To all Terps: I've had enough of this and I'm calling all of you out!

Colleges & Universities A-Z University of Maryland - College Park
1

<p>Here's my situation. I'm a current senior at this state college (I can't even call it a university). Side to the decent academics, most of what I have experienced has been opposite to what the "college experience" was supposed to be. </p>

<p>-I was told that cliques become a thing of the past (high school). But for most of the students in College Park, cliques are the only source of where many true friends for individuals lie. </p>

<p>-I was told that arrogance, rudeness, and shallowness was minimized. But for most of the students in CP, those attributes tend to be the standard quo, and not only so, but is also celebrated, encouraged, and a turn-on for the females here. </p>

<p>-I was told that people are willing to reach out of their general social interactions. But In CP, unless you knew someone from high school, meet them "mysteriously" at a party, or are being texted constantly, there's no genuine interaction</p>

<p>-I was told that clubs and activities were a good way to put yourself out there." But in CP, most clubs have people who are very socially excluding of "outsiders" and many organizations are race-based (only ______ ethnic group allowed or every race but ______ are welcomed to join). </p>

<p>-I was told that people were willing to reach out of their comfort zones (religion, race, nationality) and befriend anyone as long as they have similar interests. But in CP, these factors, especially race are what many social factors and decisions (friends, couples, hook-up partners) are based off of. </p>

<p>I'm not looking nor asking to achieve all of this in time I have left, because I know if it couldn't be done in three years, what can I really do with one more semester. All I'm asking from the Maryland Student and Alumni Body is 1) Admit, at the least to a degree that these things are a real issue, or at least 2) explain why are things like this and why I had to face such a negative and bitter experience from just wanting to go to college. </p>

<p>And another question: I notice that Maryland loves to brag about "diversity," but I have never experienced such hatred and malice treatment from such a "liberal" school. I've been to more racially homogeneous places and have received much better treatment. The conclusion is obviously that I'm not wanted here for some attribute that I can't change about myself. However, it's these same people that try to push the shtick that College Park, Maryland, and the East Coast/Northeast are so better when it comes to race relations, and all of the places I want to go to the second after I graduate from here (Seattle, Houston, Austin, San Diego, Denver, Vancouver, Toronto, and Minneapolis) are horrible with race relations (which for the places listed, couldn't be further from the truth). So if I want out and if the general populous seems to want me (or my kind) to drop dead, why in the h**l aren't any of you at least being honest, instead of constantly playing this "Being Politically Correct for the Sake of the School's Image" game. It's getting really old and in fact sickening!</p>

2

<p>I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad experience. Everyone’s experience may differ, and yours obviously have not been good ones. It’s too bad that you didn’t recognize it earlier and transfer to someplace that would have met your needs/interests better. You are generalizing, and I assure you that there’s no hidden conspiracy to spread widespread lies! Perhaps you were expecting some things that don’t exist in the real world?? If you come across in real life as bitter and negative as you sound in your post, that might explain why you’ve felt unwelcome or ostracized. I hope things turn around for you after you finish college.</p>

3

<p>It’s distressing to hear that UMCP has been such a disaster for you. I know so many freshmen and sophomores that seem so happy there. Regrettably, no school is right for everyone. Our S is very happy there and seems to have friends of every ethnic and religious background. </p>

<p>I do know what you mean about the culture of texting. I suspect, however, that you’re going to find that everywhere.</p>

4

<p>I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had a bad experience at UMDCP. I remember you posting something similar last year, and I had hoped things had gotten better for you. I’m sorry they haven’t. My suspicion though, is that CP is probably no different than other large universities. The key is to find your own niche… it may be too late for you at CP by now, but wherever you go from here, you can start anew.</p>

<p>My son is from the west coast, and he didn’t know a soul when he arrived last August. He actually met his now-girlfriend while we were setting up his dorm room. He hangs out with her, her friends, his roommate and few other people. They’re all similar in some ways, but a very diverse group of kids ethnically and religiously. It sounds as though they all respect each other’s differences.</p>

