I’m a mother to a sophomore, our plan was to have more extracurricular activities and easier competition in a less reputable school, as colleges look for competition. My son, in middle school, was the top student, always got straight A’s, and never had to worry about anything. The teachers even told me that my son was one of, if not the best student in his class. My son has been lately stressing about college, as there was this student that transferred in last year, and he’s “a literal genius, I can’t do anything against him.” That student never pays attention in class, yet he gets higher marks than my son. There was an assignment recently that asked all the students to list their accomplishments, and my son has described this student’s accomplishments as “impossible for our age.” The transfer student is a student in Calculus, and TAs the AP Calculus and Pre-Calculus classes. He doesn’t have many school classes due to the fact that he has already finished them all. He has a 4.0 Dual Enrollment GPA, and works multiple part-time jobs. He’s even described that he’s learned a new language all by himself. My son, on the other hand, though he’s doing good, I believe he may be overshadowed by this student by the time college admissions roll over. He’s a student in Pre-Calculus, and AP Biology, but he’s doing well in both classes. However, the AP Biology class teacher is very inconsistent, and my son insists on skipping the AP test this year, putting him behind the other student. What can we do to ensure that we can one-up this star student? Please help!!!
Is this real? If so, there will always be someone better than your son in different ways, he (and you) should just do his best and live with the results. Reminds me of the Texas cheerleader mom story.
Your son isn’t competing against the other student for college. He will be evaluated on his own.
It also sounds like he isn’t even the in the same league as the other student as far as which colleges he will eventually apply to. The kid who is in calculus as a sophomore and TA’ing other classes may be a great candidate for MIT in 2 years. Your son doesn’t sound like a future candidate for MIT… fortunately there are a few thousand other colleges to choose from.
Why does it matter that the other student is better? He will continue to get better as they go through school together. Your son will continue to play catch up. Your son will be judged on his own merit.
Some kids are naturally gifted; you can’t usurp that. I agree with @scotlandcalling^^^
One-up?? You do realize that in applying to college students are applying and competing with students from around the country and internationally, not just their own individual school??
Students like you describe are pretty much everywhere, and they will be applying to college right alongside kids with typical high school achievements. For most kids, just looking around them doesn’t give them a real sense of who the other kids are who are applying to colleges, being awarded scholarships, accepted at top schools, etc bc they have a myopic view of what some kids actually do achieve. It sounds like your child has had a small view into what is not really that incredibly unusual. There are lots of other kids like that student, some even far more accomplished than that.
But that is no reason to despair or even view the other student as “competition.” It is far more important to recognize individual strengths and find schools that match individual needs and abilities than focus on what others are capable of doing.
Encourage your student to enjoy the rest of high school and embace their individuality. Being the best them and liking themselves for it is all they need to do.
Just focus on your son’s growth and development as a person, and through his exploration of interests. Let him enjoy high school without comparisons to others. Concerns about college can wait a year, at least.
It is hard to tell whether you have anxiety that is affecting him, or he is having anxiety that is affecting you, or both, but some counseling might help.
You might want to educate yourself on the various options for colleges- there are so many great schools- and think about what school will fit your son, rather than trying to fit your son to a school. This might help with the competitive spirit that is plaguing you and/or him.
If sending him to a subpar school in order to excel among classmates was your primary strategy, perhaps he would learn more at a better school and would be eager to change if asked. Though we would agree that a less than stellar school can allow for more time for extracurriculars that are a student’s true “passions.”
If your son is too anxious to take the AP exam, that’s fine, but perhaps he could get together with some other students and cooperatively make up for the inconsistent teacher, and then take the exam.
At our HS, any student enrolled in an AP class has to take the exam. I thought that was kind of the point of the class.
AP exams are optional at most schools - they also cost $80 or so to take, so no one has to take them. Many may choose not to, particularly as a senior, when they know the school they are going to isn’t going to use the score/subject for any credit, etc. Or they may not have done that well in the class, or just not want to study for it with everything else going on that time of year. Although it does seem the point of the class is to take the test and it does seem odd not to, a good grade in an AP class looks good on it’s own as well.
This has got to be a joke.
Do NOT try to compete with any other student!!! Colleges are NOT looking for competition. The most intelligent (mid to high end gifted) do not always have the best record as they can be bored and not interested in getting the graders.
You want the best education for your son and a good childhood. The Bell curve is real- your son could possibly even be in the top 1% but there will always be those who are in the top 0.1%. It is a lousy plan to undermine his best potential education by trying to have him be the “big fish in a small pond”-ie putting him in a lesser school so he could be tops. Now that he is there he needs to get the best he can from the school.
No matter what age your son is, what stage in life/school, he will always find people who are smarter than he is who are far beyond him. Anecdote- my middle range gifted son- two grades ahead (and without perfect grades later in HS) went to our flagship U where he found many smarter honors math students. He had done several varied EC’s in HS- orchestra, CC/track distance running and academic clubs because he liked them. Top HS students often need EC’s to occupy their extra time. Some will “hit the books” for many hours, but some do not need to. It became apparent that our son was what H calls “lazy”- he is not interested in always being intense and the top person (likely a good thing he was not at MIT btw). He has a good intellectually satisfying life presently.
