two suspensions. -gulp-

College Search & Selection
1

<p>the first suspension is a silly one. i walked into my tech class and found a donut lying on a table next to the teachers desk. i asked the teacher if it was his donut, he said no. i asked him if i could have the donut, he said no. later in the class, the teacher was being a jerk to us in a variety of ways, so i decided to get back at him by eating the donut he told me not to eat. he was furious, yelled at me and gave me a referral, told the deans that i ate his donut. i swear he told me it wasnt his donut when i asked him, but i ended up getting a suspension for 3 days for theft from a teacher.</p>

<p>the second suspension is more serious. i was sitting at lunch and my friend came down and told our lunch table that she spotted a stack of final exams in our teacher's cubicle. i was feeling particularly adventurous those days (though i know this is no excuse, in fact there are no excuses for my suspensions, only explanations) so i sprang up from my seat after she said this, and went up with her to the language arts department office. we had to sneak past the deans on the way up, slip into the office and my friend had to keep watch to make sure no teachers around as i quickly grabbed a copy of the final off my teacher's desk and thrust it into the big pocket of my hoodie. we briskly walked back down to lunch, and everyone at my table cheered as i showed them the exam, and promised to email them all copies that night.</p>

<p>one girl asked me for a copy of the exam, but i didnt like her so i said no. then out of bitterness she told her mom about what we did, who told the deans on us. everyone who had a copy of the exam got a zero for the second semester final. (as far as grades go, i was the only one who got a zero on the final and because I had a strong A to begin with, i got a B for the semester. hopefully this will show the adcom that i did not take the final because i needed to cheat, but rather it was an impulsive act out of the desire to do something risky and get away with it). me and my partner in crime were suspended for three days for theft from a teacher. </p>

<p>the consequences for this have been brutal. it has completely destroyed my reputation among teachers at my high school. because of it, i was rejected from national honors society, and i have been unable to participate in other leadership activities which require teachers' approval. and, when my teachers warn the class about cheating, they often look at me as they talk, or they say something like "...you know who you are." i really, really hate having this rep, especially since im NOT a cheater, and i have absolutely no reason to cheat. ever since i was a kid ive loved doing adventurous things, but this experience really taught me not to be so STUPID, to consider the consequences of my action before i do them. i truly have learned a lot from that experience sophomore year, and ive never been in even any MINOR trouble (i.e. detention with a teacher or sent out in the hall) since then.</p>

<p>so after that long story of my two suspensions at my high school, does any one have any advice on how to deal with them on my app? are the explanations above sufficient, or should i put more emphasis on a certain aspect of the story? should i not have mentioned a certain aspect of the story? in providing explanations for my suspensions, the way i word things is very important, and im not sure exactly what i should focus on--the act itself, why i did it, or what i learned. </p>

<p>any and all help would be appreciated, but please dont criticize me or moralize me or say that because of what i did i have no chance at any university and i should settle for my local community college. i refuse to believe that my hard work throughout high school, my achievements, and my intellect all mean nothing just because of a stupid mistake i made when i was 14 years old.</p>

<p>thank you very much. this is extremely important to me so i hope ill get some responses before the application is due. (tuesday)</p>

2

<p>i don't know what schools you are applying to but most schools have a section in their applications that give you room to add anything that you didn't have a chance to address. use that space to show that you learn from your mistake. i think you should definitely focus on the regret and lesson that you learn.</p>

<p>and i sure hope that you are not applying to any schools that require letter of recommendations b/c from the sound of it, you won't get postive recs.</p>

<p>btw, the donut thing is stupid. i can't believe the teacher actually gave you detention for that.</p>

3

<p>I have become way too familiar with the issue of suspensions. My son was not only suspended, but also expelled from a prior school. However, his offenses did not involve substances, violence or cheating (the "big three").<br>
What year did your cheating offense occur? What colleges are you applying to? Many of the more selective colleges specifically ask about suspensions and you will have to attach your "rap sheet". The cheating offense could be a deal-breaker at many schools, and I am saying this after having done a lot of investigating. You should be applying to some large state schools which do not even ask the question. If you are applying to schools where you will need to disclose the suspensions, you will need to address your impulsivity and need to impress your friends and discuss what measures (counseling, maturity gained etc.) you have taken to gain control. It isn't going to be enough to say "See-my grades are good and I didn't do it to cheat". If it was in junior year, you have a problem. If it was freshman or soph year, and you can get a strong teacher rec which will address how much you have grown and changed, you might have a chance.</p>

