@SpartanDrew , he and his voice teacher were working on some new songs over the summer and his teacher suggested he do a solo recital this summer. So he got a venue, we hired an accompanist, and we sent out invites to friends and family. Turned out nice and was good prep for college. A friend also took video and will send us a Youtube link. 
Your party for your D sounds fantastic! So great that so many relatives could attend.
Good luck on the road and drive safe!
Good Luck to everyone. I am not sure why I still read these threads. All three of my kids are now officially âadultingâ. But I find myself drawn to them as I suppose they bring back some happy memories of how my three kids overcame various challenges during their young adult years. If I had one bit of advice it is get yourself some of the magical (and free) invisible duct tape for that first phone call home. LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN and LISTEN. Try not to give them advice or control what they do or the choices they make. Instead try to make comments in response that are reflective and help them think through various choices:
Example, Your child, âI hate my assigned ensembleâ Maybe they are even crying.
You, âWhat specifically do you dislike about your assigned ensemble?â
Your child, âThe other students are all at different levels and the ensemble coach keeps missing classes because they are away on tour.â
You âThat does indeed sound challenging. Have you thought about a way to address your frustration?â
Your child, âWell I couldâŠâ
You, "Maybe you should try that and see if that helps.
Your child âI doubt it will help becauseâŠâ
Your âCan you think of any other ways to address this?â
Your child, âNOâ
You âAre you sure? Is there anyone you can talk to at school about concerns and problemsâ
Your child âOh well the dean of âŠis really cool and is always asking how I am doingâ
You âCould you talk to that dean?â
Your child âYeah, maybe, I donât know. sorry I gotta go. Bye.â
A week later,
Your child starts filling you in on things that are happening.
You mention their ensemble and your childâs comments about disliking it
Your child says, âI never said I disliked it. It is great. We are working on ⊠and everyone in it is so cool.â
And that is how it goesâŠPATIENCE!!!
The best phrases I learned during my Dâs college years: âThat sounds hard/awful/terrible. Iâm glad you could share that with me. Do you want any advice?â Often the answer was âNo, I just needed to talk. I know what to do.â If it was yes, I would do something similar to the above.
If youâre âluckyâ, youâll be your childâs emotional outlet (or dumping ground). In the beginning, you are the one safe place to let out all the ugly, scary emotions of college. So keep that in mind if you get emotional calls. Of course some kids donât do thisâŠyou may rarely hear from them. Iâm not sure which is worse???
And yes, I got a lot of ârevisionist historyâ too! Iâm quite sure she was crying about an issue one day and then a few days later, she would act like it never happened (itâs fun to have your kid gaslight you!). Oh wellâŠitâs a stressful time that first year or twoâŠbut nothing that 3 simple sentences and a long walk (or a glass of wine) canât alleviate.
Good luck on everyoneâs move in! My D doesnât start until late September so we have another month with hearing her sing! Her voice teacher had a senior recital for her graduating students. It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed hearing the other students as well. My wife and I thought weâd be empty nesters this September but our eldest is taking a medical leave for the fall semester. So the youngest is leaving and the eldest is boomeranging home for a time. We are pushing the pause button on the empty nest until January 2019.
When my eldest went off to college we were warned about the dumping. Itâs a real thing. Somehow they save all the negative stuff for the phone call home. Next dayâŠlife is great and they are dismissive of the earlier conversations. Great fun that is.
S18 is all moved in! He even was able to fit his keyboard at the end of his bed. This week he has general school meetings and activities related to his academic scholarship and welcoming new students. Donât think there is anything associated with the music school this week, but next week he starts classes and meets with his music advisor. Canât wait to hear what he thinks of his music classes and teachers! His music classes are Menâs Glee Club, Music Theory I, Sight Singing/Ear Training, Class Piano and Applied Music-Voice.
Congrats @vistajay, @SpartanDrew and all the other wonderful parents who have inspired me during their journey! Itâs so moving to see these updates as your kids move into this wide, beautiful, musical world. Bless all of you for your love and caring, and for sharing the ups and downs. Weâre right behind you!
Hello everyone! I was just getting on here to give the move in update and saw that @vistajay beat me to the punch! So excited for your S and sounds like everything is working out really well.
First before any update on moving I have to comment on how much I absolutely LOVE @StacJipâs comment!! Have you been listening in on past conversations with my D and me??? HAHAHA! Oh man, my personal favorite (which totally rings true in this house) was âI never said I disliked itâŠitâs great!â Oh man if I had a dollar for every time she later said to me âI never said thatâŠâ Good grief. Great post and great reminders. I have officially cut the chord. She is on her own now to navigate all of this and I am confident she will do it just fine.
