Talking about Finances with Parents

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<p>I think that your parents did not report it, because the FAFSA does ask about money given to you from others and monies paid on your/your parents behalf, which should be untaxed income.</p>

<p>I am curious to know if Op’s parents have all this money, how did he end up with a 6K EFC? I am quite sure that the CSS Profile asks about cars you own. Did they omit the 60k cars?</p>

<p>But hey, I digress.</p>

<p>If you already know how your parents are (begrudge us small necessities, very little money for Christmas, birthdays, or other holidays, etc). But still you applied to ~55k/year school to which you are attending through he generosity of the tax payers (federal aid) and other people’s parents (the institutional aid that you have received in need based financial aid). If you have to come up with 6k and your parents are not going to pay your only options are to work, work 2 jobs if you have to or if you have not exhausted your stafford loans, borrow the 5500. I know that you seem adverse to taking out loans because you want to go to grad school, however, you can’t get to grad school until you finish college. So right now, you need to deal with the here and now and borrow the money to finish college and cross the grad school bridge later (as there are many ways to fund grad school - you could end up having grad school paid by your employer).</p>

<p>This is probably a more affordable option than the 4 year public university in your home town where if they do not give large amounts of merit aid, you would only be eligible for federal/state aid. Take your pick.</p>

<p>While college is a social and a moral obligation, you can’t make them pay if it is not their desire to do so. At the end of the day, if you don’t come up with the money, you will not be able to go to school.</p>

<p>OK, OP define “very little money” for gifts. What cars did they buy? How do you know how much money they have? Have you seen bank statements?</p>

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Famous last words.</p>

<p>OP, you’ve gotten pretty good advice above. Have a frank discussion with your parents, but don’t expect much. Figure out your other options, and move on them. Take loans if you have to, and economize as much as you can. You may have to work for a few years before you can think about grad school–that’s not a tragedy. Don’t look for too much sympathy from others, because (a) some people will always feel that your parents owe you nothing and (b) plenty of people have it a lot worse than you do!</p>

<p>I always hate it when people become too critical when a young person come here for advise. There are many ways for people to hide income and asset. There is no need to give OP third degree about her parents’ money. It is what it is. Based on reported family income, she is able to get substantial aid at Emory. OP didn’t create the situation, her parents did and she is living with it. </p>

<p>The issue here is OP and her sibling is left with paying for a lot of basic necessities themselves. As stated by OP, she has been working and doing everything she could to be self supporting. Every penny she makes just maks her EFC go up, which doesn’t help her situation. A way around it is to do cash only work - babysitting, tutoring.</p>

<p>OP - your situation sucks and I don’t think what your parents are doing is right, it will come back to bite them. I hope it is because they are ignorant, not because they are selfish. As stated by other posters, there isn’t much you could do, unless you just want to come flat out to ask for $X/mon from them because …do a spreadsheet for them to show them why you need that much money. They probably will say no. As far as graduate school, there are many majors which are funded, most professional schools like MBA, law school, medical are not. You may need to work for few years before you go to graduate school.</p>

<p>Hope your parents’ savings will be enough to support them.</p>

<p>oldfort–the problem is, the attitude of this poster just cries entitlement so yes, I am critical. The OP may be paying for basic necessities, but where is that money coming from to begin with? What does he consider “basic necessities”? How do you know the situation “sucks” without hard figures. I am sure our kids think we don’t “fund them properly” because we don’t buy them everything they want and yes, we do make them earn money to buy some extras, not because we can’t but because we choose to teach them the value of the dollar. I specifically asked about the gift money because in past threads about Christmas presents, there is a HUGE difference in what is considered a “good” gift–some people think dropping $2000/kid on Christmas is “underfunding” them too.</p>

<p>Again, what is a lot of money to an 18 year old is vastly different from that of a family who is paying large medical bills while on disability and have to stretch those dollars out for 30 or 40 more years.</p>

<p>I think when a student is paying for food, that’s basic necessity. I do agree that there a lot of kids feel entitled, and I am reflecting on that abut my own kids. Now those parents could be going out to eat because of their disability, but if my kid was home, I would have invited my kid along (or maybe OP could have cooked for them). But I don’t see this as an iPad, iPone, Mac kind of kid.</p>

<p>No matter what the real situation is, it appears there is a lot of resentment and that’s a shame. There are a lot of less wealthy families and the kids are working 2 or 3 jobs to pay for school, but there is no resentment because they know their parents are doing all they could for them. I have been blessed to be able to have good paying jobs to help my kids, but if necessary, I would have scrubbed floors to make sure my kids had money to pay for college. There are a lot of parents like that.</p>

<p>OP, here are a few thoughts.</p>

<p>If you do want to talk to them, put together a spreadsheet that shows your expenses and income so they can see the gap. Numbers are really helpful. If there is something specific you want (for example, $1,000 to help cover food and living expenses), ask them directly for that amount with some numbers to back up why you have that gap.</p>

<p>Consider selling your car once you get through the summer (assuming you need it to get to work this summer). Maintenance, insurance, and gas eat up a lot of expenses. My older D just graduated from college and has never owned a car. I do have an old car with 165,000 miles on it that she drove while home for the summer for the last two years of college, but she did not have a car at school. And through her sophomore year she had no wheels of her own at home or at school. She took the bus, rode with friends, rode with me, etc. She just moved to DC for a new job, and does not plan to own a car for the first few years she lives there.</p>