5

<p>Thanks for those who are more sympathetic of my situation. Right now, I’m dealing with a lot indeed, and I realize that it’s more likely too late for me to ever say “I loved Maryland.” As for transferring, not to sound elitist, but the only reason why I stayed in Maryland was because academically, it was the only college I saw that was academically competent enough in order to get a job out-of-state w/ a degree from there. As for my attitude, it was more or less neutral when I transferred to Maryland, but most of the people I met had the same constant attributes that just instantly made me turn bitter towards this school: snobbishness, materialistic, arrogance, egotistical, bigotry, or narrow-mindedness. </p>

<p>Thanks again for the sympathetic comments from whom seems like parents of current students, but I would like to hear responses from student on this issue I’m dealing with. Since many of them couldn’t (or were unwilling) to reveal the issues that exist at Maryland when I would try to talk to them about it face-to-face, I’d like them to have the autonomy to express the issues with the school (or their issues with me attending their precious university).</p>

6

<p>My experience at Maryland has been extremely positive. In terms of cliques–sure, there are going to be people who make tight groups of friends–it’s one of the ways to make a large school like Maryland smaller and feel like more than just a number. In terms of friendship circles, every person finds a different way to surround themselves with people. Some people are drawn towards people with similar backgrounds–people who make them feel more at home, it’s a comfort thing. It’s not a bad thing. There are people at Maryland who have diverse groups of friends. I personally have friends of several backgrounds/races.</p>

<p>In terms of the arrogance, rudeness, shallowness–based on my experience it’s not that prevalent…I’ve found the people I’ve made friends with at Maryland to be quite humble and deep.</p>

<p>In terms of friends…I went to school in Maryland, but I don’t talk to the kids from my high school (the only one I was friends with ended up dropping out). The friends I’ve made are the ones I’ve worked with at Maryland or my through my honors program.</p>

<p>In terms of clubs, the club that I help run is ALWAYS looking for outsiders–we’re afraid that if we don’t get new people, our club will die after we graduate. And some of the deep friends I’ve made have been through my on-campus job.</p>

<p>I’m terribly sorry that Maryland hasn’t been to you what it has been for me. I don’t know you personally, so I can’t tell you if there’s anything you could have done to make it better. It might just be a combination of bad luck in terms of the people you’ve met and the clubs and organizations you’ve had experience with. I wish you luck wherever you go and really hope you find new and more positive experiences.</p>

7

<p>Sorry about your experience, but I think you might need to understand that everything you have mentioned occurs in every college in the world, UMCP is not unique in this aspect. It will also occur in the workforce…trust me…you will be the new kid on the block it is how you address this issue that will determine if you will always be looking from the outside in. It will exist when you move to any of those places too, I have lived in 11 different cities in the past 20 yrs, just moved for the last time in Aug, neighbors will come out to meet you, but they have their own lives and people tend to hang with what they know as comfortable instead of going outside the circle. Good luck in your endeavours</p>

8

<p>to bulletandpima:</p>

<p>I respect what you have to say, but what you’re saying is that I will have to deal with excessive arrogance and rudeness (not normal amounts like everyone deals with, but constant mean negative stares), racism to the extent that I can’t even meet people without them making preemptive assumptions and instantly ridding me off their “friend/boyfriend/spouse” list, backstabbing to the degree where someone will say “hi” to me in my face but talk bad about me behind my back, and cliquishness to the point where I won’t be able to be part of one unless I knew someone from the distant past or are the same skin color or religion as the “group.” I understand that there are stuff like this everywhere, but the degree differs. The university I transferred had these things, but not to the extent of me being reduced to having almost no social life with almost no genuine people who I can rely on and no significant other (like how everyone else I see in this school seems to have, i.e. bff, gf & bf, sex buddy, etc). In my old university, I at least had a group of friends who I still talk to, and was able to make more friends in one semester there than the three years I’ve been at Maryland. As for other individuals wanting to stay in their comfort zone, I see plenty of Asians and Indians who are able to hang out (and even date) people outside their race, particularly with whites. Why has this been opposite of what my ethnicity (black) has experienced with social access in College Park.</p>

