Virtual ipecac. Top 5% gross.
I attended an Ivy League university with many graduates from the very best boarding schools. All of them had a tremendous education that I envied… but most of them were quite burnt out and jaded, too. And despite incredible charisma, education, and competitiveness, they did not all rise to the top of their fields or achieve fame and fortune. Two became public school Math teachers. Another produces a local radio talk show. Another became a journalist and recently switched to real estate. Still another owns a small cafe and writes poetry. And these were the Gladchemms grads who made it into the Ivy League, so presumably they were at the top of their class!
Sometimes these kids peak too soon… burn out on being hyper competitive, or simply decide that is not how they want to see the world or live.
" But some of you might benefit from ranging a bit farther afield to check out how the other half lives."
Don’t make assumptions that we’re not aware. I know plenty of super bright people with tattoos and sluggards wearing preppy clothing. I just don’t equate privilege = extraordinary nor do I judge people on personal style.
“Sometimes these kids peak too soon… burn out on being hyper competitive, or simply decide that is not how they want to see the world or live.”
My guess, based on my own experiences, is it is more of the latter. Not everyone wants life on the hamster wheel or is motivated by $. If anything, being surrounded by wealth and privilege in boarding schools and the Ivies can make one realize that material success and ladder climbing doesn’t always breed happiness.
I’ll devote my #500 to my Alabama-born and raised mother-in-law Jimmie Mae, God rest her soul, and her signature phrase “shit for the flies.” It’s everywhere, do watch what you eat! As a regular overweight mother of two regular children with no pedigree and fewer $ in the bank than degrees on the wall, I stand by that family wisdom.
Here’s some real food for y’all (love Ella Fitzgerald, but you should hear GoatDad knock it out of the ball park):
Summertime… and the livin’ is easy
Fish are jumpin’… and the cotton is high
Yo’ daddy’s rich… and yo’ mama’s good-lookin’
So hush little baby… don’t you cry
One of these mornin’s… you gonna rise up singin’
You gonna spread your little wings…and you’ll take to the sky
But ‘till that mornin’…there ain’t nothin’ gonna harm you
With yo mama and daddy…standin’ bye
Now it’s summertime…and the livin’ is easy
Them fish…
Sounds like success to me! (although apparently intended to prove the opposite)
@alooknac: They are all happy and fulfilled and that is what matters. I was countering the notion that elite prep schools only admit highly charismatic and competitive types whose goal is to rise to the top of their professions.
I disagree. What I tell my kids who are in elite private schools is to watch out for those few that have climbed over the obstacles and succeeded in spite of their environment because they don’t make excuses and will outcompete others who take their success more for granted by virtue of where they go to school. The top prep school kids are just kids, and attuned academically, but don’t think that necessarily translates into business success. At the HYPS, the difference between a prep school and a public school student was effectively zero
Specific to academics, in both top BS and HYPS+, while the majority of incoming students have similar stats, their academic preparedness can actually vary depending on where they hail from. I agree that the academic powerhouses around the world, be it a top BS, a rigorous private day school, or a competitive magnet/public school, produce equally academically capable students. Those who come from other kinds of schools could be less prepared, but even so most of them are smart and motivated, and many of them would catch up the second or the third year. So all is good. Regarding the “burnt out” students, I do think that’s a real thing, but it’s not just a thing with BS graduates. How much of an impact that is to one’s career choice and to where they eventually end up with is unclear, partly because as @doschicos pointed out, not all elite school graduates who choose to be teachers/social workers are burnt out.
Personally, I find going to a prep school and/or a top tier college and end up as a public ed teacher is a fail. At some point the cost of college needs to be in alignment with potential salary. To make 80k and have a 200k debt is just not starting out on the right foot especially given you could make the $80k and only have $80k in debt.
This doesn’t factor in the prep school costs.
BAE (Before All Else, I learned it from dd yesterday), public ed teacher salary is more like $50k than $80k, same for social workers. 
Filling out teachers and social workers position with well educated people might be beneficial for the society. Those top tier graduates even work for non-profits!
Lastly, this article shows how to pay off $220k student debt in 3 years with $38k income.
http://www.businessinsider.com/how-ebony-horton-paid-off-220000-worth-of-student-loans-in-3-years-2017-3
I love that tale of paying off the loans with a job from mom, a free condo from mom to rent out, and housing from grandma. That’s not quite being born on third base, but it’s being born when mom is on second, and mom easily steals third with you on her back cuz your grandma was married to the umpire. A real Horatio Alger Hiss story.
“Personally, I find going to a prep school and/or a top tier college and end up as a public ed teacher is a fail. At some point the cost of college needs to be in alignment with potential salary.”
