<p>Karma? Do unto others?</p>
<p>If my son asks to live in my house, I’d let him willingly. I hope the situation won’t be reversed, but if it ever is, I hope for the same.
(I’d take the cottage 
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<p>During our European travels, we visited with a good friend who is attending college in London. Her boyfriend and most of his peers all live at home. Most of them continue living at home until they marry and sometimes after the vows, too!</p>
<p>There is a huge societal component to kids returning to the nest. In my group, they simply don’t come home but I think all of us would allow it if necessary. Fortunately, it doesn’t seem to be necessary…yet…we’re still got a few more (as a group) to get graduated including 2 of mine. One next year. We shall see, fortunately we also help each other out when there is a floundering graduate and we’re spread all around the country. It takes a village and friendships that last through the decades and generations. Pick up the phone and help each other if needed. Wisdom is something to pass down. There is no shame in telling a friend you’ve got a kid looking for a job. You would do it if you as a parent were looking for a job. Kids don’t learn how to network simply by being conferred a diploma.</p>
<p>I distinctly remember my father asking me if I wanted him to make a few phone calls when i graduated. I turned him down and did it on my own. Took awhile and a large move several states away as it was in the middle of a depression or recession…who can remember…but I would have played that card if i needed to and my kids would do the same if I offered and they needed the help.</p>
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<p>That’s why we don’t want S to move back in the first place! He’s known for months that he would be responsible for his own living expenses as of the end of July, but he didn’t start seriously looking for a job until last week. We’ve offered to lend him the deposit and first month’s rent when he finds an apartment, but he doesn’t think he should have to pay us back. Nice try, kid. Apparently he has to be dragged, kicking and screaming, into adulthood.</p>
<p>I have a Mcmansion, thank goodness, with lots of bathrooms. I have two grandmoms and a young adult living with us along with the college kid in the summer and the high schooler. In this area, a lot of young adults living with parents. The rents are high. COL is high. If you want to save for something, do something extra, that’s it, since the rents are so high. </p>
<p>DH has a lot of young people working for him at what are great salaries anywhere else. They have to scrimp to even begin to enjoy a bit of living in the NYC area because so much can eat your costs. Have kids and that’s really an issue.</p>
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<p>We have “failure to thrive” as a diagnosis for babies, maybe since “we, as a nation” are so fond of medical labels for things failure to thrive should be expanded to include recent college graduates who seem paralyzed…and I say that with empathy and humor not as a jab.</p>
<p>Yes. I’m going to still be living with my parents in a few months when I’m 18. Since I’ll still be in high school I don’t understand why that would be included in the survey.</p>
<p>This is a topic that my mom says often comes up with her friends. She lives in a retirement community in the south. Many of her friends have grandchildren who are living at home or with another relative because they are having difficulty finding a job after their graduation from college. Count my son among those young people, and yes, he is trying to find something in his field. So he took an internship (unpaid) for the summer while living at home. To bring in some money to offset his debts, he plans to work as a substitute teacher in the local schools. It is not big money, but it pays the bills. The flexibility that subbing offers is that he can continue to look for a full-time job and study for the LSAT. Does he really want to be home? No, and we understand. Is he glad he is on my insurance? Yes, because he had major surgery about two months ago. While living at home, there are expectations, and never does he balk when asked to help out with household things. He knows it is part of being in a family.</p>
<p>I do feel so badly for today’s college graduates. The job market is just horrible for them. It’s really no wonder that kids come home to live. I just don’t think I could let mine come home because I do feel like if the pressure was off, he might not really give a job search all he’s got. However, I will help him out to get him on his feet. Just not in my house because that’s just a little too comfortable with meals, laundry, etc. etc. I hope the job market turns around before he graduates . . .</p>
<p>As with everything, I think kids living at home is entirely situational and depends on that family’s dynamics. Yes, of course there are kids living at home who are on the couch, doing nothing with no plans of doing anything. However, there may be kids living at home with parents for a variety of other reasons:</p>
<p>In some cultures it is not unusual for unmarried children to live at home with their parents after college and even working until they get married.</p>
<p>I have friends who have working kids living in their homes while paying off student debt </p>
