Recently I got into a heated discussion (how incredibly ‘teen angst’ typical) with mom. I am a girl with short hair and I am in the process of buzz-cutting my hair entirely. I am also going to interview at mom’s selective alma mater this weekend (I feel like naming the school is pointless atm). Her point was that it is useless for me to go to interview if I have a shaved head because they will not admit me. I think that interviewers/people who review your application cannot judge you for how you look. Also I think that if I am denied from a school based on my gender+hair length, I wouldn’t have wanted to attend anyway. My mom holds onto her belief that her schoolmates were ‘preppy’ and judgmental of her when she attending school, the 70’s, and nothing has changed. Do you believe that an applicant should have to police the way they look in order to be admitted to selective schools?
Well, don’t show up to the interview in jeans, but in terms of gender and hair length, they won’t deny you for that.
Of course anyone can judge you for how you look. That’s life.
And, I’d guess part of why anyone chooses any style is to project something about their identity- sometimes, even defiantly. So be wise. You could get it cut after the interviews are done.
That’s the pragmatic me. We tell kids to dress neatly or an interview, eg, even if casually. You have to decide what’s really up and what matters to you, not just for today or next month.
I think your mom is old. Old fashioned. Some “name” colleges are old school and appearance matters.
In 2016 the world has changed greatly from the 1970s. Schools that don’t innovate and adapt will become less popular with most students over time.
You have to choose a school you feel at home. A place you can be yourself.
An interview is an important event. Any interview- for a job, for college, for an internship.
Be yourself, sure. But be your best self. Because the person interviewing you is going to assume that that’s what he or she is seeing-- the best you.
First impressions matter. After all, that’s what an interview is, isn’t it? A chance for a representative to get an impression of you, beyond your resume.
People can indeed be judgmental and tend to formulate opinions based on how people look/dress/speak, etc. I think piercings and tattoos are more apt to elicit negative reactions than a buzz cut might, but that may be my own prejudices. Dress neatly, be polite and well spoken. And be yourself.
However, if the school is rife with “preppy” and “judgmental” types, it may not be a good fit for you in either case.Have you visited?
Better think again. You will almost certainly not be interviewed by the school. You will be interviewed by an alumnus/a, whose personal biases may or may not reflect the ethos of the school.
I will mention something a bit different here. Sounds like you want to be provocative. I am not sure if you want to test your parent or the school with the interview but for me the interesting question is why you are choosing to be so provocative. After all, you have had a ton of time to shave your head for years before the interview and years after the interview. So why are you being so provocative? Is it adolescent rebellion? Are you testing the school or your parent?
Just out of curiosity, did you decide to apply to this school or was it your mother’s decision?
I do not believe that the school is still full of preppy and judgmental attitudes, or at least their marketing tries to portray that they are diverse and accepting. However, I feel like part of that acceptance is because it competes with more diverse and ‘hippie-like’ liberal arts schools. I am going to visit this weekend and I’ll figure that out myself. (Also important to note that I have done a lot of interviews and all of them so far have been done by 20-somethings seniors, not to say that they can’t be judgmental).
Also, I can totally get down that I’m just being a dumb provocative/rebellious adolescent, I have made silly hair and other decisions in the past and I have never had an issue with my parents or other people for that matter. Because my mom has specifically said that “buzzing-cutting-dyeing my hair doesn’t bother her” and now changing her mind is more a reflection of her hidden judgement rather than a supposed school’s judgement.
But yeah I am planning on cutting it after the interview because the point I am trying to get is life shouldn’t be ‘look-centric’, so me cutting my hair before an interview is contradictory to my point!
Good question!! I am applying the school because I like it, not because my mom does. My mom actually had a somewhat negative experience because she felt she was the only person without money or connections. However, this was 35-40 years ago and I’d like to believe things have changed.
“now changing her mind is more a reflection of her hidden judgement rather than a supposed school’s judgement.”
