Transferring for the Wrong Reasons...

Transfer Students
1

I was admitted to Cornell as a transfer student for the spring semester, meaning I move in in two weeks. All throughout the months leading up, I’ve been terrified of the decision I’ve made. I haven’t told anyone at my old school, even people I should have told because I think I"m in denial about the decision (yes, you don’t have to tell me that’s stupid - I know it is),

As the move approaches, I’m becoming more and more worried. I’m leaving my state school, where I have connections, clubs I’m involved in, friends, professors that like me, a full ride scholarship, good department for my major (international relations) to go to Cornell, where I have… none of that. I was blinded by the fact that Cornell is an Ivy League, and that’s the only thing that mattered to me in the decision-making process. Now, I don’t know what to do.

When I visited, Cornell was just a glorified state school… but it was a school with a brand-name (albeit, perhaps not the best of all the brand names).

Everything at my old school is perfect, or at least it should be, except my mental health. Because all throughout my life, all I’ve cared about is going to a prestigious school with a prestigious name. Once again, I know this is stupid, stupid, stupid - but I can’t control my thoughts. Everything logical within me tells me to email Cornell and say ‘sorry, something came up’, and just reject the offer. I know that once I make the move there’s no going back. Yet, all the emotions in me want me to be able to go to a school that makes me proud. I know that I’ll have problems at Cornell, but I’ll be proud to say that I go there.

What do I do?

2

Would Cornell let you defer your admission to the fall and finish the year where you are? That would give you time to get your head on straight about the decision.

3

Unfortunately, they won’t. Either I transfer now, or I reapply again for the fall, which gives me no guarantees that I’ll get in.

4

Honestly, I think all of these transfer plans serve Cornell’s interests at the expense of the best interests of a lot of students. Imagine how much happier you’d be right now if you didn’t have this offer. You’re literally telling us that they ONLY thing making you unhappy at your current university is the ongoing angst about being strung along by a “prestigious” school.

Giving up a full ride scholarship to a strong program where you are happy is a huge, huge decision. The ONLY reason you’re considering this right now is that Cornell is making a used-car-dealer-style now-or-never offer.

My opinion? Don’t fall for it. Keep your scholarship. Keep knocking your performance out of the park where you are. Resolve to table the whole topic of transferring for a full year.

If, at this time next year, you still feel the lure of Cornell, apply as a junior transfer, having enjoyed another three full semesters of free, high-quality education. If it’s meant to be, you’ll get in then. If not, you’ll have a ton of money saved up for an elite grad program. Win-win.

Also, consider this: as an IR major, you’ll almost certainly want to study abroad, yes? Why on earth would you want to pay Cornell tuition for that?

So here’s my addendum to the above plan: accelerate your study abroad plans. Start planning and applying now to do your sophomore spring abroad - FOR FREE!! - through your current university.

Then when you’re done with your FREE! semester abroad, you can either return to the great program you’re in now, or transition to Cornell (or wherever) as a junior transfer.

5

I appreciate your response a lot - it confirms a lot of the same thoughts I have been having, and there’s definitely a lot of truth to what you said.

However, the primary reason I am struggling is because I have spent years of my life working to get into an elite college. Logically, I know that that is not a good goal to have, nor does it make or break someone’s life. Yet, for me, it has been the motivation behind so many things I’ve done, so many sacrifices I’ve made, and just a big part of a dream that I’ve held.

I know that my state school is a fantastic place where I’ve already met tons of fantastic people and truly had a good experience overall. There’s nothing I can pinpoint that’s missing - except a sense of pride.

And, my fear is that as time goes on, this dull ache that I’ve been experiencing will not go away. Most times, things are fine, I’m just fine with where I am. But then someone will mention how they’re just at my school because they couldn’t get in anywhere better; or how they didn’t work hard in high school and are still here; or how they have a full ride too (because it seems like every high-achieving student has one at this school), and it pains me. It hurts.

Again, trust me, I know how much I’d be giving up. Free education, free study abroad, being a big fish in a little pond, connections, clubs, mentors, friends… but what if I were to gain happiness? Or at least, a little peace.