Okay- so you “optimized” (actually, he should be making the choices, more so as he gets into the next years) his HS career. Was/is he happy? Is he stressed by your fixation on being #1? My son had a 4.0 his first 3 semesters of HS then quit trying to get top grades. He was also bored (good WI public schools but not in a top college city)- as we found out years later.
Your job is to be sure your son is learning for himself and not for a resume. Your job is to instill good work (study) habits) and LET him actively enjoy these last few years of childhood.
Other posters had excellent comments. We are all trying to give you a reality check. It sounds as though your son may/may not be gifted (different states have different criteria for admission to programs). There are also very bright students who are hard workers and get the A’s.
I think it is time for you to have a long, unhurried conversation (or more than one) with your son about how he perceives himself and what his goals are. Not all smart people are equally driven. I know some who are more intelligent than I am who certainly did not need to go as far with advanced degrees as I felt the need to. They are intellectually satisfied with their lives and careers. Your son may surprise you. You may take a lot of pressure off of him to be perfect. Let him relax and learn for knowledge instead of to be the top one. He likely has a much better handle on who he is relative to his peers than you do. Listen to him regarding his wishes for organized activities. Raise an emotionally healthy child. I could go on forever but I think you have some “food for thought” here.
Regarding AP classes. The point is to get a higher/better level class in a subject. They are a wonderful device for giving HS’s a curriculum to follow and benefit students who otherwise would not have as challenging material. There are AP exams to show the degree that the AP material was mastered. This may or may not count for college credits in the future.
Off OP topic, but to comment on AP questions raised… you do not have to take an AP class to take an AP exam. My D loves history, but her school did not offer AP Euro. She considered doing an online class, but didn’t need the credits - so just took the test, and scored.
Seriously? If this is for real, I would suggest you get some counseling for your son…so that he understands that competing with one other student…or even ten other students is not a necessary worry.
He needs to think about himself…only.
I hope this is a post that isn’t for real.
OP, what is your child hoping for with regard to colleges?
If your son is looking to get high stats and high class rank in order to get merit aid, or to ensure he’s admitted to your state flagship (e.g. if you live in Texas), then he’s doing fine.
If he wants to be the standout student at the school so that he will be admitted to the most selective schools in the nation, then the presence of the stellar transfer student isn’t going to make any difference. For one thing, being ranked #1 in a high school class can’t guarantee that a student is going to get into TippyTop University, because there are far more high schools in the nation than there are spots for admission at all of the nation’s TippyTop U’s.
For another thing, many of the country’s most challenging high schools, both private and public, don’t want to penalize their students, who have chosen to attend academically demanding high school programs. These schools simply don’t rank their students. TippyTop University may take multiple students from some of these high schools, regardless of who has the “best” record.
As others have said, there is always, always, always someone who is better/smarter/faster/more impressive. And yet, people manage to have happy, productive, fulfilling lives and accomplishments, sometimes even outstripping those who at first appeared better/smarter/etc. Remind your son of the fable about the tortoise and the hare, and encourage him to keep his eyes on his own path, not that of someone else.
AP exams- definitely can take them without the class, and do well (5). I know a kid who got a 5 on the APUSH exam and therefore got exempted from the US History (regular or AP) mandatory class in HS. He was gifted and well read in the subject. OP- your son can explore options that interest him- but do NOT push him.
Elite colleges don’t “look for competition.” They look for academic, athletic, and leadership accomplishments.
If you do not have all of these, but do have good test scores, they may look at factors like poverty, lack of AP coursework or extracurriculars available in the school or community as mitigating factors and may admit anyway.
As others have noted, the playing field for the very top schools these days is global, not at the school level. Your son would still be competing against this transfer student even if he hadn’t transferred to the same school.
Guide your son to develop to his fullest potential, and choose a good range of reach, match, and safety colleges to apply to. But, don’t get hung up on individual students as “the competition.” You won’t ever meet most of his competition for admission.
If you have ever seen or competed in national level academic competition, you would realize that there are high school students doing college graduate level work— as 9th graders! Fortunately, when colleges are trying to build a well-rounded class, they have spots for kids who still need to take undergraduate level classes.
Just do your best and try to have realistic expectations.
You’re looking for ways for your kid to one-up a star student??? SMH.
Most top students I know thrive on competition. They like having other top students around to push them; they like having intellectual equals (or betters) in class because it makes it more interesting and challenging. They don’t go to less reputable schools to avoid competition. Rather than looking for ways for your son to one-up his “competition,” I would have him worry about himself and accomplishing as much as he can. If he’s already stressing about college and worrying that this other kid isn’t paying attention in class yet is still doing better (and if your son is paying attention to whether the other kid is paying attention, he might not be paying attention to the right thing), it’s going to be a long two years.
New poster as if today. One pretty wild post. Is it early spring break by some chance?
In the remote chance there is an iota of truth to this, agree with all the above points (picking a subpar school to be the top of the middle - meh: skipping the app exam because son thinks the teacher is inconsistent. No. Many students self study. Yours can too.
Snow day in New England for lots of students.
Ack typos above. New poster as of today. Self study for the AP.