@mom2and Not that long ago people would find ways to get variances to get their kids into the better zoned schools, but that has become almost impossible these days. I guess there are exceptions, but it’s very rare now.
@austinmshauri wrote
This is a good question, and hard to answer because for us there are a lot of moving parts and we don’t exactly fit the above stipulation of both kids going to a highly ranked school. We’ve saved the same amount of money for each kid in their 529’s, but there is also the question of do you spend the same amount on kid #1 who works her patootie off as kid #2 who does not (and has a much lower GPA and test scores).
Hypothetically we can answer somewhat since kid #1 did not get into MIT-if she had, we would have paid, but we would NOT have paid the same amount for kid #2 to go to, say, Elon. Partially because we feel kid #1 had earned that place at MIT, and partially because we don’t feel that Elon is worth the sticker price.
If kid #2 could have made it into MIT, then we would have had the discussion way ahead of time whether it was feasible for kid #1 to even apply there and take on the debt (because we couldn’t afford full pay at MIT x 2).
Right now it looks like they’re both looking at places that cost about the same amount, and #1 will make it work with scholarships, and #2 will make it work by us moving to get in-state tuition (which we were planning to do regardless and are looking forward to).
Again, so many factors are in play for every family…
@MotherOfDragons , YES^^^. Kid #1 is full price at an excellent private LAC and worked her butt off to get there. She has had a great first semester grade-wise. Kid #2 does work hard but not like his sister. His grades are A’s and B’s, with a C in one class. The unknowable answer to the question right now is, will he turn it around and care more? He could work harder, and be a little less social.
Before beginning the college search for D, hub and I didn’t think about it too much. It was more a case of realizing we had money saved for both kids, equal amounts. But as S, a current sophomore, gets closer to heading to college, I am feeling less inclined to spend the same kind of money on him. Does that make me a horrible parent? Personalities come into play. We very much feel that D needs every boost she can get, and that it will be “worth it” to have paid the full price. We very much feel that S will make the most of whatever opportunities present themselves. He is a “grow where he is planted” type of person. D needed to be planted in the right place.
OP, it’s too soon to say if we have regrets. We are feeling the pinch. I am now actively thinking of good colleges for S, and am so far only really considering in state and OOS publics. At the moment, I feel that type of setting will be right up his alley, but he will of course be doing research himself.
We have equal money in the 529 for D17 and S19, but their circumstances are very different due to what their interests are, grades, test scores, etc. I will say that D17 works so much harder, because she has to, and knows how to work, while S17 is used to being able to “coast” and therefore hits roadblocks when something doesnt come easy to him. By the time S17 hits college D17 will be heading to Jr year , and a lot can happen between now and then. I have heard so many stories of kids not making it their freshman year, then taking gap years, changing to local CC or state school, etc. So maybe more funds get moved to S19, or S19 may be more prone to getting some auto merits, so could we then transfer some of his 529 to finish paying for D17 if she is doing well where she is, but is costing us more.
Not knowing the future makes all this very hard.
We do not really look at concurrence in spending for each of our four. They’re each different people with different goals and abilities. S15 was a more mediocre student, 3.0 range. CC and state school worked for him. D17 is a 4.0, we’re more comfortable spending on her because she’s worked for it. S22 is very strong academically, S25 is a genius and autistic, he may have vastly different needs than his siblings.
I don’t want to belabor, but since asked:
Yes. D’s tuition and fees totaled high 30’s to low 40s. (she graduated college in 2004, not 2000). We paid that plus saved well over 30K each year to put toward S’s.
Basically we lived on a third of our take home (which was probably about 110k.)
@hipmama Our family is full-pay but I came from extreme poverty–as in I took an after-school job (under the table) from age 12+ so I had money to buy food for myself and I lived in a car at times due family financial hardship and some really wretched choices by my mom. However you can cover up your background at school. I certainly did. Being around those who have more money was not that big of a deal for me, but I never brought up my childhood because no one could relate. But it was so fantastic to be away at university, so different from growing up. Safety! Wow, it took me years to get used safety. Ug, the poor parts of cities can be really scary places to live. My social circle at school was fairly ‘down to earth’. There were very wealthy kids in it, but I would say it was harder for them because there was a stigma associated with extreme wealth. Obviously there were social circles that were primarily of very wealthy, but if you were wealthy and didn’t fit into that group socially, then it was awkward. So it cuts both ways, socially. Having been both poor and well-off, I’ll choose the latter though.
All the CC posters talking about Stanford CS and how much $$$ you’ll earn makes me want to laugh. I went to Stanford. You do know people major in linguistics, philosophy, history, English, poly sci there too, right? There are even people who drop out, gasp. In fact I only knew one person who majored in CS. I guess the dept has grown but still most people are not going into CS. Even if you think you want to, you might change your mind. My friends mostly went on to graduate or professional school. We all came out with varying amounts of debt. I guess I’d talk with recent grads (from various schools) to get an idea of what is manageable for most grads and in what fields.
