UCLA Personal Statement

<p>I'm currently a community college student in LA, second year. I plan on transferring to a university next Fall 2014. My intended major would be Graphic Design (Design and Media Arts for UCLA). i'd have to submit a portfolio of my artwork as well as the personal statement and application. I still have to give this essay to one of my college transfer counselors, get some tips. I tried not making it sound too much like a formal essay, since that's one of the things they said on tips for writing the personal statement. So honest ideas? 986 words, answering both prompts. I might still add more things, eliminate some...</p>

<p>Transfer applicant prompt
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field — such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities — and what you have gained from your involvement.</p>

<p>Prompt for all applicants
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

<pre><code> Pieces of Me
</code></pre>

<p>We are not usually comfortable expressing ourselves. This isn’t writing down some skills to describe our personality on a resume. This is defining who we are… in a thousand words or less. It seems simple at first, but then you catch yourself staring at a blank piece of paper. You just cannot find the words to describe your own character. I went through a similar experience in my Humanities class when I was assigned to write an essay titled “Who am I? What is my purpose?” I am prepared for this. Here it goes.
I remember entering my first grade classroom and crying because I thought I would never see my mother again. The science teacher gave me a coloring book and let me sit at her desk until I calmed down. I starting coloring; I had met my true love. During the school years, drawing class was my favorite subject. I always took Art related electives during middle school and high school: Drawing, Cartooning, and Calligraphy. For my eighth grade culmination, I volunteered to help design the booklet. It was one of the first projects I was truly proud of. My interest in the field of Art continued to grow.
Several years ago, I bought my first digital camera and smart phone, and discovered an interesting application called Instagram. I took a huge interest in photography. I started perfecting the pictures I captured; making sure they were shot at the right angles, subjects placed in their proper positions, etc. These resulted with a great overall composition of my image. Then I edited the pictures and uploaded them to my gallery on Instagram. I was gaining followers who genuinely liked my photography and style. I was motivated by them. I even set up an online gallery where people could order my pictures on canvases. I have also been taking photographs of merchandise from my sister’s store and designing the website with them.
During this time, I was still unsure about what college major to pursue. It had to involve anything creative like photography or design. After completing most of the general education courses in community college, I realized I enjoyed Math and Art the most. I have always excelled in Mathematics. I privately tutor students because I want to help them while also keeping my math skills sharp. As for art, my current 2-Dimensional design class has helped me develop awareness of what good design is. It has taught me the elements and principles of art. It has inspired and given me a sense of curiosity as to what other art classes will involve.
After thoroughly researching different majors and career options, I came across Graphic Design. I learned more about this unique art form consisting of design and communication. How can one thing lead to the other? How can they both send messages across to an audience? How can images and text be combined to create visual representations of certain ideas? How can one apply all the elements of art into a visual masterpiece? What is the process behind it, and how can it benefit people? These are the questions I want to explore. I want to design artwork that people could relate to.
Next semester, I will be enrolled in courses that will count toward a Graphic Design Major, or Design and Media Arts. The courses will be 3-Dimensional Design, Drawing, Graphic Design, and Art History. I’m excited to work on the upcoming projects and discover the full potential of my creativity. Even if I don’t have college art assignments to work on, I make up my own. I’ve been drawing portraits, creating design patterns and experimenting with color. I’ve been using Adobe Photoshop to enhance my photographs. I’ve also been trying more complex editing techniques. I want to move further than this. I want to enhance my art skills and become familiar with new design programs and projects.
While my academic life has helped advance my interest in art and intended major, other aspects have shaped who I am. Sometimes I look back at what has happened and I wish I could start over. However, I realize that everything that has happened has shaped my character; I shouldn’t complain. Thinking about everything now is actually making me smile.
I was born in California but spent my elementary school years in Lebanon, my parents’ hometown. My life was comfortable. Even after my parent’s separation, I was doing well. In July 2006, the Israel-Hezbollah War took place in Lebanon and all U.S. citizens had to evacuate the country. My father, sister, and I hadn’t visited California in five years; we were somewhat excited. I stayed positive even when we had to stand hours in line, waiting to board the U.S. Marines ship. I stayed positive even when we spent a couple days in Cyprus before finally heading to California. Everything that happened after that was my new life. I was enrolled in an Independent Study school until my graduation. I was fortunate enough to work as a Teacher’s Aide during my three high school years. I took more classes each semester and summer so that I can graduate earlier. Meanwhile, I took college courses to get a head start on my general education plan. I pushed myself and set goals. I’ve never let anything put me down. Moving to a different country? Changing schools, making new friends? Leaving behind my old comfortable lifestyle? It’s no problem, I can adjust.
I’m proud to come from two backgrounds. My experiences helped me grow, depend on myself, and take on responsibilities. My experiences helped me discover the type of person I really am: my values, beliefs, interests, and skills. I know what I’m passionate about. I’ve learned to do what I truly enjoy doing. I’ve set my mind to reach certain goals. Nothing has stopped me from accomplishing them before, nothing will stop me now.</p>

<p>Take out the first paragraph (of the first essay.) When writing a personal statement, you can’t adress the reader, or use “you.” Remember this about yourself, not the reader, and not you and a group of people. Don’t use" we" because how do you know if other people feel the same as you? Don’t say" Here it goes" either because that sounds cliche. Use a lot of “I” , this is a personal statement after all. The rest of your essay sounds good though. Just give it to a professor to proofread it again.</p>

<p>Awesome, thanks! I started reading the essay from the second paragraph and it already sounds so much better. I will keep all those in mind (using “I” not “we” or “you”) and proofread the paragraphs accordingly. I appreciate your help!</p>

<p>This is actually a pretty good statement. I agree with scrapping the 1st paragraph. I’d also say your writing style reminds me a lot of my own. I’d recommend you work on rephrasing things and editing . For instance you wrote. </p>

<p>“I remember entering my first grade classroom and crying because I thought I would never see my mother again. The science teacher gave me a coloring book and let me sit at her desk until I calmed down. I starting coloring; I had met my true love.”</p>

<p>Here is my modified version. </p>

<p>"I cried on my first day of school. I thought I would never see my mother again. The teacher thought a coloring book would calm me down. She was right. I met my true love that day; drawing. "</p>

<p>Wow I really appreciate that. Hmm, I see what you mean. I will go through the sentences and try to clarify/simplify specific ones. I haven’t shown this essay to anyone yet so I’m sure they will point out the same tips. Thank you very much!</p>

<p>shouldn’t your essay be under 500 seeing as how your writing this for 1 prompt? looks like its at 983 which is wayyyy over board for the word limit. I would definitely look into that.</p>

<p>Another agreement that the first para must go. I don’t know why do many people do this. I didn’t read after that, sorry, too tired now.</p>

<p>This is supposed to be 2 distinct essays, you know that, right?</p>