My H just left his office to drive out to his parents, FIL is declining quickly. Hospice had started, the Ativan and morphine, last rites yesterday. H will spend the night because they live alone (96 and 95). His sisters will fly in/drive in this week. Our 20 year old went to Spain with my sister’s family last week instead of flying home, she hasn’t seen him since august, the rest of us were out last weekend (live an hour away). My kids think their grandparents walk on water, I hope she never feels guilty. I think I’m going to ask H to FaceTime her while he’s there, she will be shocked at his appearance but I think it’s best?
My mom became suddenly ill one day and was gone by the night. When things became apparent (to us) that she wasn’t likely to survive I got one sib on the phone and one sib on Facetime. I (and they) don’t regret doing it at all - even though it was very, very hard. Just keep all words loving and if possible have them share a smile - that would be a wonderful thing for your FIL to see, his families smiles. <3
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I just called both of them and they’re going to FaceTime. Ironically my daughter’s roommate just returned from a trip home, she went to say goodbye to her grandfather who was taken off of life support. Thank you.
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Hope the Facetime works out. If not, even a phone call can be meaningful.
I feel like my mother, in hospice in early days of covid, really appreciated the phone calls from the 4 distant grandchildren. After the local one visited, she accepted accepted morphine (1/4 doses)… died 2days later. But she really rallied for that time with the grandkids.
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He wasn’t able to speak when we visited (breathing issues), so I sent him a whiteboard, but hopefully is able to communicate. I was there when my mom passed in her home, fortunately we had hospice and meds, her best friend from childhood who is a PA, and a live in who I hired at the last minute (who we kept on for my dad since he had Alzheimer’s, turned out she was a wacko but ended up staying over 2 years). I may have the other kids FaceTime if he’s up to it, I only have 1 at home now.
@compmom: I’m so sorry for the loss of your father when you were so young. Relatives often have a very hard time dealing with a suicide. I think therapy could be extremely useful to you.
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Whiteboard is a great idea. Good job thinking creatively during a tough time.
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their mom had so little ability to cope that my friend just “stepped up” becoming the perfect student, perfect sister, perfect child and in many ways, the emotional adult in the family. As an adult, she comes across as exceptionally capable and resilient.
@gardenstategal. exactly! And that perfect daughter continued into caregiving my mother. I honestly didn’t dare look at anything- father’s death or trauma we suffered from my mother, because I needed to take care of her. My bereavement counselor really helped me see this is an opportunity for growth.
@Mjkacmom once the morphine and ativan start, it is often hard to communicate with the person. I hope you all have a peaceful experience and the Facetiming will help avoid regrets. Sending thoughts your way.
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@compmom I’m so sorry you went through that with your father as such a young person. Having no support or direction while processing your grief had to be horrible. The fact that you were able to care for your mom through everything for years is remarkable. I hope a therapist can help you work through all the thoughts, feelings, and pain that will inevitably come to the surface. {hugs}
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Have you considered a support group specifically for grief related to suicide? People are more open about that as a cause of deathand you might be able to find a group or even a forum of others who are processing this very specific kind of loss. I don’t think it matters how long it has been or age. One of my best friends’ brother died from suicide decades ago and she is still coping with the fallout at times.
I wish you peace on the journey, and time to spare for yourself. You have been through a lot –
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I guess I’m mostly grieving that dementia stole large parts of my folks well before each of them passed. I miss them but really miss the people they were decades ago rather than the people they were when they died.
I’m relieved they were spared prolonged suffering and that all of us kids continue to get along.
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Just an update, FIL passed peacefully, he never regained consciousness from last night. My sister in law should be pulling up to his house any minute, didn’t make it in time. I’m glad my daughter got to FaceTime with him yesterday.
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Peace to you and your family.
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Condolences to you and your family. I’m so sorry for your loss but happy your D got to say her goodbyes. Sending cyber hugs!
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So glad your FIL passed peacefully. Best wishes for peace (and stamina) to the family in the coming weeks.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing.
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I’m so sorry for your loss.
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Oh , so sad for you and your family. Even when it is expected, it is always hard to bear. Take good care of each other and stick together. These next weeks are tough.
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I’m glad he went peacefully. So sorry for your loss.
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I"m sorry for your loss. Your daughter will always remember her Facetime with him.
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