4

<p>I think th eimpulsivity needs to be dealt with yesterday
the way I understand it- if the cheating issue occured in colleges- the student would have gotten an F for the class and possibly even been expelled
If your behavior has improved since then- then I think there is room to explain ( not justify) it.
Personally I liked it when 9th graders were in junior high schools-I think they fit better.Did this happen when you were 14? a lot changes in 4 years at that age-</p>

5

<p>Were those two suspensions (the first is not much of a suspension) served in the same academic year? If so, you may want to discuss that entire year and what you learned from it rather than approach the two suspensions as isolated incidents. Universities will accept that you have changed a great deal. We all act impulsively and without thinking a few times in our lives. But you must own up to those actions and avoid excuses.</p>

6

<p>another case of "the donut incident"</p>

7

<p>First, any explanations from you should be supported by letters of rec. Having a teacher describe how you have changed might be helpful.
Second, you seem to be blaming the "bitter girl" for your getting caught and involving other people because the "cheered." Is this an attempt at sharing the blame for your mistake? I would leave that part out of any future explanation. In its place I would indicate what I learned from the situation and how you tried to make amends. Good luck.</p>

8

<p>the donut incident was freshman year, and the final exam thing was sophomore year.</p>

<p>right now im applying to northwestern for early decision, so yeah this is definitely a tough situation. my teacher recs will be good because i asked two teachers from junior year who knew me very well, who knew about the bad things i did but saw past that and acknowledged my positive academic record and scholarly character. i get along with these teachers very well (still see them around school and have chats with them) so i know recs wont be a problem.</p>

<p>yeah, youre right it is dumb to mention that bitter girl who turned us in. but maybe i SHOULD focus on my friends who cheered me on in the process, because i definitely did like the attention and praise i recieved from my peers for it--and that's something i have grown out of.</p>

<p>i dont know if my teacher recs will address this issue, but i did tell one of the teachers who wrote a rec to discuss whether or not he thinks i have grown since that incident. im not sure if he did though, i didnt read either rec. </p>

<p>the second suspension did not go on my record as for "cheating", it went on my record as "theft from a teacher" which is bad but not one of the "big three." how can i emphasize the fact that i did not do it to cheat, but only for the thrill of getting away with stealing from my teacher and for impressing my friends? will northwestern believe me? i hope they do, because that really is the truth.</p>

<p>man, it sucks so bad to have one stupid mistake from sophomore year potentially cost me my future.</p>

9

<p>I am a parent, and I have to caution you on the point of blaming the one "bitter girl." I am not saying what I say to moralize but to help you not make a dreadful mistake today on your personal statements. Your making any derogatory statement whatsoever about students who turn others in implies you still don't "get" that every college has their students make honor code pledges of various kinds--very big ritual at Orientations!! Your saying something about her "betrayal due to bitternessl" in this forum at almost age 18 hit me as extremely narcissistic...and it will hit the adcoms the same way. You are not in the position to make judgments about others who witnessed your theft and had mixed reactions...laughter, initial thrills and participation, shock, remorse, and later confession...and she is going to be viewed as the kind of student who will take an honor code seriously at college, even though kids normally don't like ratting out classmates. The odds of someone in the school ratting you out for this very public act of showing off were incredibly high with or without her. People talk. It didn't even have to be anyone you knew. You were going to take the fall, and didn't have the maturity or morality in place to stop yourself or think about things like honesty and reputation at the time. Frankly, 10th grade is a bit late for these qualities to be absent. Also please read this next sentence twice: No one cares that you were too smart to need to cheat..moot point. It is scary to see a smart kid disregard an honor code! The minute you gave into the impulse to get cafeteria mob praise for this incident of cheating (you are lucky they chose to label it theft) you were a total goner and going to be punished by the institution. This was all about you and what was missing at age 15-16, and can't be attributed to any encouragement from others. This also has zero to do with your closer friends egging you on...equally stupid to consider referring to them as if they were also partially responsible. You have to face up to the fact that others your age had enough screening and morality and consequential thinking in place to screen out this impulse to show off and you didn't. Now, I believe you have suffered plenty of consequences already in high school for this. Please address how your need for attention and your ability to value things like personal integrity have changed in the last two years. Please remember that if you are passed over at Reach institutions, you must go to wherever you do get admitted and create a positive academic and personal record. People can and do transfer into Reach Schools later. You have a future..and it is still wide open and ready for you to define it. This transition is only one of many more so view your future with optimism regardless of how hard this has been for you. Good luck....</p>

