Things Came Crashing Down at the End

Student Lounge College Life
1

Just went through my first semester at an actual university. As you can read here, I had some incredibly strange health problems hit me towards the end of the semester once the final midterms and final exams rolled around.

Going to the health clinic resulted in me finding out I was having panic attacks. And more or less, I had maybe one to two panic attacks daily the entire month of April and some into May. At first, they were scary because I had no friggin’ clue what was happening–was I about to have a seizure or stroke? But now I know.

Towards the end, I started having another strange issue arise–hallucinations, racing and nonsensical thoughts, and occasionally hearing voices. These would (usually) follow a panic attack once it subsided, especially at night. I’d have so much difficulty falling asleep because of this that I would occasionally not fall asleep at all and would have to go to class tired the next day. It was VERY scary when it would happen because I wasn’t exactly sure what to do since it wasn’t as simple as saying, “Mind, please turn off,” and it would last quite some time. The times it didn’t happen following a panic attack, I’d probably wake up in the middle of the night/of a nap with these racing thoughts. I’d have to get up and pace the floors to distract myself from the racing thoughts/voices/hallucinations. Relaxation techniques I learned from prior counseling wouldn’t help either.

I’ve been to the psychiatrist provided by my school at their health clinic but not for ANY reason were we compatible and I filed a formal complaint. Now I feel like I don’t have anywhere else to go.

Now, I’m sorry if this seemed like a blog post, but I will get to the point… I’m supposed to be headed back to my university for the 2nd summer session to try and get back on track after taking last fall off. But I seriously don’t feel ready to do so. Why? Because I don’t think I can survive another psychiatric nightmare like this past semester. Even though things came crashing down at the end, I still managed to pull As in all my classes, but I think the “off-period” of all these strange health difficulties landed at just the right times. I still started to develop symptoms of a panic attack in the middle of my last exam, but thankfully it didn’t hit completely until afterwards. But who’s to say that they won’t fall at all the wrong times next semester?

How on earth will I survive this coming summer session, much less this coming fall semester? If I truly have schizophrenia, I know exactly which drugs will get pushed on me and I’m not okay with the high probability of gaining weight, developing diabetes from high blood sugar, and developing tardive dyskinesia from Abilify. I don’t even take medications for the panic attacks for similar reasons, or any medications at all.

I’m not keen on taking fall off again. For scholarship reasons, in my junior-senior year, I don’t think I can either. Has anyone else suffered something similar? Did you make it through such a tough time? What suggestions can you make if so?

Thanks so much, and I’m sorry for the strange post. I just feel “lost” to say the least.

(I should also mention… Despite the semester being said and done with and all final grades in, these health problems still persist while being at home or on vacation. I can’t quite be certain that just “taking a break” for summer would fix things just yet.)

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Have you found another doctor yet? That should be your first step. There ARE meds that work, if you have schizophrenia. Doctors can play around with types and dosages until you come up with a combination that works for you. My son was in exactly your shoes, back in the fall of 2010. He made it a year at his OOS school, then moved home. He’s hoping to finish his applied math degree in a year or so. He gained weight initially, but then started exercising regularly. At 5’-9" tall, he weighs 145 pounds, so he’s fine. He’s a little fidgety, but the med WORKS, so he puts up with it.

You seemed to have read a lot, so you probably know that schizophrenia, if that’s what you have, FEEDS on stress. You need to take care of yourself, whatever that means. My son’s doctor tells him constantly that he can achieve whatever he wants, but he has to pace himself.

I can’t stress enough that you need to get your symptoms under control FIRST. School will be almost impossible, otherwise. Looking back, I wish we had had our son take MORE time off from school.

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I pm’d you some info. Good luck. :slight_smile:

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UPDATE: Had an incredibly rough day today.

I think I need to use medication for the time being. At least for the panic attacks. Had the worst one of my life today away from home.

