<p>Dbate, you sound to me like you’re under so much self-imposed pressure, and under so much stress because you’re gay despite being brought up in a religion that tells you (falsely) that it’s wrong, that you’re going to implode if you don’t ease up on yourself a little. And seek counseling.</p>
<p>There’s nothing wrong with a 3.45 GPA at Yale, even if it doesn’t improve. What’s the average GPA there? It must be lower than that, even with the so-called grade inflation. At the University of Chicago, where my son is in his second year, I think he told me that the average is a 3.2 or 3.3. And that he knows nobody at all who has anything higher than a 3.8 or so, no matter what their major. (His is a point or two below that, but he’s still very happy with how he’s doing, especially given all the science/math requirements at Chicago. Of course, he isn’t planning to go to medical or law school, but getting into a good graduate program in art history isn’t necessarily so easy either. But worrying about that now won’t help him, and it certainly won’t help you.)</p>
<p>In any event, you will get into medical school. Keep reminding yourself of that. As well as of the old joke that goes “Q: What do you call the person who graduated last in their class at medical school? A: Doctor.” </p>
<p>If your level of stress goes down, your grades will improve. Look. When I was a freshman at Yale, lo these many years ago, I had 2 B’s and 3 A’s in my 5 courses in my first semester. I was very disappointed. But things improved for me. I had a total of only 2 more B’s during the rest of my time at Yale, graduated Phi Beta Kappa (top 10%), and went to Harvard Law School. (By the way, if you decided to go to law school and wanted to shoot for the hardest place to get in, that would actually be Yale, because the entering class is so much smaller. Yale Law School was my first choice, but I only made the waiting list. I survived, and so will you if you don’t get into Harvard Medical or Law School.)</p>
<p>Did I work any harder during the rest of my time in college than I had the first semester? Not really. But I was happier personally, and under a lot less stress, after freshman year. (I didn’t get along with my freshman year roommate, and had a difficult time adjusting to life away from home.)</p>
<p>Which is why, in order to relieve some of the stress you’re under, you need to learn not only to accept the fact that you’re gay, but, even more importantly, to accept that it isn’t something you can change, and accept that there’s nothing wrong with it. And perhaps, someday, to be proud of it. You’ll be miserable until you can manage that. I can’t imagine how my son would be coping at the University of Chicago if he were coming out to himself only in college, instead of when he was 12 or 13. The first year of college is difficult enough without having to deal with that. </p>
<p>Although you’re way ahead of me. I knew in my heart that I was transsexual when I first heard the term, at the age of 9 or 10 (and had known that I should have been a girl many years before that). But I spent almost 40 years hating myself and being ashamed of myself because of it, and telling myself it couldn’t possibly be true that I was such an awful, repulsive, freakish being. Finally, I accepted that it was true. And that this was who I was and had always been, and that I couldn’t change it (since 40 years of attempted suppression of my true self had been a miserable failure). But it took a long time after that before I accepted that there was nothing wrong with it. And I’m not sure I’ll ever be proud of it; what I’m proud of, if anything, is how far I’ve come in self-acceptance.</p>
<p>What I went through is no way to live. Please do something now to start the process of true self-acceptance. Get counseling. Don’t be afraid or ashamed of associating with “those people” – people like you – and start going to LGBT social events, or meetings of LGBT organizations. The more people like yourself you meet, and the more you realize that they’re just people, no better or worse than anyone, the easier it may be to accept yourself. That’s more important by far than worrying about your grades.</p>
<p>I wish you well.</p>
<p>PS: I do hope you don’t vent too much to your fellow students about your “awful” grades. When I was at Yale, I’m sorry to say that pre-meds in general had the reputation of being horrible grade grubbers, and were both looked down upon and made fun of because of that. Don’t perpetuate the stereotype!</p>