@hipmama This is a great post, and you are 100% spot-on. Years ago my oldest was admitted to a super-competitive top private high school - even back then, it was practically impossible to get in as HS student (most parents tried to enroll their kids at pre-school / elementary school level just to secure a spot), and tuitions were astronomical even at that time. After attending an open house for enrolled students, my kid stated that there was no way she would attend this school. I was very glad because I hated it as much as she did. Both of us shared the same feeling that all attendees, including students, parents, and board members, seemed very entitled and out-of-touch although, it was very obvious that they held completely opposite view of themselves. Ironically, even at that time, we were in higher income level than most of them. Years later, I decided to give a chance to another top private HS, but both I and the second kid could not even stay through an open house - we walked out in the middle of it. I’ve heard many similar stories from friends and colleagues. Both of my kids attended top magnet public HS, and had fantastic experience. But if they did not get in, the backup option was another public. I know my view is unpopular on this board, but, in my experience, expensive private schools are self-selective, and would never be considered by many high-income families. Colleges are different, but certain colleges have exactly the same stigma - this was a huge factor during college selection process by my kids.
If there are families who feel like private schools would not be a good fit there are always public schools around that are more economically diverse. No one has to go to a private college. One thing I heard years ago and it’s kind of true: “a private education is a privilege, not a right”. Personally, I woud use the word luxury rather than privilege
If private education is a privilege rather than a right - a view I profoundly reject - then private schools should give up their non-profit status, their federal funding and all the other advantages they receive under the assumption that they are providing a public good.
Do you believe all institutions who do not serve the entire public should give up non-profit status? Such as churches and private clubs?
https://www.irs.gov/charities-non-profits/other-non-profits/exempt-purposes-code-section-501-c-7
https://www.irs.gov/charities-non-profits/other-non-profits/social-clubs
https://www.irs.gov/charities-non-profits/charitable-organizations/private-foundations
@mycupoftea , we have had the opposite experience in private (independent) K-12. We were told that they were snooty, elitist, etc. but what we found was a group of families who really valued education. As you might expect many of the kids went to private colleges, but fewer that you would have expected.
Consider what your kids may want to do after college. The federal government has some pretty generous debt forgiveness programs if the college graduate works for a non-profit or the government. It is always risky to take on too much debt - and there can be a psychological cost to the young graduate, as well. Also, with the political changes recently, unknown whether these programs will be around in the future.
So… in your own words … you would be only dumb enough to pay full freight for humanities at the schools you specified above, but not otherwise.
You should do what you want, not what someone tells you is smart…my kid said no to the difference in cash…32k a year.
@austinmshauri My second will start looking at schools this summer. I already have one full pay OOS at Michigan. I will pay the same for him. It is more important to me than retiring at 62. I’ll keep working. I grew up poor and went to the school that gave me a scholarship. It’s a point of pride to give my kids this choice. But frankly, they’d be fine at a SUNY too. Can’t deny that!
I think all of us could live on $60k or less with no kids if we did not have to have cars, train passes, dry cleaning bills, etc for work in major metro areas. If we could move out of the cities, it would be easy enough.
@emptyMT , you may be right. Or, you may be wrong, because everyone single person is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses. Our kid is not a go getter and needs any extra boost. She is at a college with a very involved alumni network and active career center that helps kids find internships and jobs. Okay, most colleges have that to some degree, but it was important to us that she was at a college that makes it “easy” for them. Will it be worth it to our pocketbook in the end? Not likely, but we will be fine. It’s more important to us that it’s worth it to her future pocketbook. We are confident it will be.
Student here! My first choice school is a $60k/year private school, so my parents and I have been discussing financials a lot lately.
Income $250k. Large west coast city (we rent). My parents have about $700k in assets. We’re paying using a formula of 1/3 savings, 1/3 income, 1/3 loans.
Special circumstances: I’ve had a well-paying job for the past three years and have saved most of the money. I’ll be working during school and contributing about $10k per year through the same formula of 1/3 savings, 1/3 income, 1/3 loans. If I receive merit aid (likely, but not treating it as a sure thing) that will be a huge help. I’m also aggressively applying for outside scholarships at the moment. At this point in time, I don’t plan to attend grad school.
I do have an older sister whose college education was partially funded by my parents. Since she attended an in-state college, her tuition was minimal, and she received significant financial aid for law school - very different circumstances for the two of us!
@catbird1 1/3 loans per year is approx 20k per year which is 80k for 4yrs. Do you want to be in debt for $80,000? Also, you can only borrow so much on your own. Your parents would have to take out the loans
@citymama9 I understand your confusion. First of all, I have a significant amount of dual college credit - which, from my discussions with the college, will transfer. This will shorten my time in college by about a year. I should have been clearer on the $60k number - it includes housing, meal plan, etc. Factor in $15k of renewable scholarships (reasonable, according to the school) and that brings our total loans down to about $46k upon graduation, assuming I borrow $5500 per year and my parents borrow about $10k per year.
Oops