^Right–I mean the OP asks how people did this, so posts are explanations. It worked out for us, and that does make me happy. I describe my situation; it’s not a contest. 
One house, one spouse is a very common phrase in the dental community. Divorce usually costs the dentist 1/2 the practice, 1/2 the retirement funds, plus after, if you have kids, comes the child support and sometimes alimony. It’s very hard to earn it all back when you have less than 20 more years to work. I’ve seen it happen to both and female dentists; pre-nups are pretty big when a dentist who owns a practice marries and wants to keep it out of joint property.
“These threads about affording college inevitably drift into a little bit of self congratulation.” H and I are thankful we could provide a college education that allowed our kids to graduate debt-free. They are incredibly grateful and thankful; there was no sense of entitlement from them. We didn’t really let them know the circumstances until they were making a list of schools and we told them what the budget would be. We have been fortunate to have careers that allowed us to do this. And outside of CC, I rarely talk about it. People just don’t ask.
I really love this thread as we are looking into this. D17 is a-/b+. So far gotten into two schools pretty much little merit total cost around 40-45K. Dream schools are around 60K, even if she does get in, probably no merit, but perfect for the field she wants to go into (politics/social action). She does work very hard. Could we make it work, maybe, the 45K schools stretch it. But my parents found a way to pay for CMU with me having only 5K in debt , ,and I feel like I need to do the same. S19 is a different kid, and based on CS major, grades, scores, might get more merit, but cant hedge on that.
Earnings around 160K, but highest its ever been
In our 50’s.
Not a high COL , and home is almost paid off.
Retirement is less than a million and have pension. Stocks worth a bit, but want to use during retirement.
Each kid has about 80K in college savings, thanks to deceased grandparent.
We dont live large, but also dont totally scrimp.
So will we do full pay for dream school if she gets in is still up in the air. Currently in savings we have one year of Tuition, but I was told that one should have 3-6 months salary always saved up just in case of layoffs. Each time DH or I were laid off, we were lucky to get another job before severance runs out, but now we both work for companies that would not have large severances if anything were to happen.
We fall above the income specified, but I still want to bring up some advice.
We have told our kids that we have given them two gifts: an UG degree with no debt, and the assurance that we won’t be calling them asking for financial help down the road. I tell them that, had we not been assured of a reasonable retirement, they would have had restrictions on their choices of school. They should consider themselves lucky, as that’s what we consider ourselves (DW and I have earned every penny through hard work, but it would be wrong to think that luck hadn’t played a role).
Some other points:
I think it’s fine to save less in retirement accounts during college tuition years, as long as retirement goals are on track.
Some full-pay decisions pay off even well before graduation (well-paying internships, job offers that promise being well-launched after graduation).
I use ESPlanner.com software to model our retirement; a limited capability version is available for free online. Very powerful and configurable. Various other free tools are available, see https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Retirement_calculators_and_spending
Saving for retirement, imo, is always essential because of the compounding of interest over time. One should start this in their early 20’s in first job and continue through entire career.
This has been a very helpful thread. Thanks to everyone for contributing.
“These threads about affording college inevitably drift into a little bit of self congratulation” Lol, sometime I think that this entire board drifts into this direction. But this does not annoy me at all – most of the posters do not seem to feel entitled, and I feel genuinely happy for them. To continue with the theme, our income/assets were already high by the time our oldest went to college, so full pay was an easy decision (for two hard-working A students who appreciated the opportunity and the privilege - we might have made a different choice otherwise). But, if our incomes were not sufficient, I would only consider full pay if we had enough savings upfront. Planning to cover 60-70K/yr out of paycheck would make me extremely anxious and cause many sleepless nights thinking what would we do if there are lay-offs, health crisis, or other issues down the road. I would likely still choose full pay if we could cover both COA and full tuition out of either one of the two salaries (which we can do now, but not back then). What makes our situation different is that, while some posters use inherited money to cover or to compensate for the college costs, we provide substantial financial support to both sets of parent, and to another elderly couple (close relatives who’ve lost their only child). None of them have LTC insurance, so we consider their potential LTC needs our responsibility as well (and we have already incurred substantial costs). I would never compromise our parents’ health and wellbeing by reallocating resources to colleges. Reading this thread reminds me again how grateful I am for not having to make this choice. Looking back, we did make some good choices when we were young and very low-income, including one starter home (still living here today), paying off mortgage before college, having kids very early (just before and in grad school) and 5 years apart, two uninterrupted professional careers, and staying married. Of course, being healthy and ‘lucky’ topped off all other factors – this is something one can never plan for…
Off topic but re #124:
As soon as DS had income (summer after 1st year college), we started a Roth IRA for him. Our contributions to that was his annual birthday present through college. He probably would have preferred something else but did not object :D. I would add that his Christmas present was a certificate for his college costs.
When he started with monthly income (graduate school stipend so small), we asked him to contribute $50/month directly to his Roth IRA and we offered to match it 2:1. Possible partly because he had no student loans to repay. Just getting him in the habit of getting used to having money go into his retirement automatically. We’ll gradually nudge him to increase his contributions as his income (hopefully) increases over time.
