UChicago Uncommon Essay

Hello, all. I’ve been working on UChicago’s uncommon essay, and would like to get a second opinion on it. Although I’m a big fan (obviously) of the creative approach I’ve taken in answering one of the prompts, I’m not really loving it structurally, and there are some instances in which I’m telling, instead of showing. Would anyone be interested in giving it a read, and perhaps sending some advice my way?

Thanks,
Matrix.

Don’t feel compelled to write a creative response to a creative topic. I wrote in a pretty analytical way because that’s how I write.