<p>Hi guys, I'm applying for a Summer College program at Cornell (either Business, or "Genius and Madness in Literature)</p>
<p>The first question seems a bit awkward, as I'm not exactly sure how they want me to list my interests. Here it is:</p>
<p>Briefly list your three most significant interests and activities, including any employment or volunteer work experience. Note the time you devote to each activity, during which grades you participated, and your main responsibilities. Describe why one of these interests or activities is so important to you, your reasons for becoming involved in it, and your related accomplishments.</p>
<p>Here is my response:</p>
<p>My three most significant interests or activities are unquestionably playing soccer, volunteering with my youth group, and writing. I am a fervent soccer player, and played as a keeper at the JV level my Freshman and Sophomore years,moving up to be the varsity starter this past season. I have volunteered with my youth group since 7th grade, and have been part of an annual service trip to Tennessee these past 4 summers, totaling over 150 hours of building roofs, porches, and stairs for impoverished families.
However, the activity I am most passionate about is writing. I have been an active member of the school newspaper since my Freshman year. In addition, I won third place in the school wide World History Research Paper competition as a sophomore, and received a perfect score of 8 on my school’s Junior Writing Exam. I write because there is something strangely satisfying about looking at a piece of paper and seeing my own voice clearly ringing through the page. To me, a naturally introverted person, writing is a way to state exactly what I am thinking, without being inhibited by my shyness. It is obvious to me that my writing skills will be an invaluable tool no matter what my career path, as being able to effectively communicate my ideas even if I am not face to face with a person is a paramount skill in any number of fields. In summation, writing is my passion because it not only compensates for my natural timidness, it is also directly applicable in the real world.</p>
<p>This draft is 11 words over, and I’m still not even sure if I did what they wanted me to do… also I’m a junior so I don’t really have much experience writing these kind of application essays. Any suggestions or editing would be much appreciated! :D</p>
<p>When you go to write your college essay, don’t post it in the forums. Read the suggestions and warnings pinned at the top of the forum. The essay is good and addresses the prompt just right.</p>
<p>When you edit. The first easy thing to do is to remove words that are not needed, like ‘unquestionably’. I removed at least 11 words. I removed the redundant last sentence as you don’t need to summarize a statement you made only a sentence ago. tAlso ‘timidness’ is not a word. yw.</p>
<p>Playing soccer, volunteering with my youth group, and writing are most significant to me. I am a fervent soccer player, and played as a keeper at the JV level my Freshman and Sophomore years, moving up to varsity starter this past season. I have volunteered with my youth group since 7th grade, and have been part of an annual service trip to Tennessee for 4 summers, totaling over 150 hours of building roofs, porches, and stairs for impoverished families.</p>
<p>However, the activity I am most passionate about is writing. I have been an active member of the school newspaper since my Freshman year. I won third place in the school wide World History Research Paper competition as a sophomore, and received a perfect score of 8 on my school’s Junior Writing Exam. I write because there is something strangely satisfying about looking at a piece of paper and seeing my own voice clearly ringing through the page. To me, a naturally introverted person, writing is a way to state exactly what I am thinking, without being inhibited by my shyness. It is obvious to me that my writing skills will be an invaluable tool no matter what my career path, as being able to effectively communicate my ideas even if I am not face to face with a person is a paramount skill in any field. </p>
<p>Is there any other place in the admission where you can talk about what you’ve achieved in your extracurriculars? I personally don’t like a huge list of achievements in an essay, but if that’s what it’s meant for then I guess it’s fine. I also think that instead of giving so many details of your achievements, it would be more emotional if you talk more about why you love doing those things. Incorporate a unique voice and emotions would really take your essay to another level.</p>
<p>Yeah, see the problem is that they only want me to elaborate on one of those three, which i thought was weird… I’m in an odd situation right now because I’m at my grandparents’ house without Microsoft Word, so I can’t actually put a document on online application, and it doesn’t let you move on until you actually fill in a document, which is really annoying. Thanks for the feedback though! I’ll definitely be looking at where I can mention extracurriculars once I see the other essays in the application.</p>
<p>I disagree with the last opinion you got. That person is thinking more of a college admissions essay. This is for a summer program, right? They asked you to write specific things in a certain way and you did that. There isn’t word count left for anything else.</p>
<p>Tip: if you use Google Drive you can access and update your document no matter where you are. You can also share the document, read only or read and write permission with someone else.</p>
<p>I would follow the directions and elaborate on only one interest. </p>
<p>One of my daughter’s scholarship applications stressed very emphatically that anyone who did not follow the directions would not be considered. This went so far as not having the pages in the proper order. Better to play it safe.</p>
<p>I would make a couple of changes – “strangely satisfying” is sort of an odd phrase… it is satisfying, but what is strange about it? I would find a different word, or just say it is satisfying.</p>
<p>Also, I would not describe yourself as “timid” even if you are. I actually think one reference to being introverted is enough… going on about “shyness” and “timidness” leaves the reader with the impression that you can’t communicate face to face. Now… maybe you can’t. But I wouldn’t bring this to the fore. However… that is a central point of your answer. So I think you may want to examine why you like to write from more different angles than just that one.</p>