Will do same for DD.
Most Americans think it is stupid to go to any college full pay if you have cheaper alternative…being first generation immigrant, that is my basic observation in this college business. This makes it very difficult to justify any decision of full pay…
D 17 is in a public high school (300 to 350 kids each class) which normally produces 0-6 NMSFs and most kids go to state flagship or schools within 100 miles radius to our area. When I told one parent that D didn’t want to UAlabama where she would have great NMSF benefits ( she felt out of place when the first question in the info session from fellow students was about parties), he said " wow, that is a no-brainer!", but it is not no-brainer to us and D.
Well, I think the question of whether in-state vs. full pay somewhere else is a no-brainer depends on the quality of your in-state offerings. We have plenty of very good in-state choices here in Virginia. There is of course UVA but it’s hard to beat Virginia Tech for engineering at the in-state price. And then there is William & Mary which is also well-regarded. We must have no brains because DS chose private school, LOL. To be fair, it was for reasons that had nothing to do with the quality of education he would have received at any of those schools, but for the opportunity to play a varsity sport in college.
Other than spouse and child, I don’t think you have to “justify” anything to anyone.
We had our youngest two attend a pricey private HS, living in a town with one of the highest rated publics in NJ. Many wanted to know “why,” and looked at us like we were crazy. I have no doubt that we did the right thing. If it makes them feel better to roll their eyes and think we are either crazy or stupid, so be it.
Two things before I begin answering the OP’s questions regarding recent posts: #1 - I have to say I take issue with the characterization of NYU in post #107 as a “rich kid school”. My D is in her 3rd year and that would not describe the types of kids she has met there. Perhaps the stereotype comes from the expense of tuition and relative scarcity of merit aide? Who knows. #2 - I also disagree with post #128 which says that “most” Americans think it is stupid to go to a full pay school when there are cheaper options available. The record number of students applying at so many expensive schools seems to indicate the opposite. Again with evidence from my kid’s school - they reported that 60k applied last year. My personal take from CC is that there is an element of “full pay shaming” here - but in the end, it’s our $$ and we’ll spend it how we want to
But to the original questions
We have a combined income of approx $300k- the largest chunk of paycheck comes from H’s job. I am a public school teacher (in a state that pays teachers relatively well) so while my income will never match his, the value of my insurance and retirement are important in our overall decision making process.
We are in a large midwestern city. COL significantly below either coast. D is an only child.
D is in a major where we believe the program you attend really does make a difference in opportunities after college, so we decided early in the process that the tipping point would be quality of program, not price tag. No regrets - she has gotten opportunities that would never have come her way at a different school.
If you think there’s full-pay shaming here, go to Bogleheads :). I agree that it’s for us to decide how to spend it.
I just wanted to say that, based on everything I have read about retirement savings, a couple in their late 40s that has 800k in 401k/IRA savings and another 500k in other savings is in exceptionally good shape. Assuming you will be able to continue to max out retirement savings contributions from income while your kids are in college, I would not hesitate to use the other savings to pay full tuition at a top school.
@IxnayBob I’d think you had a well thought out move, not crazy, and I would like to know the benefit you got. Not trying to go off topic, I think your move is a part of providing kids with the best education like full paying.
Full pay to our state school. My kid’s dream was MIT and he was deferred/denied. He’s happy where he is at.
We are prepared to full pay everywhere.
@eiholi, DS was in almost remedial math classes, standard English, etc. Public tracks kids, and once tracked, does not seem to be willing to reevaluate. I know we’re biased, but it didn’t seem like good placement. Long story short, he applied to selective private (accepts ~20%), was accepted, went to private, fire got lit under his butt by sophomore year, currently Yale junior in CS with a strong side helping of Math (considering double major).
Might the public have reevaluated? Perhaps. They gave no signs of doing so. The gamble was unfair to DS.
I must say, honestly, that the public is wonderful for many kids, and also sends many kids to selective colleges each year. That would have been little solace to our family, because we had a strong sense that his strengths were being overlooked. Confirmation bias is a powerful thing. Worth every penny, and a few more :).
In reading thru these more recent posts to the thread, I think it all comes down to if you can afford to send your child to a school of his/her choice then you should. The title says it all - full pay.
I do agree with having one spouse is a good way to saving money, but I do not believe in one house is a good way to build wealth. My father was an engineer. I don’t think he ever made over 75K his life time. He was an immigrant. He bought his first house for 18K. Two years later he bought his next house for 45K, next one for 180K, and the last house he bought was for 750K. It is now valued between 1.2-1.4 mill and it is now completely paid off. He used equity of the house (appreciation) to buy more expensive house and that’s how he built up his net worth. This only works if you live at a place where real estate appreciates.
I also do not think it makes sense to pay off mortgage if you have any taxable income because mortgage is deductible.
@oldfort Great points but I am sure you have noticed that as you approach paying off your mortgage you simply slip below the amounts needed to itemize your deduction and therefore lose the benefit of paying the interest. At this point one must reassess the continue/pay-off decision.