<p>Hi. I haven’t disappeared! 
Kelsmom is correct. I don’t feel it is right for me to debate anybody here, I just wanted to hear about people’s experiences and give folks a chance to share their advice, much of which seems very wise. I am still working on the story, and always find the comments on CollegeConfidential.com to be very important and enlightening. Thanks very much for your thoughts! Kim</p>
<p>Our family is potentially in this situation. We have always been upfront with our children on how much we were willing/able to pay for each of them (full cost of 4 yrs of public in-state tuition & board). My oldest daughter is a HS senior and has been accepted to her “dream” school Notre Dame, in addition to 4 other very good schools. My H and I have saved for years for a college education for our 3 daughters but have no where near enough for full tuition at ND (despite what the NPC seem to think). So now we wait to see what kind of merit aid she will be offered. Two of the schools have been very generous and she is in the running for another very generous scholarship at a third. She has also applied for every scholarship that she can find. I honestly think that the waiting now is worse than waiting on the acceptance letters.</p>
<p>Better to have a dream job than a dream college. It isn’t where you go, it is what you do.</p>
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<p>AlmaPater, given the state of the job market, my initial reaction to your comment was “Isn’t that just postponing disappointment for four years?”</p>
<p>But I thought about it a bit more, and now I think you have a good idea here. Kids who can’t go to their dream college will never go to college again. But adults who don’t start out in their dream jobs can try to move toward those jobs as their careers progress.</p>
<p>the calculators are so wrong. my sons dream school (an elite school) who prides itself on aide barely gave us any money. we already had one in college. we were looking at $85K for one year tuition for two (even with the older child have some aid). We could not make that work but offered to try but son being the person he is, I know he didnt want to put us out. So here it is almost 2 yrs later and I am still sad and regret that I could not give him the best cause he so deserved it. he is happy at the state school but gave up one of the best elite schools. We still had to take money from savings cause used up his college fund quickly. </p>
<p>Our S sabotaged his apps by NOT completing the essays for the more selective Us, so not surprisingly, he was rejected by them. He wanted to attend a U that gave significant merit aid, which was also what we wanted and could afford. He tossed all acceptances that did not contain significant merit awards and ultimately ended up choosing among 3 Us. He chose the one he liked best of the three and was VERY happy there. None of us has regrets; he got a BEE in 4 years and has working at an excellent job for 2.5 years.</p>
<p>We are so glad he was able to graduate debt-free, which was our goal and his.</p>
<p>i would really like to see Money Magazine and other journalists write about the college debt. It gets worse each year. This affects the economy is many ways, yet I never see articles about that. These kids will have loans and no money to put back into the economy to buy homes, cars, etc. etc. what will the future be like? all of america will be affected by this great debt. I can understand some debt and depending on your career…but many are not choosing schools wisely or going OOS when they can easily get a teacher degree for a lot less. etc. (not to pick on teaching…but you get my point). I know people taking loans that cant pay their taxes and the child is getting a degree that wont pay enough. That is if they get a job in desired field. </p>
<p>@Himom Wondering why he did just not cross the schools off his initial list that didn’t offer the merit aid? </p>
<p>I’ve always had an issue with the concept of a “dream” college. There may be colleges that fit your needs and personality, however, the concept of a dream college seems tied far too much to self image and not nearly enough to how well it provides what you seeking in an educational experience. We had “the talk” with our D just before her senior year. We discussed how much money could be generated through what we were willing to provide (how we chose to provide it was up to us), what she could provide (in her case from her own savings, her ability to borrow and money from co-ops. The rest, regardless of the school would have to come from scholarships, work study or working outside of school. We got done with the conversation and she looked at her mother and I and said “thanks, now I know what I have to work with”. I expected disappointment but instead merely provided clarification. It did not affect where she applied to accept that she understood what had to happen if she were accepted to one of the private colleges she applied to. She ended up with 4 choices after all the acceptances, scholarships and financial aid came in. She’s a freshman now and so far all is working out well. </p>
<p>I think he was conflicted about applying–wanted to BUT didn’t want to write essays. Probably figured he’d get around to the essays but his limited stamina flagged. (He does have a chronic health condition that limits his stamina and was taking all APs and marching band SR year.)</p>