<p>What kind of grad school do you want to attend? Give some serious consideration to majoring in something where you either can have grad school paid for via stipends, OR something where you will make enough money in your career afterwards to handle loans.</p>

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<p>However, if what the OP says is true about previous discussions during application season, the parents were not exactly forthcoming about financial limitations in advance, possibly implying a greater ability and willingness to contribute (“we’ll figure it out”) than they actually had, possibly creating an overpromise and underdeliver situation, which is bad all around. Yes, the OP was probably naive about this possibility at the time…</p>

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<p>Which is why I asked for specifics like what do they do when the parents go out to eat, where the the money coming from to pay for these “necessities”, etc. If you asked my kids if they bought food for the family at times they would probably say yes…but you didn’t ask where that money came from–money we put on their debit cards for them to use to buy those groceries. It’s all in how you ask the questions.</p>

<p>You mentioned that one (or both?) of your parents has a doctorate? I find it sad that they won’t support your educational pursuits. But, it is what it is. Doesnt sound like they are open to discussing it. So move to plan B.</p>

<p>Honestly, they are not required to pay for your education at all. That’s on you. You should be glad that you got alot of financial aid, not many people do. Be wise with your financial & academic choices in college and you should be fine. </p>

<p>They are not being unreasonable. It is NOT unreasonable for parents to have their students take out loans for college costs. It’s rather normal actually. College isn’t free people! (how is this suprising actually?). </p>

<p>If I were a parent, I would have my students take out loans for their expenses (and advise them to consider community college), and then if they don’t get a good paying job after college, help them out then. If they get a good job, then they’re responsible for their pmts. </p>

<p>And $6K a year is very doable with student loans & working summers & part time jobs. </p>

<p>If you think it is too much, you could easily go to CC for your 2nd semester & 2nd year, and then come back to your school after that. Or take a gap year somewhere, especially if you can get a relevant job/internship during that gap.</p>

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<p>That by itself is not unreasonable.</p>

<p>What is unreasonable is if the parents allowed the student to have too high expectations about the parents’ contribution (“we’ll figure it out”) and then came up short after decisions have been made (overpromise and underdeliver). Of course, the student’s naivete contributed to this situation.</p>

<p>The lesson for the parents: make the cost constraints clear to the student before the application list is made. Avoid overpromising and underdelivering.</p>

<p>The lesson for the students: if your parents are vague about cost constraints, or if there is uncertainty them (e.g. your parents’ job(s) are in danger), be sure to include very low net cost schools in your application list that will be affordable even with the most pessimistic family financial situation and financial aid offers.</p>

<p>“colorado_mom–that is not true at all. I know many kids that are paying for their own education through a lot of hard work, summer jobs and private scholarships, add in merit aid from various schools and college can be affordable for kid” - Ah true with scholarship for some of the top kids. But full rides are scarce, and full tuition scholarship still leave room/board/fee/travel totals of up to $15K/year. Parents reading these threads (especially those new to the process) need to know that.</p>

<p>colorado-mom–I never said full rides, nor did I even say full tuition. Kids that work at it can accumulate scholarships to cover costs. Almost every school around here gives generous merit aid for above average students–not tippy top, but good students. I know of no student that has graduated in the past several years that is paying full price anywhere because they got scholarships either from the college or private sources. I know this is not the case everywhere but around here, we have pages and pages of local and state private scholarships for kids to earn, plus any national ones around, etc. One school our DD is looking at has already offered her $4000 just to be in the band. The money is out there–just not at Harvard, Yale, etc. :D.</p>

<p>Most parents I know, not just on CC, do pay their EFC and plus more. I personally do not know any parent who do not make sure their kids have money for room and board. I certainly think it is bizarre for parents to go out to dinner regularly and leave their kids (even adult kids) at home to fend for themselves. I wouldn’t even do that to my house guests.</p>

<p>oldfort–if you go out to dinner with friends do you really make meals for your kids to eat while you are gone? Sorry, that is the treat in going out to eat, you don’t have to cook. Our kids are perfectly capable of making a meal for themselves. I guess I find it bizarre that a parent feels the need to make a meal for grown children if they are going out.</p>

<p>No, you are missing the point. This is not the case parents going out to eat for special occassions, this is the case where parents go out to eat all the time and leaving OP at home. </p>

<p>We eat together as a family all the time. H and I go out to eat by ourselves with friends and for special occassions, and we leave our kids at home.</p>

<p>This is what OP wrote:

Who makes their high school kid pay for groceries? We all ate whatever we could afford together as a family.</p>

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<p>Yeah, H would often do it because they liked his cooking.</p>

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You didn’t know my parents but they provided no funding at all for me through college. I took out loans to pay for tuition and worked a lot to support myself during college and relatively speaking it was more costly than the OP is facing with the relatively small tuition the OP is facing. It never actually occurred to me that my parents would or should pay for college and I have no animosity towards them for not doing so. </p>

<p>I think there are quite a lot of parents who don’t pay anything for their kid’s college or support during it, especially parents who never went to college themselves. You might not know any but I think there are a lot. I’m not saying it’s preferable but certainly it exists and the kids need to just work with what they have or don’t have to make it all work and that usually involves loans and jobs.</p>

<p>I don’t think there is much OP could do, she needs to make the best of it. </p>

<p>My parents also didn’t pay much for me. I had to work 20+ hours a week when I was in college. But they paid whatever they could, it wasn’t the case of they were living well and I was left to pay for my own food. My mother worked at a sewing factory to help to pay for our tuitions.</p>