That being saidâŠMOVE IN DAY. OMG!!! I look back on that last 60 hours like childbirth. Painful to go through and when itâs over we felt huge relief and somewhat of a fog. There is absolutely NOTHING that can prepare you for moving your kid into a dorm in NYC!!! It was complete insanity. We got up at 5am on Saturday morning and drove the 11 hours to NYC, had dinner with friends that night and thankfully stayed in a hotel 4 blocks away from her dorm. We got up at 6am Sunday morning and were at the dorm in a line of cars at 7am seeing the loooooong line of students waiting to check in and on the other side of the building the looooooong line of parents unloading all of their kids stuff onto the sidewalk in a giant pile. No carts available until the kid checked in and got their room number and then had to wait in line to check out a cart! We looked like 100 homeless people on the street with all of our belongings! GOOD GRIEF! It was especially fun when it started to rain⊠:-((
I will say that for all of the people who told us to âjust wait until you get there to buy things for the room when you see what your setup isâŠâ I am SO SO SO GLAD I ignored that advice, listened to my gut and bought everything in advance and shoved it all into our Land Rover and drove it out! Because despite everyone looking at us like we were moving her into an unfurnished apartment, we only came home with a couple of things. The bed risers (which I canât believe came back with us) and a few mugs. We made treks to Bed Bath and Beyond, Target and The Container Store and it was a madhouse. I canât even imagine trying to buy everything that day, then the impossible task of either finding an uber or a cab in the rain to shlep it all back. We were exhausted from the insanity of the day and all of those stores were super picked over on items and easily 45-minute lines to check out. OUCH!
Her room came together beautifully, really warm and homey and thankfully she too had room against a wall for her keyboard. Everything fit! Her kitchen is well stocked and Bed Bath and Beyond had a great pop up shop in the basement of the dorm that we could buy essentials like the rubbermaid stacking shelves and other things. We did trek to the big store to try to find another small shelf for some of her plants (she brought about 8 potted plants with her!) and ultimately found the perfect thing at The Container store across the street. By 5pm we were done and exhausted. We took D out to dinner, collapsed in bed late that night, met her for breakfast the next morning and said our goodbyes as she headed to orientation. WHEW!
We spoke after we drove home last night and she had her placement audition and she felt it went well. She was placed into a higher level ear training class which she was happy about and said âwell at least Iâm somewhat decent at ONE thing!â HAHA! She has all music classes and is ecstatic.
Happy moving everyone! I hope all you parents check in here from time to time with updates on your kids! Iâll be so happy to hear about them. I have become facebook friends with many of you and itâs been so much fun to watch your kids move in photos and experiences.
I hope all of your kids have an amazing year!
Well itâs been an interesting first 2 weeks of college for D. Some good things, some bad things. D called us last Saturday afternoon, one week after being in NY sobbing because her BF dumped her that morning. He is also at TNS, living in the same dorm. I can tell you we saw this coming and braced ourselves for it. To say that hubby and I werenât fans of this kid would be an understatement. We saw his true colors on a visit here during the summer and hoped it would end quickly, which it has but hoped she would be the one to end it on her own terms. So all in all a rough first week. The good news is she has become close to her roommate and suitemates and they have all become good friends.
I was really proud of her for pulling herself together that night even, and she went out to a jazz club not far from Harlem and sat in on some tunes. She has been hyper-focused this week on audition material for YoungArts etc which has been great. There is a silver lining to the heartbreak at least.
The other downside is itâs interesting to me that now that she is in school we are discovering things we were not aware of or prepared for. She tested into a higher level ear training class which is good but she was placed in very entry level classes for everything else including vocal performance which stinks. She needs to know how to transpose charts to be placed into a higher level class (odd in VP I think) and she is not proficient in that yet. But the other vocalists are VERY green with very little experience. The level of talent is all over the place.
She also found out that she canât audition for any elective ensembles until she passes VP3 and that she wonât be assigned to ANY ensemble until spring semester. That is really disappointing and not at all what we or she was prepared for. I guess the upside is she has been working hard on her own and has gone out 2 weekends in a row now to sit in at local jazz clubs including some very well known clubs like Smalls in the West Village. These opportunities would never have been available to her pretty much anywhere other than NYC I think. So despite some of the bumps in the road (boyfriend blues) and entry-level classes which even the voice teacher was flabberghasted by given Dâs resume, she is pushing through and making the most of her opportunities and working hard to get better and learn. It just makes me wonder if TNS is actually worth the price tag. But we will know that soon enough I guess.