<p>For the other Us he applied to that didn’t award him merit aid, those Us accepted people with similar and lower stats with merit (including his physics lab partner), so couldn’t know in advance whether he would or would not receive merit aid. </p>
<p>Counselor, S and we figured it was worth applying to see which Us wanted to offer merit and give him options. When one is wanting significant merit aid, casting a wide net can be a useful strategy instead of eliminating Us by guessing whether they will or won’t award merit. </p>
<p>I am afraid that I may soon have to have the dreaded “I can’t afford it” talk with my D. </p>
<p>From what I’ve read, it appears that students receive widely varying financial aid packages from different schools. Nonetheless, I wish I had used the NPCs before D looked at colleges and gotten a more realistic idea of cost. There are also a lot of articles that tell you not to eliminate schools based on their sticker price. So you visit schools, D finds her perfect fit (an expensive LAC), applies, and then lastly, one finds out about the merit aid and financial aid. And many schools have their own aid formulas so it is hard to predict the results, much less the merit aid. I realize that as a parent you have to try to guard against your student becoming overly invested in any one school, and explain that some schools may end up being out of reach. Sometimes though I wish we hadn’t even visited any schools with unaffordable sticker prices. </p>
<p>The other difficult aspect is that while my S went to our state’s flagship U with a partial scholarship and graduated debt free, I think D will do much better at a small school…most of which seem to have a big price tag. </p>
<p>If it doesn’t work out, I will offer to pay the state equivalent, show D the numbers involved if she borrows the difference (although I guess I will have to co-sign?), the impact on her future and hope she makes the right decision. I think it would be better if she comes to the conclusion herself that it’s not worth taking on so much debt than if I just say no you can’t go to your “dream” school. Luckily, she has a financial and academic safety that she likes that will hopefully make this less painful. </p>
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<p>Looked at this list?
<a href=“Public LACs Ranked by OOS Tuition - Financial Aid and Scholarships - College Confidential Forums”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/1606422-public-lacs-ranked-by-oos-tuition.html</a></p>
<p>One thing to keep in mind is the students intended course of study and also any smaller programs she may qualify for. The flagship U I attended was huge, but the honors program within it was much smaller and more intimate, giving me smaller classes and an opportunity to know teachers and classmates. </p>
<p>The OOS U I transferred to was again very large, but my sociology major was smaller, and by working in the dept, I got to know a lot of the faculty well. </p>
<p>My kids went to huge U, but S had only 200 in the entire freshman engineering school. D had her niche at the small cinema school. </p>
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<p>We were about to be those parents in 2008, only that the girl didn’t get admission to her dream school.
She ended up going to a state school that was affordable. Now she appreciates it. She is applying to graduate school after working for two years to save money. We told her early on that we are not going to pay for graduate school. I see tears in her eyes when she comes home and talk about paying for graduate schools and not being able to go on vacations etc. I am melting a bit, but my H is a hard rock this time.</p>
<p>My advice is that if you can’t afford it DON"T apply. Also, don’t listen to teachers, neighbors and friends who say your kid should apply to IVY LEAGUE. At the end, it is parents who would be stuck with loans and unhappy kids. Not only that it would create an unhappy atmosphere at home. Sending kids off to college should be a happy one!</p>
<p>As for our family, we are more mature parents now (compared to 2008). Our 2014 has applied only to state colleges. What a relief!. He doesn’t even know that we have saved up for his college. He was told that any money that we have to spend for his college is either coming from the house or from our retirement. We have to make a decision in couple months within state colleges. prestige vs merit scholarships. Either way they are within our means.</p>
<p>Thanks Ucb! I looked at the list and while many of the schools are too far away, there are a few we are definitely going to explore. UNC Asheville and New College of Florida in particular. Also going to check out the schools in VA. Hopefully it’s not too late for D to apply. </p>
<p>I wish I had been on CC and done my homework sooner! There are so many great options (honors colleges, etc) that we didn’t really consider. </p>
<p>one of the things with merit $ related to honors is that you have to maintain a certain GPA. I did not want my first child to go out of state but with the aid it was duable and he insisted. However, grades slipped and the aid was taken away. The school required an extra .5 to get it back. Unfortunately, my kid never got it back and had loans to pay. He played sports which consummed a lot of time and also was en engineering major. </p>
<p>oh…and some schools require you to stay in that major. For instance, one of my kids got a huge merit package from GW. But had to stay in engineering and maintain a high gpa. (well…if he didnt like engineering, then that was gonna be a huge tuition bill without aid). he went to the state school instead.</p>