<p>Anybody else amazed at the number of kids on here who are:</p>
<p>A) Terribly disappointed they didn't get into great school X, but got into very, very good schools W,Y,Z?</p>
<p>B) Tearing their hair out trying to decide between very good school X that costs $25,000 a year, versus very good school Y that is free (or much cheaper)?</p>
<p>At a time when kids should be so enthused about their futures, and still busy living in the present, it just seems like many are very unhappy. It's really too bad. Oh well, at least they can vent on here I guess.</p>
<p>weenie
when you are looking at CC posters, you are looking at a self selected group.They've agonized at every nuance up to this point why stop now?</p>
<p>You know, there's been an awful lot of meta-commentary about the posters, especially the kids, lately. I tend to think that, let's face it, it's a big step in all their lives, no matter what their choices and disappointments are. I had one kid who had a lot of stress, one who didn't, and I don't think it's a fault of the first one--just a different personality.</p>
<p>I do think that there are ways of expressing confusion, disappointment, or indecision that are more or less mature, but the fact that they do come here with those issues doesn't bother me at all. It may not look like a big deal to some of us, but how can it not be for them?</p>
<p>What motivates me to comment to student posters in this time of angst is the fact that as a young person I did not have any adult to advise me pro or con on potential college choices so I blundered my way along. (For instance, my working class family could afford very little in tuition so I did not bother applying to Northwestern as a high school senior. At the time, no adult told me about financial aid possibilities.) The blunders weren't life altering so I made it (as will almost all of them). However, I feel now that I can selectively add my two cents (and experience) to the cacophony of voices and noises when the angst ridden students seek it.</p>
<p>Selecting a college is the biggest decision of their lives, and that selection will determine much of their future paths from what their career and vocational interests are to the people who become their first loves and livelong friends.</p>
<p>To me, it makes lots of sense that the students are agonizing about that decision. Indeed, I worry about students who take such decisions lightly because I don't think they realize what a big step they are taking.</p>
<p>Not really surprised, brcause I hear these same things from certain parents, and kids get their angst, in some measure, from the pressure from above. A guy I know was down in the dumps for a week because his son "only" got into Brown and University of Chicago, and was rejected by Harvard and Yale. Another said that his daughter's life would be "ruined" if she didn't get into her first choice, Notre Dame (fortunately, she did, so I guess her life now has meaning again). </p>
<p>The decision is significant, and I'm happy to provide any counsel I have to any kid or parent who asks my advice, but it's given way too much weight, comparitively speaking. Choosing between, say, Cornell and Tufts, is not 1/100th as important to determining a child's future happiness as who they decide to marry--much more likely that a kid will be fulfilled at any one of dozens of schools than with dozens of potential mates. It's not even as important as the choice of grad or professional school, or first job taken, because those choices help determine where someone lives and how life will proceed in the 50-70 years after college much more strongly than which college, among relative equals, is selected (obviously, a choice between vastly unequal schools will affect which grad school one gets into, or which job course one takes, but that wasn't weenie's premise).</p>
<p>Obviously, I care about college decisions--otherwise, I wouldn't be here. But, I do think some of the angst is way overdone.</p>
<p>I think this angst is the essence of making important choices--every road taken implies one or more roads not taken. Applying to multiple attractive colleges sets up a state of mind where there are competing beckoning futures --you reach out and take the hand of one offering a hand to you--you have gained, of course, but you have also lost all the others and there is a kind of mourning to be gone through. Choosing a marriage partner for most of us is more a yes/no question for one candidate-- not a multiple choice where more than one right answer is always possible. On the other hand, this college choice is maximally four years--not till death do us part.</p>
<p>OK, I guess I'm on the frontlines on this issue. I am a mom of a senior who is angst ridden as we speak. He's in the precise situation you describe: good options but disappointed. Three rejections and two waitlists came in within a few hours on March 31. That's a lot of "no's" to digest in a short space of time. Returning to school, he was greeted by friends celebrating first choice acceptances. He offered hearty congratulations but later spoke with me, quietly asking what he'd done wrong. If I have any personal disappointment, it has nothing to do with these schools, but in accepting the fact that parents can only do so much to make things easier.</p>
<p>Most of the "no's" rolled easily off his back but his first-choice school where he was waitlisted was harder to accept or explain, especially since he was a legacy and had been informally recruited by them. He is taking things in stride, visiting schools and making choices, and has decided to stay on the waitlist for his #1 choice, though he understands it's a long shot. However, he simply isn't willing to give up without a fight. When I suggested he take the easier route and let go of the waitlist, he shot me a withering glance and retorted....* but you guys taught me you should keep on trying even when things get tough. * He's got me there!</p>
<p>He hasn't posted any diatribes on CC (at least not yet). He is a fairly quiet kid who doesn't talk much but I can see the veiled disappointment in his eyes. I have a feeling his experience is similar to that of other kids on this site. He'll bounce back--they all will. I can already see that happening, but I don't fault him for how he feels right now. Like many on CC, he put too much into high school and into his applications simply to shrug things off. Everybody deserves a space and time to grieve when a dream they have doesn't work out. It's only when that grieving takes over someone's life that it becomes a scary, destructive thing. In 99% of these cases, that won't happen. It's just a part of learning to accept set backs with grace, a lesson that even "adults" have a tough time learning.</p>
<p>"The decision is significant, and I'm happy to provide any counsel I have to any kid or parent who asks my advice, but it's given way too much weight, comparitively speaking. Choosing between, say, Cornell and Tufts, is not 1/100th as important to determining a child's future happiness as who they decide to marry--much more likely that a kid will be fulfilled at any one of dozens of schools than with dozens of potential mates. "</p>
