So this is completely new to us. Just wondering when your student finds out their dorm and roommate assignments and what happens next. I guess they should start talking about what they will bring to the room and coordinate things? And where do we begin on shopping without really knowing what will fit? Basically, I’m hoping to start a discussion on how to begin to prepare for the new home starting right now. Thanks for any input or advice. And let me know if I’ve missed this topic somewhere else. I have seen a thread with checklists, which are very helpful.
My daughter got her roommate assignment in July. They first contacted each other using social media shortly after. A couple weeks before they moved in they started messaging each other about who would bring what for the room. By this time we had started buying bedding, towels, and some things on that order. She bought a standing lamp at garage sale. She brought a fan and a dorm fridge. We told my daughter not to get any furniture until she was living there so they could see what would fit. Her roommate brought a rug. They opted to loft one bed so they’d have more room.
My daughter’s school is almost four hours away and her roommate was a local which was nice. They got a long well.
I think it’s important to be very tactful during the conversation about who brings what and whether the decor should be coordinated. Some students don’t have the money to buy a lot of new or unnecessary stuff. They may not even be able to share the cost of renting a fridge.
Every school is different. For my older son he found out what dorm and his dorm roommate around July before his freshman year. For my other two (both went to the same University), they were able to try to find a roommate for their room or three other roommates for their suite before signup in the beginning of May (or just pick a empty room in the dorm they liked). I am sure you can find the information on the college’s website (or ask on that college’s forum here on CC.) Just remember, less is best since they may only be in a dorm one year.
My D met her roommate through the school’s group chat and they’ll get their room assignment in June. All freshmen girls are in the same dorm, but different rooms are different sizes (it’s not a typical building), so they’ll wait to see what room they get before deciding how much extra to bring. They’ve already chosen colors and how they want to decorate, but I don’t think they’ve gotten to the fridge talk yet. We hope to meet in the college town a few days before move-in and take the girls shopping (with her parents too, of course). Both are coming from out of town and will be buying most of the room stuff there.
My older D was and is a minimalist. She and her roommate got word over the summer and chatted online, but that D brought only the basics. Her dad gave her a TV but she never used it, opting for using her laptop. The other girl brought the fridge.
If you know which dorm your D will be in, or which ones are likely, many have floor plans on the school website that can give you an idea of size. Also, check youtube for vlogs of kids’ rooms at your college. You may get a good idea of what kids there do.
Things to discuss:
Refrigerator
Microwave
Printer
Schools vary in terms of when you get this information. My S’s school gave that information out very late and we had to scramble a bit once we got it. You can shop for personal stuff (ex. desk lamp, comforter set etc.) at any time and when they get the room assignment and roommate they can talk about the bigger stuff such as refrigerator, TV, rugs etc. Many schools also have a list of items not allowed on the ResLife website (often lava lamps, microwaves etc.)
Once they have contact info, encourage them to communicate. If possible, invite her and her family over or go out to eat and meet. They are likely wondering the same things as you. We have been very blessed with our elder two and will find out the assigned roommate for our third, a son, in the coming weeks.
Once they start communicating, finding out who is bringing what is easier. Moms care about it more than most girls. My daughter’s dorm, when she goes back, will have 1/4 the stuff she had this year. It was super cute but the moms got carried away that it was a dorm, not an apartment that had to be vacated in 9 months.
Boys are easy. He only wanted one towel. I make him take 3. He had two flat sheets (doesn’t use the top one) and his duvet cover and he was good to go.
My older son goes to a school where freshmen don’t find out their roommates until the day they move into their dorm rooms, so there was no communication beforehand. On the other hand, my daughter will find out her roommate several weeks before school starts, so I’m assuming they’ll communicate about some of the large, shared items they might bring.
Sometime over the summer is the best answer I can give, and my best advice is be flexible. My oldest’s freshman roommate was from a long ways away. We were local, so we brought everything heavy (fridge, microwave, etc). The youngest’s freshman roommate didn’t have to bring anything because we already had it from the oldest, so we just volunteered! Turned out to be a good thing, too, as the girl was low income. And, she really didn’t want to admit that to someone she just met. So, I’d say if you get any “reluctance” to contribute for pricier shared items, and you can afford them, just offer. As a matter of personal opinion, I think the suggestion of coordinated bedding is just nuts. Oldest’s roommate lasted until November. She drank so much my kid started coming home every weekend to avoid caring for her. Youngest and her roommate were best buds, but finances prevented the roommate from returning for sophomore year. In both cases, you’d have had bedding that maybe you didn’t really want/like. So, I’d say go ahead and buy any personal items now if you find a good sale and don’t worry about the roommate.
