UC Aplication essay

<p>This is one of my essays for the UC application. Please tell me how you think it can be improved or if it contains grammatical/spelling errors. Thanks a bunch!</p>

<p>I spent my childhood in a place that I believed was the most wonderful home a child could ask for. There was no trace of the confinement that is associated with urban life. The thousands of acres of national forest around our house always promised adventure and endless new discoveries. When my brother and I stepped outside we became independent, free to roam until the end of sunlight dictated our return home. This is where my curiosity and creativity was unrestrained and where my eagerness to learn that has remained with me all my life began to cultivate.</p>

<p>We had few neighbors. Some say that in those 200,000 acres of land around us there were only 200 people. In my mind that was plenty. The single elementary school had a steady average of about twelve kids which meant that there were enough friends to play with if you weren’t picky. I couldn’t complain about the scenery either. The mountains were alive with a diverse unadulterated natural ecosystem tainted only by a road or building here and there, and the river was the center of it all, crystal clear and inviting on hot summer days.</p>

<p>Of course, life isn’t so simple. Our existence ‘off the grid’ as one might say, was never easy. Water lines, electrical systems and gardens required constant attention and work. When my parents divorced my dad moved away, and as the oldest I had to step up to the plate. But there were still things that I couldn’t help with. Jobs were scarce and self employment was seldom prosperous . Financially, there was much to be desired. Government issued commodities and hand me downs were bearable; but watching my mother suffer because she couldn’t afford dental care, and seeing other people look at us like lesser beings because our appearance reflected our economic status was not. </p>

<p>Halfway through my eighth grade year my family and I moved away. There were five of us at the time: my mother, my sister, and my two brothers (which has since grown to 6). All uprooted from our home for the sole purpose of sending me to highschool. We ended up in Mount Shasta, Ca. A big town by our standards but small in the eyes of the locals. That first winter there was difficult and disheartening. I was forced to come to terms with how little my old school had prepared me academically for “normal” school. For obvious reasons, I seemed to fall short in the social department as well. Even the cold brought unfamiliar obstacles. The snow piled up to nine feet outside our houses that year, firewood diminished quickly, and we were left with a choice between cold rooms or pricey electricity bills. Needless to say, things got tough. Even food was scarce at times. Ironically, we always had salmon (something far too expensive to buy at the store). A friend had given us over 20 fish which my mom found ways to incorporate into breakfast, lunch, and dinner for months. I still hate the taste of salmon to this day. </p>

<p>To our relief, that winter proved to be the worst of it. Eventually we got back up on our feet. School became less of an obstacle. I discovered that my passion for learning was something of a rarity among my new classmates who had been spoon fed unengaging textbooks and lifeless curriculums since kindergarden. This helped me re-establish my confidence, it gave me an edge. But my real motivation came from looking back on my moments of hardship, of uncertainty, and promising myself that I will never deny myself the options in life that my mother was denied and I will show my younger siblings that although we might not have the advantages that others have had we can still create our own futures if we work hard enough.</p>

<p>I think it gives a good idea of your roots and your desire to learn and achieve more. I do find myself wondering the name of your original home! The only thing I would say to improve is that I read that the UCs are not looking for scene setting, but details about you. Your provide both, but perhaps a bit less scene and a bit more you. It is a unique essay, I think it will stay in the reader’s memory. Good Luck!</p>

<p>Thank you. You advice is very insightful, I will try to balance it our with more details about myself and maybe cut some of the excessive “scene setting”. I’m glad you liked it overall though. By the way the place I’m from is Forks of Salmon, Ca. Do you think I should mention that in my essay?</p>