<p>I like residential colleges too - don’t forget Harvard! That said, I think the system of suites and entry ways at Harvard actually makes casual interactions harder than the system of singles and doubles off halls - especially if the halls have nice lounges.</p>
<p>My very introverted older son made many friends at Carnegie Mellon. He’s still a loner type and was happy to go home to a studio apartment, but just having a critical mass of computer geek types, and pleasant computer clusters for them to hang out in, really was great for him.</p>
<p>I developed my closest friendships at an all girls high school, and I think many women’s colleges replicate that experience. I do think though that if you are the reticent type, you run the danger of living in a female ghetto for four years. I loved my high school, but I was adamant about going co-ed for college.</p>
<p>Although mathmom said it more eloquently than my d could, my d thinks that given who she is, she would never interact with boys if she were at an all-girls school. </p>
<p>Also, mathmom & others, what do you think of Carnegie Mellon, MIT, or Ivies like Harvard, Yale, or Brown in terms of the schools being academically strong & also strong in helping students develop social connections with one another?</p>
<p>Mathmom also had a smart observation in that how dorms are situated can enhance or detract from the potential of increased possibilities for social relationships being forged in the dorm. It seems that there’s more possibilities for social connectedness when there’s a common room with single & double rooms opening into a hallway, & you physically see your dorm mates more often.</p>
<p>There are plenty of introverts at top schools, if only because people who don’t need to be around people all the time can work harder in school.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t overthink things too much about this. Introverts tend to form close friendships with other introverts, so, for example, joining a sorority where everyone is extroverted may backfire. Just a thought. Your daughter may not need to be in a special program to meet people. She may be better off just meeting people through study groups, people living in her suite, etc…</p>
<p>That said, I think places like Swarthmore or Smith (and MIT to a lesser extent due to their math/science focus) attract a greater percentage of introverts than places like Harvard, so you may consider that.</p>
<p>Mathmom’s point about meeting the opposite sex may be true, although women’s colleges tend to have large socials with co-ed universities. Generally, the guys approach the girls anyway.</p>
<p>MIT has a wonderful environment for introverts. One of my children graduated from MIT and made a number of good friends. She is rather introverted but they had numerous activities for them to socialize.</p>
<p>I agree that Wellesley appears to do a good job with this, based off the programs that I’ve seen with my D. Having said that, my experience so far sending my kids off to a LAC and a research university that is four times the size is that both of these places really had lots of programs and emphasis on making sure no one sat in a dorm room alone. It would be my impression that very few top schools <em>don’t</em> offer programs to try to foster some kind of smaller-community-within-a-community. The particulars may differ (big sisters at a women’s college, dorm socials, residential colleges, affiliation groups such as Hillel or the (X) Students’ Association) but I would be surprised if any top college these days really just opens the dorm and lets the students at it, versus fostering a sense of community.</p>
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<p>FYE may be a specific title that certain colleges give to their programs, but I don’t think there is anything magical about that title. Is there a good school that <em>doesn’t</em> do any of these things?</p>
<p>Need2Clarify----Our introverted STEM major freshman is loving it at Michigan Tech. He’s in a co-ed FYE program with other like-minded students. If your D likes STEM, snow, outdoor activities, snow, geeks, snow, a hometown/family feel (almost nobody goes home on weekends—too FAR!), and snow, then MTU might be a good fit!</p>
<p>Perhaps I missed this - is she introverted or shy? Those are two different things. I’m introverted, but I’m not shy. Does she <em>want</em> to spend more time with others but doesn’t feel she has the skills / ability to reach out to them, or does she just prefer a lot of time in her own head?</p>
<p>If she chooses to go there look into the summer community involvement program, and apply ASAP. I can’t remember the name right now, but it will be easy enough to find.</p>
<p>Good Insights—Thanks for your thoughts. Collegealum314 reminded me that we can over-think or over-analyze some of these things, & Pizzagirl reminded me that while there are different ways in which they do it, all top schools in today’s world do make sure to have programs in place to build community for their incoming freshmen. </p>