It was terrible. I was out in public and my body started shutting down. My muscles tensed up. My whole body was uncontrollably vibrating. Heart was racing faster than when I exercise. My hands curled up into fists and I couldn’t open my hands. Legs were in a similar predicament. My body was totally paralyzed in a chair someone sat me down in. I couldn’t move because my muscles were locked and I couldn’t do anything about it. An ambulance was called. I didn’t ride in it because I don’t think I myself can afford an ambulance ride. And because I knew my parents were going to make me feel bad about it. They work in the medical field and complain about how people will call for an ambulance for silly things. I seriously thought I was about to die. I get home. They belittled me about how it’s my fault this all happened when I got home.

I could barely talk to the EMTs to tell them what was happening. Couldn’t breathe and talk since talking uses air. When I got home, I took some Klonopin. Heart continued to race for several hours. Don’t mean to complain, but I think this is my wake-up call that I have a serious problem that needs to be fixed immediately.

To say the least, I was scared, thinking I was going to have a heart attack in that chair. I lived and wrote about it here. But it was not fun.

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@cameraphone I agree with @MaineLonghorn, you need treatment and you need to find a good doctor ASAP. You should not be self prescribing medications. In order to be on a safe regimen and to mitigate side effects these should be given with care and careful monitoring. What you are going through is scary and you should not go through it alone. Please talk to your parents about how sick you are getting and beg them to assist you in finding the right kind of help.

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I know this will sound harsh but your health is the foremost priority. Education is a secondary concern. Schizophrenia and other mental illnesses can be deadly and must be treated by a professional psychiatrist and psychologist.

At almost all universities mental health issues are an extremely valid cause for withdrawing and/or taking an incomplete. Please seek help immediately. I am sure there is at least one other psychologist and psychiatrist in the area who can treat you with whom you can get along with. Also tell your parents.

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Work with your parents to find a psychiatrist that works for you.
Clearly you have issues that are bad enough to warrant medication.

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OP this is extremely concerning. I am glad that you are looking for help on this website. You have gotten some excellent advice. Now it is time to take your quest to the next step. Communicate with your parents and ask them / one of them to set aside an hour to have a serious conversation with you ASAP. Your health is more important than anything else! You need support to make a plan that will work for you. Try to make them understand what you are going through. Wishing you much courage over these coming days!

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OP this is extremely concerning. I am glad that you are looking for help on this website. You have gotten some excellent advice. Now it is time to take your quest to the next step. Communicate with your parents and ask them / one of them to set aside an hour to have a serious conversation with you ASAP. Your health is more important than anything else! You need support to make a plan that will work for you. Try to make them understand what you are going through. Wishing you much courage over these coming days!

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When given a medication, do NOT, I repeat DO NOT run to the internet or other source to find out what the side effects are. If you do, you’re likely to scare yourself silly and then develop all the side effects. Side effects do not manifest in everyone who takes a particular medication because everyone responds differently. Additionally, other factors might determine the side effects of a drug. You mentioned Abilify (as of last month available in generic) by name. It can be prescribed in doses as low as 2mg per day. Think the side effect profile might be different for someone taking 2 mg vs. 15 mg vs. 30 mg? All you can do is find a new pdoc–and you NEED to find a psychiatrist–who can prescribe and monitor your condition.

Currently, you need to make your health a priority. School can straighten itself our later.

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This is not something that can be fix overnight. A lot of these medicines take 4-6 weeks plus to determine if they can help at all and then more time to adjust the dose. Unfortunately it can be a process of trial and error. However there are a lot of different medicines which can help. You need a good doctor to help you find the right combination and to monitor your treatment plan.

Side effects can be an issue. From what you wrote, you are at the point where not taking the medication is worst than the side effects. That is something you need to discuss with you doctors who should be able to help you make an informed decision.

At this point, a summer session sounds like a very bad idea.

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Please take care of this problem now. The sooner the better. Untreated mental health issues nearly always seem to get worse over time. More stress/a more reactionary system or whatever. Figure out what drugs work and take them religiously. Even when you feel great. Exercise, meditation, good eating can help…getting sufficient rest is very important. BUT IMHO none of those are viable substitutes for a good rx regime.

Issues like you are having can effect not only your college years, but your career, your marriage and your future children. Ask anyone who has a parent with a mental health problem.