<p>Note: As the title might suggest, this post is all over the place. I've bolded the explicit questions I want answered to help those who might not know where to start after reading (I sure don't know where to start!), but I would also love to hear just comments and discussion on everything. I'm putting myself out there for the first time in my life and it scares me so much, but if, pages of discussion later, I understand myself, what I want to do, and how to do it, fear is not going to stop me from posting this. Thank you in advance.</p>
<p>Introductions first: I'm Sarah and I hail from Silicon Valley, California. I'm a freshman applicant (most likely EECS) to UC Berkeley this admissions cycle. My total SAT score is 3910/4000, and my UC GPA is somewhere around 4.2. I graduated high school early by taking 4 extra quarter-long classes at a community college in order to study abroad in Germany (where I am now) for what would have been my Senior year on a full scholarship, CBYX (Congress Bundestag Youth Exchange).</p>
<p>I'm learning a lot about myself, and what I want in my life, and therefore from college, here in Germany (and I've only been here 7 weeks!). In college, I see myself picking classes not based solely or even primarily on popular opinion and convenient time of day. For example, for English R1B (I have AP English credit), I see myself looking through the course catalog, looking for classes that cover interesting readings, and looking at the kind of work and writing the professor does. Then I see myself e-mailing professors, introducing myself as a potential student, and asking them if they'd be willing to talk with me over lunch about their career (past, present, and future), work, interests, how they view teaching, their teaching philosophy, how they set up their courses, how they grade and why, how their interests may overlap with mine, what they think their course does for their students, how they think they improve students' writing, how to improve writing skills in general, and what they/their class might do for me specifically. And then I see myself picking the right class and teacher.</p>
<p>My first question is, how and to what extent could I make this work at Berkeley? And also to other colleges, but I'm posting this in Berkeley specifically because it's my realistic dream school, and also saves me $100,000 that could be spent on a nicer home, grad school (definitely looking into getting into academia there's so much freedom), starting my own business, founding a start-up, experimenting with being self-employed, other similar risks involving delayed monetary gratification, travel, personal fitness trainer, beautiful clothes, LASIK eye surgery...and so on. ;-) A good answer may prevent me from applying to more expensive privates than I already am Princeton, Cornell, Stanford, and MIT. My concerns are that Berkeley is known to be impersonal and unfriendly to undergraduates (though I've also heard that all the opportunities are there for those who look), and that it may be hard to get classes in the first place so there'd be no opportunity to pick classes like this. I don't really know enough about Berkeley's course selection system, so I definitely need insight from current undergrads.</p>
<p>Berkeley appeals to me for other reasons too. I visited October last year, and the energy of the campus is amazing. It looks beautiful too I really don't understand why people say it's ugly; most of the buildings are either beautiful or modern, and I like the variety more than more uniform campuses like Stanford and UCLA. I loved the way the Units looked at night it's just like being in a city, but more devoted to learning than shopping. And I was very disappointed that you have to be a student/affiliated with the university to get into that underground library that is nonetheless naturally lighted (that's awesome!). I love Berkeley's history, the activism, the independent spirit. And I have no problem with having to find opportunities by myself instead of having them handed to me, as long as they're all there, and they are at Berkeley. Berkeley EECS, along with other departments I have interests in (economics, business, German, English, political science, education, philosophy...), is ranked way up there (blah, rankings, but you get the idea), the undergraduate school is in the top 25 I believe, the graduate school is definitely way up there, and so on. </p>
<p>And I recently discovered the Energy & Resources Group (ERG), an interdisciplinary academic unit of the University of California at Berkeley, conducting programs of graduate teaching and research that treat issues of energy, resources, development, human and biological diversity, environmental justice, governance, global climate change, and new approaches to thinking about economics and consumption. I realize undergraduates may not touch these people (anyone have insight on this?), but they have an undergraduate minor as well. It also seems like the perfect place to pursue my Ph.D, because...</p>
<p>Actually, the description of ERG is PERFECT for me. I want to study sustainability and to understand how energy and resources affect the world around us in every dimension science & technology, business, government, internationally, and even ethics and culture (our problems go deeper than just the fact that we're running out of stuff). And then I want to write and talk, about my or other people's related engineering/science/math research, about all of the above topics combined and how they relate, what we need to know and how we can change, in books and journals, newspapers and blogs, Daily News Report with Jim Lehrer and Oprah, to renowned scholars and experts, to business and political leaders, to other students or my own students, to bakers and gardeners, and to all of these people in other countries. And then I still want to write more personal, irreverent stuff, like EB White's essays (Stephen Jay Gould is a good example; he wrote these kinds of essays as well as bunches of lovely science stuff).</p>
<p>Most of all, I don't want a job in the traditional sense. If I work, I want to work for myself: my own businesses, founding a start-up, creating my own websites and blogs (education is another thing I want to revolutionize, but starting with changing students' and parents' attitude to school choosing classes the way I'm thinking of versus picking the easiest professors on RateMyProfessor.com, going to school for the right reasons in the first place before learning how to ace your classes), writing, researching, advising. I've thought about it and the most 'traditional' field that could actually combine all of this is academia, which fits in with my education interest as well.</p>
