<p>I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the parents sending wine or flowers as their “thank you for hosting my kid”. It’s not that as a host I expect it, but I think it’s a nice gesture. If I am visiting my brothers for any length of time we always take them out for at least one meal. All that said, I might have my kid deliver the hostess gift, and make suggestions as to what it should be and help finance it.</p>
<p>My mother just used Google to find a wine store in our town and every year they put together a mixed case for my husband’s birthday. She just tells them what she wants to spend and they deliver. I don’t know if they’d provide the service for less than a case though. Is there something Hawaiian you could send?</p>
<p>I am from the East Coast…the question to ask is, if your kid wasn’t invited to someone’s house for a long holiday, who would be paying for his room and board? If its you, then it would be your responsibility to show some appreciation. </p>
<p>D1’s west coast friend was moving to NYC for a summer internship. She asked D1 to help her move her stuff to NyC as a favor. D1 didn’t feel comfortable in driving back and forth to the city (with our car), so she asked H to do it. The friend’s parents never asked us to help out, so I told D1 that if she couldn’t do it herself then she should say no because it’s her relationship, not ours.</p>
<p>We would do it more like AlohaTM, despite being East Coasters. I think there will be enough food, we would have our child bring a nice bowl or something like that. Then a thank you note. I think a htank you note from AlohaTM before or after the fact would, I’m sure, be well-received.</p>
<p>ShawD spent Yom Kippur and Canadian Thanksgiving with a family friend. She knew to go shopping on her own for something (bowl, vase, ?), which she brought. When ShawSon stayed with his friend and friend’s parents in Switzerland for a few days, we sent him with a gift (ostensibly from him). I can’t remember what either gift was, but they were nice. In each case, oldfort, we paid for it, but the gift was from the kid. The Swiss kid stayed with us and the first time he brought a gift as well (cheese and cheese board from Switzerland, I think). </p>
<p>We seem to do tons of gift bringing (or wine bringing) when we go to dinner. The gift thing is actually crazy because almost all of these people are really well-to-do (or way beyond) and need no physical objects.</p>
<p>Great thread!! Need to talk with the worm. He will be going to his g/f’s house over T-day for long weekend. He knows I never go anywhere without a gift. For local dinners, he has brought chocolates from a local specialty store. He needs something special for this. I think I would be intruding to send something from me.</p>
<p>What I did do was buy 2 kitchen items from bloomies last week (big sale) and had them mailed to the worm. One item was a blue soup pot (Le Creuset). Son says g/f loves to cook. I called them “T-day gifts”. </p>
<p>I’m stumped what the worm should bring with him as gift to her parents, so will continue to read for suggestions.</p>
<p>pineapples are a great idea – so is coffee. I read an article in the NYT that talked about gifts to bring to Thanksgiving hosts, and they said everyone appreciates good quality coffee beans because people always have extra guests and you start running out of coffee. Doesn’t Hawaii have that great Kona (sp?) coffee? I would personally love it if I got that as a hostess gift. And it’s like the pineapple – you’re sharing something special from your part of the country.</p>
<p>Totally agree about the thank you note – maybe your D needs some stationery? You don’t want her writing this out on a piece of notebook paper or worse, texting or emailing. A short handwritten note on good stationery is the best gift.</p>
<p>I am an east coaster and I agree with you completely! In the past I have sent Edible Arrangements when my son was invited to spend Thanksgiving with a friend’s family. They have all price points, the fruit is fresh and delicious, and was appreciated by the hosts.</p>
<p>I have been known to ship my son a hostess gift (already in giftwrap) ready to deliver to his hostess when he arrives for Thanksgiving. Why? Because he’s immersed in heavy schoolwork and doesn’t like to shop anyway, and might have trouble thinking of something appropriate.</p>
<p>Do I think that because I helped him out with this task he is going to be a social defective who can’t navigate the world without his mommy?</p>
<p>Mathmom–
Did you usually like the wine your husband got from the wine store?</p>
<p>I’m thinking about something like this for a gift for my in-laws, but I feel sort of unsure about what kind of wines to pick out, not really being a wine expert.</p>
<p>Maybe that calls for a wine thread, but I’d really like any advice. Thanks.</p>
<p>I would definitely check with the friend to make sure the gift is something the parents could use. For example, wine and coffee come up a lot, but there are some people that don’t drink and even more people who don’t drink coffee. I am sure both of those things are popular, but they just won’t work for everyone, and sometimes you can’t readily tell (it may not be a cultural/religious thing - they just may not like the taste, etc.). And while I am sure they would still appreciate the thought, it may be something they never get to enjoy.</p>
<p>We are west coasters, and I would completely agree w/ Aloha. My D went home for Thanksgiving last year w/ her roommate from Maine. She was staying for 4 days. I ordered a sampler of “Popcornopolis” from Costco and had it sent to my D’s apartment so she could take it with her. They loved it. She also helped with cooking and clean-up while there and followed up with a thank you note. I love the idea of the pineapples, or something else that is unique to Hawaii, but I know shipping can be very expensive. YOu might just google bakeries in the area, or if your daughter will have access to a car while there, maybe she could pick something up.</p>
<p>I am from the North East and I would MOST CERTAINLY send flowers and a gift basket if someone was so kind as to have my dd for Thanksgiving, treat her like family, since I couldn’t be with her and she with us.</p>
<p>In the past, for sending food gift baskets, I’ve used:
[Zingerman’s</a> | Food by Mail | Gifts & Sundries](<a href=“http://www.zingermans.com%5DZingerman’s”>http://www.zingermans.com)
There is even a tab that you can click on for Thanksgiving.