My son’s school allows students to choose a roommate through today (May 13). They provide an online forum for the kids to meet My son chose a roommate this week through that. They just asked each other the basics - hobbies, party preferences, neatness, etc. I’m glad he has a chance to have those conversations before moving in!
I don’t think sharing the cost of pricier shared items is a good idea (except for refrigerator rental, if that’s what both roommates want). If you share the cost, then what happens to the item at the end of the year?
My daughter lived in an off-campus apartment with two roommates her last two years in college. The apartment had basic furniture, but it was a roomy place, and the kids brought a lot of extra stuff – a TV, a video game system, some extra furniture, a microwave, a vacuum cleaner, cooking utensils, dishes, etc. The agreement was that everyone could share the use of these items, but if you brought it, it was yours, and it departed with you when you moved out.
By the way, I was glad that we hadn’t spent a lot for bedding when she was in the dorms. The dorms had twin extra long beds. The apartment had full-size beds. She needed an entirely new set of bedding.
My D and her roommate really did not coordinate with what they were bringing except for the mini-fridge. My D really wanted to have a fridge so she brought it and let her roommate know so they did not have 2. Otherwise they each brought what they wanted and of course they share where applicable. Worked out fine and they had a great year together.
Both are moving into their respective sorority houses but otherwise I think they would have roomed together next year.
My DD got her roommate assignment May 10th. They have connected via social media and last I heard (trying desperately to listen but not participate) the conversation moved from interests/likes/dislikes to what each could bring to the dorm room. My daughter will be 8 miles from home (we insisted that she live on campus freshman year) and her roommate is coming from Austin TX. So far they seem to be working together and since they have found each other so far in advance, they should be able to communicate enough to iron out some issues prior to move in.
I can’t imagine meeting your roommate for the first time on move-in day, that just seems a recipe for disaster.
Agreeing with every single one of the above posters (how often does that happen?!), and especially the ‘less is more’ advice.
Absolute essentials:
Linens: sheets (almost all XL twin, but it will say on the housing page on the college website), duvet, pillow, towels
Clothes: almost certainly about half of what is being packed. Remember that UPS goes both ways.
Equipment: power surge protector power strip (10 foot)- even places that don’t allow extension cords usually allow these.
Nice to have (will vary by school);
Electric kettle (if allowed)(it’s amazing what you can do if you have boiling water)
Extra lamp
Fan
Fridge/micro.
Packing: if by car, another poster (possibly @ GoldenWest?) gave the super recommendation of Ikea bags (if you don’t have an Ikea near you they are usually on eBay for about $1each). Super strong, light and flexible, and fold up to nothing for storage.
Do check what is allowed in the dorms. Many colleges won’t allow microwaves, coffee makers etc. in the rooms. Many students find that a printer is not necessary; professors want them to upload their papers to a dropbox, and if a printer is needed, the college provides them in computer labs or the library. TVs are not necessary as many students watch TV on their laptops.
Don’t make assumptions that a roommate will want to “coordinate” about decor, bedding etc. It’s not necessary; students will only be sharing that room for about 7 months total. Don’t overinvest in the space (either monetarily or emotionally).
PS don’t spend a lot on bedding. It’s XL and it will never be used after college, so buy cheap and throw away after the four years are done.
One college we visited requested that students NOT bring a printer. The printer WiFi messed with the campus WiFi and many times stuff would print to a student printer that was meant to be printed at the campus print center.
My D’s roommate was local and she kindly offered to bring almost all the large, shared items (fridge, microwave, Keurig, rolling cart to store the latter two) when she found out that my kid was coming from 10 hours away. My kid brought an area rug, full-length mirror, shelf/cart (collapsible) for toiletries, bath mat, shower curtain, window curtain rod and panels – all things that we could fit in our SUV. Worked out great for us and roommate didn’t seem to mind, as her plan was to use them for two years and then pass them on to her younger brother when he started college.
Rooms and colors don’t necessarily need to coordinate either, even for girls. I loved my D’s room. It was like there was an imaginary line down the middle of it. Each side totally reflected the personality of the girl living there but they were totally totally different. D, who is a very organized, style conscious, matchy type of girl, loved it.
Roomate bought the mini fridge, D brought the rug and printer. That was the extent of the pre move in coordination.
They are rooming together again next year 
Thank you everyone! These comments are very helpful!