Tips that us "Old Fogeys" need to know

Parents Forum
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<p>My middle child was the grinning kid on the school playground with a sneaker on one foot and a muddy sock on the other and no jacket. He is still some version of that kid now at 21 and in his junior year. So far, no disasters have befallen him, although he lost many things along the way, and he loses deadlines in the same way that he loses shoes, so his grades could be better (but they could be worse and they're not, so it's all good). </p>

<p>One thing he has figured out for himself and then finally taught us is that for him, the magic word is KISS...as in: Keep It Simple, Stupid! </p>

<p>The more stuff they bring, the more there is to lose and the more clutter there is, making things that much harder to find and easier to lose. </p>

<p>So he no longer goes off to school in September with a car packed to the ceiling with every single thing we think he might need. Somehow, he lives without things things that I find indispensable, like staplers, alarm clocks, (he uses his cell phone alarm), printers...Forget changing the printer cartridge, he doesn't take a printer to school, says there are printers at school and most of his stuff can be emailed to profs anyway. He doesn't use iPods or electronic organizers, he doesn't use a laptop or tweezers or shoe polish, he doesn't take XBoxes or Gameboys to college with him, he doesn't use White Out or Scotch tape or a Mr. Coffee, or wash cloths. He will wash his hair with bar soap when he runs out of shampoo. </p>

<p>Whatever lovely matching set of washcloths, hand and bath towels you send him with, he will come home with one dirty beach towel that you never saw before. </p>

<p>He likes to buy all the exact same color and brand of sock so he doesn't have to look for mates--since they're all identical. </p>

<p>These kids also tend to not recognize their own stuff. They'll come home wearing somebody else's jeans and when you ask, they'll say it's okay, the other guy has theirs. </p>

<p>Since the freshman dorm had a linoleum floor, we bought our son a nice area rug to match the sheets that he never opened and the comforter that he never washed. The area rug was eaten by gremlins.</p>

<p>Forget two sets of sheets. Yeah, I know, the second set goes on when the first set goes into the laundry. Yeah, right. LOL. They will sleep on the same set of sheets all year without washing them. Or, if they do eventually wash the sheets, they'll just leave the bed naked until the sheets are dry and then put them straight back on the bed without folding first which works too. Pillowcases, however, are hit or miss. They may never find their way back onto the pillows. </p>

<p>Any toiletries beyond the absolute basics will be eaten by gremlins. </p>

<p>We gave him a camera his first year to record his college memories (a relatively inexpensive, second-hand camera, figuring he might lose it). He seemed happy to have it but we never saw any pictures. A year or so later after we gave his older brother a camera for his birthday, this guy had the nerve to say that he wished he had a camera. When we told him that he did have a camera, it was all news to him. Who knows where it is, he sure doesn't. </p>

<p>They do learn to keep track of the important things. They don't have any choice because their roommates for some reason just don't seem to have a lot of interest in tracking down their missing stuff for them and they won't buy them replacements for the things they lose. So if it's something they can easily live without if they lost it, leave it home. It does get better--very, very slowly.</p>

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<p>Trust that they will learn the life skills. I never got around to teaching the son laundry skills-he learned, he had to. He gets by in ways I might not agree but he gets by. He had huge holes in lots of socks when he came home for winter break. There were several huge holes in his shoes. He had duct tapped all the holes. I died, I would have shipped a pair or transferred money into his account to get a new pair. I told my husband "what must his professors think?" H said-they think he is in college and he doesn't care about his shoes.</p>

<p>We purchased an insurance policy for about $100. I would rather not put any claims on the homeowners policy-besides the deductible is 500.</p>

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<p>jlauer, my son age 23 IS your son. 1Down2togo summed it all up. Make sure the socks are all exactly the same. Send him off with at least 20 pair of underwear, I don't know how but they seem to disappear. </p>

<p>He has one suit we bought him for his fraternity functions. I checked recently...the pants no longer match the jacket.</p>

<p>Don't spend more than $10 on a watch, it won't last the week. If he uses umbrellas send him with 5. Also 5 sets of identical gloves, and 5 hats (I realize it isn't teaching him anything, but...).</p>

