<p>Newyorker22, thank you for your honesty. I understand that you are not free to violate your clients’ privacy by going into detail about what you’ve seen. If given a choice between a boarding school and a day school of comparable quality, most parents will choose the day school. The greater New York city metro area is well known for the quality of its public schools, and private schools. </p>
<p>For us, a few years ago the superintendent of our district told a close friend of mine, “Well, we 're not set up for gifted children. If you want that, you’ll have to go private.” Of my oldest child’s 8th grade class, at least 10% “went private.” Of those families, most did not consider boarding school. </p>
<p>For my child, boarding school was absolutely the right choice. Nationally, however, private day schools are more popular. On this site, I think parents and students fall into the trap of wanting only the “best”. That’s fine, but it isn’t an insult when someone doesn’t agree that there’s an obvious “best” option.</p>
<p>i have something to add to parents. Know your child, and know your situation. Other than a student who may need change because something is not working, BS does not make the kid. I keep reading these parents that rave about BS making their S/D so much more mature, indpt, challenged, etc. Parents rave because they need to feel good about $45K. However, the experience can be largely self-fulfilling because it is mature, indpt, academically engaged kids who get admitted and thrive at BS. My D was very successful at a local private day school but wanted, and seemed to need, more. Now, she’s at BS, and is still sucessful, but it has not be transformative. We made the choice hoping for something game changing and it’s just not the case. Parents be realistic about your own family’s reasons and very careful about those who rave and rave about BS.</p>
<p>The greater New York city metro area is well known for the quality of its public schools, and private schools.</p>
<p>In NYC itself (where I live), there are a large number of excellent day schools that cater to different types of students ranging from LD to academically gifted. There are a smaller number of excellent public school options (the suburbs contain more public school options). As a result, the school search for my 8th grade son only includes one BS. From his school, it is relatively rare for a student to go to BS. There are other schools in the city, however, from which BS is a more common destination. To me, both options seem to have their advantages and disadvantages. As erlanger says, “know your child, and know your situation”. Decide what works best for your child and your family.</p>
<p>We are in a situation that is similar to periwinkle’s except that there are no viable local day schools. Our public is simply not set up to handle kids with exceptional abilities. It is a GREAT school for most of the kids that go there, however. As a matter of fact, 5 of the top ten kids from my son’s class alone are applying out because of the lack of resources. It’s not just a choice for families like mine.</p>
<p>Just as a “lower tiered” school can turn around a struggling student and is in that sense therapeutic, so can a top school be for a child who is unhappy and unchallenged in an unsuitable day school. For kids who are happiest when challenged, who see challenge as not “hard” but as an opportunity, regular school can be downright demoralizing. My daughter came home a few weeks ago with something obviously weighing on her mind. When pressed about what was troubling her, she finally shared with me how she had had a social studies test that day and they were allowed to use their notes (now…“notes” means fill-in-the-blank sheets). The incredibly low expectations placed on her were demoralizing. She is in 8th grade, by the way.</p>
<p>So, a relatively good public school can be just as restrictive for a gifted child as a it is for any child with unmet issues. In that sense, top schools are therapeutic.</p>
<p>I didn’t mean that all applicants to top tier boarding schools are free of negative drivers like the need to escape from an unhappy family situation or social unhappiness, just that the majority of top tier applicants are driven more frequently by the opportunity to be challenged and the chance to be a part of a highly motivated peer group - reasons that have less to do with personal therapy or social remediation.</p>
<p>Finally, I do not “perceive” my opinion to be the truth just because of what people write on this site. My opinion is based on my own boarding school experience, my parents’, a number of aunts and uncles and two of my three children, as well as lots of friends and their kids. But I also want to make clear that I’m not accusing you of being wrong. In my experience, I simply don’t see the same set of drivers for applicants to top tier schools as I do for kids applying to lower tier schools.</p>
<p>To many families, boarding school would be a huge change for both the kid and the family in many ways. It is natural that more families choose a private day school when they can and even more choose to stay in the PS. As for our family, we did have other viable options but chose a boarding school because we believed it was the “best option” for my kid. I however don’t invariably “rave” boarding schools. Like most of us here I agree that boarding school whether it’s “top tiered” or “lower tiered” is not for every student or every family. </p>
<p>I disagree or have doubts about some of newyorker22’s statements, but I respect her opinions and genuinely want to understand where she comes from. She is an education consultant and has first-hand experience with many students/families after all. It is not a secrete that some students in top tier boarding schools are not happy and some end up leaving. An unhappy kid with baggages like traumatic experience, inability to communicate/get along with others or divorced parents that don’t pay attention shouldn’t expect boarding schools to be a “cure”. </p>
