<p>I think it’s a really smart idea if the kid is working, is the looking for a job, or is still a student in college. It allows them to pay off college debt, save for a down payment on a home, and save for retirement. Returning home to your parents is truly a smart choice. But many kids have no desire to return home and would rather sacrifice money for freedom and independence.</p>
<p>My kids hope they won’t need to move back in with us but know they will always be welcome. I would agree that being self-sufficient would be good for all of us- good for their confidence and self-esteem -and good for us to see they can do it. Our kids do have loans so if staying here allows them to pay those down, it might be the smart financial move. All I can say is expect the unexpected. My mom had a hospitalization and ended up moving in with us 4 months ago. We emptied our first floor office for her since she can’t handle stairs. H’s parents and mentally ill brother are also one unplanned event away from needing help. Although we previously wanted to downsize, that is not currently in the cards.</p>
<p>Maybe that’s the reason I wouldn’t care if my kids moved back home. They’ve been so busy since they were so young, and so productive and working, and whatnot, I never imagine it would be a kid on the couch. It would just be another busy adult I happen to like an awful lot.</p>
<p>However, so far, there is no indication that either of them would move in with us after college. Considering we are moving away from their home town, it would be as much starting over as anywhere else, anyway.</p>
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<p>Why does anyone want to live in something that massive, period? I downsized 5 years ago from about 2000 sf to my current 1200 sf–with two teenagers. So when they move out, the house will be “right-sized” for just me and the dogs (and the kids when they come back to visit). Maybe part of the problem is that some of our kids have accommodations that are so far superior to what they could afford on their own that the incentive to leave just isn’t that great. Let’s see–should I choose the crappy apartment with three roommates and a jerk landlord in a sketchy area, or have the run of Mom and Dad’s house with a spacious bedroom, private bath, well-stocked kitchen and free wifi and cable?</p>
<p>I happen to be one of those parents who have children living at home. My biggest concern is my S. He is 26. He works and pays rent (very low) and must do chores. He does not want to live at home, but doesn’t make enough to move out. He graduated fron a top college with a physics major and a math minor. He could have a much better job but does not look for one.
I guess we should give him a deadline to move out, but it seems he has a mental health issue. He is very bright but has absolutely no ambition or any initiative.</p>
<p>D2 is also at home after graduating May’12. She just finished an internship where a job offer was not an option.</p>
<p>So where I was sad to be an empty nester a few years ago, I now crave it!!</p>
<p>If there were jobs in her field, I can see how D would love to move back home, but I think we’d urge her to move into a place of her own to minimize her tendency toward co-dependency (not a tendency S shares). Who knows? We love our place. It was fine for 4 of us or just 2 of us and will be cozy but do-able if kids visit with their future partners or families.</p>
<p>For two years back in tbe 90’s all three of the girls in my family were back at home. I had just graduated from college and was working a low paying job getting experience in my field before going to Grad school (I was paying rent and personal bills), my sister was attending a CC commuting from home, and my other sister who was older took a risk changing careers and came back home to cut expenses. We were all very independent. My parents loved it I must say. We did all of the laundry, cleaning, and were all together again after years apart. With my parents gone now, those years are fond memories. A little part of childhood recaptured but with adult responsibilities.</p>
<p>S1 never came back home once he left for college (except to visit).