10

<p>First of all you need to take ownership, responsibilty and accountabilty for your actions. Stop making excuses, blaming other people own up to what you did and talk about the lessons learned. Stealing and cheating are serious offenses in the eyes of the colleges and ones that they do not take lightly. You made a conscious decision to take a test paper, you knew was wrong but you did it anyway. I think that you are not sorry for what you did but sorry that you got caught and now you can't get around what you did. </p>

<p>Those that don't learn from their history are bound to repeat their history and the best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. You said you learned from your mistake but you got fired from your job for stealing (something else that you admitted was a stupid thing to do ) so where is the lesson learned?</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?p=1240782#post1240782%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?p=1240782#post1240782&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Yes, we have all been young and stupid, but there comes a time when you either get tired of doing stupid things or you continue to do them fully aware of what the consequences are. There are 3 sides to every story, your side, my side and the truth. You cannot be truthful with anyone else until you are truthful with your self. You really need to self reflect and think about what kind of person you want to be and work on being that kind of person.</p>

11

<p>you guys have scared the hell out of me. i told you not to judge me or moralize me, but the last two posts have done just that--despite what you say, Faline. on top of that, you have exaggerated my actions.</p>

<p>faline, what is this you bring up about "betrayal due to bitterness." did i mention anything of the sort? i said i didnt like the girl in the first place, so why would i feel betrayed? i simply said she told on me out of bitterness--which is the truth. she was bitter because i wouldnt share the exam with her, she didnt tell on me out of some desire to uphold the "[unspoken] honor pledge." </p>

<p>sybbie: how dare you say im making excuses for what ive done. i specifically said in my first paragraph that none of this is intended as an excuse, only as an explanation of the RAW TRUTH behind my suspensions. there is absolutely no fabrication, and it stuns me when you suggest that i am being insincere. it is narrow minded and plain ignorant of you to say that "the best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior." you think people are trapped in their values and beliefs, that people never change? its fools like you that support the death penalty and are against rehabilitation and a second chance for criminals. have some compassion, for gods sake, and avoid putting words into my mouth, or think you know more than me than i do, by saying that im "blaming other people." i dont blame anybody but myself, and ive NEVER denied that in any way. it was my fault, i deserved a zero on the final, i deserved the suspension, i deserved the humiliation, the bad reputation. i deserved being rejected from NHS, i deserved not being allowed to help in the academy interview process. but is there no end to the consequences? i havent been in trouble at school since. and as for your in-depth research into my life, i gotta say sybbie you are playing a dirty game. but the fact is in that post i was too lazy to explain the whole situation. just like usually when ppl ask me about the donut incident ill just say "oh i stole a donut and got suspended." i didnt literally steal coupons, i simply used my own moviewatcher card to get points when i went to see a movie there, and got free popcorn coupons when the points racked up. i didnt even know it was illegal for an employee to use his own card. there, you happy?</p>

<p>thanks a lot to all of you who gave me positive advice on a sensitive issue during a really, really stressful but important time in my life. </p>

<p>but all you uptight conservative jerks giving me a hard time--namely you, sybbie--who need to make yourselves feel good by bringin me down, you guys can sit on it. i like criticism, but leave your condescending indoctrination at the door.</p>

12

<p>you sure sound like you matured since then</p>

13

<p>Now that you feel that have sufficiently told me off, what are you going to do next?</p>

<p>You can stay stuck and stay mad at me (not a good choice because it doesn't move you forward nor does it affect me in the least)
or
You can forgive yourself, tell your truth and the lesson that you have learned. (if your read through your rant you have found your answer).</p>

<p>
[quote]
but all you uptight conservative jerks giving me a hard time--namely you, sybbie--who need to make yourselves feel good by bringin me down, you guys can sit on it.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I can't bring you down you can only do that to yourself. So stop kicking yourself in the a<em>s</em>s because you see you are not at a loss for other people to do it for you. </p>

