<p>I'm planning on applying for boarding school for sophomore year, 2009-2010.
At first, both my parents seemed enthusiastic and supportive, but now my mom is rethinking the idea. She says that although boarding school may have it's pros, a teenager should stay by their parents side for guidance during these (and I've heard this word a lot on this forum) impressionable years. She says that she won't know what kind of people I'll be hanging out with, what kind of influences I'll be exposed to. She's also worried that I'll be so far away, and won't be able to visit often. It's hard when you're a continent and an ocean away.
I try to tell her that I'll be alright and I'll definitely be growing as a person if I do go, and it's an experience I would be lucky to have. But she is still reluctant.
I really do want to go to boarding school, but I'm not so sure of what to say to her when she says these things. Have any of you parents also had these fears when sending your kid to boarding school, and how did you reassure yourself that your child was going to be okay without you around?</p>
<p>You simply tell your parents that it's for the best, and that you for what the school can bring to you and the dynamic environment that can't be found in most other high schools. And it teaches you to be independent and stuff. </p>
<p>Besides, from what I hear, teachers and the ilk can become parental figures at boarding school, because they too offer the guidance and comfort one may need during their teenage years.</p>
<p>Also, everyone eventually becomes independent. So there's no point waiting for the inevitable, if taking action now is the best thing to do.</p>
<p>Btw, what does your dad think?</p>
<p>We allowed our son to attend Thacher (in Ojai, CA), 3000 miles from our East Coast home. It was precisely because the environment was so peer-healthy (no drugs, alcohol etc) with a tremendous mix of love, support and challenge that convinced us we were making the right decision. He was graduated this past June and the four years he spent there were incomparably wonderful and safe. </p>
<p>His "at home" option would have been an elite private day school outside of Philadelphia where there is infinitely greater access to and use of alcohol and drugs, especially on weekends. Boarding school takes away that "off campus" risk that day schools cannot control.</p>
<p>Finally, at least at Thacher, one of the principal benefits of the experience is the degree to which the on-campus teachers and older students "live" the code of the school, which is "honor, fairness, kindness and truth." It is a real code, lived daily, and leaves an indelible impression on every person who teaches and attends. </p>
<p>Your parents are correct; you are at an impressionable age, no doubt about it. But finding a school like Thacher, and there are others too, will do more for your safety, formation of values, intellectual strength, and personal growth than any day school I know. A boarding school education is a 24X7 affair. This is a huge difference.</p>
<p>You might also want to show your parents the site: The Truth About Boarding Schools The</a> Truth About Boarding Schools if they have not already seen it.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>What you are dealing with is a part of the human experience that is not necessarily rational, but tries to make things fit the outcome that is easiest to deal with. Not a good technical explanation, I know, but as a parent with a daughter about to start her 3rd year 1000+ miles from home, I understand the rationale.</p>
<p>Your parents like having you around. They enjoy seeing you. They feel a sense of control, much like driving their own car. Most people would rather drive than be a passenger with a professional driver (or flying for that matter). Why? That sense of control in an unforseen situation where they feel more comfortable being in control, even though they may not be as skilled.</p>
<p>Your parents see the challenges of the upcoming years. They feel that if they are present they can have a more direct impact on the outcome of those challenges. This may or may not be true, but it is their feeling right now. It is very akin to being behind the wheel.</p>
<p>There are 2 strategies for dealing with these feelings. First, reduce the perceived risk. I would suggest finding other families in your expatriate community whose children are having a successful experience at boarding school and try to get your parents in communication with these folks. It will demystify the boarding school experience. None of us "internet folks" will have the same effect as a live person who they see, as the place they will send you is a place they do not see.</p>
<p>The second strategy involves improving your parents confidence in your ability to handle the unforseen circumstances. Right now, your parents have a sense of confidence in your current environment based upon your being a high-achieving kid who hasn't gotten in trouble. </p>
<p>What they probably don't know about your environment are the things you experience that you probably don't talk to your parents about. The kid you know who is engaging in some destructive behavior that you mentally tell yourself "stay away from her, she is trouble waiting to happen". I'd bet that you probably do that more subconsciously and never really explain the thinking to yourself, much less your parents.</p>
<p>It is your parents not knowing your experience and decision making that is holding back their confidence in your handling other situations. It is not enough that you stay out of trouble - in their minds that can happen by a lack of opportunity (perceived in their minds) in your current environment. You need for them to understand that you DO face opportunities for trouble regularly and DO make decisions with ease to handle those situations in appropriate ways.</p>
<p>You might find opportunities to talk about certain situations where you made good decisions that your parents didn't know about. These need to be done without referring to the boarding school issue, as boarding school right now brings up those worrysome thoughts. You want to inspire confidence.</p>
<p>Not only does this build their confidence in you (with benefits regardless of whether or not you go to boarding school), it brings a more realistic picture of your current environment to your parent's attention, equalizing the perceived risks between the local environment and a boarding school environment.</p>
<p>Trust me, dealing with this cognitive dissonance on your parents part is a difficult thing, but it is probably the best strategy you can employ to improve your chances of going to boarding school.</p>
<p>Visiting the schools is what made the difference for me. They are absolutely incredible.</p>
<p>I recommend strongly that you go to the "Parents Cafe" subsection of the prep school forum and search for "why are we doing this?". I started that thread and it caught on well. Many parents explained their motivations.</p>
<p>Intregue. Get your parents to go to a view with you. That will probably change their minds.</p>
<p>What goaliedad said. And:
What your parents said is correct. Their reasons for not wanting you to go are absolutely ligitimate. When you attend boarding school, especially from multiple thousands of miles away from home, you are without the guidance of your parents. Yes, there are teachers, yes, there are advisers and dorm counselors, but if anyone thinks these people come close to the amount of care, love, and support that a parent provides for each and every student, they are kidding themselves. Your parents will not be able to see who you are hanging out with, and they will not be able to control you. You have to prove to them that you are mature enough to handle that because, realistically, the vast majority of 14-year-olds are not.</p>
<p>"She says that although boarding school may have it's pros, a teenager should stay by their parents side for guidance during these (and I've heard this word a lot on this forum) impressionable years. She says that she won't know what kind of people I'll be hanging out with, what kind of influences I'll be exposed to."</p>
<p>HAHAH</p>
<p>Funny, because boarding school is WAY more strict than your parents are.</p>
<p>Parents have a natural inclination to protect their children. Therefore, if you get caught with, say, marijuana at boarding school, it goes on your record PERMANENTLY and you must report it on college applications. Get caught stumbling home drunk and stoned out of your mind? Grounded "forever," but none of it goes on your record.</p>
<p>So basically, boarding school's restrictions will actually keep you away, for the most part, from the "bad things." Not a guarantee, but the stakes are a lot higher at boarding school.</p>