How are everyone elseâs kids doing after the first week or two of classes? Hope you all check in from time to time. We are all so invested in each otherâs kids it would be great to hear how they are doing. And also give the next yearâs parents some feedback on the good, the bad and the ugly with these schools now that they are committed and there.
Oh and the final comment on New School is that the meal plan is a JOKE!!! D has one meal a day on it and will run out of money by mid November. It works on a declining balance and in no way could possibly feed a student 3 times a day for a semester. She does have a kitchen in her suite and cooks in a lot. We will waive the meal plan for spring and just give her money to cook and go out. And as you can imagine, NYC ainât cheap!
They donât put everything into the âUserâs Manualâ, do they? There are many customs and policies to be picked up in the first semester or two, so we found. Iâm glad you posted this update. I like to do that as well, to show how the flow of events continued on and to bring up some of these oddball points, so that when other folks run into oddball situations later, or if it is important to avoid some of them, there is at least some note about it here.
It wouldnât be college if you werenât being taken by a âpredatoryâ food plan, in a âuselessâ class or âblind-sidedâ by ensembles. Just be glad she doesnât have a âserial killerâ for a roommate. Lol. My D had to re-take atonal theory in grad school after not passing the entrance exam. She called livid about that grand injustice. I remember thinking âjust sound really empathetic and soon you can hang up the phone and make this problem go awayâ. I spent the whole semester trying to avoid the topic with her (I had ridden that horse before in UG).
Itâs not uncommon for there to be some big differences in knowledge levels the first year (with only a few classes to work that out). Freshman year is about trying to get everyone on par. It is truly a year of figuring âopaque thingsâ out. I wouldnât focus too much on coursework level however. Performance and academic success are two separate animals. Still she has 4 short years for the academic side (regardless the pace) and a lifetime to perform. The academic foundation will pay offâŠand she doesnât need to be at the top unless she wants a doctorate.
And what was the most surprising element of UG: ensembles, ensembles, ensembles (followed by no credit course work/expectations). When you visit schools new parents, ask about ensemble requirements (and youâll still be surprised)! Freshman yr your kid may be twiddling their thumbs and by junior year theyâll be pulling out their hair swearing they should be paid for their workâŠbtw my D did get paid for some in UG bc of the amt of hoursâŠmeaning excessive). Still all good learning experiences. As a âworking artistâ you are often overly busy or suddenly unemployed. How do you manage both of those situations?
In Sâ first semester, they had no bassist enrolled in a mid-level improv class, so they recruited him in, just to provide a full rhythm section for the students who were working on their improv. No credit. No pay. Just a fine opportunity I guess. Now he is in that class for credit, and he is one of 3 bassists in it. There are other such Logistical Needs that come up as well that can influence the students.
We are 2 weeks in as well. A few surprises but nothing I would call major so far. His challenge is balancing his academic requirements and his music courses. He was placed in a mandatory 1 credit seminar for his academic scholarship, which conflicts with his studio every other week. His voice teacher was pretty relaxed about it, and said it was fine for S18 to miss every other week of studio, but S18 was still disappointed that he could not resolve that scheduling conflict. One nice surprise: he was granted AP credit for the intro English Composition course after all, so he picked up an intro Italian language course that he likes quite a bit even though it meets 4x per week at 8am, LOL.
He LOVES his ensemble assignment in the Menâs Glee Club. He has met up with a few other singers and they have been having fun singing together at an open mic night in the student union. He actually likes the dining hall food options and has been using it 2-3 times a day, so we ended up getting his a meal plan as it is cheaper if he uses it a lot.
We have two weeks until move in. Today, my D told me that her voice teacher let her know how much she was going to miss reading her âanxious dadâs emailsâ regarding her applications. Yep!
Finally got to catch up with S18 last night. He had his first studio class, and sang in front of this new peer group for the first time. He was very nervous and was not pleased with his performance, and this kid does not get nervous easily. He said he was on edge because he knew the other students in the studio were all very talented and experienced, and so were a very discerning audience. But they were all very supportive. He is looking forward to the next class. He has his first private lesson Monday, which should be interesting. He tried out for 5 a cappella groups yesterday, and has call backs from two of them already. Hopefully he gets into one. I think that would be a fun experience for him. He is doing fine otherwise with the exception of his ear training class. The teacher has a heavy accent and is difficult to understand, and is flying through the material at present. S18 is looking for some outside help so he can catch up.
