I honestly think I made a mistake choosing Cornell. It was my 3rd choice, never visited the campus, thousand and thousands of miles away from home, etc. Now I’m starting my sophomore year and I’m DISTRAUGHT leaving my family, city, home, friends, dogs, etc. I continually get bad grades at Cornell (Cs, even one D-) and I feel like none of this is worth it… I desperately want to find a way to still obtain and Ivy League education but stay at home in Las Vegas. I can’t so I would rather just go back home. Is this a dumb decision? I would be SO much happier back home. Right now I’m not myself because the academic rigor, the loneliness and even the weather is affecting my mental health and amplifying all of the mental problems I already had. Can someone make me feel better about making this decision???
My freshman roommate, a billion years ago, flunked out.
I met up with him a number of years ago, by happenstance.
He wound up going to his local state U, graduated and did well there.
He had a career he was satisfied with, and seemed to be living a happy life.
A friend of mine did very poorly there. He was on academic probation at one point and really struggled the whole time to get by. He stuck it out and graduated. He had subsequent professional success, and I think his Cornell degree was helpful to him, eventually. I think he is very proud of it. But he did suffer for it, mightily, those four years.
So from this I cant say there is only one right way to go. Each of these paths were right for them, respectively. (The roommate had no choice, but it was still right).
There is no right or wrong. It is a personal choice, and reasonable people may differ.I suggest decide what looks best for you. Then do everything you can to make it work out, so that someday you can positively say that this decision was indeed the right one for you.
I just don’t want to be considered a failure… my parents are so proud of me but I can’t keep doing this…
I know flying from Ithica to Vegas isn’t easy but can you take a look at the calendar, plan out your trips home (thanksgiving, Christmas/between semesters and maybe one more long weekend)? What about trying to look at your time there and workload in chunks to work hard and then there’s a reward of going home? Maybe tackling it in pieces rather than as a whole semester or school year would help you deal with it? A whole school year can seem daunting but maybe the idea of just focusing on and working hard for 6 weeks would help you. Then you focus on just the next month etc.
I don’t know what it is about Cornell. It seems the alumni of yesteryear had a great experience but in modern day, its tough. Please know you are not alone. Many feel as you do. I have a family member starting there soon and I’m concerned and I can tell the student is too. I know quite a few who feel as you do. Don’t hesitate to visit the counseling center if you need to. Just having someone to talk to about your feelings every week can help.
Can you get off campus now and then? Maybe go to parties at Ithica College? Maybe getting away from the school here and there will help too. The area is beautiful - exploring natural resources can be good for the body and soul. Could you get a job as a dog walker? Walking somebody else’s dogs might feel really, really good until you can see your own.
Whatever you decide, you can do it. Don’t doubt yourself - you got there - you’re capable and will be successful in life. You’ll never be a failure for whatever path you choose as long as you are a solid, productive member of society.
Re # 3:
“I don’t know what it is about Cornell.”
There are a bunch of smart and motivated students enrolled in curved classes. I doubt it’s much different at comparable institutions. Actually my D2 transferred in from one, and said that the academic demands were the same.
“ It seems the alumni of yesteryear had a great experience but in modern day, its tough.”
???
You must not know many “alumni of yesteryear”. I think it was* tougher* in “yesteryear”. Alumni
from my era tend to bond over having gotten through it. The past eras were where this reputation came from, not the current era.
But maybe the main differences between our respective experiences (D2 recently vs. me from “yesteryear”) is I selected a program of studies I was relatively not good at, and my D2 picked one she was good at. Plus, she is smarter than I am, probably (don’t tell her that though).
At a school filled with capable students you will find out where you really fall on the totem pole. If there is a top of the class there will also be a bottom of the class. And clearly one group will feel better about it than the other,. Maybe in high school you were wonderful at everything. But now you find out that maybe you are not, actually, that wonderful at everything. If what you think you want to study does not mesh that well with what you are actually good at at, there can be problems.
The main variables to academic success are study habits and aptitude for the subject. In that order, often.
You have to keep ahead of your work. If you are behind at the end of the semester, you can be in big trouble.
Maybe in high school you could do great just by studying for your tests the night before. Here, that approach may not work out well for you. And you will fall behind. Which, by the end of the semester, can have serious negative consequences. Towards the end, you have to be in a position of successfully juggling your last group of preliminary exams and papers with studying appropriately for final exams, and maybe final papers.
.
Which goes back to OP. Maybe OP can develop better study habits. With some guidance. Maybe OP needs to switch major. No matter what school OP attends. OP should look into available resources that may help sort these out.
But “great experience” is more than academics. It includes extracurriculars and social life too.
One can have a “great experience” in some aspects but not others. Or not. My D2 made a lot more of it than I did. Wherever you go to school, an overall “great experience” is more likely if you do not ignore these other aspects of your life. My D2s subsequent success has as much or more to do with her extracurriculars as her actual academics.
