Helicopter Parents

<p>Interesting article:</p>

<p><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/family/02/04/hm.helicopter.parents/index.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/family/02/04/hm.helicopter.parents/index.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>What is missing in the article are the outcomes.
They are alluded to, but no data to support the net result of the claim.</p>

<p>For me, the proof is always in the outcome.</p>

<p>The same report concluded students with higher levels of parental involvement had significantly lower grades.</p>

<p>Good article! I have used the past year to demand a lot more independence from my daughter, and she has responded very well, from college applications to cooking, laundry, and cleaning. If you never kick 'em out of the nest, some may never learn to fly. </p>

<p>I am confident that she can do whatever sets sets her course to accomplish, and she knows that, if she does need help or advice, I'm available.</p>

<p>I have tried to back off and not hover...there is a fine line...but my oldest said prior to graduation, "I'd rather have your head up my b*** so that I knew you cared. Some of my friends' parents don't give a s*** about them." Sorry for the colorful language; he's a colorful kid....this is not the one going to the SA!</p>

<p>There is a difference between hovering and smothering - my kids say my sn could be "fencer smother" not fencers mother. haha I think part of parental responsibility for late teens is to act as a safety net when they do fail - and not necessarily a safety net which allows them to escape problems or disregard poor decisions. But, kids will be kids, and they can and do make mistakes.</p>

<p>I object to adcoms and others who focus on the student with their dog and pony shows, while I, who am writing the big check, am pushed aside and called a hovering parent if I want to see where my money is going.</p>

<p>I have to agree with this statement:
"One of the best things you can do for your child is let them leave home believing they have the ability to overcome adversity. If we interfere with their ability to do that we really handicap them."</p>

<p>^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
yep. don't be afraid to let your go - they own their successes and their failures.</p>

<p>fencersmother - I have had a kid in college for 7 years now - (next year I will have 3) fun times! I have seen and heard just about all of it.<br>
There is a big difference between accompanying your son/daughter to a college visit and showing up every weekend to clean the dorm room and do the laundry - yep really happened and was not me! ;)</p>

<p>At college move in day back in 2001 - we parents were told by the director of the health center NOT to call her if they came home with extra piercings or a tatoo! Yep - parents did that.
I have heard parents calling the registrar if their kid didn't get a certain class, emailing their professors if they did poorly on an exam etc.....</p>

<p>My kids were the commsumate complainers - this teacher is not fair, these school rules are not fair etc..... I would check it out in elementary, middle and early high school. Then I learned - if they really have an issue they will eventually deal with it themselves if I would not. Sometimes they just want to complain. When they got to college the complaining didn't stop - I did learn not to listen to closely!
Back in the day - we had chores to do, we helped do the wash, clean the house and watch younger siblings. A game was just a game - our parents did not perceive of every soccer game to be the world cup. They went to home games but rarely away games. They were too busy with their lives to be our groupies. Times have changed for sure.<br>
One of my kids - played sports year round since about 3rd grade - was rarely home. At the age of 17 she actually asked me how to turn on the dishwasher - whoops. so we had a "learn how to operate major appliance day".
I have another kid who could not remember homework in high school (1440 SAT) who insisted on going to college 10 hours away - we took bets on how long she would last - she is 3 years in, thriving and rarely comes home.
They will learn to survive - there will be bumps and bruises along the way but they will somehow manage - we did!</p>

<p>"Sometimes they just want to complain. "</p>

<p>Yep. My daughter has explained that she feels better able to b**** to me about things than to anyone, but the agreement is that I take NO ACTION of any kind unless she asks for it (and I agree), or if she agrees with an action I suggest. Works for us.</p>

<p>I, for one, believe in giving them the responsibility they earn, but more importantly, holding them accountable.</p>

<p>1 down, and one in the pressure cooker.</p>

<p>As for university concerns re: "helo parents," let them think what they want. I agree with fencermom- I wanted to know where my hard-earned dollars were going, especially when I had $42K of them going out the window each year.</p>

<p>"The same report concluded students with higher levels of parental involvement had significantly lower grades."</p>

<p>Quoted from the comments section (I have not verified independently):</p>

<p>Look up the National Survey of Student Engagement quoted in the article. This is what is says on p. 25: "Do interventions by family members blunt student engagement, learning and development during college? NSSE data suggest this may not be the case. Students with helicopter parents (those in frequent contact and frequently intervening on their students behalf) reported:
Higher levels of engagement and more frequent use of deep
learning activities.
Greater gains on a host of desired college outcomes, and greater
satisfaction with the college experience.
Although students with involved parents reported higher levels of
engagement, deep learning and greater educational gains, they had
significantly lower grades. Perhaps the reason some parents intervened
was to support a student who was having academic difficulties thus
the correlation with lower grades. Unfortunately, we cannot determine
the extent parental interventions were related to academic or other
matters. It may also be that support from their highly involved parents
encourages their lower performing student to engage in educationally
purposeful activities."</p>

<p>ok, JustaMom, it looks like I am NOT a helo parent. Just a parent. I have never called my kids' teachers,haven't done their laundry since they were 12, don't even fix 'em breakfast, and, except for the check, am essentially uninvolved in the college. I did call my son's roommate "honey" once when I called and S wasn't in! I am so relieved! </p>

<p>Is there, perhaps, a difference between a keenly interested parent in the admissions process, and a keenly overbearing parent in the college student's life?</p>

<p>biting my snout!:eek:</p>

<p>"Incoming!" ;)</p>