<p>And good catch, pizza girl—originally in my query I had written “introverted” but i had too many words, so I changed the word to “shy” even though it wasn’t exactly right. </p>
<p>There is some shyness, and she wants to spend more time with people but doesn’t feel that she has the social skills & feels a bit socially awkward in knowing what to say. </p>
<p>And, at the same time, she is energized by ideas more than people. While she finds time with people at times tiring & would prefer reading, she also wants to become more socially skilled & find a better balance.</p>
<p>If your daughter might want to go to Minnesota, she could check out St. Olaf, which is a pretty small school, and has a program modeled on the Great Books program. They have to apply to enter this program. These students also live in the same dorm, maybe the same floor, I believe. This is not an honors program, but because it involves a lot of reading and writing, and intellectualism, probably the students, by default, are honors-type students. There are a number of different threads of these programs, for example, one of them is science-focused, the main one is standard Western civilization. If your daughter is a very strong student, St. Olaf could be a nice academic safety choice for her.</p>
<p>Once you get your list (or acceptances), it seems super important for your daughter to visit the schools. If she has a really good feeling about her school going into it, that is half the battle.</p>
<p>My younger son is an introvert (Myers-Briggs INTP). He likes to observe before participating and doesn’t like to talk about himself and his accomplishments; in class, he participates only selectively, adding wry comments, ironic insights and submitting oddball facts or responding when his classmates remain silent. </p>
<p>He did have some social anxiety in his early years of grade school, but now I think it’s just that he’s internally driven and doesn’t seek or need the external reassurances that most kids need, like the “good job” pat-on-the-back from a beaming teacher for merely regurgitating recently-taught information.</p>
<p>When he applied to college last year, we looked at LACs like Williams and Amherst, schools with residential colleges like Yale and Rice, schools where teamwork was emphasized like MIT, and schools with tightly-knit programs within the larger college like Northwestern’s Integrated Science Program (ISP).</p>
<p>And if you’re considering St. Olaf, you should also look at Carleton (also in Northfield, MN). They have a wide range of programs (during New Student Week and beyond), structures (in dorms, advising, etc.), and extra curriculars that really encourage integration. It is very challenging academically but not hyper-competitive. And, like St. Olaf, it’s hard to beat Minnesota nice.</p>
<p>It’s okay to be introverted, and many introverted people really only need a few friends and need down time away from people. My son had far more friends at Carnegie Mellon than he had in high school. My high school had social events with boys, but I was too shy to go to any of them. I had no problems getting to know boys in college. I think your daughter could be fine at many different kinds of colleges, and that if she goes with her gut she will probably be fine.</p>
<p>But yes, as the parent of a shy child, Rice has been a wonderful place that brings him out of his room and meeting like-minded students. It’s all great.</p>
<p>I disagree. As an introvert, I needed to have activities / clubs in college that were engaging enough for me to want to be around others more and not just resort to what’s easiest and most comfortable. In my case, it was a sorority plus another club I was involved with, but it could happen any number of ways. An atmosphere of all fellow introverts would have meant no personal growth.</p>
<p>I’m surprised no one’s mentioned U of Chicago yet. The house system makes it nearly impossible for even the most introverted individuals to avoid socializing and bonding, and programs such as “Dating for Nerds” (or something to that effect) exist to both support and affectionately poke fun at the many less-than-socially-adept students. The feel for undergraduates is that of being at a smallish school embedded in a large research community embedded in a vibrant city, so there’s both the comfort provided by having small classes and seeing many familiar faces on a regular basis and the enticements offered by the university and the city to leave one’s room and become engaged in the community.</p>
<p>In HS I would have described my D as quiet and introverted. Her younger brother would have described her as anti-social. She found most HS social interactions to be a waste of time. When we looked at colleges I asked her to look at the students to see if they were happy. She replied she wasn’t going to college to be happy, she was going to get an education.</p>
<p>Fast forward a few years - she is at a woman’s college, and has a full social life, including a boyfriend. She just needed to find “her people.”</p>