Lynnski, you sound like an smart, aware parent 
I just want to add a few thoughts that haven’t been mentioned.
College is treated differently than high school in terms of accommodations because technically it is not compulsory. That is why the Americans with Disabilities Act is the main driver, not IDEA.
Colleges do not have to accommodate if it poses an administrative or financial burden, or if the accommodations substantially change the academic program. This is of course open to interpretation and does land in the courts.
I think people are relying way too much on disabilities offices here. Understand that at some schools, the function of those offices is to protect the school legally- and protect its curriculum (“guard dog of the curriculum” as one person put it).
In our experience at several schools and dealing with several categories of disability, the disabilities office will require documentation (and I wrote the letter, with a list of accommodations from my own research, and then had a professional sign- all professionals appreciated this), and then provide the student with letters to give each professor. Then accommodations are discussed with the professor.
Some schools will list accommodations on the letter, and some will only write that the student is registered with a disability and then negotiations happen with the professor.
So…in our experience it is OTHER people on campus who provide the real support. If one of my kids had a seizure, the dean wrote professors an email that said “You MUST provide extra time to this student.” A therapist or advisor may intervene too. In one case, the dean, advisor and disabilities officer were all on one committee and recommended a reduced courseload for this daughter with wonderful results. So there can be kindness within the formal system too.
I personally think it is almost impossible to predict what school will work well. You can talk to the DO but I don’t think that really gives the full flavor of what can be done at a particular school. We ran into more understanding at a supposedly cutthroat Ivy than an small artsy LAC- perhaps because they have more money and staff, perhaps because they want to keep their stellar graduation rate! (There are agendas other than helping kids that can work in your favor!)
Sometimes it even depends on individuals that you deal with. Maybe a dean or professor has a kid with ADHD for instance! No way to know that in advance
Landmark College can recommend coaches who will work from a distance, online and by phone. If you can afford it , that might help the first year. They also have a summer program to prepare kids, and maybe even a year-long prep program. Check their website.
My kid with ADHD also had bipolar 1, and cannot take meds for attention. Very destabilizing. She does occasionally take a relatively gentle one, but only rarely. She is smart and insightful. What worked for her in the end was leaving traditional residential college, getting an apartment with friends, working (work organizes her, it really does) and taking classes p/t through an adult learner program aka continuing ed. She is almost done her junior year. She works with autistic kids and her own experiences make her very empathetic. This is NOT a disaster story but a wonderful one of her following a path that works.
My other kid has several serious medical issues. She is almost done a doctorate. It has been a hard road though with some extraordinarily understanding and kind people along the way.
For both of them, accepting accommodations was difficult. I have explained the concept of “level playing field” over and over, as have their advisors. Kids’ reluctance to accept accommodations is one of the biggest challenges.
That said, I do believe that kids earn respect by taking responsibility. If my kid with medical issues was sick, and given two week to get an assignment in, she would do it in two days if she could. If things got bad enough so that she needed accommodations often, she took a medical leave twice. She did not burden the school and I believe she got more support as a result, not less.
Be reasonable, but firm. Documentation is important and provide your own list to the professionals writing letters.
Small thing: single rooms can be helpful but are isolating in freshman year, and cause gossip at some schools since everyone wonders why you have it.
Protecting the transcript is important. Withdrawing from classes before the deadline or even taking a W instead of an F. Taking a medical leave if appropriate, which can mean wiping grades.
Oh- and get tuition refund insurance. But check and see if ADHD/EF is covered. It IS brain-based so it should be!
Things do tend to work out over time. Maybe I’m a polyanna here and I don’t mean to discount the challenges. It has been an honor to be on CC and hear about what some kids, whose parents posted like you some years ago, have accomplished.