Thinking about commuting

The school I go to is not one I would’ve picked for myself. It’s a rather large, public, state university that basically accepts anyone with a C and above during admissions. I genuinely care about my classes and how well I do, and I haven’t found a real part of the student population that actually cares about their classes. Almost everyone who goes to this college by choice chooses it for its location and reputation of being a large, extremely liberal, “hipster-ish” school. The reason I go here is because my mom happens to work here, so I get free tuition which is of course amazing because I’ll be debt-free after getting a 4 year bachelor’s degree. The problem is I’ve had a hard time connecting to the people here, and my first semester experience getting cut short when I fell out of my bunk and broke my collarbone and wrist really hasn’t helped. I had to leave during my first semester of freshman year after 5 days, and when I came back for the spring semester all healed up, I had a really rough time of it.

I had several bouts of depression and apathy, I hardly made any real friends and just occasionally hung out with people I knew from high school, but all I did was get up, go to class, do my homework, and go to bed. I was so relieved when school was over and I could go back home for the summer, a relief that didn’t come from just being stressed out by schoolwork, but by being so bogged down by just feeling like I barely existed/mattered at my school. Now that I’m back for the fall semester this year, I’ve been thinking more and more about becoming a commuter student. I have a great home life, my parents let me take the car, I’d like to get a job on the side, and I feel safe and secure there. I guess why I’m posting this is to get some advice to either feel more connected at school, or to still feel like a college student at home. I’m trying to be proactive this semester so far; I joined a living community that cooks for various charities together, and I’ve sort of connected with the girls but since it’s only been a week, nothing has really happened yet. I’m also looking to join a club that focuses on the field I want to enter after college. I guess I want someone’s opinion on whether this plan makes sense: continue to live on campus and give the community a try for a semester at least, and if I still feel like I don’t belong, then to commute and try and stay connected with school while saving lots of money. I’m a quiet person to begin with, and I don’t like to drink, so I just feel so out of place right now. Any tips, ideas, or suggestions would be so appreciated.

Most kids feel lost when they first live away from home at college.
You are doing the right thing to get involved in activities,that’s how you’ll feel better about things.
This is not for everyone, and nothing wrong with commuting if you are not ready to live away from home,
but since you clearly already paid for this semester, keep joining/doing and see if you can adjust and enjoy.
If not, you can move back home end of the semester.

I share a lot in common with your experience - like you, I’m attending a large, public university with a less-than-stellar academic reputation because I’m here on a full scholarship and being able to graduate without having signed a single loan was too good of an opportunity to pass up, especially given my plans for graduate school. I happen to commute to school - one hour each way via public transit. I also don’t drink or party, so that aspect of the college experience has never been particularly appealing to me.

Lots of people here on College Confidential (college students and parents alike) recoil at the word “commuting” because there’s an assumption that by living at home, you’re compromising your ability to be “independent” and then, by extension, diminishing your college experience – but I happen to believe this is pretty serious oversimplification. I have honestly had a very positive experience commuting. While commuting creates particular challenges when it comes to feeling connected to the campus community, a lot of it can be overcome easily if you approach commuting with an open mind.

The biggest thing that commuters need to deal with is the inherent urge to go home when classes end - maybe you’re tired. Maybe you want to watch Netflix. Maybe you want to get a head start on some huge assignment. Maybe you just want to be away from the general stresses of school – but if you indulge in these urges too often, you’ll end up going straight home every single day, and once you get into that habit, it’ll be nearly impossible to really interact with the campus community outside of the four walls of your classrooms. Create some sort of commitment(s) that’ll obligate you to stay on campus later, at least some of the time. On-campus internships/jobs, clubs, and sports are all great ways to keep you accountable to staying on campus later than when your last class ends. Internships, clubs, and sports are also all great ways to make friends - people you share interests with whom you’ll be able to hang out with outside of those particular extracurriculars. As you begin to make friends and socializing becomes easier, staying on campus longer and feeling connected will become a lot more natural. Eventually, the only thing that will really distinguish you from your dorm-living peers is that at the end of the day, they’ll be sleeping in a room on campus and you’ll be sleeping in a room off-campus.

If you have any additional questions about commuting, feel free to shoot me a message.