Before the market went stale, a couple of $4M houses have been purchased without a mortgage in private transactions in our general ‘hood (realtors brokering these private transactions were happy to send flyers to everyone in a couple mile radius - so you bet everyone curious enough looked up the public records). Techies turning their stock options into a piece of something tangible. Good for them. Hope they are saving for a rainy day, too, but that’s not my concern or money to count. 
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I always told my kids that we won’t don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.
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The more I learn about how others grew up, the more I realize how “lower class” we really were. My dad made a decent living, but my mom still had to make it stretch with three kids. I didn’t even know there were hot dog or hamburger buns until I got to school - it was always bread for hotdogs and hamburgers, lol. We had everything we needed and a few things we wanted.
But they paid for college for each of us (minus very small student loans). They lived in the same house for their entire lives, with my dad dying young from cancer so my mother made his life insurance stretch and then went back to work as a cook. I’d like to think both my husband and I (he grew up slightly more affluent but not by much) reflect those values. We are paying for the important things in life - college, wedding, etc - but drive older second hand cars and retired early.
I think you figure out what’s important to you. While some people like their wealth to be seen from the outside, we like our internal wealth - happy young adults who can’t wait to come home to see us, who still rely on us for some emotional support, and who have turned out to be great human beings.
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I used to say we were middle class growing up, but that was only when Dad was working steadily. The construction industry has ups and downs and often we were really lower middle class. The lights were always on and food was always on the table, but things like vacations and designer clothes were not an option. They also stayed in the same house their whole lives so they made it work. There was some money for college, but not really enough for the 4 years. I survived and my better half had a similar upbringing. We always feel like we are stronger for going through that.
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We weren’t “lower class” but until I went through very old tax returns after my dad’s death I had no idea how hard it was. He truly was a master at investing and very much an entrepreneur but if he hadn’t been my life story would be very different
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I would surmise that many/most on this very forum are millionaires next door. These days it’s not that high of a bar for the college educated retired or almost retired.
I admit to wondering how some people do it. I think that some still sleep well at night mortgaged to the hilt. Some have wealthy parents. Some have parents who have indulged them their whole lives.
It’s extremely hard to say no to my kids. I’m sure it is hard for some parents who have children my age. It’s extremely hard not to help them. For my children, they’d rather spend other people’s money so they can save theirs.
I have a family member that I know their financial picture because of recent events that I’m more privy to then I would have been in the past. It’s a house of cards. Always has been, still is. Got out of debt, still accruing more things, more debt. Still spending money on their children that they no longer have. Probably sleeps well at night.
I wouldn’t. Therefore that’s the difference
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I’ve got my H for that. He’s better than me in that regard. They need to make their own decisions. So advice is free but not the money.
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One of my kids called this past week complaining about their financial situation. It sounded dire.
I felt terrible, my husband told me that they were doing well. Very well. I was definitely considering helping them because I felt so bad for them.
Kid called back. They were upset that the emergency fund only had 3 months of savings because of 2 unexpected home repairs. Instead of 6. And that the 401k was only being funded at 80% of max this year instead of 100%. The call had been trying to figure out how to get to the max.
I don’t feel so bad now. 
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We have lived in an extremely wealthy beach community for the past 35 years. We stayed in our small home and raised our kids here and sent them to the excellent public schools. Our home is paid off, but if we had to buy it today on our salaries (H engineer and me accountant) we wouldn’t be able to afford this area.
Because our kids grew up in this area and went to school with many kids from very wealthy families we know people who have inherited wealth, earned wealth and some living beyond their means. D2 has a friend that is living off of her trust fund riding horses and going to grad school and not doing much else. D2 has a second friend who has a large trust fund and married someone with an even larger trust fund, but her friend is also a practicing vet and her friend’s H just finished dental school and started a practice. Different people with different views on how to spend their $$$$.
This is a wonderful story and outlook. I love the way you shared it. 
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Not so sure about that. It seems common for posters to have very high income so that their kids will get no college financial aid (>$280k or so) but have difficulty affording paying for their kids’ college. “Millionaire next door” parents with that level of income probably live as if they had much lower levels of income (e.g. median income or lower for the area they live in), allowing for very large amounts of savings and investment that (even with the cost of college these days) would allow them to comfortably pay list price for their kids’ college.
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A veterinarian and a dentist who do not have the typical enormous professional school debt seem to have some additional potential – at the very least, they are less likely to be “forced” by debt pressure to lean toward recommending more expensive treatment options for their patients.
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We and all my sibs (& H’s sib) are varying degrees of “comfortable.” All of us live in a single family home that we own. All of us have been able to help our kids go to a college they wanted to attend and go on vacations.
Some go on more frequent and expensive vacations, some drive nicer, newer, fancier cars, two are members of fancy country club.
H and I are content that we have our needs taken care of as well as most of our “wants,” and can support D without stressing our finances.
The Jones have never featured much in our lives—in the past, currently, and I suspect in the future. We are happy living below our means and no regrets.
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There are people who are rich and can spend top dollar on everything – cars, homes, vacations, clothes, etc.
The “millionaires next door” often are a little more targeted in their extravagance, in my experience. They only have fancy cars or they always take amazing vacations or wear very expensive clothes. It can make it feel like everyone is better off!
Some people are highly leveraged. They have large mortgages on their homes, loans for their expensive cars (or they are leased), and credit card debt that pays for their extravagant purchases.
I could never live like that. We have always spent conservatively and lived below our means. We have no debt, own everything we have outright, and have nice savings because of it. Our home is comfortable but small. Our FA after analyzing our finances said “You are not spenders!”
Like others have stated above, I called myself middle class growing up but we didn’t have much. The house we lived in was owned by my grandparents, my father was frequently unemployed, and I went to CUNY (NYC city college) paid partially by Pell Grants (called BEOG back then).
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Lol, my son’s friends from his pricey boarding school where he attended on scholarship/financial aid called his 2005 Subaru Impreza the “poverty-mobile.”
It only stings a little. We’re cash-flowing college for both kids, so that’s our priority.
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There are a lot of entrepreneurs in my circle: wealth management, pharma, and consultants. Real estate investing is popular and highly profitable too. Some inherited wealth and IT folks who joined the right startup at the right time and walked away with a bundle of money. I know a lot of law firm partners and doctors too but they live a comparably modest lifestyle to the other careers listed.
Interestingly, the people I know with high net worth are the least ostentatious. They don’t drive fancy cars or wear fancy clothes. They probably have a mountain house and/or a beach house in the Carolinas/MA and fly private, but you wouldn’t know it by looking at them. Stealth wealth for sure.
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Or they buy a nice car every 20 years, or take amazing vacations without flying first class or staying in five star hotels, or wear nice clothes off the bargain rack.
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In a few more decades, it will be a classic, like an old VW Beetle that was once a common inexpensive car.
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My kids were just very happy to get reliable used cars when they were SRs—in college.
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