S2 has been living w/ us since he graduated fr. college last year. He works fulltime in a job that requires frequent travel for long periods of time. He’s finally found a potential roommate. Says he will move out in Sept. We really have not minded him living w/ us while saving up to get out on his own.</p>
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I’d have no problem with that … in fact, I’d welcome that.</p>
<p>For those parents in this situation, I’d recommend that book “I’m Still Your Mother: How to get along with your grown-up children for the rest of your life”.</p>
<p>We’ve enjoyed our kids visits with us since they started college, whether they lasted one week, a summer or even six months. Now that H is retired and no longer rises at 5am, M-F, we will enjoy their stats even more! :). If the family finds the situation OK, it can be a very positive thing. </p>
<p>I have a board member who has his grand daughter and her H living (probably rent-free) in a cottage on his property. They have lives there for a few years, as neither has gotten a full time job yet, but both work several part time jobs as they can secure them. Previously the cottage had housed one of his adult S with his family until they could afford their own place. It’s currently a good thing that there are others on the property as the board member and his W are getting frail and going in and out of the hospital. </p>
<p>As I said, housing in HI is very expensive, so its nice when these extended living arrangements can be mutually beneficial.</p>
<p>I do not see anything wrong with an 18-24 year old who is in school living with their parents. I would like to see the percent for the 25-31 age range.</p>
<p>I’d be more curious about the 30-35 year olds. Folks who go to grad school may be recently graduated and still have heavy loans as 24-29 year olds. They really need some independence in their 30s and should be trying for their own space, I’d hope.</p>
<p>the study shows only 16% of 25-31 year olds living at home ( 56% of the younger cohort live at home but this includes college students) and only 18% of college graduates living at home. The job market probably is a big factor in this but it may also be a cultural shift among more recent immigrants.</p>
<p>So many people post here - “If the young adult has a job, saving up money for down payment, being frugal, help out with chores…” then it is ok to live at home. Well, that’s why those young adults need to move out and be on their own. When they live with their parents, they are expected to live within certain confine of their parents’ rules. </p>
<p>What do you mean by being frugal? Not spending $15 on a drink or $100 on a concert ticket or $200 on a pair of jeans? Or do you mean not spending more than $5 on a shirt from goodwill? How many parents wouldn’t feel a kid is being wasteful when there is already dinner on the table and he/she is running out the door to have dinner out with his/her friends?</p>
<p>I think it is important for young adults to be on their own to make their own mistakes and learn from it. If they want to blow $200 on a pair of jeans, they should be able to do that and live with the consequence without their parents nagging at them about it. It’s hard for parents to sit back and watch their grown kids behave differently than they would or have different values. But more often than not, it is hard for parents to draw the line with their own kids, and I personally don’t think it is healthy for parent/adult child relationship when there is no boundary.</p>
<p>We have good friends, whose son has graduated from college with a high paying job. The job happens to be in NYC where the parents live. My girlfriend insisted the son should live at home because they have a 3 bedroom apartment. They treat him like he was still in high school. When we invite them over for dinner, it is assumed the son is invited and he would be expected to attend. My friend would also expect my girls (even D1 who doesn’t live with us any more) to be present, which I think is bizarre. We’ve attended many mutual friends’ events, and their son is always there.</p>
<p>I find this thread so timely. D graduated with no debt, money in the bank (i.e. our dedicated college savings for her minus her savings through scholarship awards, work, etc.) and starting a good job in September. She’s anxious to be on her own, so are we, good relationship, blah, blah, blah - independence is the goal. I also have a sophomore who’s watching this process with an eagle eye:) (an epiphany for him when he realized there’s an end game.)</p>
<p>That said, while I agree with you, oldfort, regarding making “mistakes” there was one girl on a previous thread who somewhat ruefully realized after moving out that she “didn’t realize how much it costs to live.” That really resonated with me. </p>
<p>While D has paid for all her non-essentials for the past four years (and yes, she loves Goodwill aka thrifting) rented an apartment/paid bills with friends, will be independently buying her first car with all the expense, etc. I want her to see and feel how quickly that paycheck gets dinged before she moves out. While she’s smart, I think she will be shocked, and it will, in all likelihood, impact her decision making.</p>
<p>“Would you send a child that was so lacking in initiative away to college and expect that he gets something out of it?”</p>
<p>Lol, believe me, the thought that he might not get much out of it has crossed my mind. He has some initiative because he did manage to get into a top 50 college . . .but let’s just say I have my concerns. But letting him stay home and have mommy take care of him with all the nice luxuries our home affords is definitely NOT the answer. I think he will definitely find the initiative once the money stream is cut off . . .</p>
<p>Oh MaineLonghorn, you really do have extenuating circumstances. I think anyone would open their home to their child in your situation if they were able. I hope your older child is able to heal.</p>
<p>Our kids didn’t work in high school, but we’ve always given them a fairly generous allowance. We weren’t “here is $20” on your way out kind of parents. They got their allowance whether they were good or bad, but they also didn’t get more because of some unforeseen “emergency” either. Out of the allowance they had to prioritize how they wanted to spend the money. D1 liked to keep track of her budget on a spreadsheet. Now as an adult, she is still doing that. She puts set amount of money away, but if she has extra money because of lower expenses that month, she’ll blow it on something frivolous. My kids have very good idea of how much things cost and importance of living within one’s budget.</p>
<p>There are some who travel for their job all week and only need a home base for the weekend. I have friends whose children come home for the weekends or on some weekends visited other places since the companies buy them tickets to a destination for the weekend.</p>
<p>This changes after a few years if they get married or move to other jobs which did not require weekly travel.</p>