<p>Complicated guys I can’t figure out.</p>
<p>agreed lennin! </p>
<p>I’ve heard that ■■■■■■ actually means a small pile of sticks, and then ■■■ is slang for cigarette.</p>
<p>I’m just feeling crappy. I want to have the craziest time ever for the next month or so, but it’s not working that way.</p>
<p>I just have to get this off my chest (I’m in a bad mood anyway because my plans with my friends fell through tonight since they’re fighting and maybe I’m a little lit):</p>
<ol>
<li><p>I HATE the people who’ve been roaming a website for awhile, posting on said website for awhile, and acting like they’re awesome because of it. You’re not cool because you’ve been here (or any website) for two years. And you, sir, are not cool because you can name a few people who once used the website “back in the day.” In fact, as far as I’m concerned, that actually makes you kinda really lame. My guess is that you’re a nobody in real life, and hence seniority (on a freaking website) is all you need to make you feel special.</p></li>
<li><p>And I HATE people who think certain behaviors of theirs are unique (namely being attracted to people outside your race). It’s really not a big deal. There is absolutely nothing anyone in this world can do or feel or think that hasn’t been done or felt or thought by somebody else. So really, I suggest you stop parading around thinking you’re so unprecedented before you embarrass yourself in the real world.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Sayonara</p>
<p>^haha, well, we know what he’s ranting about…</p>
<p>Hmm… not really around here much anymore, but I saw this thread and thought “what the heck? let’s rant!” </p>
<p>In the past month, my finace decided that he was going to have a freak out about the future and break up with me right before my Spanish final. Mind you, we’ve been together for four and a half years. Well, when I got back he called and said let’s talk. Ok. So right before I headed out the door, I heard the phone ring and answered it. I NEVER answer the phone- nobody who matters knows our home phone number. It was my doctor. Long story short, my test results came back and there’s a high chance that I have cancer. They found cancerous cells. But they told me to go to U of M to get further tests. Ok… So when I got to my boyfriend’s house I broke down because of the news. We got back together but broke off our engagement. </p>
<p>U of M wouldn’t let me make an appointment there because I needed a referral from my primary care doctor. My primary care doctor doesn’t know about this- I went straight to a specialist who sent me to a more specific specialist who finally sent me to U of M. He didn’t want to give me a referral since he “doesn’t refer to U of M”. So some BS later, I finally got one, but I’m still irritated. </p>
<p>Sunday the 19th. I run a non-profit basketball league and am heavily involved in other sports within the parent organization. A boy that I had coached and have known since he was 7 was found dead by his little brother. An 11 year old boy lost his life playing the “pass out” game by himself. Either that or he killed himself. So the next few days were spent trying to raise money through the organization to help his parents pay for the funeral. The day of his funeral (the 23rd), his football coach (who I have known for almost a decade) had a heart attack. </p>
<p>A couple of days ago I was calling old coaches to see if they wanted to come back and coach basketball this year. One coach from last year, who has coached since I started playing in the league nearly 10 years ago, has a brain tumor and can’t even balance himself anymore. </p>
<p>Then today I called a good friend of mine that I have known since birth and have periodically lived with. I called because the business right across the street from his house exploded and I wanted to make sure he and his family are all right (this was all over national news). Well, they’re fine. But he knocked up his girlfriend and they’re getting married in October. He is 18, barely finished high school. She is also 18 and has not finished high school. He had JUST gotten his life back on track. His cousin is the same age and she is due in August. I used to be good friends with her as well. Awesome. </p>
<p>And then tonight I found out that one of my close guy friends was arrested for drunk driving last night. I lost a friend to drunk driving (he was hit in broad daylight crossing the street) when I was young and have always begged my friends to call me before they decide to drink and drive. I kind of wish no one had bailed him out of jail. </p>
<p>And how was your month?</p>
<p>I’m really f u c k i n g unproductive and I can’t fall asleep at night till like 4 or 5 in the morning, I’m not even kidding, and I don’t wanna write anymore college essays. I really, really don’t. AHHHHHH I’m so frustrated and depressed and sick of my life…</p>
<p>@romanigypsyeyes- I’m sorry that your finance called it off at first. You just need to learn how to manage your relationship more, deposit in the trust, invest time in each others feelings, and avoid loaning promises, make it the real deal.
