http://flathatnews.com/2017/01/30/the-failure-of-the-colleges-title-ix-office/
This is my story. Read it, share it, never normalize abusive behavior.
The College can’t just do whatever it wants in this. Why wouldn’t you go to the police with this rather than going through a process that you know will yield no results…? (That said, in cases they can unilaterally pursue I’ve always heard of great results from friends that had to go through that process)
Moreover, if everyone that said something alone the lines of “I love you” in the hopes that sex would then be on the table should be arrested for sexual assault then good bye to most naive young adults beneath the age of 22.
It’s a strange barometer that someone lying about loving you/your amazing qualities to sleep with you is tantamount to sexual assault that should lose them their entire life. I’d have to call up a few ex girlfriends and let them know they no longer have a future.
@LaVolpe I think you deeply misunderstand the context of the relationship I was in and that my claims of sexual coercion were also accompanied by allegations of mental/emotional abuse.
I never ever used that quote “I love you.” In fact, that wasn’t at all what I was referring to in my article. You do not know the whole story. I will be happy to DM you with details because I do not feel like spreading them here.
You don’t see the manipulation, blaming, lying, and coercion. You do not know the whole story, so in that effect, I would rather you not be so judgmental. Lying about the context of your relationship to a drunk and emotionally distraught woman is SEXUAL COERCION. When I can’t even remember the entire night because of how much I drank, that is a problem. When I remember laying there not being able to engage in the act because I was too drunk, that is a problem. When I remember that event, I feel sadness and pain. That is a problem and it is inexcusable.
This didn’t happen to me but saying “I love you” to someone to get sex is sexual violence. That is so wrong. And so many people do it and understand it. Just because a large number of people do that does NOT mean it isn’t sexual violence or that it is wrong. It is wrong. Young adults should have been taught the concept of consent when they were much younger.
@LaVolpe Your reaction to coercive behavior and mental/emotional abuse is why these forms of abuse are some of the worst forms of abuse… Society does not validate these types of abuse and that can make it extremely hard for survivors to heal. I sincerely hope that you change your attitudes around understanding what consent is, when you have it, when you don’t have it, and how you treat your partner.
Blaming, lying, manipulation, yelling, coercion are all forms of abuse that unfortunately our society normalizes. It isn’t normal to have sex with your partner on the day you break up with them. It is not normal to manipulate your partner and withhold validation of your relationship. It isn’t normal to control them or break up with them multiple times and watch them cry.
I’ve been in situations as you’ve described several times and while it is undeniably awful I simply don’t see it as all that similar to traditionally understood forms of sexual abuse.
There’s no sense arguing about definitions when people handle these situations extremely differently.
@Landshark1123 Just felt like this needed to be said: saying that someone needs therapy because you don’t agree with them on an issue, no matter what issue, is morally wrong. You’re implying that only people with bad values need or should go to therapy. That’s something that (like what you’re arguing) is taught to us and reinforced by our culture. It discourages people who might need help or who are seeking help from beginning or continuing to go to therapy. That is morally wrong and one of the worst things I have ever heard on the internet, which is pretty up there. Think about who this affects. What about the grief-stricken widower or the man who was just diagnosed with schizophrenia? Or the alcoholic who is desperately trying to get clean, who needs the one-on-one support of a therapist? Did you know that depression is one of the most easily treatable mental illnesses, yet it remains SO prevalent and common in society because people feel like they can’t seek help? The most vulnerable people are the least likely to get help in this area. Imagine someone with diabetes or pneumonia not receiving help because others keep saying that it’s bad to go to the doctor and that they are somehow inferior if they do… Doesn’t happen, right? That’s because there is no stigma about going to a doctor… Except maybe gynecologists. The point is that you are a part of feeding into this stigma when you say things such as that.
I am not being condescending here, but it sounds like you’re going through a very tumultuous time. Perhaps you would benefit from seeing a therapist to sort out things even though you seem to be averse to the idea.
@Landshark1123 You edited your post yesterday after my post, so I assume that you concede my point. Therapy is not for those with terrible morals…