9

<p>I can’t answer that for you, only you can. I have met my DS’s friends and they range from Asian to Black to Kosher Jew. It might be that since he is a freshman in the scholars program they all met and began to hang with ea other from day 1, so when you arrived yr 2 they already set up their clique…already planning on who they want to room with next yr. He also attends church and is in ROTC so he has other cliques. Living in a dorm creates the cliques…do you live in a dorm or off campus? Living off campus even in an apt makes it difficult to create relationships. </p>

<p>As far as the skin color, I won’t bite off on that. I am white and I do agree racism exists (BTW my brother is an Albino, he felt the stares and the wierd looks also, probably just as much or more b/c he was seen as a freak and stupid even though he scored a perfect 800 Math SAT) The only difference between you and me is that you have more pigmentation than I do. </p>

<p>The only answer I can give about your sit. is are you making race an issue? I am a very open minded parent, our DD has dated an African American and the only thing I cared about was how he treated her.</p>

<p>Final question are you from the MD/VA area? If not maybe you are reading more into this than you think. UMD is filled with people from NJ/NY, and MD/VA/DC area…these are fast pace places, not like NC. I am originally from the NJ/NY area and now live in the VA/DC area not saying they are mean or rude, but life to them/us is different than somebody from rural areas</p>

10

<p>The_Fairfaxian, first of all let me say that I’m sincerely sorry you haven’t had a good experience at UMD.</p>

<p>To answer your questions:

  1. Of course these things can be an issue. But they are issues in the world: in high school, in college, and in the workplace. They are not unique to UMD. People overcome these issues by learning to deal with them.</p>

<p>2) Why are things like this for you? I don’t know you so I’m not sure, but let me play devil’s advocate for a minute.</p>

<p>I’m white, from the east coast, and in a sorority. I’d love to know what you would think of me if you saw me around campus with my letters on. If I smiled at you while walking by, would you think I was being friendly or belittling?</p>

<p>I ask because it’s a two-way street. A couple of bad experiences can put an image in your mind and that can cloud everything from that point forward. And when you put race in the mix, it makes everything worse because nobody wants to acknowledge racial tension or self-segregation. It’s an uncomfortable topic.</p>

<p>If you’ve thought from the beginning (or shortly thereafter) that people of other races won’t want to interact with you, maybe you’re unknowingly projecting that. I have no idea. I can’t believe that out of the 300+ clubs at UMD, you couldn’t find one where you didn’t feel like an outsider. Again though, it’s a two-way street. You can’t expect everyone to want to be your best friend if you don’t make an effort to get to know people, make plans, etc. I find it hard to believe that people are “constantly staring” at you meanly and that you experience “hatred and malice”. Are you looking at them and treating them in a way that makes them react likewise?</p>

<p>To share a personal story, my senior year at Maryland, I went on a few dates with a black guy. This was the first time I had been involved in an interracial relationship. On our first date, I was bracing myself for “People are going to stare at us” and “This is different than other dates”. What I realized during our night out is that it wasn’t different at all. Sure, we did get a couple of stares. Was it because he was black and I was white? Maybe. But it could’ve been because we were laughing really loud, or because he looked realllllly good that night. Either way, I didn’t care. I put those few people out of my mind and didn’t let them spoil my night. Had he been the type of person to complain, “Oh all these people are staring at us; why is it so bad for me to be seen out with a white girl?”, that would’ve really turned me off.</p>

<p>Finally, I’d love to know what you meant when you said that you tried to talk to students about these issues face-to-face. In what situation did you approach students and ask them about these things? A lot of people aren’t going to have a great answer to tough questions right off the bat. (It’s taken me a good 20 minutes to write this for you.) If you just walk up to someone you’re trying to talk to and ask them what their problem is with you, I wouldn’t blame them for reacting poorly.</p>