<p>you state"</p>

<p>* it was my fault, i deserved a zero on the final, i deserved the suspension, i deserved the humiliation, the bad reputation. i deserved being rejected from NHS, i deserved not being allowed to help in the academy interview process. but is there no end to the consequences? i havent been in trouble at school since. * </p>

<p>This is about the most mature statement you have made through all of your postings. You sound remorseful and contrite. You realize that it was a stupid error on your that could be attributed to your youth. You realize your mistake, paid a pretty hefty price and accepted the consequences of your actions. So just move on to the next phase of your life.</p>

<p>It is true that the best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior (what do you think the grades, scores and ec's are indicators of). So now it is time for you to create the behavior you want people to see and judge you on.</p>

<p>all the best</p>

14

<p>Ok..you are being ridiculous...you think that because you stole something to gain popularity from you friends sounds so much better then stealing because you were trying to cheat? They both sound horrible and nothing you can say will change that. Instead of making excuses...which you are doing...</p>

<p>"how can i emphasize the fact that i did not do it to cheat, but only for the thrill of getting away with stealing from my teacher and for impressing my friends?"</p>

<p>^^^That is an excuse..and by the way, that is a really crappy excuse. Thrill of stealing from a teacher? Do you not realize how bad you are making yourself sound?</p>

<p>...as I was saying, instead of making excuses, just explain how much you have changed since then. Perhaps say something along the lines of this:</p>

<p>I really grew up from the mischievious child I was in my first 2 years of high school, and I regret my ridiculous behavior. I am slowly gaining back the trust of the faculty and I have continued to impress all of my teachers with my extreme turn around.</p>

<p>If you make excuses of ANY kind, northwestern will think that you have not learned your lesson and you are still very immature.</p>

<p>Don't take any of this as an attack. I am trying to help. We all are. Please consider what we are saying.</p>

15

<p>I am a parent, and I have to caution you on the point of blaming the one "bitter girl." I am not saying what I say to moralize but to help you not make a dreadful mistake today on your personal statements. Your making any derogatory statement whatsoever about students who turn others in implies you still don't "get" it.<br>
Bhikku: I read a post from a guy this afternoon who has a deadline of Tuesday to effectively attempt to address an issue that may impact the outcome of college application efforts. You know those "ongoing consequences" you are weary of? These posts are efforts to help you stop perpetuating them. I found your referencing the "bitter" girl to ring very false. So did other readers. This is not the same as lack of "compassion!" It is about saying you are not accurate in how you viewed your confederates or those who turned you in. That "bitter girl" factor simply has no legs, but you had not let it go as part of your storyline. How we relate a story is very telling. Even calling her "bitter" is a red flag to me--it is derogatory toward someone who actually did later choose to do the right thing. Her motives for turning you in were more likely complex and conflicted, not the simplistic balloon (she wanted a test copy) you are floating with us. No one really needed that test copy to do well in school..this was just a juvenile thrill episode and an episode of showing off for peers. It was never about grades. That is what you said, right? </p>

<p>Your lapse of personal integrity put also other kids in giddy jeapordy with you or in the loser position of considering telling on you. That is called "putting your peers in a bind." I would add that mea culpa to the core of what Sybbie highlighted in her last response. Of course you were going to be turned in! If she hadn't done it, someone else would have blathered about it sooner or later. This was not exactly an Oceans Eleven heist. We are talking 15-16 year olds. </p>

<p>I still hope that this Exchange is going to prompt you to crystalize what is true and what matters before you write. I hope that despite all that hubris you just spouted, you will later appreciate getting reactions before you write that essay, even if posters like me made you uncomfortable or were not 100% on the mark. When you post on boards, it is always hard to "get" the other person accurately. But I stick by my reactions and reasons.</p>

<p>I don't expect you to know for instance that I have actually worked professionally in a state penitentiary and with parolees in the community, and that we actively oppose the Death Penalty. I married a Public Defender and if wasn't bad enough-- voted for Mondale. Only a few people in the USA did that. The poor man didn't even take his home state.. oh but that is another sad story, just the opposite of a conservative tale. This post isn't about politics or about compassion. </p>