<p>Next question how do these desires work together? Sustainability is the overarching theme, academics wise, but what knowledge do I need to acquire in college to take me to what I want to do? How does this all fit into a major, into my coursework? I want to fit a scientific/engineering/math perspective with all the rest. I need to write well, but I think that would come with everything else, and with just...writing. I used to think I just wanted to work directly in alternative energy at the business level (versus academia), but now that I want to expand out so much more, I'm not sure if an EECS degree will give me what I need. On the other hand, EECS is a pretty versatile degree, and maybe I'd get enough of the rest through elective classes and my own reading?</p>
<p>I don't know; this is where I am most confused. I suspect something interdisciplinary would fit the bill, but the more I try to fit my dreams to college/majors, the more I drift back to realism and 'being practical.' For example, if an interdisciplinary/individual major does fit the bill, what would I do if I didn't get into grad school? How would I get employed? It's funny how these fears pop up when two paragraphs ago I just said I don't want a traditional job. Anyway, those fears drift away when I think back to how amazing it would be to be self-employed or to start my own business (something to do with education) or found a start-up (but how would an interdisciplinary degree help with that??). By the way, I'm just saying interdisciplinary major as an example; anything other than EECS gets me worried.</p>
<p>(Couldn't figure out a good way to fit this in smoothly, so: Would there be time to study abroad during college, when I want to do all these things, and may need to get into grad school (therefore need research/recommendations, not really sure) to boot?)</p>
<p>Don't get me wrong, engineering and science (physics particularly) fascinate me; it's just that my dream future seems to have stuff other than that going on too. But I suspect social conditioning (parents, peers) is also keeping me hanging onto EECS, onto trying to get into 'elite' colleges (Princeton has a sustainable energy concentration, though not as interdisciplinary/interesting to me as Berkeley's, Cornell is going all out on sustainability, and sustainability is 'the thing' everywhere in academia, but Berkeley really has everything I want, I think!), onto a traditional career path with measurable success, and so on. I see my social conditioning in action at times when I question myself for going to Germany instead of staying in high school another year taking more AP classes. Though those times happen less and less I'm actually starting to believe I'm learning far more here, about myself, the world, learning how to write better from college essays because I have the maturity (I'm starting to understand what that word means, maybe) to get far more out it than before and because I've made writing them my choice. Sometimes I even hated writing in high school (though there were definitely some good times), and couldn't wait till I didn't have to take another English class ever again. I am pretty sure if I was still in my high school, just taking AP English Lit, doing assignment after assignment after in-class essay without any thought why, I would still 'hate' writing.</p>
<p>I was about to write that EECS would also be good to apply to in any case because EECS/maybe Engineering Undeclared majors can transfer to any other major with fewer barriers (though it is a harder major to get into...another fear). And that may be so, but I feel like that's avoiding commitment to keep my options open, which I've been doing the last 17 years of my life already. I want to define a vision for my life, not be kept back by the fear of making the wrong choice. I think I know enough about what I want to do and what's out there to make a decision now.</p>
<p>Okay, maybe that last sentence was a bit much after all I'm here, writing this, asking these questions of you. I need realism and pragmatism as much as I need people that support my hopes and dreams, and are maybe even inspired by them. I need older people, parents, current college students, kids my own age, and younger people to help me and give me their opinions, because there are things I don't and cannot know, and things I've forgotten. Like how college works, how to combine a family (which I want) with work, or even just how to fill out an income tax form. What it's like to follow your dreams and not look back, what it's like to look back and regret, what it's like being a poor college student, saving for retirement, trying to give your kids what they want and not being able to, to go for your dreams and fail. Or just information about other colleges that fit me. </p>
<p>I said I want to travel and meet foreign people in my future, and I'm doing it now. I said I want to write, and I'm writing. I said I dream of talking to people, so I'm starting this thread now.</p>
<p>But I'm still afraid. I'm afraid everything I've written is too out there. That it'll be 'too hard.' That it's impossible for one person to do so much (probably is, that's why I'm trying to refine...). That the way I want to live my life is too risky. That I'm only applying to elite colleges for other people. That if I don't apply, I'm just being lazy and scared. That I'm giving up too much worrying about an extra $100K for private schools versus UCs (no fin aid, but we could afford it). That we'll pay that extra $100K and then somewhere down the road need that extra money. Or that the money could be used for more interesting purposes. That I'm avoiding unique schools like St. John's College because I'm still afraid to be different. Afraid that I'll fail, but more afraid that I won't get up again afterward. That people will look down at me at first. That this post is too long, too clichéd, that no one will reply, that people will judge me (and they definitely will in some way). But I'm far, far more afraid that I won't follow my dreams, that I'll compromise somehow to fit in with other people's expectations.</p>
<p>I know when I see replies to this thread, I will hesitate for at least a second before clicking. But...in the words of James Morrison, You give me something // That makes me scared alright
// This could be nothing // But I'm willing to give it a try // Please give me something // Because someday I might know my heart.</p>