<p>Why does one behave the way he does in public? Why does he grasp her hand? Why does he reach out to touch her on the shoulder? Why does he dispense hugs? Why does he grin broadly and laugh? Why does he say her name out loud in the hallway and run toward her? </p>
<p>Do we behave the way we do simply for the other party? Or are we but poor players strutting and fretting our hours upon the stage? Do we act only ostensibly for the other party but actually for the world to see? Do we wish to spread our mutual happiness, joy, and ecstasy among the bystanders? Or are we like Cora, partaking in moments selfish moments of superiority? </p>
<p>I ask because I have reveled in these moments of ecstasy before, and I distinctly remember feeling superior to the bystanders. I distinctly remember how public we were, yet I felt no need to obfuscate my affection. I felt no overpowering self-awareness; instead, I felt in control of the moment, and I relished the moment. These were the zeniths, the apexes, the peaks - the moments I remember and recall and reminisce over.</p>
<p>I also ask because today, someone asked me if I knew something intimate about this person I keep referring to with the pronoun "her." My interest was piqued. How did he know about "us"? I had to know. </p>
<p>Ah. He had noticed us, or more appropriately, a token of affection I had given her. At that moment a wave of ecstasy washed over me. My heart started racing, my skin started tingling, and I reveled in these physiological reactions. After a few minutes of basking in the pure, unadulterated, pleasure, my mind started wandering. Why was I reacting the way I was? Why am I not joyful because of our interactions in themselves, but for other peoples' noticing?</p>
<p>^ Agreed.
I have to sit for a moment and be amazed by the writing. And the question itself. God the question.
Who knows? I’m sure someone with a degree will tell you its hormones or pheromones or another big -mones word. I’ve always felt that it has more to do with you remembering how it felt to watch a couple.
To see a boy and a girl when you are single. It’s got to be the most brutal ‘Dont you wish?’ moment ever. To be causing that moment? Well I think it’s satisfaction. Amongst the enjoyment of the other sex it’s the fact that you are inspiring that jealousy. Finally you are no longer the helpless observer but a participant. With the kissing and the giggling, you finally have it! And the world sees. Ahh the satisfaction in having a crowd.</p>
<p>Thanks Niquii77 and Emc2Fma and Siriuss and everyone else - you guys are the most awesome and my favorite forum perusers on CC :). Just reading my post and scrolling down this far really warms my heart. I write to be heard, and thank you for listening. </p>
<p>I would say you probably are joyful of the interactions too. just joyful of them less than people’s noticing of them. or it may even be that it is just very surprising how joyful you feel by people’s noticing (and i would bet memories of being surprised by joy are more vivid than unsurprised joy - just an idea)</p>
<p>i do feel like there is this big inside joke or acknowledgement of how important status is to us (which is what seems to me you feeling the way you did had to do with. someone else was recognizing something about you that you were proud of - the fact that you knew this girl in an intimate - which made you feel surprisingly good). </p>
<p>even in like academia or among scientists, who are supposed to care about their research above all else not how many publications they have or how many citations their papers have. everyone knows it’s ridiculous to be so concerned with such things so it is rather embarrassing, yet it can’t be helped and persists.</p>
<p>it’s the intellectual part of us being uncomfortable with how disproportionately we seem to feel about things which we think aught not to matter so much. something like that i think…</p>
<p>I love your style of prose! The opening sentence - perfect. It may not be grammatical, but it’s effect is powerful - it’s short, abrupt, and perfect. Remember, the prose stylist knows when to put grammatical considerations aside for overall effect. The rhetorical question - perfectly placed. Your use of varied sentence structure toward the end is just supreme. The short, abrupt sentences are akin to staccatos in music - they imbue the piece with flavor (mixed metaphor?) and rhythm. And the content of your post is like a fermata - it warrants serious consideration - it’s not to be skimmed over, but rather, thought over.</p>
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<p>I’m more than willing to :)!</p>
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<p>Ha, I did set up a false dichotomy there, if only to be provocative :).</p>
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<p>It is a sort of validation of our status. In fact, “validation” was the first word I thought of using in describing the effect of his noticing. This third-party sort of validated our “relationship” as does a scientist who replicates an observation (jumping on the science metaphor bandwagon from the music metaphor bandwagon ;)). </p>
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<p>I conclude that we are all narcissistic beings, eager for attention. Why else do we have a Facebook, and why else do we update our statuses, and our relationship statuses?</p>
<p>lol yeah i knew you probably knew it was a false dichotomy … for some reason i still feel compelled to point out or clarify things even if i think the other person is aware of it, go figure… </p>
<p>yeah, like status is implicitly something that is public to other people - something that other people can validate you for. chasing status is similar to chasing validation i think. and of course people only chase those things becuase they feel really good to them :p. whatever you want to call that desire, i do think the intensity of it is probably distributed like intelligence. some people are probably shockingly immune to it, have very little interest in it, while for others it’s their life’s focus.</p>
<p>I think i’ve been friends with people who were in quite different places of that bell-curve.</p>
<p>Looks like I"m on the extreme end of the bell curve - hypersensitive toward whether others notice ;). </p>
<p>I suppose that our desire for validation may stem from our own insecurities - we need confirmation. We may also, as I mentioned, feel a kind of superiority - hence the name, “trophy wife.” The word “trophy” suggests that she is more meant to be displayed and flaunted rather than cherished for whom she is.</p>
<p>Without finishing what I was saying. Anyway, let me continue.
You yearn for recognition.
You know what?
I can’t remember what I was going to say.</p>