Re#2:
As a parent, I hope to see that my kids are thriving wherever they are, and that they are on the path towards becoming a “solid. productive member of society” (per # 3). When that does not seem to be happening, I worry. Relief from worry is more important than any additional external source of “pride”. I have three kids who graduated from different types of educational institutions. My youngest graduated from a state u. I am proud of them all. And I worry about them all.
But that’s me.
Another thought, maybe a leave of absence can give some time to help sort these things out. If the time can be used productively. With like a job, and some counseling to help decide the best path and get some direction. Not playing video games all day.
Another thing, re #3:
Sorry to nitpick, but FYI it is “Ith- A- ca”. Two "a"s, not two “I” s.
in the olden days, suffering was a point of pride for Cornell students. These days, suffering is viewed as a bad thing by college students and I am not sure that is the wrong way to look at it. OP, have you considered a gap year to give yourself some space? Also, I have to say that Las Vegas and Ithaca could not be more different, politically, weather-wise, clothes, humidity, just everything. If you like your home I can see that Cornell might be a bad fit.
Agree very much with @monydad above. Solid advice.
I will say that my Florida son would never even consider Ithaca . . . Cornell or no. He likes flip-flops and sunshine way too much. Us too. It seems like a big leap from Vegas to Ithaca. For some people that would be exciting; for others it would be too big a change.
10-20 years from now, what school do you want to see at the top, or somewhere, on your resume? It’s important to live in the moment but also to think long-term and big picture. If Cornell is not that important to you, that’s something to consider.
Your parents’ pride should not be a factor but in reality it is for many people your age. You might want to consider a counselor or someone neutral where you can work through all that, as well as your own true feelings and issues. Our minds can put up powerful arguments to avoid the real angst.
Wishing you the best!
If you do stick it out this semester, resolve to do your utmost towards approaching that “great experience”.
Obviously some things have to change.
To the extent possible, take courses that interest you, and that you think you will be relatively good at.
Access available resources to help you “fix” any deficiencies in study habits.
Stay a week ahead in all your classes.
Get enough sleep the night before an exam. Which you will be able to do, since you will be studying right along, and before the last minute.
If you haven’t been doing these things, try to get a part-time job on campus, preferably one that might be social. Join an extracurricular activity that interests you. Some may be concerned that the time these take may detract from study time. But for most people, that is not the case. You are probably not using available time efficiently.
If things still do not turn around, after you take these steps, your answer becomes clearer. If not clear already.
On the other hand, if you are approaching the start of the year with such a negative attitude towards it, nobody could fault you for deciding not to undertake it. And maybe that is the right thing to do.
Have you talk to your academic advisor or better your Dean of Students. Cornell does not want you to fail. They will help you sign up for Supplemental courses. It will help you catch up.
Cornell has Let’s Talk if you want to talk about your struggles including homesickness. The extra stress from studying and competing with many extremely smart students can be overwhelming.
Have you look into Cornell Counseling services. These clinicians are professionals and take condidentiality seriously.
If you want to fight and win in the end, you should seek help. It is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of someone who knows his strength and weakness.
Depression and anxiety runs rampant among students/ teenagers these days. It is estimated that 15-20% of teenagers have some kinds of anxiety. To be in a stressful/competitive environment like Cornell, has added to your stress.
If you consider getting help now at Cornell, you probably will be able to turn your situation around in a positive Manner.
Good luck.
@ihatecollege987 :
If you miss home… Find ways to make college more like your home. Find foods you like and learn how to cook them (suggest recipes to the dining hall cooks?) Buy a sun lamp. Join clubs. Create a Southwestern culture club. Save money to go to a sunnier place over Fall break. If you’re first gen, join the first gen support group. Take it easier academically this semester, take only 13 credits or 4 classes instead of 16 or 5. If that’s not enough, consider a leave of absence for the spring.
However, I’m afraid going back to Las Vegas isn’t a solution. UNLV is consistently ranked as one of the worst flagships in the nation, its funding is terrible and even people who could go there for free don’t if they have any other choice. It’s one good Dept is Hospitality, in relation to the hotels and casinos. It’s very limited and limiting.
So, there may be a median solution, if you can find a good college to transfer to that is as good as Cornell but not as far and as dark as Ithaca - the issue of cost is another problem to consider, since transfers get lousy aid. But look into Pomona or Stanford? Email them to see what they expect from transfers and whether they meet 100% need for transfers?
I think that there are two issues: The location (and being away from home), and the academic rigor of going to an academically very challenging university.
Regarding the location: Personally I think that Ithaca is beautiful. However, I can see that it would take some getting used to for a student from a warm climate. I think this is a personal issue where every student needs to decide for themselves. Being away from home is something that you are eventually going to want to do, and now is probably as good a time as any.