(granted there was another ‘n’).</p>
<p>Nah, I really hope that things get better for you, just give it time. 
It’s almost the start of a new year, a time of rebirth.</p>
<p>I am so stressed that my hair is turning grey. I hate school right now. There is so much AP studying to do and so little time to do it. I have no life outside outside of trying to get into a good college. Everyone seems to think I am invincible, but I’m not. No matter how hard I try to be perfect at everything, I fall short. I haven’t really taken time to just breathe in so long. My school hasn’t given us our semester grades back yet, so I am stuck here waiting and worrying about it. It seems like everyone has a passion or at least something they love to do. I used to think music was my passion, but I don’t know anymore. Mock trial used to be fun, but being a pretrial attorney is so stressful and takes the joy out of it. I still have 6 clubs, cross country, and music to deal with on top of that. Plus those damn AP courses. Plus an extra our a day in the gym.
I shouldn’t be complaining though. I chose to do all of this, so I should be able to deal with it. If I wanted to go nowhere in life, I would have chosen to just sit back watch the Simpson’s all day. So I should stop ranting now.</p>
<p>Crimson, story of my life.
Again,time is everything.</p>
<p>Honestly, I am so sick and tired of everything right now. I know that it is a new year and everything, but the 2010 bullcrap is still here for me to deal with.</p>
<p>First of all, I did really badly on my SAT 2’s. No, I didn’t get a 700 when I wanted a 750. I did really badly. And I know that I can do better. However, my mom says “You have other qualities about yourself; you’ll be fine”. OMGosh! She doesn’t understand!! I am trying to get into a top university with like the lowest score being like a 700. I am so frustrated with myself because I know that I could have done better. I want to cry sometimes because I feel like that score is not going to cut it. (Oh, it’s not. I already know) No, I can’t retake it. My mom says it is not worth it, and that I will be fine. I don’t even want to apply to this school because I don’t want to get my hopes up just for them to be crushed.</p>
<p>I was already not accepted by my EA school. What’s surprising is that I didn’t cry or anything. But I didn’t tell anybody either. I don’t want their sympathy or to see the disappointment in their eyes. I don’t even know what to say to my teachers who wrote the rec letters. Now, I sometimes get this hopeless feeling that I will not get into any college that I aspire to go to. Those times my world starts to crush me, and my panic level skyrockets. Sometimes, I think what am I doing trying to reach for the stars. What’s the point? Why can’t I lower people’s expectations? Why can’t I lower mine? Why do I push myself so hard? Why do people expect so much out of me (straight A’s, Ivy League) yet hardly anything from my brother (just passing his classes or even getting into college)?</p>
<p>Sometimes, I just want to scream to the world “I am doing my best! So stop judging me!” I want to cry too because I push myself so hard. Sometimes, I feel like I am at the breaking point. I just want to say “**** you and **** the world! Leave me the hell alone. I can’t handle this bullcrap anymore. I try and try and for what? Y’all are never satisfied with what I accomplish. I got an 85 in precal, yet y’all want an A. I get a 94 in AP Government and y’all want a higher A.” I am so frustrated with myself because I can’t reach people’s expectations.</p>
<p>And I don’t want to hear the bullcrap of do the best that you can do. Y’all say these words, yet you turn around and say well you could have done a little better. No, the **** I couldn’t because I gave it everything I had. </p>
<p>Academics are not the only thing that bothers me. Look, I am a black girl inside and out. It’s not my fault that I try to speak grammatically correct and actually type out everything. Why do I have to change the way I talk just for people not to make fun of me? It’s not my fault that I don’t listen to only black music like Lil Wayne, etc, etc. I like other music too! I love the Japanese band AAA. I like to listen to country occasionally. Yes, I like Avril Lavigne too. This does not mean what I am a white/asian girl in a black girl body. Even my family tells me that especially my brother. I don’t mind it much when it comes from him but my mom? That hurts. Just because I suffer from alopecia, that doesn’t mean that I am less of a woman. I may not have a big butt or wide hips like other black women, but I have a huge personality. Now, why can’t people look pass that and see me. Even my friends don’t know the whole truth about me, and I love them to death. Just because I like guys from many other races besides black, doesn’t mean that I am less than any black women.</p>
<p>Wow, I feel so much better now. I still have a lot to rant about (darn you college essays and procrastination!), but I am so light-hearted(er) now. Maybe I should start a rant blog…</p>
<p>I’m sorry for all the unfortunate things in your life everyone, I hope everything goes well for you in the future.</p>
<p>I just hate when people say I’m not deciplining myself enough when they don’t know how close I’ve always been to losing it.</p>
<p>ARGGGHHHH WHY CAN’T I SLEEP :|| It’s 6 am, THANK GOD school doesn’t start tomorrow or else I’d be seriously *<strong><em>ed.
