I can’t speak for Choatiekid, but my experience was similar. It may have been easier living in a city, but I had a metro/bus pass from day one of school. If I could not get there by public transport/bike/skateboard, then that activity was not an option.
To be clear on concept, there are helicopter parents at BS.
And that was ChoatieDad’s thing. He was part of the Scout leadership. I never participated.
Also, except for camping, all of the types of things @dramakid2 lists (derbys, courts of honor, parties, meetings not held at our house, etc.) were held by the troop at a local church – three blocks from our house. Once he turned 16, ChoatieKid drove himself to the camp-style events, and ChoatieDad retired completely. It was not exhausting for us at all.
I think boarding schools are missing a real opportunity here. Rather than administering the Character Skills Snapshot to the kids, they should be administering the parenting style quiz to the parents.
The mere sound of rotors in the distance sent me screaming away when I was a kid, which allergic reaction hasn’t changed one bit. There is nothing I like about helicopter parenting, that includes the parents and the outcomes that almost always result. Did I want to know how my son was doing at boarding school? Was he happy? Was he focused? Was he giving back? Was he doing well or poorly? Of course! So I eagerly attended parent/teacher discussions, adviser discussion, read reports that were sent etc. and listened carefully to those rare moments of feedback from the boy himself. Except for one epic moment of stupidity when he caught got in flagrante delicto with a girlfriend, I always avoided “getting all up in the school’s grill (or my son’s)” as the boarding school experience unfolded.
I was the kid mooching rides and agree - not cool on my parents part. BS was such a relief for me in that respect - could walk to practice. I am a mostly free range parent myself but have had to adapt a bit with one child who literally woke me up Sunday mornings starting in elementary with a bulleted list in hand of what she wanted to do that day - and it usually involved a trip to the climbing gym a half hour away - and a second child who needed 2 years of weekly OT as a kindergartner and a lot more parental and professional backup all along even though she is fearless and very very smart.
What we learned through raising child 2 with the help of the many pros acquired to get us over the ruts (and what the research supports) is that capability and courage - grit, resilience etc - are truly what matters. So heck yes celebrate the bumps for the lessons they impart. Kid number 2 was something of a mogul master - some years if felt like nothing but bumps but she is in such a good place now and may even surpass her sibling (who had all smooth sailing) in the metrics we value here. Helicoptering can interfere with developing adulting skills as can stressing results over learning/growth. How frequently you drive or make snacks doesn’t matter too much but stewing about the B that could have been an A is counterproductive. Calling the dorm head about missing mittens or homework for a high schooler is not a good look. We try to let our children “fail up” as they say but it hasn’t always been a choice, life has dealt them both different hands too.
I like “authoritative” My mom always said set the bar high and a child will rise to the level you set. I think that’s mostly true but we have had moments where we have had to set the bar practically on the ground for a sec and turn our backs and hum a little and just hope a child says “hey a bar! And gives it a poke and then finally takes a step, and that’s okay too. As long as you don’t carry them over the bar!