<p>I don’t know you and I don’t want you to think I’m being rude or presumptuous – I’m just trying to help you see it from another point of view.</p>

11

<p>That sounds like the same situation I am in currently except I am most likely transferring to UMD. That was mature of you to make the decision of staying at UMD for the academics; you were clearly thinking of your future. It is unfortunate, though, that the total experience is not satisfying your other needs. I wish you luck with your situation and wherever it takes you in the years to come.</p>

12

<p>i am currently a student and agree with The_Fairfaxian. the school does consists of maryland students who come here with their high school friends and end up sticking with them. depending on which part of maryland they come from, they are not accepting of new people. racism does exist and i was caught up in a conversation were i heard some appalling things about jewish people. Even though this is a diverse school the blacks hang out with the blacks, the Asians with the Asians, and the whites with the whites.</p>

<p>theres always exceptions but dont be shocked when you end up sticking with your ethnic group.</p>

13

<p>Things are nothing like this. I am an asian american and i tend to hang out with more white and jewish kids than other asians. I am from Maryland, but the people i hang out with dont all come from Maryland and i only talk to 1-3 of my friends from my high school. Maryland is very diverse and i have no idea why you think it is not. Also, in my dorm i am friends with almost everyone on my floor. My floor is fairly diverse and i really do not experience any huge amount of racism. Maybe it just sucks to be you.</p>

14

<p>I’m going to take the middle road.</p>

<p>Things are not “nothing like this” for everyone.</p>

<p>However, they are for some people, who have truly made the effort to be optimistic, nonjudgemental, and outgoing.</p>

<p>It is hard to find a group of down to earth, decent, multicultural people in this big scary world. And CP is certainly a microcosm of the big scary world, as most large state unis are. But you will find that you must work hard for those things that matter.</p>

<p>I think it is true that people tend towards cliques - racial cliques, old HS-friends cliques, etc. - at UMD. And I think it’s true that you might find it hard to break into these cliques, if you are not a friendly, extroverted barrier breaker or friends with one. After all, we stick with what we know. For some, it is just more difficult to make totally “new” friends rather than to stick with what they know. </p>

<p>Most of my friends knew each other from HS. But the catch? They didn’t know me.</p>

<p>One of my black friends invites me to all these parties that are exclusively black. The first time, I heard a comment directed at me: “who the **** invited all those white chicks?” But the catch? As soon as my friend introduced me, I never felt unwelcome again.</p>

<p>I’m in a relationship with another white person. But the catch? I am good friends with two black/white couples and one hispanic/Asian couple.</p>

<p>Racial division/cliques/etc. exist. But for those willing to be unfailingly friendly, and for those that have a desire to get to know someone, truly, they will find that they will most likely not be turned away. </p>

<p>I agree that it is harder for a person who is shy, socially awkward, etc. I am one of those kinds of people myself, and in HS I surrounded myself with a bunch of people who looked and thought exactly like me. Not because my mind wasn’t open, but those were the people who came to me. In college, yes, at UMCP, I have finally met some people who were willing to go out and reach out to other people, rather than wait for people to come to them. And with the help of those “go getters” I have realized that you only attract the kinds of people you want with a “do it yourself” attitude and tons of persistence and optimism. </p>

<p>A word to you then. Accept that the world is a harsh place. The only way we change it is by being friendly, optimistic, nonjudgemental, persistent. I think you could probably work on a lot of these characteristics…we all could ;).</p>

15

<p>Mutual, im suprised that you heard allegedly “appalling” things about Jews at UMD. I point this out because UMD has the largest jewish population at any Univ. in the country. Do you know if they were serious, or could they have perhaps been sarcasm, because I know that when me and my fellow Jewish friends are together we sometimes make stereotypical jokes about money and big noses. ;)</p>

<p>Anyway, to Mutual and fairfax, sorry your college experience wasn’t what you expected. I can only hope that wherever I matriculate, I experience the camaraderie that you envisioned and that I still do envision, and that you have happier, successful, and fulfilling futures.</p>

