Teenage angst plus rambling

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

I’m a freshman in a public high school, immigrant parents (but I was born here) first-gen, Southeast Asian.
I’ve heard every joke in the world about emo teens and and privileged kids think they have it the worst.
While I do agree to an extent, it got complicated when I saw these patterns in myself.
I was in middle school when I found that I wasn’t performing at the level I wanted (two B’s in seventh) and I became “depressed” and “anxious.” Someone thought I was so crazy that they put me in a hospital. Twice.
I feel guilty about it because more often than not, there were kids who went through way more than I did (drug abuse, foster care, divorced parent etc.)
Freshman year comes. I’m doing a little better, but as college looms like a dark cloud over my head, I have some of those doubts about my intelligence.

Here are the things I do in my life that seem good:

Take Biology on-campus, Algebra 2/Trig and a world language at homeschool. I currently have an A+ in biology, but I hear freshman grades don’t matter.

I love science! It’s the only thing close to an EC I have. Thanks to inspiration from a microscope I earned by doing chores, I (kind of) self-study college level introductory biology and chemistry (I want to say OChem but I don’t want to seem like a poser), if I maintain my current schedule, I will have 208 hours of studying in the books. Not a lot but given that I don’t have the books at home, I’d say it’s average.

Was in the gifted talented program, although it’s only called that in elementary and it probably doesn’t matter.

Things in my life that are bad:

Not at school full time.

No friends (social media and otherwise) lol.

No EC’s (I might be joining AcaDeca).

Have lotsa therapy.

Known as that one tryhard Asian in Biology as a result of my studying.

Also doesn’t like tryhard Asians (I do respect their work though).

Sorry to ramble, but I have no idea what I’m doing and I would like an opinion on what I should be doing in high school. I don’t mind if you are absolutely ruthless, I just want an opinion.

2

While you’re definitely gifted in the biology and math subjects, you simply cannot succeed in high school without the other subjects. Social science classes are also extremely important in high school. Such classes include economics, history, psychology, etc. World languages are also an important factor in high school. Most high schools learn Spanish or French, but perhaps you can learn a language online (a good site is Duolingo). While you do have a depth of knowledge in two subjects, you will need to expand your horizons to the other subjects. Who knows, maybe you’ll be at them as well.

As for your ECs, you need to get some but since you’re just a freshman, you shouldn’t worry about it too much. Try to keep the college courses going, but also try to add some other classes to round out your high school experience.

Best of luck!

3

I think you should take care of your mental health first and foremost. Don’t feel guilty about this, people don’t have to survive terrible things to have mental health issues, it’s largely brain chemistry as you’re probably aware. When you feel you’re up to it, go out and find people with whom you can share your passion. Self-study is good but in biology and chemistry labs are important. There can also be all kinds of ECs around this, including research, as well as other ones to branch out a bit. And you’ll need English and social science classes to even apply to college.

Oh, and stop applying labels to yourself and ignore those who do. You’re not a “tryhard Asian”, you’re a unique human being trying to find yourself as human beings are wont to do.

4

Agree that taking sciences in an environment where you can have labs is important. Hopefully you can do that. Self studying is good for its own sake, but can be challenging to list as an EC. Can you get involved in any kind of club or sport, or start doing volunteer work?

5

  1. Work on your mental health. If you had diabetes then you would get it under control, medicated, and then work on returning to school. Mental illness is no different. Also don’t think “well others are worse off’…oh you only lost a leg? Don’t care, that guy lost two legs.” There is no competition. Sometimes people are hospitalized because they kind of need a “reset” on their behavior…what parents/doctors are doing isn’t working so they try something else.

  2. Freshman grades matter…some people take longer to “bloom”…but don’t slack off because you hear they don’t matter.

  3. Talk to your therapist about opportunities for making friends. Are you in some community homeschool group? If not, can your parents help you find one?

  4. Try to not listen to what i call the "anxiety monster’. He is sitting on your shoulder talking about tryhard Asians. He is not telling you to reach out to classmates to ask about homework/form study group/do homework together. He is telling you are a failure because you got two “B’s” in 7th grade. Don’t listen to him.