<p>So, I took a few months off from the whole college vortex and just re-entered it. I had to have a conversation with my darling husband that for our daughter to go away to the college, we are looking at between 160K-200K gross for 4 years. Now, I know she may end up at a school that is reasonable, but why not shoot for the moon :) My thought is that after any scholarships, grants, etc. and the out of pocket cost is till high, do you go for the student loans, or direct your child to a school that is more in your price range? </p>
<p>These issues depend very much on the combination of student, school and family finances. You and your husband need to get on the same page now about what is affordable (without huge loans). Then you need to explain any limitations to your daughter. DON"T wait until April. </p>
<p>Luckily, she is just a sophomore and I am being a bit OCD about making sure I don’t procrastinate on this. The time goes by very very fast and if I put this off, it will bite everyone in the you know where… ;)) </p>
<p>Agree that spouses need to be on the same page and try the “Net Price Calculator” for each U, to get a realistic view of how much they are likely to have to pay for their child’s education. It is only an estimate, but at least a place to start. Please do this BEFORE your child applies so she doesn’t have her heart set on dream U that you and H can’t afford. </p>
<p>Sophomore year is a bit early to get too much into early planning… but I usually advise that sophomores take the PSAT and/or PLAN test (which may have already happened?) . That will give some clues about whether merit scholarships are a possibility. </p>
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<p>But not too early for the parents to do the financial planning and decide what the price limit for the kid’s college will be. Net price calculator checks at various colleges can help determine how realistic the prices after financial aid will be. Ideally, the kid should know the price limit at the beginning of when s/he makes the application list. Waiting until April of senior year may result in a financial shut-out, with the kid disappointedly going to community college after finding that all acceptance schools are unaffordable.</p>
<p>If need-based financial aid is unlikely to give realistic net prices, then <a href=“Links to Popular Threads on Scholarships and Lower-Cost Colleges - Financial Aid and Scholarships - College Confidential Forums”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/1678964-links-to-popular-threads-on-scholarships-and-lower-cost-colleges.html</a> may help with giving targets to aim for in terms of merit scholarships.</p>
<p>Financially speaking, we were crazy. We did not do any financial planning. We just jumped in as full pay parents (for the first two years, our FA was a big fat zero!) and did not give much thoughts about the consequence.</p>
<p>We did tell our child that, should we run out of money, he needs to come back to our state college. There were actually some chances that this could happen - if the “middle class initiative” at some of these colleges did not happen.</p>
<p>Well, I take it back. We did plan and save for the in-state public college edication. But we did not think about sending our child to any pricy OOS college while our child was growing up.</p>
<p>I guess not many parents are like us: We chose to be “all in” as long as we could still pay for it in that year, and stick our heads in the sand without thinking anything about what comes next. (We survived - but we did live quite frugally for many years, and even now.)</p>
<p>I stopped my kids from having a dream school in the first place because of costs. The discussion has always been framed by cost, in our case by financial aid because it just can’t happen without it. </p>
<p>Our S decided on his own, early on that he would only consider Us that gave him significant merit awards (50% tuition or more). He did end up choosing one of those Us and it worked well for him & us.</p>
<p>Remember, you need to budget and plan for 4+ years of schooling for this child AND any other kiddos you have at home that also want to go to U. There are several who resented family when everything on 1st or older kid and had nothing but CC and local Us for younger kids. Having funds for one year and then hoping “things will work out” for the other years isn’t a plan and may result in kid having to tearfully withdraw and transfer to cheaper U and get degree from there. Transferring can also delay graduation as sometimes not all credits transfer and requirements can differ among Us.</p>
<p>Without a doubt! I would definitely stop the “dream” because the unaffordable tuition is the nightmare that follows. Kids get it about parents not having the money. </p>
<p>It is NOT a favor if you and your family go into huge debt to fund a “dream.” You and your spouse need to be sure you are on track for retirement, other expenses, and that there won’t be huge debts for your kid and family. There are many kids and families graduating with HUGE debt. There are many young recent college grads who are unemployed and underemployed–debt can really limit their options going forward. Lots of young people are working part-time jobs–single or multiple. It’s not an easy time. Graduating without significant debt gives the family and student more “breathing room” and options.</p>
