I get it. My daughter has to do a third year of Chinese. Right now she’s looking at I think it’s called Groningen in the Netherlands that offers Chinese. She has a cousin in the military on the other part of the country. There is a list of ‘exchange’ programs where you don’t pay higher tuition and your merit aid follows and that list isn’t huge. And not every school offers the courses you need etc.
China - there’s the covid lockdowns that at least on tv look bad. And who knows when they’ll end as once they opened, cases came quickly. But I think my daughter also has an issue with the political landscape etc and may be protesting that internally.
Ultimately wherever she goes I hope she has a wonderful situation.
I think I would want her living in a dorm with other students and not a host family.
Thanks for letting me know about your daughter. @itsgettingreal21 Can you send me a PM - where did she attend, etc. I can see if it’s on the list of schools.
I have a feeling he was not doing well, and was re-evaluating his life, including his college career, and did not want to tell his parents that were footing the bill. But he should have communicated to Someone that he was doing this. or even a text saying I need time to myself, will explain another time. I have to wonder if he even considered taking his life, but could not do it.
I worry the most when my D is out hiking and climbing. Much of the time she doesn’t have a cell signal so we have to wait until she’s back to civilization. It was especially nerve wracking when she lived in CO because she was doing pretty major climbs without that much experience. Thankfully she had a group of friends that were more experienced and they went out together.
I have a friend whose son did this on an abroad trip in high school! He got caught drinking and ran away to the south of France! It all turned out fine in the end, but they got a wake up call about how much pressure he was feeling under. He turned out fine, no long term issues.
We talk to our kids once a week and still do. Sometimes the older one doesn’t show up to the Discord meeting. When the younger was in Jordan we also had a weekly call, if he couldn’t make it (there were a lot of weekend trips), he’d let us know. Very different from when I was young. I was good about sending letters and postcards to my parents, but we they were in Africa. I don’t think I ever phoned them. Nor did I phone the year I spent in a camping van photographing fire houses all over the US. My parents were whatever the opposite of helicopter parents would be.
We are in agreement. I live in Chicago. Not the suburbs. But we taught our kids safety living in a large city. Way more murders, assaults even taking the El Trains. There are certain stops you just don’t get off after 10:00pm. My kids are more aware then the avg kid not living in a major city. They have also traveled by themselves so we don’t worry about them but knowing approximately where they are at to me is a good thing. We used to tell them we just need a clue to let the police know where to start looking.
. Yes, it was said jokingly, but actually if your taken etc time is not on your side.
I really think it’s the maturity of the kid. Also how privileged is he. Sorry I have my own theories but not checking in and just running away from your reality and not letting your family know is pretty selfish if you ask me. How much effort is it just to say things aren’t working out so this is my next plan…? But my kids wouldn’t run away when life got in the way. They would of talked to the organization to make it work out. My daughter lived with host families a few times in different areas of Indonesia and wouldn’t have it any other way. They were more then generous. She still keeps in touch with them years later.
Because my “kids” are adults not minors. There are some circumstances in which I would call the police, if I know they would want me to: “I am hiking from X to Y, if I don’t call by Z then call mountain rescue” or “I am traveling by bus in a developing country where people get abducted by bandits, I’ll let you know when I get there”.
But not a kid doing study abroad in Western Europe unless they have explicitly said “I’ll call you every Sunday at this time” and have done so without fail. And even then I wouldn’t be too concerned about missing one week: I don’t expect my 80 year old mother to get worried about me if I don’t call, despite the fact we generally speak each Sunday evening.
D’s simple solution was not to tell us she was going climbing at all until she got back and sent pictures of her climbs. That was helped by the fact that her friend group in college didn’t like to decide on where they were going on their trips until the last moment. It was very reminiscent of my college experience 30 years ago, except her photos were better.
I’ve shared this several times with my kids. Alone and didn’t tell anyone. Not an accident. Boneheaded move.
I don’t need a minute by minute account but itinerary and a text or call daily is nice. Luckily they like to share their adventures which is Japan at the moment.
I don’t think a parent ever stops being a parent, and along with that territory comes concern, love, worry and more…much more.
I also don’t think there’s anything “wrong” or out of line to keep in touch with those we care most about. When I don’t hear from dear friends that I’m used to seeing on FB or text almost daily, I check in on them too. I’ve been known to contact the adult children of my BFF and ask about their mother (we’ve been friends 50 years!) - that’s how I learned she had just been admitted to the hospital with pneumonia!
Add to this if you happen to be an empath…
Would I contact “the authorities” - I can’t say if I would or not. I honestly don’t think any of us can say with certainty if they would or wouldn’t. If you have an offspring that has health or mental health issues, I’d venture to say the panic in the pit of your stomach might overwhelm you to the point of contacting the authorities. You never know what shoes someone has walked in that makes them do (or not do) something!
Technology has definitely changed not only the way we parent, but the way we interact with our kids. I spent months in France as a 16 yo without a single call home, but it was a different time. I sent a couple post cards that showed up after I got home. Thinking back to stuff we did overseas would freak me out as a parent now. Partying in Saint Tropez, racing motorcycles through Arles, grabbing a ride with guys we didn’t know to the U2 concert in Montpelier seriously, we were so stupid back then. There were people though who would’ve contacted my parents had I uncharacteristically disappeared for even a couple days. Fastforward almost 40 years, I would expect to get a short text of some sort from DD upon arrival and maybe 1x/week, even if it was just a “I’m ok, ttyl, luv u,” (the 2022 version of the collect call hangup), BUT I would hope we would’ve established that before she left. She’s the type who would want me know where she is, but not bug her while she’s there
The summer between my freshman and sophomore years in college, my BF and I took Greyhound from Ann Arbor to Mexicali, with stops along the way, and hitch-hiked up the California coast to San Fran. It didn’t occur to either of us to contact parents (or anyone) during those weeks. Our parents knew when we left and approximately when we planned to come home, but no expectation of communication. We were on an adventure.
Our son doesn’t travel much but being “off grid” to us for weeks at a time is quite common, even when he was at boarding school where we probably heard from him every other week or so. Since he became an adult, we have zero expectation of communication, so we are thrilled when he does reach out. I’ve never worried about him during the dry communication spells at any age, not sure why, I just don’t. Of course, the Army is his parent now and knows/dictates his whereabouts at all times, so perhaps that’s where my current security comes from.
seriously, we were so stupid back then. There were people though who would’ve contacted my parents had I uncharacteristically disappeared for even a couple days. Fastforward almost 40 years, I would expect to get a short text of some sort from DD upon arrival and maybe 1x/week, even if it was just a “I’m ok, ttyl, luv u,” (the 2022 version of the collect call hangup), BUT I would hope we would’ve established that before she left. She’s the type who would want me know where she is, but not bug her while she’s there 