<p>All are true. However, high school seniors on CC are not now choosing their spouses, but are choosing their colleges, and that decision is the most important that most have ever met.</p>
<p>The academic rankings of the schools are only part of what will impact the students' lives. The student who chooses Cornell over Tufts, for instance, may develop a lifelong love of western NY, may decide to major in agriculture (even if before college s/he had no interest in that field), and may end up permanently settling in a rural area in NYS.</p>
<p>If that same student had gone to Tufts, they may have gotten excited about Chinese because their roommate was from China, and they may have ended up taking Chinese and gotten a masters in IR and ended up working at the World Bank in D.C. </p>
<p>While the student may have been equally happy at either school, either will change the trajectory of the student's life, and that's why it's certainly worth the time to ponder the choice.</p>
<p>In fact, where to go to college is one of the few times that most people can have so many different decisions offering different possibilities.</p>
<p>Although it may seem that "all" students on CC are distraught and overly-anxious about their college decision I have to say for every one student that is fretting, I know five who could care less. Students who may not graduate and those who have already dropped out of high school. What we witness on CC is the cream of the crop, and with high achievers comes high expectations and self imposed angst. I am much happier knowing that my children aimed high and gave it their best shot. They were not accepted to every school they applied to, nor did they expect to be. Rejection is all part of a growing process, although I do not see not getting into HYPS as rejection but rather attempting something that you only have about a 10% chance of achieving. The only failure here would be if "we" as parents make them feel like failures. Every student on this board should be proud that they have given this process their best and accept that we don't always get what we deserve, but what we learn in the process can be even more rewarding.</p>
<p>No, I am not surprised and it is definitely not just CC.</p>
<p>Getting rejected from a top choice is going to hurt and be disappointing no matter where you get accepted. It is natural to be upset. But after a day, or hopefully at most a week, most will embrace the choices that they have. I think it's ok to mope for a day or so.</p>
<p>I have noted for years the number of family and friends whose kids rejected merit aid to attend a higher ranked college. None on CC. Some are wealthy so the $$ really make no difference. But many have been saving for college since the kid was born and have been budgeting $40k/yr and the money is there and that's what it is there for and so it will be used. I have even heard of kids resisting economic arguments: Here is your choice: 1. College A + merit money + new car, or 2. College B full freight. Kids choose option #2 !</p>
<p>Choosing a college may be the biggest decision these kids have had to make, but it's not the most important. </p>
<p>These kids have been making smaller but more important decisions all along -- and they need to keep focused on making those important decisions and not get side-tracked with thinking that picking the right college is the most important decision in their lives and once they've done that, they're on their way. There is much more to come. </p>
<p>Deciding to be a kind and caring individual is an important decision. Deciding not to drink and drive is an important decision. Deciding to take care of your body and mind and not expose them to toxins and potential diseases is an important decision. Deciding to choose the high road instead of the low road is an important decision. Deciding to do the right thing thing even if it is the hard thing is an important decision. Etc.</p>
<p>All these small but important choices go into who they are and who they will be. Yes, their choice of college will continue to shape them, but it will not define them. And I think that's where we get into trouble when we make the college they go to the most important thing in their lives. If they choose the wrong college, then they'll be more clear about what they really need and want in a college and can transfer somewhere else. If they are kind, generous, resilient, hard-working, curious young adults, they still will be all of that whether they are at Harvard or the local community college.</p>
<p>Don't get me wrong Northstarmom--I met my wife at college (the University of Michigan--Go Blue!), and I count my four undergrad years as a truly memorable and happy experience in my life. And, you're no doubt right that if I'd chosen to attend a different school, it doubtless would have influenced my life in a different way. The choice is important, we've put a lot of time into discussing the types of schools which work for my oldest (now a high school junior), and visiting some of those schools, and we will undoubtedly do so again for my two younger kids when the time comes. Where I get concerned, however, is with the angst about getting into "the perfect school" or making "the perfect choice", because the truth is that such a decision is likely little more than an informed guess; no matter how much research you've done, events often outside the field of consideration (social interaction, young love issues, etc.) can vastly impact how one views college. Those things are, literally, a crapshoot.</p>
<p>Think of it this way--almost 1/2 of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. Most marriages are entered into with vastly more knowledge about the choice being made than are most college decisions. The math seems simple (and, by the way, if my wife is reading this (and even if she isn't), my choice in the marriage area was as close to perfect for me as one can get (her choice of me, on the other hand, ...)).</p>
<p>I agree with you dadtimesthree in that there's no perfect school or perfect choice. So many kids and their parents seem to erroneously think that only one college will fit their kids. That's not true. A variety of colleges could provide virtually any student a fulfilling college experience and a fulfilling life afterward.</p>
<p>Also, it's what the student does at the college, not the particular college, that affects what the student gets out of college and their experience afterward. College isn't like a magic wand.</p>
<p>The OP was amazed at the number of kids disappointed about one rejection when they did get into many other good schools. I have read a number of these posts and some of them are clearly an excuse for bragging.</p>
<p>For others the anxiety is real. Let's face it, even those of us with some experience are on thin ice when we try to compare or rank schools. The decision making process is difficult beginning with the initial selections and ending with the final choices after the acceptances.</p>
<p>Uh yeah...as my son would say....college is not the most important choice of your life. Thousands of institutions deliever virtually the same service. Your career and spouse choice is WAAAAAAYYYY more important. Says me. 23 years married. 2 of the best years of my life. </p>
<p>Joke folks, that's an old joke from my FIL, 53 years married.</p>