The honest truth is many people don’t need to worry about this a value education for its own sake not as a vocational means to an end. Some just have the $ to spend and some just have a different philosophy. So, where do you personally draw the line on what professions are and aren’t worthy of the tuition cost for prep school and private college tuition?
"public ed teacher salary is more like $50k than $80k, same for social workers. "
Not everywhere and definitely not in my area. I do think both professions are undervalued.
@PhotographerMom omg, you are hysterically funny. (#4). Next, is “clubability” even a word? And finally, agree with @gardenstategal that not all schools are looking for the student you describe. Andover says they want “nice” kids. More and more top BSs and colleges want kids who will contribute to the community and “mountain climb” a la MIT–that it at some times they will be lifting up those behind them and at other times being lifted up by those ahead. Communities are not necessarily competitive, rather cooperative.
@GnarWhail, and the real joke about the lovely story is that it was published on Business Insider and not The Onion.
@doschicos, of course not. $50k was just national median number. BTW, national average of starting salary is more like $35k. Not that I think that should be a reason to avoid the profession.
Some interesting ideas here. I was raised in rural VT where families assumed I did something wrong to be sent to Taft, raised my own kids in hyper competitive NYC metro area where kids are routinely admitted in large numbers to HYP schools (and where if you don’t start playing travel soccer or clarinet by age 8 there is no hope of you playing in high school). One of the greatest gifts my trust fund gave me post college was the ability to accept my dream job in publishing at a starting salary of $12,500. Human resources was quick to point out that this was not a living wage in NYC. Did my family “waste” dollars on my ridiculously expensive education? I don’t think so. But I can understand why families want to work the numbers and have them make sense, especially when loans are involved. My own children do not and will not have trust funds. We are able to pay for their college and that’s it. My daughter whose education will cost many multiples of mine, and whose tuition we are really struggling to pay, will likely end up working for a non-profit. She is a social science major. Should we have encouraged her to take the scholarship offered at a lesser school because she isn’t going to be an engineer? That makes no sense to me personally.
Regarding stress and burn out, I definitely feel my BS years contributed to my burning out at a fairly young age and consciously choosing at that point a less glamorous but more family friendly path. I see the pressure on our local PS kids as being even greater than what my daughter has experienced at BS and I worry for the next generation; not that they aren’t going to bring in the bucks, but rather that they have never experienced life off of the hamster wheel and in fact their entire identities are built up around resume building. I hope we can find ways to teach our children a better life balance than that, and help them to find the value in accomplishments that are not as easily quantifiable. I think the schools are pushing for “authenticity” for this reason. They love to see kids who are passionate about something outside of their score cards. You can build a great career around almost anything that inspires you. My Taft classmates? Founding members of Counting Crows and Phish, Former editor in chief of Rolling Stone, a saver of Elephants, big time Hollywood director - none of them stand out students at Taft. None of them graduates of Ivy schools either.
^^Although I don’t agree, I think the original poster was pointing out that to one beholder their student is on a hampster wheel, to another beholder, the hampster (and the parent of that hampster) doesn’t think so, they are simply running their own race.
@chemmchimney Nicely said. Now, when it comes to what is the best way to lead to bigger achievements later in life, it is often more complex than the explanation that can be done with a few metrics. For example, a great number of people don’t really have much of a “passion” nor particular talents, not when they are grown-ups and not when they are young. The are smart people that need directions and sometimes disciplines to grow to be productive members of the society (not to mention there are those who need to escape the bad influence form their communities). Some of them mature later in life and even have achieved what no one would expect them to. Surrounding them with good teachers and peers and driving them to work harder may turn out to be the best things they need. For example, despite this “burning out” talk, statistically the percentage of elite school graduates doing well in workplace is much higher than non elite school graduates. Give the self-selecting nature of the group, it is expected, but at the same time it also says that “burning out” currently is far from being an overriding side effect. It’s probably more of isolated incidents.
And, I know this will be controversial but let me throw it out there. The “resume building” is WORK. We do that every day when we are grown ups. It doesn’t stop us from having a life. Some kids can work hard and have a life at the same time.
“I see the pressure on our local PS kids as being even greater than what my daughter has experienced at BS and I worry for the next generation; not that they aren’t going to bring in the bucks, but rather that they have never experienced life off of the hamster wheel and in fact their entire identities are built up around resume building.”
Totally agree. I see this in our local public schools and in public schools attended by some of my nieces and nephews. By sending my kids to the BS I did, they had rigorous academics but the atmosphere was less cut-throat and there was little to no focus on who had the higher class rank or GPA.
There’s plenty of discussion on CC in general on “successful” and “productive member of society” in connection with paying for education. How is that all defined? Hopefully not based on salary.