It sounds like your S is doing just fine, @vistajay ! ALL these things (NERVOUS at first Studio Class, difficulty in Aural Skills, lol) are par for the course for just about every VP Freshman. If his school offers tutoring in Aural Skills, I would not waitâŠjust start this right away. So helpful! His ensemble assignment possibilities sound so fun!
@vistajay - yep.
I would be worried if he wasnât intimated (that would indicate some sort of denial). And Aural SkillsâŠyesâŠmusic classes are hard. I think @bouyant just did a post commenting that parents of Freshmen will start hearing about how hard some music classes are.
Please note that the growth in college for vocalists is stunning. Any Freshman (with any sense) at a competitive school will notice a big difference. A Sophomore sounds very different than a Freshman. A Senior or Grad student will seem so far in advance it can really shake a studentâs confidence. So Freshman year (after being a big, confident dog in Sr yr high school) is an adjustmentâŠno matter how prepared you think they are.
And here is some unsolicited advice: If he seems overly concerned ever, simply remind him (and yourself) that he would not have been accepted if they couldnât see the TALENT. Donât sayâŠyouâre just as good or too hard on yourselfâŠbc what he sees in studio class is probably concerning. Just remind him that with time and hard work, heâll get there too. SoâŠitâs all about blind faith in your kid once again! I think you have a lot of concrete reasons to âjust believeâ!
Thanks for the great advice, @dramasopranomom @bridgenail ! S18 underwent 6 hours of auditioning Sat but was selected to join the a cappella group he liked the best!
Congrats @vistajay S! Thatâs great news! I wish Dâs current experience was like that. Unfortunately not every school is created equally. D isnât at all intimidated by other experienced and talented vocalists because there really arenât many in the freshman class at TNS. There are most definitely some upperclassmen that have mad talent but she isnât around them at all. She would have been placed into a VP2 class but they didnât have enough students who were at that level to be placed into it so she sits in VP 1 which is disappointing. She also canât even audition for any of the elective ensembles until she passes VP3, which would be great for her to be placed into for spring semester except Iâm assuming there wonât be enough vocalists who qualify again. She has no ensemble placement at all which is very frustrating. She wonât get one until spring semester. BUT - she knows her level of theory is lacking and that is the sole reason she didnât get placed into VP3 from the get go so she knows what she needs to do to step that up. She never had any theory classes offered in HS so is at a disadvantage there.
I donât think knowing any of this in advance would have changed her decision on where she decided to go to college, especially since she has been sitting in at jazz clubs every weekend in NYC which is great. That was the biggest draw for her to TNS, location location location. Itâs interesting though that back when she was applying and auditioning she said that going to a small and selective school was her top choice but when it came down to it, she chose location (and biggest scholarship).
She has no regrets, LOVES her roommate and suitemates and overall is enjoying herself there and making connections. The biggest issue for her is the lack of interaction with any of the instrumentalists not being assigned an ensemble currently which is a major disappointment. I think for current parents touring schools I would ask about ensemble opportunities for freshmen.
@SpartanDrew - usually when decision time is on hand, I try to say: let your kid decide and talk to them about WHY^ they are deciding on a certain school (and keep that knowledge in your back pocket). I know you did this. And this is whyâŠa little secretâŠno school is perfect. They all cost a lot of money and disappoint in various ways!! And sometimes during Thanksgiving your kid will hear about other schools and wonder if they made a mistake. Freshman issues! You are doing it right by pointing out why she chose her school. Over time, the issues will work themselves out most likely. And music theory is REALLY important (and hard). SoâŠits not like she wonât be learning. And she can learn a lot in NYC so it all sounds goodâŠif not a tad frustrating. Some schools disappoint right awayâŠand others wait a year to make you mad! But no school is perfect. Still the education will be great if a kid throws themselves into the good, the bad and the ugly.
One side note - sometimes when kids arenât in âofficialâ ensembles they do come up with their own opportunities (and maybe that is âwatching/learningâ a ton with a few friends). Best not to poke around in that and just see what happens for her on her own. Itâs still early.
@vistajay - good for him!
youâre 100% right @bridgenail. She has already been in touch with some instrumentalists about putting a combo together for her YoungArts auditions so in a way itâs good, she is being forced to reach out to these guys/girls and do this herself rather than having it done for her. And yes, she will be learning a LOT in theory so she really needs to move the needle in that regard. All just interesting âbumpsâ that we didnât necessarily expect.
The meal plan not being sufficient was totally expected and I made her put a big chunk of her grad money aside to cover what that wonât. She is glad she did that now (despite a lot of arguing with me this summer when she wanted to spend it all!!)