<p>I have friends with working kids living in their homes who are saving for weddings</p>
<p>I have friends with working kids living at home because the family decided instead of the kid paying rent, that the kid should stay for a year, bank the rent (which could easily be in the thousands living in NYC) for a nice down payment on something that will be theirs.</p>
<p>There are kids living at home with parents because the parent/student may need the support of their family; parent/child is ill, has lost a job, etc.</p>
<p>Kids living at home does not necessarily have to be a bad thing. We have 3 or 4 mother/daughter homes on our block where the elderly moms are no longer with us. It would seem to make perfect sense for their adult kid to use the apartment rather than go pay rent.</p>
<p>I agree there are many reasons kids live at home and there is no one explanation that fits all those statistics. I do think for kids that are home due to their lack of income there has to be some kind of reasonable timetable for them to achieve their independence. It is unhealthy for both the parents and child for the situation to drag on indefinitely.</p>
<p>A lot of Europeans are able to live at home because they are able to find jobs near home. Most European kids also go to schools close to home. Americans, in general, do no have the culture of finding jobs close by home. We tend to go where the jobs are, therefore it is more important for us to raise kids who could be self sufficient and supporting. Having a good credit report is part of our personal asset (bad credit, no job and no loans), so it is important for us to teach our kids to pay on time and manage budget very early on.</p>
<p>D is living with us having graduated in May. She works in New Haven about 20 minutes away. She asked if she could live at home and save money. Made sense to us - why move out and lose $$ on rent.
H travels weekly for business so it’s great to have her around. I don’t put any demands on her time and we get along very, very well. She has a pretty good social life here but not nearly as busy as college.
S is coming back home after 2 years working in China. He’ll stay with us until he lands a job but I don’t expect that he’ll be here for long.</p>
<p>In China, many young people are living in “ant cities” similar to dorms or hostels. There is a disconnect between education attained and employment available.</p>
<p>It is very disturbing regarding the incidence of mental and physical health issues related by some on this forum. After all the years of being overachievers, receiving accolades, scholarships, and trophies, perhaps our children find the real world a much different place than they had imagined. Time becomes much more structured, the pathway to success is not well marked, spousal and familial obligations loom, doors start closing behind them, and positive external reinforcement ceases. Perhaps some are “burned out” after reaching Everest base camp. I expect many more studies will be conducted about this millennial generation with some unpleasant conclusions for well-intentioned baby boomers.</p>
<p>Here is a link to a news piece about the Chinese alternative:</p>
<p>[China’s</a> slow economy forces college grads to live in “ant colonies” - CBS News](<a href=“http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18563_162-57593401/chinas-slow-economy-forces-college-grads-to-live-in-ant-colonies/]China’s”>http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18563_162-57593401/chinas-slow-economy-forces-college-grads-to-live-in-ant-colonies/)</p>
<p>AlmaPater, </p>
<p>I agree with your comments. I have one of those kids that was a high achiever who experienced a significantly serious life setback recently. It has triggered depression, and already had OCD. It is not what I expected for him and not sonething we ever saw coming. I have no idea what is next for him. It is rough.</p>
<p>Woody, my son who was working 40-50 minutes away in CT stayed home and saved a LOT of money during his internship and summer jobs. He hopes to get a full time job in his field for the Fall but either way, if it’s close, I told him if he wants to pay an apartment fine, if he wants to stay a year and hit the loans or save more, that’s okay too. He is no trouble at all, helps out, etc. He put a small dent in his loans (not in repayment until Fall) also.
I think it depends on your child and their habits, but in our extended family, we were lucky…most students had to live home for a while but it wasn’t a big issue, one niece got a job/apartment in DC right away and was broke but independent. : )
I am just glad I could help out, if my child is doing everything possible to get a job and I know that, I would never give them a time period, only if they were lazy and unproductive.</p>
<p>A kid on one of the College and University Forums PM’d me about a book that his mom gave him that changed his life. It’s called “The Defining Decade: Why yout twenties matter - and how to make the most of them now” by Meg Jay, PhD. It is sort of a diagnostic handbook for some of the specific complaints of young adults. I have bought copies for my S, nephew and 2 nieces. When my D turns 21 I will also give her a copy. I obviously like the book and highly recommend it.</p>
<p>Meg Jay did a Ted talk recently. I haven’t bought the book yet, but am thinking about it.</p>