I don’t want to live life with regrets. So, if everything points against transferring, might it still make sense to take a leap of faith, if it means finding a shred of inner peace?

I don’t expect you to have the answers, but you do seem as though you are older and wiser, and might be able to provide not just college but life advice in a situation like this.

6

So aim for an elite grad program, paid for with the money you’re not spending on undergrad. In the end you’ll have the same prestige with a grad degree from an elite school, regardless of where your undergrad comes from. Also consider your chances of elite fellowships - you’re a lot more likely to land, for example, a Fulbright from where you are, then if you transfer to Cornell and have to compete with that cohort for such opportunities.

Would you be full-paying for Cornell?

Honestly, you know what the smart and healthy decision is. You say you don’t want to live with regrets, but how do you know you won’t regret giving up your scholarship and all the opportunities at your current school? The grass isn’t always greener. My opinion is, channel that need to prove yourself into earning all the honors and accolades and opportunities that you can, where you are, and pursuing top postgrad opportunities and grad programs. If you’re really aiming as high as you say, you’re probably not stopping with a BA, so don’t worry so much about where your BA comes from - you have a terrific launching pad from which there’s no need to launch prematurely.

Honestly, if you felt that transferring now were the right thing to do, you would’ve told everybody by now, wouldn’t you?

7

I think it partially depends on the career you want to do. Many careers, such as computer science for example, do not need the most elite of schools for one to be successful. If I were you, I would stay where you are and be thankful for what you already have.

8

My son attended an Ivy League school instead of the free ride that he was offered at a state school. We were fortunate that the Ivy that he attended was great in terms of not requiring loans and great financial aid even though our income does not support much aid. Well it was not the best fit and he struggled with many things. He ended up taking a 6 month leave and returned and graduated. My DD20 watched this in action, yet felt like her brother set the bar high and felt the pressure (not from us parents) to attend a “brand name” school. She also came to the conclusion that her brother attended but was not happy and she does not want to attend a school because of name, (regardless of how hard she worked) and not be happy but she just wants to know that she can get into one (right or wrong). Does she have a few “brand Name” schools on her list? Yes, but she also has a nice mix of LAC that have her major on her list. I don’t know where she will end up but we will see which schools meet our financial and fit criteria. You worked hard, you wanted to get into a prestigious university, you got in. you did it and no one can take that away from you. You do not have to attend. It seems that your drive to attend is based on image, “your image isn’t your character. Character is what you are as a person”. Good Luck.

9

Oh, dear. You are in a tough spot. Let’s see if we can break this down a bit.

You write that you worked for years to get into an elite school. Well, you did that. You were accepted to Cornell, right? Did that give you a sense of pride? Yes? But now you are not sure you want to give up what you have? Maybe because you are feeling those things are more important than the sense of pride you gained? Or, no? If it wasn’t about getting in, then why do you expect attending Cornell to give you a sense of pride, then? I am not sure it will. I fear that once you get there, this hole you feel will not be filled. It will feel remarkably similar to where you are now. The hole will remain.

And was the goal of achieving an elite school admissions really the reason you worked so hard in high school? If someone told you, as a high school freshmen, that you had zero chance of attending an elite school, would you have slacked off and coasted through high school? You were never motivated by an inner need to do well, or simply the love of learning? If you would have coasted instead, what is motivating you now to do well? Fear of losing scholarship? Or was it still seeking an elite school acceptance?

I believe you need to dig deep here to understand what motivates you. Reaching what goal will make you fulfilled? Is it being as challenged as possible and still achieving? Do you lack challenge in your current school? Or are you seeking the positive feedback that you will get from others once they learn u you attend/ed Cornell?

As an older and maybe wiser person than you, I can tell you that life will have a ton of roadblocks for you. Successful people don’t let those roadblocks stop from getting from point A to Point B. They find a different path to Point B.

