I just started my freshman at Haverford College. I know it’s way too early to even start thinking of transferring but I’m having an extremely hard time here. I have a father who is an alcoholic and I get extremely anxious and depressed around alcohol. I came to Haverford thinking that the party scene was practically non-existent but by living here I realized just how wrong I was. There is no control over alcohol on campus due to the honor roll and the upper classmen (who act sort of as RAs) bring the alcohol to the freshmen. I get so anxious that I can’t even get myself to stay on campus during the weekend because I am scared of all my hallmates drinking (with the RA replacements). Also, i do not fit the honor code standard that they have at this school. I’m sorry for such a long rant but I just wanted you guys to know where I’m coming from and why I’m thinking of transferring. In addition I come from Philadelphia and I just feel suffocated in such a tiny campus. Also, my mother has some health problems and no one to take care of her, and I just now I realized how selfish I was leaving the city and her.
Now here are my stats as of now. I am also planning on making education my #1 priority as I have nothing else to do on campus to distract myself.
H.S. GPA - 4.02
SAT 2160
EC: Student researcher at Drexel University for 6 years, Orchestra concertmistress and vice president, School musical concertmistress, Pep band - cymbals, National Honor Society, Class representative, Italian club secretary, varsity tennis, Global youth united member
College: planning on joining the orchestra, the asian association club, and was an author in a published research paper
also, next semester I am planning on taking class at UPenn.
What are my chances of transferring if I do end up deciding to transfer. I am giving myself the first semester to like it here at Haverford, but this is just to hear your guys’s input on this situation. Thank you so much.
First of all, you need to calm down, relax, and realize that you can’t base a decision to transfer on the experiences of orientation week. Your attitude and impressions will change daily, weekly and monthly throughout your first semester, and you should make no firm decision about transferring until completing the first semester.
As far as alcohol is concerned, don’t delude yourself that you’ll find a substance-free college outside of the conservative religious institutions. Your transfer goal Penn has been ranked the #1 party school in the nation. I know that once the academic intensity of course work begins you’ll find the focus at Haverford is on scholarship, not inebriation. Trust me, I know.
I think it is Penn State that had been ranked as the #1 party school not UPenn, but plenty of partying goes on at UPenn and there is a big greek scene that stokes it.
Speak openly to the upperclassmen advisors about your feelings on alcohol and why. I’m sure if they knew, they would tame things down, at least in your presence. There are plenty of other students that aren’t into partying. You just need to find those people. Talk to the First Year Dean or a counselor in the health center if this is really bothering you. It probably won’t be available to you this year but there is substance free housing on campus as well.
To the best of my knowledge DS, also a freshman this year, did not drink prior to arriving at Haverford. (He’d made a pledge to his coach not to drink or do drugs and seemed to take it seriously.) As soon as Customs ended, out came the beer and I think that the CPs actually presented the alcohol. I’m not naïve and told DS that I figured he’d drink at some point in college. Though no one was pressured to drink, when you’re sitting amongst 16 of your new tribe mates, in a school that is known for its strong sense of community, it’s a tricky thing.
Drinking exists at almost every college and university. I hope you take the advice of doschicos and speak to a counselor or Dean Martinez. I think that Haverford offers a great liberal arts education. Now that classes are underway I hope you can find some of your own non drinking tribe members, and I wish you the best.
In our house when you get to three excuses it means that you just don’t want to do it.
You don't like being in a college with drinking (but want to go to either UPenn or Temple, schools with at least as much of a drinking culture)
You don't like being so far from your mother (half an hour)
You don't 'fit' the honor code (what part? how would it differ from other honor codes?)
You don't like how small the campus is (1, you chose it knowing what it was; 2, you have 3 campuses to work with and 3, half an hour to Philly)
Your college doesn't offer the major you want (from your other thread; although actually it does)
So, I think that there is something else that you aren’t saying. I don’t know if it’s that you have buyers remorse, are anxious about being in a new / unfamiliar environment, if you got unlucky in your roommate/hall and have not met your people yet, if you have a beau who is in Philly and you want to be closer or what. But whatever it is, figure that piece out first. Otherwise, you don’t give the Haverford community a fair chance, and if you transfer you just take your unhappiness with you.
No matter what the pieces are, though, @doschicos suggestion to go to the counseling services is worth listening to: if you are carrying extra anxiety about being around people who drink b/c of your father, that is something to sort out. Otherwise, it will keep coming back as an issue for you.
Considering school literally just started a week ago, all this worry seems way premature. If you haven’t already done so, it sounds like you should see the dean of first-year students to get some advice and counseling. Also, you need to find your tribe at school. Surely, there are other people interested in the kind of social scene you enjoy. You just need to find those students, and sometimes that takes time. Rather than plotting a transfer to school without alcohol (which you won’t find apart from some very religious school), try to find the folks who share your interests. Trust me, they are there!
My daughter went for a visit at bryn mawr last spring, made friends with some girls and went back for a weekend stay. She said they went to haverford sat. night because that was where “all the good parties are.” She said the girls from bryn mawr said that it is a big drinking scene at haverford (at least on the weekends), and they laughed and said the “honor code” is that they don’t let anyone know about the rampant underage drinking and how many of the students have their stomachs pumped at the nearby ER.
Perhaps squirllll you could go home on the weekends since you live so close? I have a daughter that goes to school not far from our home and comes home on the weekends because she is a non drinker also. It works out very well for her, she feels she gets the best of both worlds. If you were far from home this would of course not be an option, so you are lucky! When my daughter was looking at schools we knew of her love of home and family, and only considered schools 2 hours or less away. You are even closer than she is, it looks like the perfect situation to help with your mom and get away from a social scene that is not your idea of fun.
Unfortunately college = alcohol, and Haverford certainly does not have a giant party scene. Other colleges (like Penn) are much much worse.
Some halls have more people who drink and other’s do not. In fact on the survey for housing one question asked about your comfortability with alcohol. Those who were uncomfortable with it were likely placed on the substance sensitive hall that was created this year.
Also, CPs can’t buy alcohol for the frosh as they are usually sophomores (and still underage), but teams will get the freshman some alcohol so that people’s first experience with alcohol is in a very controlled safe environment and those people who want to drink do not go crazy (and end up in the hospital). Do people ever go to the hospital? Yes. Do they ever get admitted? No, not in a very long time. As you can see, Villanova’s approach (no tolerance of any drinking) to alcohol doesn’t deter people from drinking underage and in many cases just makes the situation more dangerous.
Plus, you can always live in Cadbury in following years as it is substance free and is a quiet dorm.