Those are great points regarding potential divorced Kate/Toby. (Although maybe Toby can live in the house when he has custody? I’ve admired couples that find a way to do that.). I was thinking more about Jack’s environment adjustment being a big factor in Kate’s attachment to LA.
It may be tough for a bit but I’m sure Jack would adapt to a new home…after all he will spend time at other places throughout his life (ex. school, the cabin etc.).
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I think Jack would adjust just fine.
It’s Kate who doesn’t want to adjust.
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I think I would like to to Kevin on his own at the end - on his own and doing it well!
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I’m mad at Kate BUT…come on. Toby could find another great job. I’m literally torn 50/50.
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I think the issue for me with Kate has been that in the recent episodes, she just seems to be in attack mode with Toby. Nothing he does seems to be right. She became pretty unlikeable to me. But, of course, Toby is I’m sure no picnic either!
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Seems like that isn’t uncommon though in terms of people who I know who have gotten divorced. Mistrust/issues start slow and then build to the point of being inevitable. And often times before you even really notice there is a serious problem, its close to being too late. Nothing is right. Or good enough. Always question motives.
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Didn’t the writers do an excellent job of not making either, Toby or Kate, the “villain”. It’s like an optical illusion, we see different things, team Toby vs team Kate, depending on our experiences, and how we are equipped to see the picture.
Everyone is making such valid points for each team,
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Coming at this from the divorce attorney’s perspective - the Kate/Toby situation has been a quick deterioration which is not particularly realistic. In most situations, I see when couples who are happily married and then end up getting divorced, it is years in the making. Especially if there are children, couples stay together for the sake of the children, finances, sanity…As we all remember having toddlers is exhausting, and I can’t imagine the added stress of having a blind child. I don’t know now anyone could have the energy to get divorced during those years of being sleep-deprived.
Also, this is not a situation where one spouse is completely awful, abusive, or something similar which would be a catalyst for needing to get out of a bad relationship.
I would say Kate/Toby right now are going through a bad patch. Very common for marriages with young children or for that matter any marriage.
From a financial situation, there is no way they can afford to get divorced. They are in their early 40’s and for the first time, Toby has a good-paying job. In the real world, they would have no savings. They probably have a very significant mortgage payment on the LA house (which I bet in the real world someone like Kevin would have had to co-sign). There is zero way Toby’s income could afford a house in San Francisco or even a nice apartment and the mortgage on LA plus all the related expenses.
Now all of this could be alleviated if Kevin steps in and Kate and Kevin live together which would make this get neatly tied up.
Again, I think finances, single parenting would all be justified if one of the partners’s in the marriage was truly awful/abusive but neither Kate nor Toby fit that category.
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Good post. DH and I went through a bad patch when our kids were 1, 4, and 7 and had just gone into business for ourselves. Duh! We were physically and emotionally exhausted. We had agreed when we got married we would never utter the word “divorce” and we didn’t. We went to a marriage counselor and worked through our issues. That was 23 years ago and we have a strong marriage today that I’m very thankful for.
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I keep thinking that Kate and Toby would benefit from a skilled marriage counselor. Someone who could help each of them see the others POV and work to some compromise.
No one is cheating, there is no abuse, they seem to still enjoy each other’s company. It seems awful to throw that all away.
Totally unrelated but I thought the actress playing young girl Kate really looked like she could be Chrissy Metz. And she was a good little actress
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I found it a bit odd that Kate remembered only “Old Toby” in carefree mood (or pretended mood)… but not the depression-crisis-Toby. Also trying to remember timeline. Didn’t Kate persue the adopted daughter with New Toby?
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But wasn’t that the problem? Toby interviewed and interviewed at home with no luck . Then the San Fran job came through.
I don’t know in my world it isn’t always that easy to get a job - especially a job in a high cost of living area that needs to basically support the entire family - at that time when he lost his job didn’t Kate have no job? She only got the part time job out of real necessity since Toby was out of a job?
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Such good points here. Toby did keep other things from Kate, especially related to the weight loss. He also had a very significant depressive episode. And he did try to get a job in LA and wasn’t able to.
I watched a bit of the fast forward to Rebecca’s deathbed. Toby did not look good. He had a long beard and just didn’t seem happy. He commented that Kevin’s home was very big so seemed like he had not been there before.
As to the financial implications, like most TV shows even those with modest incomes live in very nice homes in very high COL areas.
Agree that not having one be clearly at fault makes it more interesting. But divorce in this case still feels forced to me.
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But why did Toby keep the weight loss from Kate? (hard to remember all the things…) Wasn’t it probably to hide that he was having success that he knew would irk her? Because she couldn’t do it? Again, not right to keep it secret but he was trying to do right for himself and his health - while sort of tiptoeing around Kate again.
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Interesting if the writers decide to give Kate that happy ending with Phillip and Toby is miserable and depressed.
I’ve read some reviews and they have been usually sympathetic to Kate and critical of Toby’s position. I wonder what I’m missing. And why I find Kate a very unsympathetic character with or without Toby?
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Yeah, me, too. He is a good man, a loving and attentive dad and he truly loves Kate. In a world where there is so much meanness and abuse, it’s sad to see a nice guy lose in the end despite his best foot forward. As for the prior weight loss thing…I don’t recall the details like why were they apart that long that he could lose so much weight? As for sharing it, geez, Kate is soooooooooo prickly about the weight thing. Everyone has to tiptoe around it and ignore it. She has made it clear she’s not going to lose it. As well as the real life actress. Very stubborn stance of “love and accept me as I am” which is always silly because clearly they all already do that. Yeah, in the end, I don’t care for her at all any more.
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I think Toby kept going to the gym every day from Kate??
I am Team Toby. Kate is inflexible. And I guess as we saw in this last episode, fearful. And instead of being happy and proud of Toby for getting his life together and loving his job, she seems to find fault with everything he does. Even though his is the one working full time, flying home every weekend (not that working part time and being home with 2 kids is not working!), clearly raving about her and his kids to his co-workers, etc.
I am glad we saw what we did in this last episode though because I feel like if they just bailed because they couldn’t work out the distance thing (in such a short time period) it would be have been too unrealistic. When in reality (ok, not really “reality” 
), they are growing at different rates.
At this point, I can’t see how Kate and the music teacher get together though.
And have we seen any of Toby’s past?
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I don’t know if we SAW about Toby’s past or just heard about it. I feel like I remember stuff with his dad and/or his teen years and depression.
Toby had to hide from Kate that he was going to the gym. Let that sink in.
Kate is not a villain but she is hard to please, hard to get along with.
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Wasn’t Toby also having an emotional affair with a coworker at the same time he was going to the gym? Am I mis-remembering that situation?
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