<p>newyorker mentioned “more than half of them come from families of divorce”, which is a little puzzling to me. Although reseach indicates that 40-50% of American families end up divorcing, somehow I expected top tier boarding school families would have a different composition for good. I’m still relatively new to boarding schools and I don’t pretend I know everything. Is it your experience that there are many divorced families (or divorced families > otherwise) sending kids to boarding schools?</p>
<p>At the public school in our area, the top administrators in the school district and at the high school send their own children to boarding school. Go figure…</p>
<p>That one counselor’s client list includes many divorced families doesn’t mean that the students at the top boarding schools are more than 50% from divorcing families. It could be a result of referrals to that particular counselor from divorce lawyers. </p>
<p>(speculation!) If a counselor does a good job placing students in boarding schools, I would expect the lawyers advising the divorcing families to send more business her way. “Here’s a list of education consultants who work with families interested in boarding schools.” I have read of divorces dragging on for years. Divorce lawyers would have ample opportunity to observe how well “it works out” for the children involved. </p>
<p>And then, when families are divorcing, children often want to “get away.” If families have the means to pay tuition, a boarding school can help to solve the problem of custody during the school year. If the mother gets custody, can she afford to live in a district with good public schools? It’s easier, I would think, for a non-custodial parent to see boarding school tuition as a benefit given solely to the child. Continuing to pay rent or a mortgage for a house in a “good school district” benefits the ex-spouse.</p>
<p>It sounds to me that newyorker by speaking from her experience implies that there is a disproportionately large number of students in boarding schools that are from problematic families, and she didn’t make distinctions in this respect between “top tier” and “lower tier” schools. That’s why I had that question. Periwinkle’s analysis makes sense. I can see why boarding schools could be considered a better option by divorced parents.</p>
<p>As a parent of a current HADES BS child, I must say it is a huge change from whatever circumstances you come from. My daughter is in a double that was made into a triple due to overenrollment. Balancing academic demands with sports when you have to travel an hour and half to two hours each way for games makes time management hard. And every body is super smart. We have tried not to let more than 3 weeks go by without seeing her (her coming home or us going up) as you really need to stay on top of the kids. I think most parents are worried about drugs and alcohol, but there are so many other distractions. New Yorker is not completely off base. It is not nirvana, but a time for growth, but it is not for everyone.</p>
<p>^^ - That’s very true about top tier boarding schools not being “Nirvana” – all appearances to the contrary! It is so very easy to be seduced by the physical attractiveness of these schools – and of the other tiered schools as well! FIT is what it is all about. Make no mistake.</p>
<p>sk8, you sound stressed. Are you having second thoughts? If you could do it over, would you still want your daughter to attend a boarding school or a HADES?</p>
<p>Benley, please do not get me wrong. My daughter loves her school and I do to. The communication with the administration is excellant. She is with a much more diverse student body than she would be with if she were at home. The classes are challenging, yet very intereesting. My point is only that the kids that do go away are young and need to learn quickly how to manage their social lives, time and newly found freedom.</p>
<p>^^Now, that’s the spirit! I agree with you. Perhaps this is a big difference between the “top tier” and “lower tier” schools. There’s minimal holding hands. You need to “hit the ground and run”, and it is not going to be an easy ride, more like a roller coaster. You got to be “FIT” enough to play the game.</p>
<p>I think it’s a great question to ask each school during the interviews and school re-visits. I believe most of the top tier schools are similar (correct me if I am wrong) in that every student has an academic advisor he/she can meet with regularly and on an ad hoc basis when issues/concerns come up. For specific subjects, there’re conference periods or office hours when students can meet with their teachers and ask questions. The tutoring services are also available on school days where teachers and student tutors are available to assist with homework, test preparation, and school projects. My impression is that these schools all have great resources students can rely on to ensure their success. The difference is that some schools are more structured than others by implmenting the support “automatically” while others are giving the students more “power” to figure out and seek the kind of help they need to succeed.</p>
<p>That’s been my observation after the visits/interviews. We’re talking about a 13 year old after all, so I really want to make sure that the many non-academic “opportunities” don’t prove to be too distracting. Until the interview, I’d been concerned that PA was a little too collegiate, but I am much more comfortable now about academic monitoring there. Still a little worried about SPS in that regard, despite really loving it in most other regards. Fortunately, my child is used to a considerable Manhattan private school workload, but I don’t get to go along, do I? ;-)</p>
I agree with you. Perhaps this is a big difference between the “top tier” and “lower tier” schools. There’s minimal holding hands. You need to “hit the ground and run”, and it is not going to be an easy ride, more like a roller coaster. You got to be “FIT” enough to play the game.</p>