16

<p>^^^</p>

<p>I agree. Our DS’s roomie is Jewish, lived on a kibutz in Israel last year. His roomie and him hang together, play football and Xbox together, they even go to parties together. However, it is not the group DS hangs with primarily. Why? Because his roomie is an orthodox jew and must eat Kosher, so he goes to dinner at a different cafeteria. He also has made friends with others that are Kosher.</p>

<p>It is life, people hang with those that they have the most in common with… especially as a freshman. I went to a small private college, my best friend and group were the same from day 1 until we graduated. We lived in the same dorm, were the only2 people that came from NJ and had the same classes and sense of humor. Does that make me a racist or an anti-semite because I chose to hang with her over others. BTW in our group her and I were the only christians, the rest were all jewish (@5 other girls). I never hung with my roommate, we just had nothing in common, she was nice, we were more acquaintances than friends.</p>

<p>I also feel that for Fairfax, you probably would have had a different experence if you came in as a freshman. Freshman kids are more vulnerable and more open to finding new friends day one, by their sophomore yr, they have found their comfort zone and have no real need to expand it. The same can be true for commuters. Friendships are forged in the begininng based on the need not to be alone, once you have filled that void the motivation is lessened. GOOD LUCK</p>

17

<p>Once again, I appreciate the (positive and constructive criticism) comments that people posted here. I realize that UMD reflects the social tendencies of the Northeast (cliquishness, standoffish, Type-A personalities, racial segregation, etc.). What I was really hoping for was a school that was laid back and at the least had individuals who were more down-to-earth, people who didn’t base their cliques on just high school associations, religion, and skin color - like how it was at the university I transferred from. But I guess I was delusional to expect that, even from a university. I also realize that in certain environments (like the Northeastern US), I’m not the most outgoing or social individual for various reason already explained. In places where people are more laid back, genuine, open to meeting new people, racially integrated, and open-minded from the get-go, I become more extroverted. I’m a person who reacts to their environment more than one who tries to change it, although I realize I need to work on stuff like that.</p>

<p>Once again, thanks again for the comments. All I wanted to experience was the same thing that 90% of the school’s undergrad is experiencing, the “best four years of their lives.” I guess I won’t have that experience, but for now, I’ll just work on getting to a part of the world, or at least within this country, that has a more warm atmosphere (with people, personality, and weather) where I’ll be able to actually start “the best years of MY life!” If anyone else wants to post anymore advice, I still would appreciate it.</p>

18

<p>You are going to come up to the best yrs of your life and your college experience will also make you into the person you will become.</p>

<p>Don’t ever make assumptions, b/c that is when you will lose out. My 2 best friends are from different places, (TX and Col). Under your assumption we should never be friends because I am from the Northeast. My DS’s best friend is from Jersey and he considers himself from NC (we just moved to VA)…they too shouldn’t be friends. People gravitate to people that they share the same common core. I.E. if you are fun to hang with and make ea other laugh than you will hang with ea other. If 1 likes to be serious and the other feels that they are too much, than the friendship will not occur. It has nothing to do with where someone is from, it has everything to do with the person themself. </p>

<p>I will tell you from living all around the world, and in the states, I have lived in NC (3 different places, NJ, VA (2 different places), NM, KS, ID and AK. North Carolina was the most racially segregated place out of all of them, and the most religious too. NJ was much more tolerant, esp inre to religion. NC was also much more cliqueish, b/c the hs was smaller (grad class of 325 compared to a typical VA class of 800+).</p>

<p>I think what you are finding is that b/c UMDCP is such a large university you got lost in the fray. As I have stated before, it will always be how you react…if you get your feathers up and they don’t know you, you will be seen as antagonistic and people will not respond positvely. People need to really know you, before you can start having very hot topic conversations…Nobody wants to be told they are stand-offish, Type-A personality with racial issues.</p>