<p>It is about you seeking clarity in thinking. </p>

<p>Step up to the next chapter in your life as you hit your late teens. Believe in your future..it is going to be long and have many new chapters. Most of which will have messy moral challenges and consequences.<br>
Have you seen the PET scans of young teen guy brains and how much the biochemistry changes before age 21 that were published in every magazine last year...usually in articles linked to debate about insuring male 16 year old drivers? you are not the same person physically that you were at 15 so also write about what else is new, what else has taken place in your personality and outlook? What else about you has evolved? Did you talk to anyone (when these incidents were current) for counseling re the need to impress? Relate those details in your statement.
When my sons displayed signs of being vulnerable to Group tribal behavior and thoughtless antics to impress other males when they hit middle school, I gave them a copy of a Jane Goodall book on the study of primates, and we could laugh and talk about life as a chimpanzee. But they did "get" the connections and would come home and frame the issue of the day in chimp group behavior terms. Earning "top monkee" status gradually lost its charms with them. Those risky days are gone now...my chimps are young adults now with friendships based on mutual respect, the ability to break away from any group when called for, and sounder judgment than evident in those early years.</p>

16

<p>thanks for all your help, i appreciate the time you guys took to respond--even if i felt you misunderstood or exaggerated what i said--and will take it all into consideration when writing an explanation for my suspensions. im mad stressed right now with school, work, college apps, and other activities, so i apologize for getting so defensive yesterday.</p>

<p>but i do have one specific question on the subject:</p>

<p>should i mention the fact that I was the only who got a B in the class after getting a zero on the final, showing that I had a strong A to begin with, or is that unnecessary since they can see it on my transcript anyway?</p>

<p>thank you</p>

17

<p>One of your consequences was that your grade was lowered as a result of your stealing the test. I would state that as one of the consequences and the rest will speak for itself. If you want to send me your Explanation, I'll review it for you. I've gotten pretty good at it, since S went through it all to apply to prep schools and now to college. :)</p>

18

<p>That is a one great offer from MomofWildChild!
Sybbie, by the way, is one of the soundest voices on the boards and someone I have read for over a year.<br>
Your apology is very good. What I see is that you are still magnified in terms of your own wounded self, and what I don't hear is enough mature almost 18 year old awareness of the Social Contract you were too blind to value as a sophomore...which underpins every group in a classroom, every work place and even friendships. </p>

<p>I would want to hear about the specific teachers who have become people you truly respect and appreciate as you have matured, and how you have earned their trust and friendship as you aged up. Too quick today with the "how dare yous" and "I told you not to moralize" which just comes across as an overly-entitled personality and as a person who even now does not still recognize how he injured not just himself, but others, even his pals and poor Bitter Girl who had to own up to her own low temptation moment and be drawn into this vortex of monkey business you created. You did not include your folks in these posts, so I hope you will address them too in your essay. Adcoms will want to see that you care a whole lot more now about your peers, you community and your teachers and that you appreciate the social fabric of a community. This was never about your grades, so say so. Your stats will show you are smart. This was about a Missing Executive function in your thinking, and a Misread re getting how your impulses impacted other people. Accurate views of Self and Others are the short hand for mental health, and when "missing" describe degrees of social problems. They are the two components of emotional IQ and please know that we adults are still working on this goal as we age up. So how has your view of Self and Others matured...go there in the essay and good luck.</p>

19

<p>i told you not to judge me or moralize me,>></p>

<p>whether you like it or not, college admissions IS about being judged. </p>

<p>The sooner you accept that, and prove that you have changed, the better your chances will be. Leave the "raw truth" of why you did these things behind; concentrate on the "raw truth" of why colleges can trust you to never do these sorts of things again.</p>

20

<p>Just a thought that some of the other posters do not seem to have touched on--</p>

<p>Even though your two suspensions were labelled "theft" and, for some reason are thus not considered as serious as some other transgressions, I'm not sure that an admissions committee might not would be sympathetic in any event--</p>

<p>you seem to have a problem understanding that things that do not belong to you DO NOT BELONG TO YOU. That seems to be a common thread--the donut was not yours, the test copy was not yours, even the popcorn coupons were not yours--</p>

<p>would an admissions committee choose a person who does not respect others' property rights? </p>

<p>I would not want to room with a person who would impulsively take a $10 bill I left on my dresser or a CD I left on the bed or a history paper I left on my desk.</p>

<p>So as I see it--there are two problems you need to address in your essays--that you have grown out of your impulsivity and also that you have learned not to take things that are not yours for the taking.</p>