Part of growing up is learning to evaluate different situations and to select appropriate conduct based on the requirements/constraints/opportunities of that particular situation. One aspect of decision making is to consider the cost:benefit ratio of ones actions; Is the cost to you worth taking the risk. Blue hair in church may offend some people. but won’t shut you out of opportunities that could change your life for the better. That may be a risk your mother thinks is worth taking if it allows you freedom to express your “creativity”. But sounds like she does not think it worth risking your not getting into a college you want to attend. Sounds like she is a clear thinker.
Working hard to stand out is the same as working hard to fit in, by the way. Both are all about what others are doing.
One thing about being a mother and being a mother under stress (the whole college application process is very stressful for parents as well as applicants like you) is that our motherbearness comes out in weird ways sometimes. Your mother many not have hidden judgements and her attitudes about what you do with your hair may not have changed, but rather, she is trying to protect you from the often not so nice judgements of others, real or not.
I seriously respect and understand what you all are saying. My one thing I’m going to add is someone’s decision what they wear/how they do their hair/et cetera isn’t always based on standing out vs fitting in, often times it is about fighting insecurity and feeling better about their self. :~)
There was an expression I once heard that has stuck with me. I am not a religious person but the point is very well illustrated by the inclusion of God in the expression. The expression was " people look on the outside, God looks on the inside".
We are all creatures of judgement and we are processing countless things in our minds constantly. Sometimes you don’t have enough time to have someone understand who you are on the inside so in those instances “if it matters” we have to play it a bit safer with who we are on the outside.
I hope you rock your interview!
I think it is really on how you present yourself. ( I’m not in your mother’s situation. My girls have straight hair past their waists and they highlight or Brazil it. I only care that it looks clean.)
I was on an interview committee about 5 years ago and we looked at the resume of an applicant before the candidate entered. It looked great! Then she came in with a buzz cut, tats, multiple earrings,etc. But. . . . . . She wore a really nice “suit”; her accessories and make-up were done well, and her presentation and affect were really personable.
After she left the room we discussed her appearance, and the majority of us agreed that she knew that she was coming in for an interview, but we liked her! She wasn’t going for Martha Stewart, but she knew how to present herself. She was hired (special Ed aide) and is/was phenomenal with our students! Some outfits were a little “out there” but, it brought unexpected attention to her from other students at the high school who later came to volunteer in the class. She exuded a confident presence and she knew how much she could push the “outfits” (she always had extra jeans and t-shirt in her car). She changed her hair color, when she had hair, and would try to use it to get the students to guess the color and the reason (pink for Valentines). Her “look” was questionable, but she knew how to and when to wear it.
So, if you plan on going in with a buzz cut, the rest of your “presentation” has to be exceptional, not just good, but almost perfect.
Love it, aunt bea.
I have a feeling you’ll be ok, OP. You’re thinking.
This is such a seventeen year old’s post… do what you want. But don’t think that everyone in the world confirms to your idea of fashion and grooming. If people with power (interviewers, bosses, admissions officers) find your choices to be too off-putting, they may decide that adding you to their group (campus, place of employment) isn’t what they want to do. Especially if they have other candidates who are equally qualified that are not pushing those boundaries. You can be all about “me” in your interview and application process, but if you don’t pay any attention to “them” and what makes them comfortable and makes them want you to attend, it can hurt your chances.
Well, wake up and smell the coffee already, because life is ‘look-centric’. Accept it or accept the consequences of being in denial.
I have a HS friend who dyed her hair bright pink during HS & college to make a statement like you want to-- kumbaya… She’s 50 years old now and still dyes her hair bright pink, except at 50 she just looks like a jackass. Feel free to also make a jackass out of yourself.
I’ve got a 67 year old friend with purple streaks in her grey and she’s great. So many of us tested appearance rules at OP’s age. Anyone remember? Some gals look great with very short hair. Or very little.