DAP has more exposure, but in the ten tryouts he attended at the DAP, it was pretty clear that they liked their starting 11 and would keep almost all of their 97 team due to an upset they pulled off. And I couldn’t afford it.</p>

<p>Also note that if he can do well enough to get onto an Ivy League team ranked between 75 and 100 in the NCAA rankings, because a lot of student athletes are out of the picture because of grades, that is more than enough reason to try to be recruited.</p>

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<p>We just live in different realities. Since U-10 all but one of my son’s coaches have been college coaches. Two were Ivy League assistants, one of which later became the head coach. Yes, Ivy League has higher recruiting standards because of academics, but there are more qualified student athletes than needed. DI and DII teams begging for players - never heard of that. Our coaches stress how hard it is to be recruited and how important it is to target the right level of play. At some schools 1/4 to 1/2 of the roster are International students. These coaches have their pick of players not only in the US but abroad. And when you take into consideration that they only bring in between 4 and 8 players a year you realize the competition is very tough. I am aware of coaches who will take a player who is not very good but has high academics and is full pay to balance out the excellent player with no money and poor academics, but it is the latter that sees the field, not the former. </p>

<p>Good luck to your son. If you haven’t already done so I suggest you have him evaluated by a college coach after he has seen him play over a few days at a camp, not just a few hours at a combine. They will tell you whether you are targeting the right level of play.</p>

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<p>Just from another perspective, my son is not into athletics, but having him do the legwork for college stuff was/is like pulling teeth. This has NOTHING to do with him not wanting to go, but it is an overwhelming and confusing process. If you don’t have great resources at the school it is even more difficult. </p>

<p>I guess I just wanted to add this because it is hard for kids regardless of academics/sports/music. Things are MUCH more complicated then when we were kids. I try not to nag, but I do give gentle reminders when I know deadlines are looming. It is a process and most kids need some support and guidance through each step.</p>

<p>Good luck and keep us informed.</p>

18

<p>He’s already been to college camps that included evaluations that were emailed and are available to send to others, including the local MLS club. He is ranked the same as many academy players; only a few are ranked higher. I know those rankings systems can be bull, but the signed evaluations are useful and he is targeting more.</p>

<p>I agree with Anne, that when we were kids, it seemed totally different. I knew nothing about sports in college, and our HS wasn’t good at sports anyway, and my parents couldn’t afford club or travel for any sport for me or my siblings. My parents were not involved at all, and I applied to three schools, two reaches and one I was already accepted to through a special program. I did 100% on my own, but that 100% was deciding I wanted to attend the college my brother did, or a similar school, or resigned to attend the other one if I had to. At least I had visited my brother’s campus before I applied. My other brother had no help and didn’t even apply to college until July after his senior year, he was lucky to get a spot at a decent school. But on the other hand, it was much easier to get a good job as a HS student, so that helped our applications.</p>

<p>Now it seems that guidance counselors do less (per student, because so many kids are going to college) and parents do much more. It also seemed that although a top five graduating class student could miss out on their dream school, they’d always have a good chance at an Ivy, but that does not seem true any more. More kids miss out on their dream schools and their second chances, so I do talk to him about targeting different level schools.</p>

<p>A side note about wanting to write and/or do research on colleges, he’s in AP English so I don’t think it is impossible for him to write or research, maybe it just seems like more school work.</p>

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<p>rhandco,</p>

<p>Typically when people post a request for advice they listen to the merits of the reply, comment on why that is a good idea/bad idea, and thank the posters. </p>

<p>You’ve received some good advice here by some posters, but you continue to make excuses for your son’s inaction. The bottom line is your son will most certainly not be recruited if things stay status quo despite all his soccer talent and success in the classroom. I contribute to message boards like CC (and others) because I like to help people who like to help themselves. I have a pretty darn good track record with academic athletic recruiting as I’ve help many dozens of people across the country. </p>

<p>I hope both of you can figure it out soon. This will be my last post in this thread. Good luck.</p>

20

<p>Sorry about that, I appreciate the commiseration and the advice. The thread is pretty young time-wise in my mind, and I posted the question to think through the situation and should have thanked each person posting. I’m sorry if it is inappropriate to use the forum more as a sounding board/discussion, or if posting my thoughts about various issues seems inappropriately defensive. The one post really upset me, not because of the content but to think that someone needed to look up info on my son on other forums. I do know if they knew my son, they wouldn’t do that.</p>

<p>I feel completely alone in terms of talking to friends in person about it, because none have student-athletes and very few are doing college visits for their junior children. I know that my son may not play soccer in college, but I didn’t want his lack of friends in similar situations (not one targeting playing sports in college at any level, not even club) be the deciding factor on whether he does play in college.</p>

<p>Thank you all for sharing info that I can’t get in person.</p>