<p>Somehow he never lost his laptop, I think things that are truly that dear to them they will not misplace. He lost plenty at one time or another (and I'm glad I don't know all the details) including ALL his winter clothes (see recent thread) which were stored rolled up in plastic trash bags in his frat basement and were thrown out. </p>

<p>Save your money on sending vitamins, cold capsules, advil...he won't know where they are and they'll come back to you in May.</p>

<p>Son lived off campus for a year then returned to his fraternity, leaving some of his stuff in the basement of his house. In spite of nagging him to get everything out he never did. I was visiting and decided to go over to the house to see if I could get in. The house had been razed and a new one was going up. Among the bulldozed over--my golf clubs which he had "borrowed" and left in the basement.</p>

<p>In spite of this and there's plenty more he's a great kid somehow living and working in NYC. I don't think your son will change any time soon and there's not much you can do except step back and watch for small signs of improvement , which WILL come.</p>

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<p>1down2togo: I can totally relate...... I have long noticed that my son is a KISS too. That is why he doesn't carry wallet or a cell phone (like all his hs friends do) and he doesn't have an iPod (he knows he'd lose it). His room is neat BECAUSE he has nothing in it!!! Just a bed and a dresser!!! (His bathroom is another story because he leaves his clothes & towels on the floor ( and I don't pick them up.) However, when he gets to college, he will have to manage more stuff than he does now. He will have to carry a wallet, etc. I SWEAR this KISS stuff is genetic though. When I met my in-laws for the first time and I had to stay over-night at their home, my dear and college-educated debutante Mom-in-law asked me if I wanted to have one sheet (just a fitted) or two sheets (fitted & flat) on my bed?!? (Never knew this was a choice!?!) Their Christmas Tree was 3 feet tall and only had about 5 ornaments on it!!! They are the ultimate minimalists and never pay attention to ANY details and have NO compensation skills (She was late to 2 of her sons' weddings - walked into the church DURING the ceremonies. She (like my son) doesn't learn from mistakes...just keep repeating the same ones over and over..... That should have been my first clue to what kind of gene pool I was jumping into.</p>

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<p>Interesting that this is a "son" thread...are girls really better or boys that "clueless"</p>

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<p>doesn't everyone write down the location of their car when they park at the airport? I would never find it otherwise. I remember running up and down steps in a garage pushing my "panic button" and listening for my honking horn as the only way to find my car when I coudn't even remember which level I was on. </p>

<p>I could never convince my older son to wear a watch. Now he is at college and finally in a situation where he needs to know the time and all of a sudden wristwatches are obsolete!! The correct time is always displayed on his cell phone. :)</p>

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<p>Re electric power on campus for laptops. Sounds like you haven't started the Grand Tour yet (of colleges, that is; the old fogey Grand Tour to Europe is not for parents about to drop megabucks on college tuition(s):p). Many schools we visited had hookups (for power and data port) at the desktops of classrooms, libraries, etc.</p>

<p>Many kids (boys, especially) prefer the heavy, big goliath laptops so they can get great graphics etc. Ergo, they don't take them around to classrooms for note-taking purposes but use them in the room for paper writing, communicating with profs via email (getting assignments that way, etc). and for whatever it is that requires all those nifty graphics and big screens :eek:.</p>

<p>The rest of this thread, which I've only had time to skim, stands to rank as one of the cc classics on kid behavior. So, I'll be back to enjoy all the nuances.</p>

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<p>Gmail is a Google web-based email service, which is free. You have to have internet access to use it, which most college dorms have these days. I think they provide up to 2 Gigabytes of free storage with your account. Technically gmail is still a "beta" service, not available to everyone. You have to be invited in by a current gmail user. But there should be plenty of those at college. Gmail seems to be ubiquitous at my D's college.</p>

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<p>Superstar: Girls are probably a bit less clueless (but some are clueless.. like my very lovable but clueless mom-in-law) Girls generally have "it together". My son will go to class with no paper, no pencils, no pens, no calculator, etc and bum them off his female friends (who always seem to have plenty of supplies in their purses). I think "girly" girls learn at a younger age to manage more stuff (purses, barettes, make-up, color-coordinated shoes, etc). Girls also don't want to be embarrassed by having dirty clothes, messy hair, etc....</p>

