Students just want to spend $$$$

Parents Forum
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<p>
[quote]
Students just want to spend $$$$

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Well, does the word ENABLING ring any bells? A student cannot spend, spend, spend unless s/he [ul][<em>]earned the money[</em>]inherited the money with no strings[li]is getting it from the parents.[/ul][/li]So how are all these kids spending $500/month on fluff? Not anybody here, I'm quite sure. But for the ones who are, I look straight at the parents as the root of this evil.</p>

<p><em>steps down from soapbox</em></p>

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<p>Our D wanted to go east (we are in So Cal) and go to a small LAC. She was offered almost full scholarship at USC and American and Regent's money for UCLA, UC Berkelely. Since she chose another school, we agreed that she would need to contribute $10,000 per year (which is just about the cost of Room and Board). Her portion for Freshman year will be met by NMS and other scholarships and prizes, plus savings. After that, she will need to work summers and probably get a job during school. We buy books and give her $50 per week mainly to cover the costs of her travelling a capella group/clothes for gigs, etc. She is actually saving about 1/2 of what we give her and she will be able to apply that toward her $10,000 next year. We have opened a line-of-credit for her to borrow from us toward her portion as needed. H drew up a contract and has a spread sheet ready to go for the first loan if required. We have fixed the interest rate at a low 5% so she is pretty lucky if she has to borrow from the Bank of Mom and Dad. It is amazing how frugel she has become.</p>

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<p>..........by the way, Grandpa left money earmarked for the grandkids to go to college. Otherwise, D would have been taking much larger loans from a bank.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
what money gets into her bank account is "her" money, and whatever becomes "her" money is held on to much tighter than Ebenezeer ever clutched his stash! College is actually an improvement, because we're not around to give her money once a week or so - what's she's got, has to last. I wish you could have heard the negotiations over sorority dues

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</p>

<p>Do you think it is a kid thing or a Hanover thing?
When D is on campus, the only money she has is what she earns and she pays her own sorority dues (she knew this going in) :D You would be suprised how far she can make a dollar stretch</p>

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<p>I think part of it too is if a student has friends that are in the same economic boat. Both of my kids are fairly tight with a dime. When my son came home for his fall break he had to make a run to our bank to deposit his job- on- campus money. He had not spent a penny of it. Now, he had savings in the bank from summer jobs, graduation, etc, but he also had not been spending that. In fact it sounded like he's spent less then $100 since he got on campus August 20. He and his friends tend to do the free campus activities and if they go anywhere that costs something it's just the coffee shop in town.</p>

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<p>jmmom:
It is all about enabling - but, really, there are plenty of families at $40,000+/year schools who think nothing of giving princess her daddy's Platinum Visa for whatever she "needs." They see absolutely no reason whatsoever that their kids should rough it. It must make it pretty tough on the poor kid who's on financial aid.</p>

<p>One of my best friends sent her kid off to a college in Connecticut, where after freshman year he couldn't get out of there fast enough. He claimed the weekend activity of choice was heading into Manhattan, renting a hotel room and clubbing it all weekend (complete with designer clothes and drugs). He, evidently was not able to "maintain that lifestyle" and was pretty depressed about it. I still think about that story.</p>

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<p>Of course, it's easier to maintain a frugal lifestyle of those around you (especially your friends) are doing the same. In college & grad school, I hung around with folks who were trying to be careful with their $$. We rarely went out to eat, enjoyed the farmer's market, enjoying cooking for one another, did a lot of low cost campus activities. We thought & planned before our big trips to the city or other outings. My S seems to be similar, from what I can tell.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
and whatever becomes "her" money is held on to much tighter

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sybbie, our kid has this "Hanover" trait that your and cangel's D has. When S ruined his cell phone in the laundry, he picked out a new model with all the bells and whistles. I told him it looked great. He could tell by my voice and body language that it wasn't going to be on my nickel. He ordered the cheapest flip-phone available. And he had plenty of savings. </p>

<p>Although I don't mean to "stalk" him, when I transfer his allowance online I get a glimpse of the income and outgo. Not much of the latter. It was apparent that he took the train from Balto to DC last weekend - spent about $6. on Haagen-Dazs plus a pretty cheap train fare. Kids can have a great time just exploring. Just like HImom did in her day.</p>

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<p>My D has gained some perspective at her LAC. She feels rich compared to the students on Pell Grants or from similar backgrounds and who have approximately 23 cents to rub together. She feels poor compared to students from Old Money backgrounds who aren't shy about flaunting it (though many are quite circumspect and not at all ostentatious), to say nothing of the daughters of arrivistes for whom such flaunting is a major recreational activity. I think all her perceptions are accurate and am pleased that none of them particularly bother her...she plays the cards she's been dealt without grumbling and with some degree of thankfulness.</p>

<p>I like the notion of M&SDad's various fairies.... D always used to complain about being dragged along when I had to run various errands like banking and going to the cleaners. Now she's found out how time-consuming they are on her own account.</p>

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<p>Okay, I guess I've been an enabling parent. But am I alone here in saying that our 2 college-aged kids are "sucking us dry" financially speaking? Yes one of them works some. Yes, they both get some scholarship money.
But honestly, the money demands seem endless.</p>

<p>Both are at private colleges where they each have commented they are the poorest kids they know. And it's probably true. I'm just counting down the semesters til we're done forking over this kind of money. After finals, we're halfway there. Grad school is on their dime, at least that's the plan :)</p>

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<p>My S hasn't commented about wealth or poverty at his U--he doesn't talk much anyway (about 5 minutes once/week, if we're lucky). I think the kids he hangs out with are pretty frugal, which makes it easier for him to be frugal as well. I think he knows a lot of kids who are as poor as he (or even poorer); in our extended family, we consider ourselves "the poor relations" but it's never bothered us.</p>