<p>Definitely. Some good advice for you already given. Figure out a COMFORTABLE budget for college costs. Don’t forget to keep funding your retirement as well. There are tons of students who made financial choices for college, That is the smart thing to do.</p>
<p>The term “dream school” is a pet peeve of mine. The problem with dreams is that they are not real. Finding a college that is a good fit and match (including financially) is important. The dream so to speak is lived each and everyday one attends classes, meets new people, participates in events and organizations and discovers things about themselves and the world they didn’t know before. It’s not a university that does that, the university is merely a venue. It is the person that does that. If someone wants to have a the experience of a lifetime then the best place to start is the mirror. I’m not downplaying the importance of choosing a college. I just feel that the choice is so much more than some imagining of what you want things to be and is more about where you can have the right environment to make the things that are important to you happen. Good luck.</p>
<p>Sophomore year is not too early for your child to understand what college costs and what role DC will have in paying for it (scholarships, attending less expensive school, summer work, etc). You are right on track with starting to explore options. No need to obsess yet. Remember that enjoying HS is also important to being successful in college. A student that knows their own strengths and weaknesses will choose more wisely. You and your DH definitely should be talking about your financial goals, including your contribution to college, so that “the list” will be realistic from the beginning. </p>
<p>I know plenty of kids who got into the dream school … and they will be paying for it for 20 years after graduation.</p>
<p>That said, this is the time to sit down with your daughter and talk money. Will you pay for four years of schooling? Is there a possibility that she may want to go to grad school? Will you pay for that? What financial expectations will you have for her? With my sons, we told them that merit money is important, along with a good fit. Each son found a solid undergrad program with great merit money. One graduated debt-free, and he is now in law school on a full scholarship. The other is a college freshman with a full tuition scholarship. Each boy wanted to shoot for merit money based on their SAT/GPA because they wanted little or no debt. We purchase their books, pay the fees and meals and travel. Each boy had part-time jobs during the summer months. </p>
<p>Coming up with a plan is a good thing so everyone understands the financial reality.</p>
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It is not gross. It is net. You will not be able to deduct any of it on your tax return.
Going to college is not a right, it is a privilege. Many families do end up making their choice based on finance.</p>
<p>To answer the question that was asked in the title, yes I would stop my child from going to dream school because of tuition. I did just that when my son’s number one choice was a college that gives almost no merit money and would have been about $62K per year. I would not pay that much and I would not let him take at least 80K in loans, which is what he would have needed to do to make it feasible. He wound up not even applying, and he got over it quickly. He is now at a school where they gave him significant merit money and he is loving it. We have 3 in school at the same time, and we’re not willing to spend that much on one. If your finances are different, and you are willing to help more significantly, then I see no problem with it. </p>
<p>It surprises me whenever I hear this question. Of course, the cost of a particular school will factor into whether or not our child can attend! We’re giving our kids a top amount which we’re willing to pay. Our state flagship falls within that amount. They can go there or they can chase merit aid at other schools that will bring the total cost into line with what we’re willing to pay. </p>
<p>Teaching your children to live within their means is a much better gift than teaching them “go into debt to get whatever you want” so, yes, I absolutely would stop my children based on tuition. That said, only you can determine what your “means” are.</p>
<p>Yes.</p>
<p>We emphasized that there is no perfect school, no dream school. I worked with D to come up with a list of affordable schools she would be happy to attend. The preliminary list was long; I went through each school and ran the NPC. Then I nixed every school that had an expected net cost (before loans!) above a certain dollar amount. I didn’t even look at the school name, fit, whatever. The cost was just too high. If “dream school” estimates that we will pay $50K+, it’s not a dream school. </p>
<p>“Shoot for the moon”? It depends on which you think is better or kinder. Is it better to tell your child you can’t afford this dream school before applying or after she gets accepted? </p>