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<p>NRES --- Many of us have found ourselves pressing our key fobs to hear our cars honk or lights flash to find our cars when we have forgotten to take notice of our parking location (especially if we arrived during the daytime and return to the parking lot when it is pitch black night time!!).</p>

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<p>2331clk: Is your son my son's clone??? Totally sounds familiar. My son will be the one with socks and clothes with holes (and stains) at college. He wants to go to Harvard but insists that he won't need a jacket because he knows he will lose it!!! Does he understand snow and cold???!!!! His school uniform clothes all have some kind of permanent stain somewhere. (Actually, when I met my husband 20+ years ago, every item of his clothes had a major stain on them and had seams held together with safety pins!!!! Like Grandmother, like son, like grandson.....) BTW, one month after meeting my husband, I went to his closet and threw out every item of clothing he had and took him to the mall. He's been neat and clean ever since. I guess some men will always need a woman to take care of them.</p>

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<p>Jmmom: Thanks for the info. Since son is a junior we haven't started the Grand Tour yet. This month we make our first trip. I know it's going to be an eye-opener for us old fogey parents (47 & 50) because we haven't really been on a college campus in years.</p>

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<p>LOL This state is not that populated (not like our native state: California) so you may know us!!! Or you may know other clueless people in Alabama...LOL</p>

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<p>And I thought from the question, I would find useful information like look for cars when you bend over to pick up pennies on the street.</p>

<p>Cable lock to lock laptop to anything including desk.. worth the peace of mind. Insurance extended warranty program for laptop servicable on campus, worth it. Lockable hard shell suitcase or foot locker, useful for privacy. Additional safety measures...lockable harddrive or computer that will not operate without password, some programs will identify where the computer is when it is on the internet, but that seems useless in these days of wireless connections.</p>

<p>My concern is that someone might be collecting personal information off of the wireless connections. I don't know how that risk is reduced.</p>

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<p>One thing I'd add about teaching kids to do laundry: make sure they understand that they should read the laundering instructions on any NEW clothes they buy. We bought our 15 year old son a $250 wool suit to wear to school functions this fall. He decided, after wearing it once, that it needed cleaning. So he put it, jacket and all, into the washer and dryer. Needless to say, the results were not pretty. :) Afterwards, when he came to me with a wrinkled mass of shrunken suit in his hands, he told me that he didn't KNOW that those tags on clothes have washing instructions. He thought they were just there to annoy him. :)</p>

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<p>S#2 is a musician - with all that comes with that. Not a lot of practical skills. We don't let him travel alone on trains, because he falls asleep and misses his stop. So we were terrified to send him to NYC. He is a sophomore, and so far hasn't had any major mistakes.... except the time he opened the taxi door into traffic. Taxi driver wasn't too happy, but S said he remained polite, and didn't make S wait with him for the police. </p>

<p>We sent him off with lots of warnings. Don't leave your instrument or laptop unattended for even a moment. We did buy him a laptop lock. But I have seen a lot of growth in areas of responsibility that I would never have predicted. </p>

<p>Practical tip we did with S#1 -- Gave him two sets of towels -- one set in a light color, one in dark. So he could wash towels with whatever load of clothes he was doing. (Separating by color doesn't always happen, though -- probably mostly wishful thinking on my part. But most of their stuff is old enough that it doesn't matter.)</p>

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<p>Give them a box of crackers. Put them on a plane. And wait until they either call home or make it home by themselves. If they do either, then they need more life skills. If they don't call or come home rightaway-You did a great job. </p>

<p>The crackers is so that they can eat something or use it as trail markers</p>

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<p>laundry, that's a whole 'nuther issue. Son never got the hang of it, simple as it is.</p>

<p>He would wash the clothes (fraternity basement) and forget about them. Of course in the mean time the next person would put son's clothes in a wet ball on top of the machine. He'd remember who knows when later, back into the washer, on and on.</p>

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<p>A suggestion with laptops: Get</a> a STOP plate. The success rate is very high, and the initial cost on the service is very low.</p>

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<p>Many of us, if not all, are guilty of "doing too much" for our kids -- which is why we scratch our heads and wonder "Why don't they know this?" My friend's "straight A" daugher tried to mail her very large envelope college apps with just a 37 cent stamp on each. She had no idea that heavier/larger mail needs to be weighed for proper postage.</p>