But you didn’t tell us what your ultimate goal was. Is simply earning a degree from an elite school the goal? Or are you expecting your college education to afford you something different? Career opportunities? Being a smarter person? A person who has a network of close friends? The ability to forever say you went to an elite school? All of those things are valid, and no one can tell you which are more or less important. Totally your decision, there.

What do you expect college to afford you? And will Cornell give you those things in a better way than your current school?

If you can lay out what you expect Cornell to give you that you cannot get from your current school, and those things are important to you, then go to Cornell and don’t look back. (Assuming those doesn’t cripple you financially). If you can’t make that case, but instead expect it to give you a sense of pride, then I am not sure that will work. The acceptance alone should have filled you with pride…if it didn’t, red flag.

Perhaps you have been goal oriented (acceptance into an elite school) for your high school years, and maybe that was at the cost of the things you are finding valuable now- a sense of place, community and things besides your GPA that you care about. Maybe your priorities have shifted, and you don’t realize it. Maybe that is what is keeping you from pulling the trigger. You have matured a bit and are feeling the benefits of your current situation.

I went to a college which most here would consider semi-elite. All are impressed by where I went, when they ask (which is rare). It doesn’t feel nearly as great as knowing that there are five people out there (my college inner-circle) who would jump on the next plane for me if I called in the middle of the night and needed them to. And I would do the same (and have).

I continued my education past undergrad, but none of it has impacted me, or my sense of well-being, as much as those five women. None of it.

What is your goal here? Do you really need an Ivy League degree to bring you a sense of peace? Because if yes, go for it. It will be worth every penny if then you can go on and seek new goals to lead a happy and fulfilling life. But be sure about what the real goal is, here. Maybe you are fulfilling your goal where you are and don’t realize it.

Hugs to you. You will be okay. Spend some time thinking about what brings you joy. No one here can tell you what that should be. Only you.

1 Like
10

You have received some great advice so far. I can’t match the insight of @cypresspat (about being goal oriented) but I want to give you one more way to look one issue causing you distress.

You haven’t worked hard your entire life solely to get into an elite college. Pull back the lens a little. Your younger, less mature self wanted to go to an elite college because you felt it was the best way to ensure a great job and maybe the money that comes with a great job. The “elite college” was always merely a stepping stone between high school and that great job.

Just as kids let go of other misconceptions as they mature (letting go of Santa Claus, for instance,) now that you are older and more mature, maybe it’s time you allowed yourself to discard the misconception that Elite College = Only Chance At Elite Career and Elite Prestige.

Your life’s “prestige” will be built from what you do after you graduate college, not which college you attend. And you can build a great life from the foundation you are already building at your current school. In fact, you ARE building that life right now.

There that saying: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. You have a fantastic bird in your hand – you’re learning what you need, you love the environment, you’re earning great grades, it’s unbelievably affordabe!!! Why give it up to go chasing what’s in the thickets?

You’re doing great. Allow yourself to outgrow the Elite School Or Bust misconception that you’re holding on to. If you were happy about the change, I would support the move. But you’re not happy about it. Realize, you do not have to change schools.

11

Stay where you are. You are happy. You only have one problem - the name of the school. Work with a therapist to sort that out and get on with your life! You are lucky to love everything about your current school.

12

Spring semester is not the best time to get oriented to Cornell.
My D did it, but she did have a rocky couple of months at the outset.
Successful social integration is not assured.
And a lot of transfer students find the work/grading standards to be a lot tougher than what they were used to.
Given your expressed concerns and health considerations, I think you’d be best off staying put.

13

It seems your key personal perspective lands on the resonant aspects of choosing a college — that is, beyond real academic, as well as other, opportunities, you’ve clearly been affected by psycho-socio influences. In light of this, you might find the candid response in the below interview refreshing. As in your case, it acknowledges college choice as important — generating a “greatest regret” — but it also suggests that a personal sense of discernment should drive that choice.

https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2014/10/15/charlie-baker-takes-proust-questionnaire/p2B2GsYFIUnYnVLsZCiX3I/story.html?outputType=amp

16

did you end up transferring