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<p>My H and I are the poster children for frugality, but one of our three hit college and the free credit card offers with wild abandon.... how someone wiht an IQ over the top could fail to balance her bank account on a regular basis just stunned us. She worked all through high school so knew where her money came from...
I guess the lesson here is just that you do your best, and then have to stand back and let things fly.....</p>

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<p>D is friends with a fellow first year who comes from a VERY (world class) wealthy family. The student is required to account for every dollar they spend and keeps a ledger for that purpose. He/she "forgets" sometimes to write down food expenditures that are outside the mealplan and has to go back and re-create the entry. My kid says the kid is a riot. Just a regular Joe/Josephine.</p>

<p>Some lessons seem to transcend wealth. ;) Good for them.</p>

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<p>Don't get me wrong, Curiouser, we spent mega-bucks at the beginning of last year - she basically had to have an entire new wardrobe, she owned one hoodie, and a Sunday coat - no jacket at all, and she went to NH! Then when I got up there, I just knew in my heart of hearts that she would turn into an icicle on the way to the bathroom, so she had 2 sets of reg sheets, and one set of flannels, and a blanket, a comforter and a duvet I got at Ikea on the cheap just because, and... well, we just don't understand cold down here! :o</p>

<p>And, unlike Sybbie, I am paying for part of her sorority dues, not all, just part. She has been quite careful with her money, but she is talking about work clothes, now! ONe of the benefits of schools down here I guess - everyone, public and private, wears school uniforms. So their regular clothes can actually be fairly nice, because you don't have to buy so many of them. D was never much of a clothes person, but that's changing a bit!</p>

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<p>I try to be frugal and still find mysekf spending a lot (about $100 over fsix weeks, including basic "living expenses" like soap, shampoo, toothpaste, etc. I go out to eat very rarely. Is this excessive, IYO?). All of this is my own money from years of saving. My parents actually want to pay expenses, but I insist on having the money withdrawn from my account because I would feel guilty otherwise. Also paid for my own dorm tv and my own printer. (Despite my instance, my dad bought the computer). Parents pay for dorm internet, books, and cell bill (which is mostly used for calling them! ;) ).</p>

<p>Parents: Do you give your merit $ kids a bit looser reign on spending money because they are "saving" you money with their choice? My parerents have tried this logic with me before, but I didn't really buy it.</p>

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<p>Spending about $100 for toiletries & basic "stuff" over the course of a month+ seems fairly reasonable. We haven't really discussed expenses much with our S, other than letting him know that we expect him to pay for them. </p>

<p>When we took him & D on trips, we'd always give them some spending money that they could do with as they wanted. She'd generally spend most of it on momentos. He'd spend a little on a snack & maybe a momento & save most of it. They've always been pretty much that way. We bought our S quite a bit when we dropped him off at school because we're concerned that if we didn't buy him decent things we're not quite sure what he'd get himself in his quest to economize, also we had the car & some of the things we got were bulky & heavy (& of course prices were better when you had the mobility to get away from campus).</p>

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<p>Our policy was that we would handle tuition, room and board, and books, but that personal expenses would be totally the kids'.</p>

<p>D had jobs throughout high school and that money was mostly saved for college personal expenses, so she started out with a "slush fund." Summer jobs replenished her school-year withdrawals. </p>

<p>We wanted her to appreciate that economic choices -- such as which brand of shampoo she bought, as well as going out to eat occasionally (when she had a full meal plan already paid for) -- would be on her "nickel." It's all part of the educational program, we felt. For the same reason, I always had her pay for her own dry cleaning. Figured if she was going to buy "dry clean only" clothing, she should make the full economic commitment. </p>

<p>By handling things this way we avoided any family squabbles about spending patterns - whatever her pattern was, it was for her to handle. </p>

<p>By the time she graduated she was running near empty on her personal bank account -- but we had never given her an allowance or been asked to bail her out. Some graduation gifts from generous relatives helped her over the post-college hump before she got going on her career.</p>

<p>Now she has her first "career" job and is dealing with her own medical plan, 401-k, budgeting, etc. She recently mentioned to me that she had read that many young people spend more than they earn, and was quite disturbed by that. </p>

<p>Almost makes us think our job is done! :)</p>

<p>Agree with TheDad about the advantages of kids going to school with students from a range of economic backgrounds. Our D had filled us in on some very moving stories about some of her friends' financial circumstances. It made us appreciate the merit of sending her to a school with such good financial aid. Despite not qualifying for aid ourselves, I will consider that when we look for schools for our S. Again, it's all part of the education.</p>

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<p>jmmom, your comment about inheriting a trust fund with no strings attached struck home here. In several months our son gains control of his college fund account totally about $64k, not a huge amount but enough to tickle the fancy of many impoverished college students. Am I concerned that he could trade in his '96 Neon for an '06 T-bird. Not really but it could happen.</p>

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<p>Our S, currently a college senior, worked after junior and senior years in high school and all summers during college. He had some reasonably well-paying jobs and saved a lot of money. We pay tuition, room, board and books. He pays for his entertainment (Aerosmith concerts, mainly, it seems :rolleyes: ) and bought his own laptop. He is very frugal with his own money.</p>

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<p>I had a campus job literally from day one of college through the end -- the first year, I worked in a campus library, and the rest of the time I did research for pay. I'm sure my parents would have happily given me spending money through college, but I'm also glad I didn't have to ask.</p>

<p>I really think that having to budget my own food and entertainment money through college has gone a long way toward helping me save and spend wisely now that I have an actual salary and actual expenses.</p>