I’m so worried about college admissions it’s UNREAL. I won’t apply until next year, but when I do apply to USC (dream school) I’ll be so damn nervous. USC is pretty much my only chance to get the *</em></strong> out of Memphis, out of Tennessee, out of the South, and INTO MY DREAM STATE: CALIFORNIA. Sure, I’ll apply to other schools in California, but… I won’t get **** in terms of financial aid if accepted, especially at the UCs. Sigh. And I already got a GROSS 84 C in APUSH; luckily, I’m not so worried about that anymore. I’ve pretty much told myself I’d get straight A’s this entire damn semester, but… what if that doesn’t happen?
I NEVER thought I’d say this because its stupid and selfish, but hell, might as well: not even gonna *<strong><em>ing lie, I’m pretty much relying on my triple minority status to get me into USC. I’m in the top 6% out of 510, I’m first chair on bassoon and tenor sax x7, I have 2 jobs right now, I have yet to take any tests lol… but I honestly feel like even if I do score well on my tests, USC will find SOMETHING in my app that they won’t like and I’ll get rejected. UGH. It’s SO unhealthy to be this obsessed with a college, but… eh. What can I say? I’ll be applying to Johns Hopkins, too… maybe that’ll be my ticket out of here. WHO *</em></strong>ING KNOWS. :)</p>
<p>I really just need to fastforward to March 2012 so I can be relieved of this mess. This is not good for me.</p>
<p>I’m struggling hard. Not good, not good…</p>
<p>I’m afraid that my life isn’t going to get any better
Everything decided to fall apart my senior year, and nothing has improved. Long story short if the average CC’er was me he/she probably would’ve committed suicide.</p>
<p>Because everything has taken a turn for the worst, I’ve begun to hate myself. I have nothing, and I mean NOTHING to be proud of. I feel as if I’m destined to live a sub-par life. Academics were all I had going for me, and now I have nothing. I’m highly worried that come May I will be too ashamed of myself to even attend my own graduation. At this point I don’t care that I don’t have the grades or test scores, or w/e, I just want to be proud of myself - and I’m not. I am so ashamed of what I’ve become. I’m an embarrassment to myself and an embarrassment to my people. I feel like I am falling right into the underachieving stereotype.</p>
<p>
It would be nice to think that the average CCer wouldn’t commit suicide at such a young age when there’s still life to live. I hope everything works out in the end, hang in there!</p>
<p>I hate how HSL posts don’t increase your post count.</p>
<p>Life sucks. That is all.</p>
<p>^^</p>
<p>QFT!!</p>
<p> ten char </p>
<p>My Christmas was so bliddy horrible that I watched Shakira videos and wished I was her.
i can’t wait to get away from my parents. seven months isn’t fast enough.</p>
<p>Theres always something or someone waking me up when all I want to do is take a god damn nap, ****.</p>