I wouldn’t contact the other family to see if they need/want, since they will probably just say no thank you, don’t worry. I’d just send something that I thought all would enjoy.</p>
<p>I have seen what they have sent and have been very pleased.</p>
<p>My point is to let your D be the primary in this. Part of weaning yourself from being the one responsible for her actions. Of course you can/should send a gift. Never attempt to make payment for services received, however. Also be wary of those silly Williams Sonoma gifts- I have ended up keeping junk and donating years later. Flowers are cheerful in the north this time of year. Something unique to Hawaii also is. The best coffee in the world is wasted on me- love the smell but find it bitter regardless of how much milk/sugar added, but H likes it- can we host your D next year???</p>
<p>OP here. Thank you for the great suggestions. Just found out that my D’s host is allergic to flowers and only the father drinks coffee. But I might be able send some Hawaiian anthuriums–it doesn’t have any pollen that may aggravate allergies. Problem is shipping from Hawaii is pretty expensive. If I ship a box of pineapples, I might as well buy a restaurant gift certificate… it is so expensive.</p>
<p>lovestotravel: Thank you for the link to Zingerman’s. The breads look interesting. Is there a particular item you’ve tried that you recommend?</p>
<p>Cheryl’s Cookies are really good - they have a lot of free shipping options and they’re having a Thanksgiving sale. [Cookies</a>, Desserts, Gifts - Cheryls](<a href=“http://www.cheryls.com/]Cookies”>http://www.cheryls.com/)<br>
I’ve received these as a work gift, and sent my son a sampler last year (that offer showed up on the good deals thread here).</p>
<p>I think you won’t go wrong to ship a flat rate box of HI stuff. I like to include HI calendars (only $.88 apiece at Longs or WalMart). Folks always love MacNuts. There is also HI tea. There are also cute Hawaii placemats, coasters, potholders, hanging dish towels, and other items (some are even made in HI). Wouldn’t bother sending food from other places–why not cookies or food made in HI instead?</p>
<p>I tend to avoid fresh flowers as they ARE expensive to ship & surprisingly, there is quite a selection of them on the mainland anyway (at least in CA, when I went to the florist there).</p>
<p>In the 70s, when I was in college, I stayed with my friend in OR for one week of Christmas break & another friend for the 2nd week of Christmas break. I’m from HI too. I did give a gift and write a nice thank you note. We all had a great time. </p>
<p>When my kids go to visit, they bring something from campus or sometimes I mail a care package/thank you gift. The flat rate boxes are reasonable, even from HI.</p>
<p>Don’t go overboard or you’ll make the family feel awkward. I’ve noticed folks are considerably more casual about these things than we are in HI.</p>
<p>I suggest flowers that your D brings and a thank you note with a restaurant gift card from you - a nice thing to have during the busy holiday and something that will express your appreciation that your D had a place to go for Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>I am from the East Coast and house presents, even for a weekend, are certainly part of the traditions of my upbringing.</p>
<p>A friend in NYC puts one of my daughters up for a weekend, week, and, once for a month. My daughter has brought flowers, or cheese purchased near my friend’s home. At different times, we sent a coffee table book, a crafts item, and framed prints. Most times, my daughter brought the gift with her, though in the case of the book, we sent it together after she got home.</p>
<p>In this case, my daughter was not as familiar with my friend’s tastes, so my involvement was needed. And the thank you properly came from both of us, since the hostess was my friend and I asked her.</p>
<p>Now that my daughter is older, and knows the friend, the transaction, communication and gift selection is entirely by her.</p>
<p>In the case of the original poster, I don’t see anything wrong with the parent showing gratitude, and think almost anything would be appreciated. However, if the daughter wants to handle the gift-giving herself, that would be fine too. The relationship is hers. Either way, whichever is convenient for and acceptable to all. (It may be that the daughter has no car and access to shopping is difficult.)</p>
<p>Overall it truly is the thought that counts! And I think it is a very nice thought…</p>