Regarding the academic rigor: I recall the words of someone I know who went to a different but also very challenging university: “You have to want to do it”. I have similarly said “You have to know why you are doing it”. The most challenging universities (eg, Cornell, MIT, McGill, Cal Tech) are really hard. If you don’t want to do it then you shouldn’t. You mentioned in the original post that you have gotten C’s, and one D. C’s and D’s at Cornell are not going to get you into a good graduate school. A’s and B’s at the university of Nevada probably will get you into graduate school. A degree from the University of Nevada probably will find you a job in Nevada just as well as a degree from a better known but much more remote university.
Also, at least in my experience at an academically challenging university, it gets harder when you get to upper level classes.
I think that this means that I think that it is up to you whether you return to Cornell. However, if you really don’t want to do it, then I would not expect you to do well there and would expect that a different school might be a better choice, even if you need to take a gap year (after presumably having a conversation with your parents).
I know someone from the South who went to Harvard and was absolutely miserable. Just didn’t feel like she fit in at all, and just wanted to return to her home state. She wound up transferring to her state university, did great, and never looked back…sort of. She still puts Harvard on her resume (along with her state university) over 20 years later, because of the weight it carries and the impression it makes. It is cheating a bit, and it makes me wonder if she really wishes she had stayed and stuck it out. Because putting it on her resume now just causes people to ask why she left.
With such low grades though, you might have a hard time transferring to a decent university. Have you explored the options? If your GPA isn’t high enough to transfer where you want to go, then see what you can do to make better grades this year, and think about transferring next year if you are still unhappy. To get better grades, consider switching to a major related to a subject you did well in, look for tutoring on campus, study with classmates, and ask your professors for advice. See if you can find some other students on campus who are also from warmer climates, and find out how they are dealing with the cold winters emotionally, and if they have tips that can help.
It can be hard to make friends as a transfer student, so if you transfer to a university in Nevada it won’t make new friends magically appear. It will still take some effort. Maybe this year will be better for you at Cornell, and you will meet some new people who make your time there more fun. Try some new clubs or sports to find new people that can possibly become friends. My daughter’s university has pets that students can pet regularly to help deal with stress, so see if Cornell has anything like this, to help you deal with being away from your dogs. Also try Skyping with family and friends so you can feel closer to them, and see if that helps.
Maybe consider taking a leave for “health” issues. Take the time you need to figure out what and where you want to be. Since you got into Cornell, you must be bright/hard working, so you may find UNLV stifling and boring - there’s just no comparison between those 2 universities. Maybe a break is what you need to sit back and figure it out.
I’d go home for at least a semester. If you still want to transfer, then you will know you did it for the right reasons.
Life is too short to be miserable. This site places WAY too much emphasis on Ivies. Do what makes you happy and the rest will come. No need to be miserable.
OP - If you haven’t taken advantage of office hours, you should definitely do so. My older daughter was a STEM student and writing was not her forte. As an A&S student, there were quite a few courses with writing assignments. She used to see her professor 3-4 times before she turned in her paper. She would show the outline (or discuss the topic), the first paragraph, and few drafts before she turned in her paper. How bad of a grade could she get if her professor/TA had reviewed it multiple times with her? She did the same with some math courses she was struggling with. She used to show up for every office hour. She was surprised at how few students would show up for them. She said more often not, she was the only student there. Some professors would literally work with her on some problems that were going to be on the prelim.
D2 also went to Cornell, but was a philosophy major. Most of her research papers were discussed and reviewed by her professors before she turned them in. She also work with other professors to get second opinion sometimes.
I think students who came from large school systems tend not to reach out to their professors or utilize school’s facilities when they are struggling, whereas students who came from smaller high schools or private schools are more inclined to seek help when they need to. I told my kids that for what I was paying for their education at Cornell they were entitled to everything the school had to offer. A few times when they have showed up for office hours and the professor didn’t, they have emailed the professor.
It isn’t unheard of for students to transfer from top universities when they discover it’s not what they really want/not a good fit for them. Life is short and your health is important: learning how to take care of yourself is part of growing up. Honestly your parents will probably be disappointed and won’t understand. You need to work hard to have an honest and open conversations with them about why you need to come home. Eventually they will get it. Good luck and feel better.
Monydad I know tons of alumni from Cornell. In fact, half my family went there! Rather than focusing on my response to the OP, focus on your own. Do a little research of your own before you blast me and don’t assume.
The Ivies are all different - many say Harvard is one of the hardest schools to get into but one of the easiest to graduate from. And yes, Cornell 2017 has its own reputation.
I think a lot of people miss the “and amplifying all the mental health problems I have already had” statement the
OP made. He needs help no matter where he goes. Going to a less stressful academic environment could be a better option if Cornell is too far from home and too stressful.